wife keeps her name

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right, being called pathetic or a man child by a bunch of lonely women on the internet is going to change my mind

If you don't hear things like this in real life, it's because people know you would respond like you have here and they don't even bother sharing their real opinions with you

She's a good wife. Just wish she changed her name. After this thread I realize I don't care much about her changing it legally, I'm more interested in using our family name socially

NP here. Why is it so important to you? Do you think that you're somehow less of a family if you don't share the same name? Do you feel like less of a man if your wife doesn't use your name in your social circle? It sounds like you're more concerned with how others view you and your family.

I spent my whole life imagining having a "Smith" family but ended up falling for someone who wants a Smith/Jones family

If I hadn't cared about it in the past, maybe it wouldn't be important to me now, but it is

To answer your questions, to a degree I'd say yes and yes

This topic will become more urgent/important when we have school age children so I'll revisit it in a few years to see if either me or my wife have softened our views on things

You might not realize it, but it sounds like you want to own your family. Take a step out from your feelings and really consider what it is you want, more objectively. It's not that you want to share one name, it's that you want to brand everyone else in your family with your last name. It's possessive in the truest sense of the word.

Thanks.

You could make the case that the traditional way of doing things is inherently possessive. If all of society realized this simultaneously and changed the norm of women changing their names, I wouldn't insist on it. It just bugs me to be in the 2% of men who don't have this.

It is a shame to me that most of my friends and all of my extended family have one family name and I don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what do you think of married couples (with children) who go by different last names? just your first impression. or do you think nothing of it?

In almost all cases, the woman turns out to be a PIA. Including my wife.

Similar situation here as well. However, kids have my last name. Socially, DW's last name usage is also mine. So, Christmas cards have my last name+family on them. Guess it worked out. It was annoying in the beginning before kids..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right, being called pathetic or a man child by a bunch of lonely women on the internet is going to change my mind

If you don't hear things like this in real life, it's because people know you would respond like you have here and they don't even bother sharing their real opinions with you

She's a good wife. Just wish she changed her name. After this thread I realize I don't care much about her changing it legally, I'm more interested in using our family name socially

NP here. Why is it so important to you? Do you think that you're somehow less of a family if you don't share the same name? Do you feel like less of a man if your wife doesn't use your name in your social circle? It sounds like you're more concerned with how others view you and your family.

I spent my whole life imagining having a "Smith" family but ended up falling for someone who wants a Smith/Jones family

If I hadn't cared about it in the past, maybe it wouldn't be important to me now, but it is

To answer your questions, to a degree I'd say yes and yes

This topic will become more urgent/important when we have school age children so I'll revisit it in a few years to see if either me or my wife have softened our views on things

You might not realize it, but it sounds like you want to own your family. Take a step out from your feelings and really consider what it is you want, more objectively. It's not that you want to share one name, it's that you want to brand everyone else in your family with your last name. It's possessive in the truest sense of the word.

Thanks.

You could make the case that the traditional way of doing things is inherently possessive. If all of society realized this simultaneously and changed the norm of women changing their names, I wouldn't insist on it. It just bugs me to be in the 2% of men who don't have this.

It is a shame to me that most of my friends and all of my extended family have one family name and I don't.

Your statistic is way off. The following might be an interesting read for you to help understand why women do and do not choose to keep their maiden names:

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/28/upshot/maiden-names-on-the-rise-again.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You might not realize it, but it sounds like you want to own your family. Take a step out from your feelings and really consider what it is you want, more objectively. It's not that you want to share one name, it's that you want to brand everyone else in your family with your last name. It's possessive in the truest sense of the word.

Thanks.

You could make the case that the traditional way of doing things is inherently possessive. If all of society realized this simultaneously and changed the norm of women changing their names, I wouldn't insist on it. It just bugs me to be in the 2% of men who don't have this.

It is a shame to me that most of my friends and all of my extended family have one family name and I don't.

It can't possibly be 2%. In my DS's Kindergarten classroom, it's about half and half. Are you really such an outlier? If it's REALLY the case, I can see why you might feel awkward, but I'm really, really shocked that this could be the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The minute my DH is on the internet whining about sending Christmas cards is the minute I take him out into his doctor for a full checkup. OMG.

Definitely a sign of some serious low T.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
what do you think of married couples (with children) who go by different last names? just your first impression. or do you think nothing of it?


In almost all cases, the woman turns out to be a PIA. Including my wife.

I am a bit of a PIA, but my husband likes that about me. He also wouldn't be caught dead arguing about women's maiden names on DCUM, so there's many ways you two are different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what do you think of married couples (with children) who go by different last names? just your first impression. or do you think nothing of it?

In almost all cases, the woman turns out to be a PIA. Including my wife.

Most people turn out to be a PITA.

[Anonymous]

I changed mine. Never wanted to. Husband had a fit so I changed it. It should have been a sign. Divorced now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am one of them. Think nothing of it. Wonder a little about the women who change their names, though.

Hyporcrite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't care if women change their names, don't care if they keep them. I only judge people who have an opinion on the choices of others in this regard and yes, this includes the male PPs pissed at their wives for not changing their names. Don't like having different names? You change yours.

x1000000

[Anonymous]

I changed my name, but don't think anything about the families where the wife didn't. It's SO common now, OP. Really, no one is going to bat an eye.

I will say, the women I know who kept their names do not get upset if their kids' friends call them Mrs. Smith instead of Jones, or a card comes to the Smith Family. I do think that laid-back attitude is helpful, especially with little kids. But really, OP, no one cares. And think about it from your wife's perspective - it's her NAME. There's nothing wrong with her not wanting to change it. Do you want to change your name? Why should she be less attached to her name than you are to yours? And again, I say this as someone who did change their name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right, being called pathetic or a man child by a bunch of lonely women on the internet is going to change my mind

If you don't hear things like this in real life, it's because people know you would respond like you have here and they don't even bother sharing their real opinions with you

She's a good wife. Just wish she changed her name. After this thread I realize I don't care much about her changing it legally, I'm more interested in using our family name socially

NP here. Why is it so important to you? Do you think that you're somehow less of a family if you don't share the same name? Do you feel like less of a man if your wife doesn't use your name in your social circle? It sounds like you're more concerned with how others view you and your family.

I spent my whole life imagining having a "Smith" family but ended up falling for someone who wants a Smith/Jones family

If I hadn't cared about it in the past, maybe it wouldn't be important to me now, but it is

To answer your questions, to a degree I'd say yes and yes

This topic will become more urgent/important when we have school age children so I'll revisit it in a few years to see if either me or my wife have softened our views on things

You might not realize it, but it sounds like you want to own your family. Take a step out from your feelings and really consider what it is you want, more objectively. It's not that you want to share one name, it's that you want to brand everyone else in your family with your last name. It's possessive in the truest sense of the word.

Thanks.

You could make the case that the traditional way of doing things is inherently possessive. If all of society realized this simultaneously and changed the norm of women changing their names, I wouldn't insist on it. It just bugs me to be in the 2% of men who don't have this.

It is a shame to me that most of my friends and all of my extended family have one family name and I don't.

Your statistic is way off. The following might be an interesting read for you to help understand why women do and do not choose to keep their maiden names:

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/28/upshot/maiden-names-on-the-rise-again.html

My mistake for using 98%.

Here's a link showing a knot.com survey of 19,000 women from 2011 showing only 8% kept their last names.

https://www.thecut.com/2013/02/more-women-are-taking-husbands-names-sort-of.html

It's true that educated older urban women are more likely to keep their last names, which skews the data in your article a bit.

So I could say I'm in a group of 8% or 10% instead of 2%.

But the rest of my family is not from this DC area culture so I do stand out especially among them as the only one really whose wife didn't take his last name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
what do you think of married couples (with children) who go by different last names? just your first impression. or do you think nothing of it?


In almost all cases, the woman turns out to be a PIA. Including my wife.

I am a bit of a PIA, but my husband likes that about me. He also wouldn't be caught dead arguing about women's maiden names on DCUM, so there's many ways you two are different.

Yes. He's p**sywhipped. I'm not.

[Anonymous]

Haha yeah. A man who doesn't blink an eye at his wife not taking his last name comes off to me as a bit brainwashed or pussywhipped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks.

You could make the case that the traditional way of doing things is inherently possessive. If all of society realized this simultaneously and changed the norm of women changing their names, I wouldn't insist on it. It just bugs me to be in the 2% of men who don't have this.

It is a shame to me that most of my friends and all of my extended family have one family name and I don't.

Look, if that's what bothers you, why not take her name and give the kids her name?

I kept my own name but I don't have issues with other people changing theirs if that's what they want to do. I can see why you'd want one name for your family. But it is within your means to fix that. Change your name. If you think it shouldn't bother her to change hers, why should it bother you to change yours? Good luck with this - sounds like a nagging problem for you.