People inviting themselves on your vacation?

[Anonymous]

Oh my God!
OP has ruined her own vacation by spending so much time on time on DC UM warring about some stuff that is inconsequential .
Maybe it's a coincidence, maybe she did it on purpose but you don't have to spend your vacation being bothered with her and from how you sound from all your posts that would be a bonus for her .

[Anonymous]

OP -- where are you going? You don't have to say the exact place but are we talking a resort in rural North Carolina where the vacation IS the resort bc nothing else is happening or are we talking a resort in Florida where you planned on hanging at the resort so you could read and chill but if you change plans a little you can be going out to do things all day and only being at the resort for limited times?

And what type of friend is this? Like just a mom from school (who I wouldn't care less about blowing off) or is it like a coworker (who could change people's impressions of you at work) or an actual friend? Bc if this isn't actual friend and she can't "hurt" you or DH in some way (i.e. work) -- why even feel bad about blowing her off once you arrive if you don't want to being hanging with them 24-7?

[Anonymous]

Obviously every family is different, but in mine I’d be annoyed at having these people around not only if I didn’t want to chat but ALSO for the kids. In my family growing up, vacations were 100% about just the nuclear family – no friends along. What that did is force the siblings to play with each other/bond/interact – which they do in limited ways in daily life bc someone always has friends over or is headed out to a birthday party or sports practice or whatever. On vacation the point was to make the siblings hang out with each other – even if it annoyed them/they were bored etc., by the end of the week we always ended up having a great time with each other and making memories. Now your kids are going to be playing with these other kids at the pool or whatever and that’s just different than your kids hanging by themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:when you arrive, tell the front desk that you don't want them to give out your room details to any one asking, even other resort guests and that this is a huge thing that you really don't want to be bothered while you are on vacation...If its a nice resort, they will honor your request.

and then Turn off your cell phone....or at the every least block your friends number from texts/calls until you return home.

IE become unavailable... Its not a matter of IF, but when you cross paths with the person, tell them you've already got all your family activities planned out..

While I agree with what you suggest -- this sounds so awful and stressful for the OP -- the exact OPPOSITE of what a vacation is supposed to be like. Trying to avoid someone the whole time. I would try to rebook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Please don’t be upset if you don’t see much of us at Resort Name. We had no idea we’d know anyone there and planned some family activities for our stay. This is the one time I can get John away from work to focus on play time with the kids so we promised them our full attention. We don’t use our phones or anything and I do a lot of reading. It’s really a recharging time for me so I’m not up for much socializing.”

+1

I am shocked at all of the people suggesting that OP is being ridiculous or unfriendly or rigid. When I schedule a vacation, I am planning what I want to do with who – sometimes that is with friends, or family, or alone. As adults paying for a vacation, that is our right.

I would be extremely angry if a friend chose to join my vacation without talking to me about it. And I love vacationing with friends and have done so frequently. Family should have the right to go away together for time where they can rest and relax as just a nuclear unit. We are so busy and rushed so much of the year, this is incredibly valuable and special time. If it were me, I would say that you were looking forward to this family time and will not be able to spend extended time with them

[Anonymous]

Just tell her “I’m positive the kids would love to play, but it’s unlikely you’ll see much of John and I. We REALLY enjoy our vacation time alone if you know what I mean *wink *wink! If you wind up watching my kids more than you expected, I promise I’ll reciprocate when we get back!”

She’ll avoid your family at all costs for fear of being stuck babysitting!

[Anonymous]

Update OP??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man, people are nuts. I'm glad I'm kinda stand-offish. I don't have a ton of friends, but no one would ever do that to me!!

I wouldn't have gone to many places if not for friends, I never heard of "family time" vacations. I am always thrilled if anyone can go to the same place we go. Maybe OP's friend does know that OP is not thrilled.

Vacations for our family are for family time. We enjoy quality time with our kids and getting to see how excited they are exploring new locations.

[Anonymous]

I have friends who NEVER vacation by themselves. They are total extroverts and always want other people around. I get the sense that they invite themselves along on other people's trips but I think they have the sense to only do it with families they know are receptive.

I do occasionally like vacationing with others but to do it all the time would be exhausting.

[Anonymous]

DCUM and their freaking first world problems...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have friends who NEVER vacation by themselves. They are total extroverts and always want other people around. I get the sense that they invite themselves along on other people's trips but I think they have the sense to only do it with families they know are receptive.

I do occasionally like vacationing with others but to do it all the time would be exhausting.

That sounds exhausting. I know families like that too and don’t understand it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your friend is weird but she most definitely did not invite herself on your vacation. She booked a vacation at he same place and time as you just as, presumably, many people you don't know have done without being accused of inviting themselves.

It's up to you if you want to spend time with her or not, but you can say no or that you're spending time as a family.

+1

I’ve run into people I know on vacation all the time. One of my friends I knew was going to the same state, but I didn’t know when and lo and behold we are at the same hotel for part of the trip. The hotel itself is a fairly popular place and both my co-worker and a friend of ours (don’t know each other) had stayed at the same hotel the year before. One time I saw a FB post from a friend and thought, wow that looks like the same city I’m in and sure enough she was there and we made plans to see each other.

I thought from the title of the post the person invited themselves to your beach house or was trying to mooch in some way. I’m not sure what the person is planning to do once you are both in the same location but you are under no obligation to make plans with them once you are there.

[Anonymous]

Basically she wants other people (your kids or maybe even you) to entertain her kids so she doesn’t have to interact with them on her vacation and she can just chat with adults and suck down drinks poolside.

I know people like this - they don’t want to have to interact with their own kids and it’s always the same - nonstop activities and playtime with other people’s kids.

I think you just have to be rude if need be about having the vacation you planned. You paid for it - you don’t need to alter it because someone else has other ideas about how you should behave in their vacation. It’s not like she asked you what your thoughts were on the matter.

[Anonymous]

I would cancel and stay somewhere else.

Lots of people are saying OP shouldn’t have shared her plans in advance. I disagree! Friends with a sense of boundaries and just normal social grace would never book a vacation in the same small resort and expect to hang out. I always tell friends and family where we are going on vacation and have never had someone do this!

[Anonymous]

I can’t stand people like this. She’s probably booking manicures now assuming she can leave her kids with you and yours. Ugh