People inviting themselves on your vacation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually know someone that this happened to -- wasn't a long vacation, more like a long weekend. My aunt/uncle booked a long weekend with their kids -- both of whom were headed off to college/moving states for a new job after college so the parents wanted to spend 4 solid days with just the kids. Forget where they picked but it was something like Savannah Ga or Charleston SC. Mom happens to mention to a friend they're headed to that place for next weekend, friend curiously asks where they're staying -- next thing they know friend books her and her DH a room at the same small hotel and expects to go sightseeing, eating meals etc. The kids were LIVID and acted like typical standoffish 18 and 22 yr olds bc they had this random lady and her DH in their faces when they really just wanted to hang out the 4 of them. Last time that happened as the couple found the kids rude!

OP -- only way I'd be ok with this is if it was Disney which is so big that you can easily be there with neighbors/coworkers etc. and never see them unless you make specific plans. Since you say it's a small resort -- can you switch dates? Or switch plans altogether to a different location without it costing you much?

If you can't -- I guess grin and bear it. Though can't you just NOT make plans with her. Like in the weeks leading up if she is asking about doing x or y -- can't you either punt and say sorry we fly by the seat of our pants, I can't commit to Tues at the spa with you bc we have to see what the kids will want OR say hmm -- I'll consider it, but you know Jane I'm viewing this as a getaway with DH and kids so once I figure out what the 4 us are doing each day/evening, if there are any open slots, I'll let you know. And then when she asks again -- say -- sorry our time is pretty booked the entire week.

How small is this resort though? Some small resorts which are isolated, you literally end up eating every meal at their 1-2 restaurants. If that's the case, you're going to see her/her family there unless you make a real effort to eat dinner at 10 pm or something to avoid them.

I went to visit a family member who lives in a condo on the beach in FL. One day we went to the beach, and this lady from the condo came and sat with us. Not for just 5 or 10 minutes but for a hour or more, then another guy sees her and come over. We wanted to visit as a family because we hardly see each other. People don't think, and I see this happening to OP. After that we went far down the beach instead of close to the condo which mostly solved the problem.

[Anonymous]

This is really odd for a friend to do.

It’s a little Single White Female in my book.

If I could, I might switch the vacation spot so that I could enjoy myself a REAL vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man, people are nuts. I'm glad I'm kinda stand-offish. I don't have a ton of friends, but no one would ever do that to me!!

I wouldn't have gone to many places if not for friends, I never heard of "family time" vacations. I am always thrilled if anyone can go to the same place we go. Maybe OP's friend does know that OP is not thrilled.

I’m surprised by all of these people that are horrified by the thought of a friend being at the same resort. Do you even like your “friends”?

I agree with you! I would be THRILLED if my friends end up at the same vacation; we're not talking about a honeymoon here. The more, the merrier.

But if you really value your alone time or family time or whatever, then you can also simply establish that they're on their own. i.e. "That's amazing!! We have a full itinerary; but we'd love it if we could have dinner on __ night. "

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man, people are nuts. I'm glad I'm kinda stand-offish. I don't have a ton of friends, but no one would ever do that to me!!

I wouldn't have gone to many places if not for friends, I never heard of "family time" vacations. I am always thrilled if anyone can go to the same place we go. Maybe OP's friend does know that OP is not thrilled.

I’m surprised by all of these people that are horrified by the thought of a friend being at the same resort. Do you even like your “friends”?

I agree with you! I would be THRILLED if my friends end up at the same vacation; we're not talking about a honeymoon here. The more, the merrier.

But if you really value your alone time or family time or whatever, then you can also simply establish that they're on their own. i.e. "That's amazing!! We have a full itinerary; but we'd love it if we could have dinner on __ night. "

What about you're spouse? Maybe if you in you're 20's, but seriously not cool at all.

[Anonymous]

Do you have kids in school together and you're going over spring break? That's the only explanation I can think of that wouldn't be totally rude. Like you were describing this awesome place you're taking the kids during their week off and it sounded so great she decided to book there too. Maybe she doesn't intend to spend that much time together, or didn't realize it was a small place? Just trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. But if she excitedly told you she got a room there too and now you can do everything together...that's really rude. Maybe you can gently tell her you are hoping to spend quality time alone with your kids, but would be happy to spend an afternoon at the pool together, or get dinner one night.

I'm the type of person who loves to vacation with friends, especially ones with kids around the same age so they can play together. But it's always planned jointly, like we decide to go with friends and we all pick a place together and request rooms near each other etc.

[Anonymous]

Change your plans and not tell her. That's what I would do, and I wouldn't feel the least bit guilty about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually know someone that this happened to -- wasn't a long vacation, more like a long weekend. My aunt/uncle booked a long weekend with their kids -- both of whom were headed off to college/moving states for a new job after college so the parents wanted to spend 4 solid days with just the kids. Forget where they picked but it was something like Savannah Ga or Charleston SC. Mom happens to mention to a friend they're headed to that place for next weekend, friend curiously asks where they're staying -- next thing they know friend books her and her DH a room at the same small hotel and expects to go sightseeing, eating meals etc. The kids were LIVID and acted like typical standoffish 18 and 22 yr olds bc they had this random lady and her DH in their faces when they really just wanted to hang out the 4 of them. Last time that happened as the couple found the kids rude!

OP -- only way I'd be ok with this is if it was Disney which is so big that you can easily be there with neighbors/coworkers etc. and never see them unless you make specific plans. Since you say it's a small resort -- can you switch dates? Or switch plans altogether to a different location without it costing you much?

If you can't -- I guess grin and bear it. Though can't you just NOT make plans with her. Like in the weeks leading up if she is asking about doing x or y -- can't you either punt and say sorry we fly by the seat of our pants, I can't commit to Tues at the spa with you bc we have to see what the kids will want OR say hmm -- I'll consider it, but you know Jane I'm viewing this as a getaway with DH and kids so once I figure out what the 4 us are doing each day/evening, if there are any open slots, I'll let you know. And then when she asks again -- say -- sorry our time is pretty booked the entire week.

How small is this resort though? Some small resorts which are isolated, you literally end up eating every meal at their 1-2 restaurants. If that's the case, you're going to see her/her family there unless you make a real effort to eat dinner at 10 pm or something to avoid them.

I went to visit a family member who lives in a condo on the beach in FL. One day we went to the beach, and this lady from the condo came and sat with us. Not for just 5 or 10 minutes but for a hour or more, then another guy sees her and come over. We wanted to visit as a family because we hardly see each other. People don't think, and I see this happening to OP. After that we went far down the beach instead of close to the condo which mostly solved the problem.

Maybe I know really annoying people -- but I can think of family friends that JUST did something similar. They go on a cruise -- just the couple, age 60 something. On the cruise they realize there's a large family of the same ethnicity as them who is taking this cruise as a family vacation/family reunion. My family friends (who are annoying af and hanger-oners on a good day) decide -- OMG this is great, we'll have people to hang with this entire week. Except this family on a cruise REALLY wanted this to be a FAMILY vacation as they lived in Tenn, Fl, Georgia etc. and wanted the siblings and cousins to spend time with each other and have the cousins get to know each other better. So after a few polite incidents, family friends were rebuffed and later grumbling how this family of strangers was "all about themselves." Um well yeah -- it's THEIR vacation, they don't know you, they have no reason to befriend you. Sure cruises are a bit more "communal" than other vacations, but if you want to hang with your family, you do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man, people are nuts. I'm glad I'm kinda stand-offish. I don't have a ton of friends, but no one would ever do that to me!!

I wouldn't have gone to many places if not for friends, I never heard of "family time" vacations. I am always thrilled if anyone can go to the same place we go. Maybe OP's friend does know that OP is not thrilled.

I’m surprised by all of these people that are horrified by the thought of a friend being at the same resort. Do you even like your “friends”?

My bestie, or someone I specifically invited to go with us would be one thing. A spontaneous joining us at a resort, that's weird.

Looks like we are getting into terminology. All my friends are "besties", I don't have levels of friendships. The rest are people I know, and yes, if they decided to go to the same place, it would be a bit strange.

You seriously like and know all your friends equally well? I don't think that is commonplace.

I like and know my friends equally well, It takes years before we actually become friends. The rest are "people I know". I think a lot of people use the term friend very loosely, especially, given what we read in lots of posts about "friends".

Oh step off! I also have only a handful of people I consider close friends, all of whom I have known for many years, but ai accept that it means I am extreme inteovert, not that everyone with a larger network of friends with varying levels of closeness are all out there friending wrong. If you were less superior, you might have more friends.

What are talking about? There is nothing wrong about using different definitions for the word friend. It's just not clear from OP whether the friend is a close friend, a facebook friend, a work friend or any other type. I would not want to see any of my "work friends" or my "friends because our kids are friends" on my vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man, people are nuts. I'm glad I'm kinda stand-offish. I don't have a ton of friends, but no one would ever do that to me!!

I wouldn't have gone to many places if not for friends, I never heard of "family time" vacations. I am always thrilled if anyone can go to the same place we go. Maybe OP's friend does know that OP is not thrilled.

I’m surprised by all of these people that are horrified by the thought of a friend being at the same resort. Do you even like your “friends”?

I agree with you! I would be THRILLED if my friends end up at the same vacation; we're not talking about a honeymoon here. The more, the merrier.

But if you really value your alone time or family time or whatever, then you can also simply establish that they're on their own. i.e. "That's amazing!! We have a full itinerary; but we'd love it if we could have dinner on __ night. "

What about you're spouse? Maybe if you in you're 20's, but seriously not cool at all.

What about my husband? He's like me - the more the merrier. We are in our 30s.

We like our friends though, and we rarely see them as we're pretty spread out. Not that that matters as we rarely see our nearby friends either. On top of that, most of us are quite laid back and can entertain ourselves.

You're right that it would be tiresome if someone high maintenance invited himself or herself, and we allowed our fun to be hijacked. We wouldn't do that though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, a friend has just booked a vacation at the same small resort we will be visiting this summer, at the same time as we will be there. She’s very excited (she didn’t even ask if we were interested in vacationing with her—we aren’t, this is family time.) Obviously I know I can’t control when or where people vacation, but I’m bummed. We value our family time. How do I move forward?

Is there any chance you conveyed any sort of vibe that it would be fun for them to go to the same resort while you are there? If there is not, I don't understand why you can't just convey that "that's great that you'll be there but we are having a family vacation so will be with family most of the week."

Additionally, and this is just me, I fall in the "more is merrier" crowd, but I don't see why it will kill you to spend a day or an evening doing something with your friend. It's your FRIEND, not a stranger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man, people are nuts. I'm glad I'm kinda stand-offish. I don't have a ton of friends, but no one would ever do that to me!!

I wouldn't have gone to many places if not for friends, I never heard of "family time" vacations. I am always thrilled if anyone can go to the same place we go. Maybe OP's friend does know that OP is not thrilled.

I’m surprised by all of these people that are horrified by the thought of a friend being at the same resort. Do you even like your “friends”?

I agree with you! I would be THRILLED if my friends end up at the same vacation; we're not talking about a honeymoon here. The more, the merrier.

But if you really value your alone time or family time or whatever, then you can also simply establish that they're on their own. i.e. "That's amazing!! We have a full itinerary; but we'd love it if we could have dinner on __ night. "

What about you're spouse? Maybe if you in you're 20's, but seriously not cool at all.

Why do you hate your own friends so much that you can't be in the same vicinity as them while you're on vacation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man, people are nuts. I'm glad I'm kinda stand-offish. I don't have a ton of friends, but no one would ever do that to me!!

I wouldn't have gone to many places if not for friends, I never heard of "family time" vacations. I am always thrilled if anyone can go to the same place we go. Maybe OP's friend does know that OP is not thrilled.

I’m surprised by all of these people that are horrified by the thought of a friend being at the same resort. Do you even like your “friends”?

I agree with you! I would be THRILLED if my friends end up at the same vacation; we're not talking about a honeymoon here. The more, the merrier.

But if you really value your alone time or family time or whatever, then you can also simply establish that they're on their own. i.e. "That's amazing!! We have a full itinerary; but we'd love it if we could have dinner on __ night. "

We almost always travel with friends and love it too. Sure, sometimes we guard family time but life's too short to be so rigid. Sorry, yes, OP, I think you're being rigid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man, people are nuts. I'm glad I'm kinda stand-offish. I don't have a ton of friends, but no one would ever do that to me!!

I wouldn't have gone to many places if not for friends, I never heard of "family time" vacations. I am always thrilled if anyone can go to the same place we go. Maybe OP's friend does know that OP is not thrilled.

I’m surprised by all of these people that are horrified by the thought of a friend being at the same resort. Do you even like your “friends”?

I agree with you! I would be THRILLED if my friends end up at the same vacation; we're not talking about a honeymoon here. The more, the merrier.

But if you really value your alone time or family time or whatever, then you can also simply establish that they're on their own. i.e. "That's amazing!! We have a full itinerary; but we'd love it if we could have dinner on __ night. "

Same here. I’ve always had so much fun when other people are included. I don’t see what the big deal is meeting up once or twice. I can pretty much guarantee your husband and kids will be dying for someone else to be around by day 4.

[Anonymous]

^^^and I’m 38, by the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man, people are nuts. I'm glad I'm kinda stand-offish. I don't have a ton of friends, but no one would ever do that to me!!

I wouldn't have gone to many places if not for friends, I never heard of "family time" vacations. I am always thrilled if anyone can go to the same place we go. Maybe OP's friend does know that OP is not thrilled.

I’m surprised by all of these people that are horrified by the thought of a friend being at the same resort. Do you even like your “friends”?

I agree with you! I would be THRILLED if my friends end up at the same vacation; we're not talking about a honeymoon here. The more, the merrier.

But if you really value your alone time or family time or whatever, then you can also simply establish that they're on their own. i.e. "That's amazing!! We have a full itinerary; but we'd love it if we could have dinner on __ night. "

Same here. I’ve always had so much fun when other people are included. I don’t see what the big deal is meeting up once or twice. I can pretty much guarantee your husband and kids will be dying for someone else to be around by day 4.

Do you invite yourself on other people's vacations? How obnoxious.