Boy sent his nude picture to DD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did this turn into OP’s daughter essentially asking for it? OP says she said “sure” not knowing it’d be a nude photo, but you know how girls are, so you know she wanted it or lied about wanting it to her mom? That’s gross.

+1. If she "wanted it" (gross), she wouldn't have brought it up with her mother!

OP here. Thank you! She came to me blushing asking what to do.

I have a question for parents who have been there and school counselors. If I report it to school tomorrow, can they keep it at school or are they required to involve police? I truly don't want to involve police at this point. Didn't even want to involve the school, but after the additional info provided here, don't want to have any responsibility for this photo either.

Go back and read the lawyer's and the prosecutor's posts. They are giving you good advice. Report it to the school first thing tomorrow morning and let them deal with it.

This. Then at least you've removed it from your hands. I would also sit down and talk with your daughter to make sure there's no chance there is anything else on her phone. I believe you, OP, that she did not ask for or want this, but you want to be positive that there aren't any surprises on there or that it hasn't happened before.

To all of you - talk to your kids about not doing this and about reporting it when someone does it to them. It is a serious offense and can ruin a kids life if photos get passed around (boys or girls). Anyone sending unsolicited photos (a boy or a girl) should be reported and hopefully their parents will know and can get them help. It is not developmentally appropriate for MS (or HS for that matter) and should be a major red flag that there is something going on with the child.

+1

I would not turn it over to the school. They can be very rigid and might pass it on to the police. Now it becomes a question for the prosecutors office. Let’s say they prosecute the boy for trafficking in under age porn. Your dd is the recipient but maybe she has received or taken pictures herself or others and past them to other kids. Now your dd can be charged. You never know where thing will end up when the police are brought in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the other advice above, but why not teach your daughter how to deal with this directly?

It's a great opportunity to help her learn to use her words and set clear boundaries and expectations about how she wants to be treated. Teach her how to assert herself directly with this kid, and give him a chance to comply. If he doesn't (i.e. if he sends more pics or harassing texts), then help her escalate things to his parents or the school.

For example, why not help her write a text back to this kid. Something like, "Don't ever send naked pictures to me again! I don't want to see them, and it's not ok for you to send them to me or anyone else. Hopefully you get it and will stop. If not, I'll have to tell your school and mine if you do it again."

Completely agree. I'm appalled at the PPs insisting OP head directly to the police. Or even the school administration. The first thing to do is have OP's daughter confront this issue head-on. There seems to be this obsession with making girls into helpless victims rather than empowering them from the start. Of course, if the unwanted attention/behavior continues, even after she tells him to stop, etc. - then yes, parents and admin. will need to get involved.

PPs - not everything is a #Metoo event! Kids need to learn to advocate for themselves first. And that goes for either girls OR boys - anyone receiving unwanted attention needs to be given the tools to deal with it directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the other advice above, but why not teach your daughter how to deal with this directly?

It's a great opportunity to help her learn to use her words and set clear boundaries and expectations about how she wants to be treated. Teach her how to assert herself directly with this kid, and give him a chance to comply. If he doesn't (i.e. if he sends more pics or harassing texts), then help her escalate things to his parents or the school.

For example, why not help her write a text back to this kid. Something like, "Don't ever send naked pictures to me again! I don't want to see them, and it's not ok for you to send them to me or anyone else. Hopefully you get it and will stop. If not, I'll have to tell your school and mine if you do it again."

OP did this. Her DD has already addressed it in this way.

Then unless the behavior has continued, that's all that needs to be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I so hate Snapchat. It if weren't for this ridiculous app, this would be a much smaller issue. I think boys (and girls) feel the freedom to send inappropriate photos of themselves because they "disappear." This app is enabling teens to bully, sext, and who knows what else. I also hate that I cannot see what my teen is texting about. But deleting the app from her phone will almost destroy her social life. It is that prevalent in all of their lives.

Not true. It's your choice what apps they use and how they use them. And there are plenty of kids who have happy social lives without Snapchat. I truly don't understand parents who just throw up their hands because "her social life" is more important than her safety.

[Anonymous]

Do not contact the police unless you want someone doing that to you if your kid does something stupid. Have her email him "Please do not send me any more nude pictures of you. I do not find it appropriate and it makes me very uncomfortable." Then block him. You could CC the parents I suppose, but they might not believe it happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the other advice above, but why not teach your daughter how to deal with this directly?

It's a great opportunity to help her learn to use her words and set clear boundaries and expectations about how she wants to be treated. Teach her how to assert herself directly with this kid, and give him a chance to comply. If he doesn't (i.e. if he sends more pics or harassing texts), then help her escalate things to his parents or the school.

For example, why not help her write a text back to this kid. Something like, "Don't ever send naked pictures to me again! I don't want to see them, and it's not ok for you to send them to me or anyone else. Hopefully you get it and will stop. If not, I'll have to tell your school and mine if you do it again."

Completely agree. I'm appalled at the PPs insisting OP head directly to the police. Or even the school administration. The first thing to do is have OP's daughter confront this issue head-on. There seems to be this obsession with making girls into helpless victims rather than empowering them from the start. Of course, if the unwanted attention/behavior continues, even after she tells him to stop, etc. - then yes, parents and admin. will need to get involved.

PPs - not everything is a #Metoo event! Kids need to learn to advocate for themselves first. And that goes for either girls OR boys - anyone receiving unwanted attention needs to be given the tools to deal with it directly.

At this age, going to parents for help and advice is advocating for oneself, and the best possible way to do it. It is good for kids to know their resources and to trust that those resources will have their backs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the other advice above, but why not teach your daughter how to deal with this directly?

It's a great opportunity to help her learn to use her words and set clear boundaries and expectations about how she wants to be treated. Teach her how to assert herself directly with this kid, and give him a chance to comply. If he doesn't (i.e. if he sends more pics or harassing texts), then help her escalate things to his parents or the school.

For example, why not help her write a text back to this kid. Something like, "Don't ever send naked pictures to me again! I don't want to see them, and it's not ok for you to send them to me or anyone else. Hopefully you get it and will stop. If not, I'll have to tell your school and mine if you do it again."

Completely agree. I'm appalled at the PPs insisting OP head directly to the police. Or even the school administration. The first thing to do is have OP's daughter confront this issue head-on. There seems to be this obsession with making girls into helpless victims rather than empowering them from the start. Of course, if the unwanted attention/behavior continues, even after she tells him to stop, etc. - then yes, parents and admin. will need to get involved.

PPs - not everything is a #Metoo event! Kids need to learn to advocate for themselves first. And that goes for either girls OR boys - anyone receiving unwanted attention needs to be given the tools to deal with it directly.

At this age, going to parents for help and advice is advocating for oneself, and the best possible way to do it. It is good for kids to know their resources and to trust that those resources will have their backs.

Yes, absolutely!

I'm the one who wrote the language above. Apparently, OP's DD did that. Perfect -- great job!

So, unless the kid sent another naked picture, the issue is closed, right? Problem solved.

If not, what am I missing here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the other advice above, but why not teach your daughter how to deal with this directly?

It's a great opportunity to help her learn to use her words and set clear boundaries and expectations about how she wants to be treated. Teach her how to assert herself directly with this kid, and give him a chance to comply. If he doesn't (i.e. if he sends more pics or harassing texts), then help her escalate things to his parents or the school.

For example, why not help her write a text back to this kid. Something like, "Don't ever send naked pictures to me again! I don't want to see them, and it's not ok for you to send them to me or anyone else. Hopefully you get it and will stop. If not, I'll have to tell your school and mine if you do it again."

Completely agree. I'm appalled at the PPs insisting OP head directly to the police. Or even the school administration. The first thing to do is have OP's daughter confront this issue head-on. There seems to be this obsession with making girls into helpless victims rather than empowering them from the start. Of course, if the unwanted attention/behavior continues, even after she tells him to stop, etc. - then yes, parents and admin. will need to get involved.

PPs - not everything is a #Metoo event! Kids need to learn to advocate for themselves first. And that goes for either girls OR boys - anyone receiving unwanted attention needs to be given the tools to deal with it directly.

At this age, going to parents for help and advice is advocating for oneself, and the best possible way to do it. It is good for kids to know their resources and to trust that those resources will have their backs.

I’m the PP and I agree with you. Kids should definitely feel comfortable enough to go to their parents for advice first. My point was that the OP gave her daughter the right advice - that is, to tell him not to do that again. She could also block him, but has told her mom she wants to remain friends with him. If he continues the behavior, which I highly doubt, she could then block him and his parents should probably be told. I guess the point is that after discussion with parents, the girl (or boy!) should be able to vocalize to the offender that this behavior is unwanted and unacceptable. Only if it continues should things be escalated by the parents, and certainly, bringing in the police should be a LAST resort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the other advice above, but why not teach your daughter how to deal with this directly?

It's a great opportunity to help her learn to use her words and set clear boundaries and expectations about how she wants to be treated. Teach her how to assert herself directly with this kid, and give him a chance to comply. If he doesn't (i.e. if he sends more pics or harassing texts), then help her escalate things to his parents or the school.

For example, why not help her write a text back to this kid. Something like, "Don't ever send naked pictures to me again! I don't want to see them, and it's not ok for you to send them to me or anyone else. Hopefully you get it and will stop. If not, I'll have to tell your school and mine if you do it again."

Completely agree. I'm appalled at the PPs insisting OP head directly to the police. Or even the school administration. The first thing to do is have OP's daughter confront this issue head-on. There seems to be this obsession with making girls into helpless victims rather than empowering them from the start. Of course, if the unwanted attention/behavior continues, even after she tells him to stop, etc. - then yes, parents and admin. will need to get involved.

PPs - not everything is a #Metoo event! Kids need to learn to advocate for themselves first. And that goes for either girls OR boys - anyone receiving unwanted attention needs to be given the tools to deal with it directly.

At this age, going to parents for help and advice is advocating for oneself, and the best possible way to do it. It is good for kids to know their resources and to trust that those resources will have their backs.

Yes, absolutely!

I'm the one who wrote the language above. Apparently, OP's DD did that. Perfect -- great job!

So, unless the kid sent another naked picture, the issue is closed, right? Problem solved.

If not, what am I missing here?

I’m the PP right after you and I agree. Case closed, unless of course, another picture is sent. There is no need to exaggerate the stupidity of a 13 yo to a #MeToo moment, as some posters seem eager to do.

[Anonymous]

Itll happened again.. so get over it... your daughter's social life is more important to you. She didnt need to be on snap in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Police can't get the Snapchat photos. It will be your daughter's word against his.

http://blog.thirdparent.com/can-police-obtain-disappearing-snapchat-pictures/

Snapchat supplied some or all of the data requested in 92% of the U.S. cases and 21% of the foreign government cases.

If the pics disappear, you might be wondering what exactly the governments might be hoping to retrieve. It’s instructive to look at the most recent version of Snapchat Guide for Law Enforcement to see what is really happening.

Snapchat keeps (and can turn over) pics for 30 days in the event that they haven’t been viewed by all recipients
Snapchat retains records of meta data for all messages sent and received – to/from, date and time – but not the message content, and will turn over this data in response to a search warrant
Snapchat has the personal info that you supplied on file – user name, email address, phone number and the date the account was created
For furtive Snapchat users, the principal risk remains the chance that a recipient takes a screenshot of your picture, or otherwise manages to capture it before it is destroyed, then forwards that pic or posts it somewhere online. It is true, however, that Snapchat does have records that it will turn over to law enforcement – a fact that makes it an imperfect solution for covering your tracks if you are up to no good.

I do this for a living. They are not on the sender’s phone but are found on the recipient’s phone.

I would link to my personal site that shows a video example of this from a previous case, but I don’t want to out myself too much and have the site referenced back to DCUM.

Prove it.

I'm not finding any stories that say Snapchats are kept on the recepient's phone.

[Anonymous]

DP. I am sorry to tell you that they are retrievable. I have heard it directly from the mouths of police officers and FBI agents, and with my own eyes I have seen the evidence, which has been legally retrieved through a warrant or with permission. Please do not delude yourself into thinking that once your phone has been wiped or the photo "deleted" that the photo is gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DP. I am sorry to tell you that they are retrievable. I have heard it directly from the mouths of police officers and FBI agents, and with my own eyes I have seen the evidence, which has been legally retrieved through a warrant or with permission. Please do not delude yourself into thinking that once your phone has been wiped or the photo "deleted" that the photo is gone.

In which case there would be court cases. SO cite your evidence, not just "mouths of police officers."

[Anonymous]

Why are people saying to involve the school if this didn't happen on school grounds or during school hours? When did schools have 24 hour responsibility for kids? I would have taken her phone and texted back that this is the parent and informed the kid he just sent child pornography because he is under 18 and could be arrested and be sent to jail and never to do it again.

[Anonymous]

Not going to delve into whether to tell the school or not issue. However, the school becomes involved if something impacts a child being able to access her/his education, even if it didn't happen on school grounds or during school hours. So, if (I wrote if, not that it is) sending the picture is considered bullying or harassment then the school is involved. In DC, bullying goes against DCPS policy & DC city statute.