He broke up with me because he said that I nag too much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman: You promised you'd cut the lawn 4 inches ago. come on!.

There's the problem - women always want the grass cut too short. Natural is back in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something doesn't add up here.

OP has been with this guy for 3 years. And he was happy enough with her to get engaged 6 months ago.

Surely, OP hasn't suddenly become a nag just in the last 6 months.

Whether OP is a nag or not is irrelevant. This guy was fine with her 6 months ago and knew her for 2.5 years at that time. So he knew what she is like and still got engaged.

OP didn't change. Something else does.

My guess is that the guy met someone else and is having doubts about getting married and is using the nagging as an excuse.

That is not to suggest OP shouldn't work on herself if she believes she nags people. But I would caution OP in thinking that she is going to win back this guy b/c I'm not convinced nagging is the issue.

Hi, Op here. We moved in together in April and it seems that things have been challenging since then. We have our great times, he actually is a very good partner with housework, clean up etc. It seems to me that he is forgetting to consider me when he makes plans. He goes out with his friends, every weekend on a Friday or Saturday and just makes the plans without asking me prior if we have anything going on. Doesn't come home when he says, will just go to the gym. I will have dinner ready for our normal time, and he will come home 1 hour later saying that he was still at work, or went to the gym, or grabbed a drink with a buddy. He buys tickets to sporting events or concerts to attend with his buddies and doesn't ask me if I want to go or even mention it prior to make sure that we don't have anything going on. So, basically he said that my nagging is around not trusting him or giving him the freedom he needs. The most recent example was buying a ticket to attend a concert with a bunch of his buddies. He just did it, didn't mention it or say anything to me (which means he didn't invite me either). It's the same weekend my friend is getting married, I'M IN THE WEDDING, and he's known about this date for a long time. When I reminded him of this, he said he forgot and was sorry, but that since he doesn't know them, that I should be ok going without him. WHAT? So, I gave him a hard time. This is not right, he said that I hassle and nag him about stuff whenever he makes plans without me. That's the sum of our problem. I do give him a hard time when he does all this stuff. Maybe I should approach it differently with him, not in an accusatory way, a few I have let go and haven't said anything because we didn't have plans anyways, we were just hanging at home that weekend, so it didn't affect other plans. So, yes every time he makes plans without checking with me (out of common courtesy) I give him a hard time, and every time this happens, I give him an even harder time, aka higher level nagging.

Pp here. My XH pulled this crap on me. He is entitled to do whatever he wants and disrespecting you. End this relationship. Mine turned into manipulation, control and abuse. When you add kids in the mix, this behavior becomes worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something doesn't add up here.

OP has been with this guy for 3 years. And he was happy enough with her to get engaged 6 months ago.

Surely, OP hasn't suddenly become a nag just in the last 6 months.

Whether OP is a nag or not is irrelevant. This guy was fine with her 6 months ago and knew her for 2.5 years at that time. So he knew what she is like and still got engaged.

OP didn't change. Something else does.

My guess is that the guy met someone else and is having doubts about getting married and is using the nagging as an excuse.

That is not to suggest OP shouldn't work on herself if she believes she nags people. But I would caution OP in thinking that she is going to win back this guy b/c I'm not convinced nagging is the issue.

Hi, Op here. We moved in together in April and it seems that things have been challenging since then. We have our great times, he actually is a very good partner with housework, clean up etc. It seems to me that he is forgetting to consider me when he makes plans. He goes out with his friends, every weekend on a Friday or Saturday and just makes the plans without asking me prior if we have anything going on. Doesn't come home when he says, will just go to the gym. I will have dinner ready for our normal time, and he will come home 1 hour later saying that he was still at work, or went to the gym, or grabbed a drink with a buddy. He buys tickets to sporting events or concerts to attend with his buddies and doesn't ask me if I want to go or even mention it prior to make sure that we don't have anything going on. So, basically he said that my nagging is around not trusting him or giving him the freedom he needs. The most recent example was buying a ticket to attend a concert with a bunch of his buddies. He just did it, didn't mention it or say anything to me (which means he didn't invite me either). It's the same weekend my friend is getting married, I'M IN THE WEDDING, and he's known about this date for a long time. When I reminded him of this, he said he forgot and was sorry, but that since he doesn't know them, that I should be ok going without him. WHAT? So, I gave him a hard time. This is not right, he said that I hassle and nag him about stuff whenever he makes plans without me. That's the sum of our problem. I do give him a hard time when he does all this stuff. Maybe I should approach it differently with him, not in an accusatory way, a few I have let go and haven't said anything because we didn't have plans anyways, we were just hanging at home that weekend, so it didn't affect other plans. So, yes every time he makes plans without checking with me (out of common courtesy) I give him a hard time, and every time this happens, I give him an even harder time, aka higher level nagging.

He didn't break up with you because you nag, he broke up with you because he still wants to act single and do whatever he wants with no consideration for anyone else. Maybe you did nag, but ultimately, he just doesn't care about your feelings. Nobody in their right mind would put up with someone who disappears like he does.

You dodged a huge bullet. Trust me, having children with someone like that is absolute hell. Keep the ring, pawn it, and use the money to take yourself on a fabulous vacation to help forget about this loser. And stop trying to convince him to take you back, you can do better.

+1. OP, what you described is my BIL. They have two kids and he barely sees them, but he is currently on a five-day bike trip with friends, despite my sister having a huge meeting to attend and it being back to school night at my niece's new school after a tumultuous school year last year. So she's missing her work event so a parent can be there for back to school night - all so he can go on a bike trip that he never checked in with her about before booking. This is what you would have had to look forward to. Believe me, my sister is miserable. Get out while you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something doesn't add up here.

OP has been with this guy for 3 years. And he was happy enough with her to get engaged 6 months ago.

Surely, OP hasn't suddenly become a nag just in the last 6 months.

Whether OP is a nag or not is irrelevant. This guy was fine with her 6 months ago and knew her for 2.5 years at that time. So he knew what she is like and still got engaged.

OP didn't change. Something else does.

My guess is that the guy met someone else and is having doubts about getting married and is using the nagging as an excuse.

That is not to suggest OP shouldn't work on herself if she believes she nags people. But I would caution OP in thinking that she is going to win back this guy b/c I'm not convinced nagging is the issue.

Hi, Op here. We moved in together in April and it seems that things have been challenging since then. We have our great times, he actually is a very good partner with housework, clean up etc. It seems to me that he is forgetting to consider me when he makes plans. He goes out with his friends, every weekend on a Friday or Saturday and just makes the plans without asking me prior if we have anything going on. Doesn't come home when he says, will just go to the gym. I will have dinner ready for our normal time, and he will come home 1 hour later saying that he was still at work, or went to the gym, or grabbed a drink with a buddy. He buys tickets to sporting events or concerts to attend with his buddies and doesn't ask me if I want to go or even mention it prior to make sure that we don't have anything going on. So, basically he said that my nagging is around not trusting him or giving him the freedom he needs. The most recent example was buying a ticket to attend a concert with a bunch of his buddies. He just did it, didn't mention it or say anything to me (which means he didn't invite me either). It's the same weekend my friend is getting married, I'M IN THE WEDDING, and he's known about this date for a long time. When I reminded him of this, he said he forgot and was sorry, but that since he doesn't know them, that I should be ok going without him. WHAT? So, I gave him a hard time. This is not right, he said that I hassle and nag him about stuff whenever he makes plans without me. That's the sum of our problem. I do give him a hard time when he does all this stuff. Maybe I should approach it differently with him, not in an accusatory way, a few I have let go and haven't said anything because we didn't have plans anyways, we were just hanging at home that weekend, so it didn't affect other plans. So, yes every time he makes plans without checking with me (out of common courtesy) I give him a hard time, and every time this happens, I give him an even harder time, aka higher level nagging.

It's probably good your not together anymore. He doesn't sound ready for a relationship.
That out of the way I think healthy long term realtionships are a combination of taking your partner into consideration when planning and letting your partner breath not monitoring their every move like you're their mom.
I think you both have some growing to do in that respect.

- Happily Married for 25 years.

[Anonymous]

Women nag

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm recently married and my new wife went through an "evolution" as the wedding approached and then became a wife.

Her behavior changed and she did start to "nag." We have had a couple of conversations about it. I noticed a change in behavior as soon as the engagement ring went on the finger and it progressively got worse as the wedding approached. Early in the relationship she was easy-going, happy, and grateful (said thank you and please). That turned into "did you do that... did you do this... why didn't you do.... etc." I wouldn't even be done with one to-do before she would start asking about the next thing. These were not wedding-to-do's. It started to become her habit. Luckily I had told her early on in the relationship that I would not accept her nagging me like her mother nags her father. That I will not accept her pecking away at me to wear my down over time to get what she wants.

Bottom line is that nagging is real and those on this board that want to assign blame to the bf are biased. Accept that nagging is real. Do not deny his life experience. It may also be that he has other reasons as well.

Yup, this.

And oh, BTW, men can be real nags too. I'm specifically talking about OCD men who require wives to do everything meticulously their way and nag their wives when perfect is not achieved.

My father-in-law is like this. He literally follows behind my MIL as she's doing something household related and criticizes how she does it. I swear to god, I have no idea why she stays. Woman needs a man like she needs a hole in the head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something doesn't add up here.

OP has been with this guy for 3 years. And he was happy enough with her to get engaged 6 months ago.

Surely, OP hasn't suddenly become a nag just in the last 6 months.

Whether OP is a nag or not is irrelevant. This guy was fine with her 6 months ago and knew her for 2.5 years at that time. So he knew what she is like and still got engaged.

OP didn't change. Something else does.

My guess is that the guy met someone else and is having doubts about getting married and is using the nagging as an excuse.

That is not to suggest OP shouldn't work on herself if she believes she nags people. But I would caution OP in thinking that she is going to win back this guy b/c I'm not convinced nagging is the issue.

Hi, Op here. We moved in together in April and it seems that things have been challenging since then. We have our great times, he actually is a very good partner with housework, clean up etc. It seems to me that he is forgetting to consider me when he makes plans. He goes out with his friends, every weekend on a Friday or Saturday and just makes the plans without asking me prior if we have anything going on. Doesn't come home when he says, will just go to the gym. I will have dinner ready for our normal time, and he will come home 1 hour later saying that he was still at work, or went to the gym, or grabbed a drink with a buddy. He buys tickets to sporting events or concerts to attend with his buddies and doesn't ask me if I want to go or even mention it prior to make sure that we don't have anything going on. So, basically he said that my nagging is around not trusting him or giving him the freedom he needs. The most recent example was buying a ticket to attend a concert with a bunch of his buddies. He just did it, didn't mention it or say anything to me (which means he didn't invite me either). It's the same weekend my friend is getting married, I'M IN THE WEDDING, and he's known about this date for a long time. When I reminded him of this, he said he forgot and was sorry, but that since he doesn't know them, that I should be ok going without him. WHAT? So, I gave him a hard time. This is not right, he said that I hassle and nag him about stuff whenever he makes plans without me. That's the sum of our problem. I do give him a hard time when he does all this stuff. Maybe I should approach it differently with him, not in an accusatory way, a few I have let go and haven't said anything because we didn't have plans anyways, we were just hanging at home that weekend, so it didn't affect other plans. So, yes every time he makes plans without checking with me (out of common courtesy) I give him a hard time, and every time this happens, I give him an even harder time, aka higher level nagging.

He didn't break up with you because you nag, he broke up with you because he still wants to act single and do whatever he wants with no consideration for anyone else. Maybe you did nag, but ultimately, he just doesn't care about your feelings. Nobody in their right mind would put up with someone who disappears like he does.

You dodged a huge bullet. Trust me, having children with someone like that is absolute hell. Keep the ring, pawn it, and use the money to take yourself on a fabulous vacation to help forget about this loser. And stop trying to convince him to take you back, you can do better.

After hearing that he's is obviously a selfish jerk off. This isn't about her nagging. That's not nagging. It's calling out horrible behavior. Yes he is a terrible partner and she shouldn't have gotten engaged with this idiot because she would end up divorced.