Can't crack the dating code

[Anonymous]

OK, if this is the real "you" just keep doing what you're doing because you don't seem fit for a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are you attracted to exeptionally petite Asian women? What can they give you that others can't? Also, maybe you can move to California or overseas to find what you are looking for..

Because most American (white) women are overweight these days once you get to 40s... Just a fact. Look at Tiger Mom. She's still killing it at 50.

[Anonymous]

Just get a mail order "exceptionally petite" bride from East Asia. I'm sure that will work out great for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are you attracted to exeptionally petite Asian women? What can they give you that others can't? Also, maybe you can move to California or overseas to find what you are looking for..

Because most American (white) women are overweight these days once you get to 40s... Just a fact. Look at Tiger Mom. She's still killing it at 50.

Yuck. You have it all figured out, don't you, and you just can't find that person who will fit the story you've made up for yourself. I dated a lot before meeting my husband. I met a few like you and ran as fast as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are you attracted to exeptionally petite Asian women? What can they give you that others can't? Also, maybe you can move to California or overseas to find what you are looking for..

Because most American (white) women are overweight these days once you get to 40s... Just a fact. Look at Tiger Mom. She's still killing it at 50.

Yuck. You have it all figured out, don't you, and you just can't find that person who will fit the story you've made up for yourself. I dated a lot before meeting my husband. I met a few like you and ran as fast as possible.

Yep, I generally plan important things out in life. I'm looking to get married once. Not divorce because I didn't dot my i's and cross my t's.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you a Taurus?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you a Taurus?

no, close tho

[Anonymous]

Aries. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Asian female here. I kinda understand you OP. I married my type, which is hunky athletic Scandinavian type over 6'2". Funny thing is that my husband never saw himself with an Asian until he met me.

I don't really have any advice for you because I don't know you and I don't know what it is you do on these dates. But at least you're male and time is on your side. Assuming you are all who you say you are (and what you want is in your league), then just be patient and give it some time. Online dating sucks. If I were you, I'd try to meet people more organically. Just put yourself in situations where you would be around your type. You say you don't live in places with a large Asian population, well maybe you should visit those places and hit up the bars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are you attracted to exeptionally petite Asian women? What can they give you that others can't? Also, maybe you can move to California or overseas to find what you are looking for..

Because most American (white) women are overweight these days once you get to 40s... Just a fact. Look at Tiger Mom. She's still killing it at 50.

Yuck. You have it all figured out, don't you, and you just can't find that person who will fit the story you've made up for yourself. I dated a lot before meeting my husband. I met a few like you and ran as fast as possible.

Yep, I generally plan important things out in life. I'm looking to get married once. Not divorce because I didn't dot my i's and cross my t's.

You can't plan a successful marriage by choosing someone who fits into a checklist. You plan a successful marriage by becoming the kind of person who can be in a relationship long term--someone open, positive, flexible when needed, emotionally secure, honest with yourself and others and with strong communication skills. What posters here are trying to tell you is that, once you work on these qualities, you can find happiness with many people who might not be who you'd expect. Without these qualities, you could choose your ideal woman from every woman in the world and you would still end up miserable.

[Anonymous]

20:20 PP here. The PP above is spot on.

[Anonymous]

20:20 PP here. The PP above is spot on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious what your life was like at home growing up. I used to do this because I grew up with a parent whose love was very conditional and who I later realized had trained me to believe that I had to win and earn people's love or affection by performing. Dating and meeting people spontaneously always ended badly much like what you describe. Getting to know people over the long term became my solution- most people forget how weird a first impression I make as long as I get that chance to make subsequent ones.

I don't want to give too much away because my profession is niche. But, online dating works well for me. I must be good on paper because I do get a number of high quality dates. It just always ends up the the cream of the crop (in my eyes) induce so much pressure in my mind that I am never my laid back self. I always "over do it" on those dates. Great relationship with parents. Never felt love was conditional. It's just personality here. When I feel like a lot is on the line, my mind goes into overdrive and I convince myself I have to give "the performance of a lifetime" on the date rather than just trust that myself will be enough.

Take a quarter of half of an Ativan before you go out. I do this when I get nervous about giving speeches. It's an anxiety thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on OP's updates I suggest you try those Asian girls for white guy sites.

See, this is why you can't be honest on this site. I laid out a very clear case that I'm open to dating from any background where the individual is:

-Highly ambitious and educated
-Dark features (hair/eyes)
-Exceptionally petite
-A good person with good values

It just so happens that many Asian Americans fit that bill. I'm not biased in the slightest if you introduced me to a Cuban woman who fit that bill, I'd jump in a heartbeat to date her. But, since only 1/15 or so of my dates are hitting the mark already and they tend to be Asian it is what it is.

To me this shouldn't be a criteria for any man or women in their mid 30s dating and looking for marriage. I think you are seeling yourself short by being so narrow in focus. The person who could be your best match for marriage could meet those things but they could look wildly different.

I'll use myself as an example for the longest time my "type" was dark hair, blue eyes, fair skinned, and over 6'2". The guy I married is caramel skinned, 5'8" with dark hair and brown eyes, he brought something to the table the others didn't. Things I couldn't see when I was being so narrowly focused. I'm lucky I had friends to talk sense to me when I was 30.

Real true married life is hard as shit and what color eyes your spouse has doesn't mean that much when your baby is sick in the hospital or you just lost your job.

I understand your perspective PP, and it's fair. But I've been in relationships before where I settled too much on my physical preferences and it was difficult for me to ever feel satisfied. I don't want to put someone in that position. The other person deserves to have their long term partner really jazzed to be with them (both physically, emotionally, and beyond).

I think if you can only be invested emotionally in your partner if they look a certain way -marriage is not for you.
Your wife even if she's the Asian you want will not look at 45 and 50 as she did at 27. She won't look as she did at 33 as she did at 27 if she has a couple of kids.

I don't think I want children. But that's beside the point. Of course she'll look differently. So will I. Who said anything about never looking differently. But that has nothing to do with attraction and chemistry for the next 10-15 years. Or 20.

How about 40 or 50 years, when you're impotent? Will you still care that her eyes are brown and that she's got gray hair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are you attracted to exeptionally petite Asian women? What can they give you that others can't? Also, maybe you can move to California or overseas to find what you are looking for..

Because most American (white) women are overweight these days once you get to 40s... Just a fact. Look at Tiger Mom. She's still killing it at 50.

Yuck. You have it all figured out, don't you, and you just can't find that person who will fit the story you've made up for yourself. I dated a lot before meeting my husband. I met a few like you and ran as fast as possible.

Yep, I generally plan important things out in life. I'm looking to get married once. Not divorce because I didn't dot my i's and cross my t's.

You can't plan a successful marriage by choosing someone who fits into a checklist. You plan a successful marriage by becoming the kind of person who can be in a relationship long term--someone open, positive, flexible when needed, emotionally secure, honest with yourself and others and with strong communication skills. What posters here are trying to tell you is that, once you work on these qualities, you can find happiness with many people who might not be who you'd expect. Without these qualities, you could choose your ideal woman from every woman in the world and you would still end up miserable.

+1000
Some of the best relationship advice ever.