Old school DCUM game: You post something about yourself and we'll tell you what's wrong with you...

[Anonymous]

Bummer - I was enjoying her posts. Thank you, O witty poster.

[Anonymous]

Come back, both of you!

[Anonymous]

Well,...I don't know...perhaps...

But first, I will need to insist that the sidebars cease...Take it outside if you have unresolved issues (like to the Raisin up the Toddler's nose thread).

And while I don't mind this dueling banjos repartee, I must insist that anyone posting responses to the set-ups be funny. Some of these entries are just cryptic. No one will choose Smuckers if they no longer are sure it's "That good".

If we can all agree...

*Let us Begin*

[Anonymous]

I have to have complete control over everything I'm involved with.

[Anonymous]

Everyone tells me I'm a control freak. I'm not. I'm just very talented.

[Anonymous]

I don't polish my toenails and still wear sandals.

[Anonymous]

My child didn't get the lead in the school play even though he's cuter than the child they picked. I am unsure how to approach the principal.

[Anonymous]

I have a secret crush on my son's soccer coach.

[Anonymous]

(That should do. I look forward to hearing from those more clever than I.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, the details of my life are quite inconsequential-My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. THE SORT OF GENERAL MALAISE THAT THE GENIUS POSSESS AND THE INSANE LAMENT. My childhood was typical-summers in Rangoon, luge lessons, in the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds-pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualitically shaved my testicles. Did I mention that I like to eat salad with my hands?

Dr. EVIL is the witty poster!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Off to make pesto pasta and fruit salad to bring to my mil's cook out.

You think your MIL smells delicious, and you worry that your DH thinks so, too. You are desperate to bring the most pungent foods to what you hope will be a bland BBQ. You use words like 'pasta' instead of macaroni in the hopes your MIL will recognize what a smart noodle you really are. You never notice that no one eats fruit salad at a BBQ and you are too cheap to bring meat for the grill. You think you've left your past behind you.

Everyone ate the fruit salad. I was so proud I cut all that fruit and drizzled it in lemon juice so it would not brown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:*Silence* The Witty Poster has left the forum.

I dont think the poster was witty at all. He/She was using some sort of web generator that was providing answers for them. Something similar to this - http://www.rgblind.com/vinylone_post.php there are hundreds of these out on the web.

[Anonymous]

I kind of doubt it since the site you referred to offers only such gems as "My bad", "up yours", "go outside and play", etc. OP has a masters degree while these kinds of reponses indicate a second grade education at best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a secret crush on my son's soccer coach.

The DCUM response to this is entirely dependent on whether he's cute or not . . .

[Anonymous]

OP here (and I am witty, despite what my jealous detractors say). I have unfortunately been detained at 6 Flags America and will need to rely on my understudies until I return. Please no sidebars.