8 year old sleepover party - 3 girls excluded. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

^DUE to the motivation. Sorry, phone typo

[Anonymous]

+ 1. I try to only exercise choice over my kids' social commitments due to either safety or logistics, so I would allow my child to decide whether to attend. However, if the sleepover was organized because of being "left out" from the other child's party I would strongly encourage my child to decline, die to the motivation. We don't do things like that. It's entitled, petty, and desperate.

Yikes, you people overthink things. If my son were invited to the party, the only thing I would say to him is "you got invited to a party at Bill's. Do you feel like going?" I would not delve into the motivations of the host. If DS feels like going, great. If not, great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom isn't your friend. If your daughter likes the two other girls, I'd invite them for a sleep over and make it really fun and go over the top making a big fuss.

This is a great idea. Even if you can't do a sleep over invite them over for pizza and a movie.

That would be good too, with an ice cream sundae or other big fun desert. Or, even fondue. You could also invite a few of the girls invited who you know aren't good friends. Give them something to talk about. I'd also get each girl a special gift (assuming you can afford it).

Yeah, why don't we do a GoFundMe page and get them Lous Vuitton bags while we're at it. Just so they don't feel any hurt, you know. Just so they don't figure out not everyone has to like them or be their friend. Or, even better, let's make them think mommy will always be around to fix everything. And food, feed them more food.

I seriously hope these suggestions were tongue in cheek... No wonder kids today are such maladjusted losers.

They are 8 years old. Yes, mom should try her best to fix things. If it happened to my son and he was upset over it, I'd invite the two other boys, get them each a fun lego kit to do and make a party of it. And, yes, if you have someone over its polite to feed them all.

As a mom, if my kid got this invite to a "left out kids makeup party" I would be weirded out. It's so... I don't know. Barefaced patronizing? My kid doesn't need pity because she doesn't get invited to a sleepover, especially not an over the top pity party invite complete with presents. Thrown by a kid she may interact with almost never at school and only shares a commonality of being uninvited to the same party. I'm really surprised some of you don't see how odd this is.

+1

Ridiculous!

[Anonymous]

Have you considered whether there's something about your DD that caused her to be excluded? Is she mean or behaving at school in a way that explains this?

[Anonymous]

This thread just shows how unadjusted moms are

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered whether there's something about your DD that caused her to be excluded? Is she mean or behaving at school in a way that explains this?

I don't think this situation is evidence that the kid is being socially excluded. She just didn't happen to be close enough friends with one classmate to get invited to a sleepover party. She also wasn't the only one not invited, which makes it even clearer that it's not about excluding OP's DD. This isn't exclusion, bullying, or mean girls. This is just certain people being close friends, and not everyone being part of that exact group. That's pretty normal. OP's kid is probably fine unless there's other evidence to the contrary.

[Anonymous]

As I said to my daughter last year in pretty much same situation-it is not something I hope that WE would do but this family had a right to do (though we are at a school that has in the handbook the 'all class/all of one sex/or small percentage): at 7 I think a 'pity party' may go over your DD head but I promise you by 8, 9, 10 they will know that this a what it is no matter how much you'd hope that they kids could come and enjoy each other. Rarely do these things turn out like the feel good movies and wonderful life lessons are learned. I judged the parents of the 8/12 party - and I think others did too once they realized what had happened but there is nothing you can do. It is a sad lesson but as others have said - a lesson they will learn now or later.

[Anonymous]

Becca had a party in 7th grade. I was the only person not invited. I begged and begged until she finally invited me. My mom , of course, refused to let me go. I am 42 now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Becca had a party in 7th grade. I was the only person not invited. I begged and begged until she finally invited me. My mom , of course, refused to let me go. I am 42 now.

Good for your mom. She was trying to instill pride in you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

They are 8 years old. Yes, mom should try her best to fix things. If it happened to my son and he was upset over it, I'd invite the two other boys, get them each a fun lego kit to do and make a party of it. And, yes, if you have someone over its polite to feed them all.

As a mom, if my kid got this invite to a "left out kids makeup party" I would be weirded out. It's so... I don't know. Barefaced patronizing? My kid doesn't need pity because she doesn't get invited to a sleepover, especially not an over the top pity party invite complete with presents. Thrown by a kid she may interact with almost never at school and only shares a commonality of being uninvited to the same party. I'm really surprised some of you don't see how odd this is.

Not PP, and I definitely wouldn't host such a party myself, but if my son got invited to someone else's "pity party" he'd probably go and make a good time out of it. He's not especially popular because he's unathletic and a bit nerdy, but he's a friendly kid and can get along with most of the kids in his class. He would definitely think of it along the lines of "I'll see Bob and Jim from school and do some legos" vs. anything deeper.

Or, maybe it isn't a pity party but time to make new friends and have some fun.

If it's a mom specifically inviting only the 3-4 kids who were not invited to another party it is by definition a pity party. I truly would probably not even share the invitation with my kid and would just decline on her behalf. If the kids are in her class she will either make friends with them organically or not. I'm not throwing them together and forcing them to be friends because they were left out by another girl. I don't like the message nor the precedent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Becca had a party in 7th grade. I was the only person not invited. I begged and begged until she finally invited me. My mom , of course, refused to let me go. I am 42 now.

Why? Why would you do this, even at 12 years old? OMG. It was a party. You weren't invited. So what? I'm assuming it wasn't the last party you weren't invited to.

And good on your mom.

[Anonymous]

If it's a mom specifically inviting only the 3-4 kids who were not invited to another party it is by definition a pity party. I truly would probably not even share the invitation with my kid and would just decline on her behalf. If the kids are in her class she will either make friends with them organically or not. I'm not throwing them together and forcing them to be friends because they were left out by another girl. I don't like the message nor the precedent.

You seem rather overinvolved in your child's social life. If my child were invited, I'd ask if he wanted to go. He'd respond based on whether he was interested in hanging out with those kids. We would move forward accordingly and live our lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If it's a mom specifically inviting only the 3-4 kids who were not invited to another party it is by definition a pity party. I truly would probably not even share the invitation with my kid and would just decline on her behalf. If the kids are in her class she will either make friends with them organically or not. I'm not throwing them together and forcing them to be friends because they were left out by another girl. I don't like the message nor the precedent.

You seem rather overinvolved in your child's social life. If my child were invited, I'd ask if he wanted to go. He'd respond based on whether he was interested in hanging out with those kids. We would move forward accordingly and live our lives.

No it's the opposite... I'm uninvolved to the point I would never consider engineering a pity party to make up for missing someone else's. I'm not suggesting a "leftovers" party because she didn't get an invitation to something else... That's crazy. And overinvolved to a really unhealthy extent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If it's a mom specifically inviting only the 3-4 kids who were not invited to another party it is by definition a pity party. I truly would probably not even share the invitation with my kid and would just decline on her behalf. If the kids are in her class she will either make friends with them organically or not. I'm not throwing them together and forcing them to be friends because they were left out by another girl. I don't like the message nor the precedent.

You seem rather overinvolved in your child's social life. If my child were invited, I'd ask if he wanted to go. He'd respond based on whether he was interested in hanging out with those kids. We would move forward accordingly and live our lives.

No it's the opposite... I'm uninvolved to the point I would never consider engineering a pity party to make up for missing someone else's. I'm not suggesting a "leftovers" party because she didn't get an invitation to something else... That's crazy. And overinvolved to a really unhealthy extent.

Maybe how you are looking at it is an issue. These are kids and should be viewed upon negatively as you are making it. Why not get the less popular kids together and help them form their own friendships? Or, can your kids only be friends with the cool kids with the cool moms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If it's a mom specifically inviting only the 3-4 kids who were not invited to another party it is by definition a pity party. I truly would probably not even share the invitation with my kid and would just decline on her behalf. If the kids are in her class she will either make friends with them organically or not. I'm not throwing them together and forcing them to be friends because they were left out by another girl. I don't like the message nor the precedent.

You seem rather overinvolved in your child's social life. If my child were invited, I'd ask if he wanted to go. He'd respond based on whether he was interested in hanging out with those kids. We would move forward accordingly and live our lives.

No it's the opposite... I'm uninvolved to the point I would never consider engineering a pity party to make up for missing someone else's. I'm not suggesting a "leftovers" party because she didn't get an invitation to something else... That's crazy. And overinvolved to a really unhealthy extent.

Maybe how you are looking at it is an issue. These are kids and should be viewed upon negatively as you are making it. Why not get the less popular kids together and help them form their own friendships? Or, can your kids only be friends with the cool kids with the cool moms?

Not the PP but kids can make their own friends. And NO ONE wants to be friends with the kids that have overbearing helicopter parents.