High school senior daughter asked me "What's the point of all this?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the point?

To secure a high-status job in a top tier city, a quality social circle, and a smart & rich spouse who you can produce bright offspring with.

So that in 30 years she can log on to DCUM and secretly complain about her loveless marriage and messed-up kids and then put other people down to try and feel better about herself.

Yeah, because poor state school schmucks never have domestic violence issues, economic concerns, divorce, bitch about their kid's public schools, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the point?

To secure a high-status job in a top tier city, a quality social circle, and a smart & rich spouse who you can produce bright offspring with.

So that in 30 years she can log on to DCUM and secretly complain about her loveless marriage and messed-up kids and then put other people down to try and feel better about herself.

Yeah, because poor state school schmucks never have domestic violence issues, economic concerns, divorce, bitch about their kid's public schools, etc.

What is your alma mater, PP?

[Anonymous]

I would tell your daughter to do what she loves. My DS went to big 3 and now is at an competitive college. It was hard but he was motivated by several subjects he found fascinating. He feels the same way about college. We tried slways to emphasize learning and enjoying school
Rather than grades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has she ever had a job, OP? If she had, she might "get it." I worked at CVS weekends, school breaks and summers starting at age 15 and also as a camp counselor during the summers. Years of minimum wage jobs before college let me know that I wanted to go to college and why.

I don't think OP's daughter is questioning the point of going to college but the point of pushing herself so hard to get into an "elite" college. You don't have to do to an elite college to work in a field that requires a college degree instead of at a minimum wage job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - not everyone is cut out intellectually and personality-wise for the top ticket. Your DD sounds like someone who simply is not cut out for the elite schools. She'll be happier and will do fine, as others have said, at "Average State U". Not everyone is meant for top tier.

How on earth do you come to this conclusion based on the OP?

This whole thread, much like the Brown/Michigan thread, shows a really ugly side of elite college grads. I went to an elite college and grad school and knew my share of neurotic bitches, but it seems like things have really deteriorated since my day. It's sad that people feel this way, and worse that they are willing to say cruel things about 17-22 year old students. How would you feel if you were the OPs daughter coming across this thread. Or a Michigan student, or a Brown student.

Michigan or Brown or UMD students are smart enough to look around at their friends that graduated from "elite" schools and say, thank god I didn't do that. The people that don't understand that nobody wants to be around "elite" grad are elite grads, low EQ/binders/etc. They think it is of their choosing.

Just went to a wedding, groom (B-level state U) bride (elite U)... OMG, it 's like we had to keep the elite grads away from the rest of the wedding. I was embarrassed for the bride, but I have live in CC so it is nothing new to me. Drinking scotch by the bottle and being misogynistic, not impressive.

Only on DCUM is Brown not considered elite!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And if students who go to top schools do get this and are fine with it, I don't want my kids anywhere near them.

Yeah, nobody wants their kid to marry a rich sophisticated and ambitious spouse.

There are plenty of rich, sophisticated & ambitious people who attend(ed) state universities.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I wonder about the "keep your options open" mantra for a couple of reasons. One is that it can be a means of endlessly deferring gratification and/or articulating a goal.[/quote]

Why do people act like smart ambitious kids are all miserable? As if every state school slacker is happy go lucky and walks on clouds all day. Give me a break. My daughter's friends are mostly 4.0 kids, super involved, popular, athletes and musicians, full schedules. They're not psycho tiger cubs who are secretly depressed, they're just competitive and get joy from learning, accomplishing goals, making an impact in the community.[/quote]

If this is true for your child then consider yourself lucky. I assure you it is not true for a large segment of this population.

signed,

mental health professional working at an "elite" college counseling center[/quote]

. . . yeah, nobody is depressed or suffering from anxiety at tailgate states. Any pop in the data is likely because smart kids are smart enough and driven enough and responsible enough to go seek help, versus dummies who lack maturity and probably don't comprehend how a health professional can help them work through and overcome the issues they're experiencing.[/quote]

[b]PP clearly wasn't implying that there are no non-elite students who are unhappy. Get a grip.[/b][/quote]

+1

Not to mention that someone who refers to students at non-elite colleges as "dummies" can't be too mature him or herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you work, OP?

I've noticed a lot of girls and young adult women with perpetual stay at home moms lack direction. Why study hard when you want to play tennis all morning?

I would imagine girls and young women that want to play tennis all morning would be even more motivated and 'get the point of all this' because of the exponential increase in assortative mating.

http://dailyprincetonian.com/opinion/2013/03/letter-to-the-editor-advice-for-the-young-women-of-princeton-the-daughters-i-never-had/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Eh. I went to Michigan and plenty of kids oooked down on Michigan State kids who looked down on Western Michigan kids who looked down on Wayne State kids who looked down on community college kids. People just suck.

Georgetown kids certainly look down on George Washington kids. My husband went to Harvard and mocks the 'lesser' Ivies. He considers Cornell-Northwestern-Duke safeties.

I hope your kids can live up to that. It sounds like unless they went to/go to Harvard he will think less of them.

No. He understands 5% acceptance rates at HYPS makes those colleges pretty impossible these days.

if he's a H grad that can't get the development tag place on his kids future applications to Harvard, then you should call your DH a 'loser'.

[Anonymous]

Watch "The Race to Nowhere". Very eye opening.

[Anonymous]

What's the point?
Avoiding regret.
That's the burden of adulthood. Her decisions and the consequences are hers alone. No one to blame. No crystal ball, no magical way of knowing "what if ..." It is also the foundation of autonomy, self reliance and self respect. She needs to own her decisions. By owning her decisions she will work to assure the best outcome.

Life is scary. She knows it's easier for her and less scary if you could just tell her what to do - to follow a certain plan and life would then turn out a certain way. But her maturity is no longer allowing for that illusion. She's questioning. That's healthy. That's what you want. It's time to let go. This is now about her, her journey, her view of self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the point?
Avoiding regret.

You should have stopped there. Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Eh. I went to Michigan and plenty of kids oooked down on Michigan State kids who looked down on Western Michigan kids who looked down on Wayne State kids who looked down on community college kids. People just suck.

Georgetown kids certainly look down on George Washington kids. My husband went to Harvard and mocks the 'lesser' Ivies. He considers Cornell-Northwestern-Duke safeties.

I hope your kids can live up to that. It sounds like unless they went to/go to Harvard he will think less of them.

No. He understands 5% acceptance rates at HYPS makes those colleges pretty impossible these days.

if he's a H grad that can't get the development tag place on his kids future applications to Harvard, then you should call your DH a 'loser'.

+1 but maybe add condescending jackass loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In reference to the rat race, the fixation with elite colleges, all hoop jumping, all the tutoring, etc. For a moment I was speechless. In the end I just told her, "You'll regret it if you don't push yourself." What is the point?

If she's asking that question, then you are pushing her too hard. There's no point if she gets burned out by the process, is not excited by learning and opportunities that college provides.

Perhaps you should tell her that she will be just fine and do just fine no matter where she goes to school. Kids rise to the level of their ability no matter whether they're at Harvard or Community College. Obsessing over getting into an Ivy is an obsession of the wealthy, and it's a veritable disease in the DC area.

The elite schools are now so expensive and out of reach financially for a lot of high-achieving middle class kids that there are a lot more very bright kids going to state schools and less selective SLACS that offer merit aid. So, perhaps she can aim her sights lower and not be disappointed if she goes to, say Dickenson, instead of Penn. She'll get a stellar education at Dickenson, or similar schools, and she'll find a group of peers there too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Eh. I went to Michigan and plenty of kids oooked down on Michigan State kids who looked down on Western Michigan kids who looked down on Wayne State kids who looked down on community college kids. People just suck.

Georgetown kids certainly look down on George Washington kids. My husband went to Harvard and mocks the 'lesser' Ivies. He considers Cornell-Northwestern-Duke safeties.

I hope your kids can live up to that. It sounds like unless they went to/go to Harvard he will think less of them.

No. He understands 5% acceptance rates at HYPS makes those colleges pretty impossible these days.

if he's a H grad that can't get the development tag place on his kids future applications to Harvard, then you should call your DH a 'loser'.

Quite true. And they want to see seven figures development cases. I went to H undergrad and law. My kid had all the bells and whistles but they went heavily for internationals, athletes and URMs last year. My legacy counted for nothing. It's a total crapshoot.