Appropriate punishment if you catch teen texting & driving & speeding?

[Anonymous]

I would also let the parent of the other kid know. If I were the parent of that other kid going 95, I would definitely want to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The hypocritical faux outrage in this thread is funny. I'd guess 75% of people overall text & drive. Teens see mom and dad do it, so they do it too.

Then I guess you are seeing representatives of the other 25% here.

My oldest son drove tow truck for a few years. He texted behind the wheel until his first clean up of such an accident.

Yep. I never wore my seatbelt and didn't think twice about texting and driving until I attended an autopsy for multiple traumatic injuries from a car accident as part of my job. The parties were going less than 60 miles an hour and it was a horror scene. If you don't discipline your kid for this, and he continues to harbor the attitude of "it won't happen to me" and endanger everyone around him, you're a grade-A asshole.

My oldest son drove tow truck for a few years. He texted behind the wheel until his first clean up of such an accident.

Does anyone know if there's a place where teens can go to see this without having the kind of job that exposes you to it? I think this would be so powerful for a teen to see.

Courtroom proceedings are open to the public unless it is a juvenile. In my state (PA) you can sit in on any kind of criminal proceeding you would like which would include vehicular homicide and things like that. Trials usually show pictures, any kind of sentencing proceeding often has victim impact statements read out loud or the victim's family personally talking about it. There are sometimes organizations that will speak to schools about the dangers, like police departments, the prosecutor's office, or MADD, etc.

[Anonymous]

can't believe you have to ask. Of course you have to take the car away. You have only a short time left that you can exert this kind of control. Lessons have to be learned NOW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - Think of it this way. If a terrorist came to you and said sell the jeep (or give it away or take away DS's access to it) and take DS's phone away or I'll kill him. Not today or tomorrow, but within 2 years, I'll try to find him and shoot him. Would you do it or would you take your chances that either the terrorist won't find him, won't keep his word, or won't find out that you didn't do what he asked? That's how you have to look at this situation.

wut?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would also let the parent of the other kid know. If I were the parent of that other kid going 95, I would definitely want to know.

Huh? Passing a friend doesn't imply the friend was guilty of speeding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask him a bunch of questions to lock down his story before he starts lying to cover his tracks.

Establish that (a) his friend wasn't going 95; (b) he wasn't driving on I-95.

Then BAM. You have a new jeep!

OP, I actually understand your dilemma. If the text read 'just passed Larla going 95" it could mean he didn't type the "on" after going. For all you know, he and his friends could have been looking for Larla at the event and gave up and left and your DS saw Larla driving so he wanted to let his friends know he saw her and that she did leave the event too.

BUT that should still be a HUGE problem because he's texting and driving (even if he's going 50 mph on 95) and there should be consequences. If you want to keep your cover and not disrupt things too much, I suggest going out and getting a flip phone and forwarding his existing smart phone # to the flip phone. Tell him you know for a fact that he was texting and driving. Period. Don't even get into an argument over that part. You don't need to tell him what the text was or what it said (and that may actually make him think you have more insight that you actually do - he ma think you know when/where he texts but not what the texts say).

Take his phone away and give him flip phone. Limit his driving to school, activities and home. Here's where it takes effort on your part. You need to know what his activities are and when, where, and for how long they are. And you time him. Tell him you're timing him and if he is late, the car gets taken away.

Any social events - you drive him and pick him up. He cannot get rides from his friends.

This is a HUGE deal. Even if he was joking (which doesn't even sound like a joke) it is VERY telling that he and his friends think doing that is fun, exciting, brag-worthy, or whatever. That is the attitude that needs to change.

Oh, I also liked the pp's suggesting of having him watch that video and then either writing an essay or (what I would do) is have a talk with him about the video.

Seriously, how often do you SEE a friend driving on 95 (the 4-lane highway)? That's so unlikely, it's laughable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask him a bunch of questions to lock down his story before he starts lying to cover his tracks.

Establish that (a) his friend wasn't going 95; (b) he wasn't driving on I-95.

Then BAM. You have a new jeep!

OP, I actually understand your dilemma. If the text read 'just passed Larla going 95" it could mean he didn't type the "on" after going. For all you know, he and his friends could have been looking for Larla at the event and gave up and left and your DS saw Larla driving so he wanted to let his friends know he saw her and that she did leave the event too.

BUT that should still be a HUGE problem because he's texting and driving (even if he's going 50 mph on 95) and there should be consequences. If you want to keep your cover and not disrupt things too much, I suggest going out and getting a flip phone and forwarding his existing smart phone # to the flip phone. Tell him you know for a fact that he was texting and driving. Period. Don't even get into an argument over that part. You don't need to tell him what the text was or what it said (and that may actually make him think you have more insight that you actually do - he ma think you know when/where he texts but not what the texts say).

Take his phone away and give him flip phone. Limit his driving to school, activities and home. Here's where it takes effort on your part. You need to know what his activities are and when, where, and for how long they are. And you time him. Tell him you're timing him and if he is late, the car gets taken away.

Any social events - you drive him and pick him up. He cannot get rides from his friends.

This is a HUGE deal. Even if he was joking (which doesn't even sound like a joke) it is VERY telling that he and his friends think doing that is fun, exciting, brag-worthy, or whatever. That is the attitude that needs to change.

Oh, I also liked the pp's suggesting of having him watch that video and then either writing an essay or (what I would do) is have a talk with him about the video.

Seriously, how often do you SEE a friend driving on 95 (the 4-lane highway)? That's so unlikely, it's laughable.

A family driving to Whitman HS was killed by a young man going over 100 down River Road last year. Do you not remember? Oh yeah, and I believe his parents supplied him with a BMW despite his penchant for speeding.

[Anonymous]

It's all lip service since op is going to do absolutely nothing about her spoiled brat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask him a bunch of questions to lock down his story before he starts lying to cover his tracks.

Establish that (a) his friend wasn't going 95; (b) he wasn't driving on I-95.

Then BAM. You have a new jeep!

OP, I actually understand your dilemma. If the text read 'just passed Larla going 95" it could mean he didn't type the "on" after going. For all you know, he and his friends could have been looking for Larla at the event and gave up and left and your DS saw Larla driving so he wanted to let his friends know he saw her and that she did leave the event too.

BUT that should still be a HUGE problem because he's texting and driving (even if he's going 50 mph on 95) and there should be consequences. If you want to keep your cover and not disrupt things too much, I suggest going out and getting a flip phone and forwarding his existing smart phone # to the flip phone. Tell him you know for a fact that he was texting and driving. Period. Don't even get into an argument over that part. You don't need to tell him what the text was or what it said (and that may actually make him think you have more insight that you actually do - he ma think you know when/where he texts but not what the texts say).

Take his phone away and give him flip phone. Limit his driving to school, activities and home. Here's where it takes effort on your part. You need to know what his activities are and when, where, and for how long they are. And you time him. Tell him you're timing him and if he is late, the car gets taken away.

Any social events - you drive him and pick him up. He cannot get rides from his friends.

This is a HUGE deal. Even if he was joking (which doesn't even sound like a joke) it is VERY telling that he and his friends think doing that is fun, exciting, brag-worthy, or whatever. That is the attitude that needs to change.

Oh, I also liked the pp's suggesting of having him watch that video and then either writing an essay or (what I would do) is have a talk with him about the video.

Seriously, how often do you SEE a friend driving on 95 (the 4-lane highway)? That's so unlikely, it's laughable.

A family driving to Whitman HS was killed by a young man going over 100 down River Road last year. Do you not remember? Oh yeah, and I believe his parents supplied him with a BMW despite his penchant for speeding.

No, what I'm trying to say is when you're driving 55-65mph on a 4-lane highway, how often do you look over and see someone you know on the same road? The pp I quoted said the boy may have found a friend he was looking for on the highway and meant to type "Hey, I just passed Larla ON 95!" as opposed to "I just passed Larla going 95."

[Anonymous]

OP - You and DH have a real communication problem if you can't share what you found out due to danger to your son, your other kids who might ride with him, to his friends and other people. It sounds like it is good old Dad who wants to be the "Big Guy" in his teen's life and probably will soon, if not already, be looking the other way on the drinking and even supplying the party booze to keep junior in his good graces.

Again, he is a minor living in your home and you and DH need to take the phone and let him know clearly you will have access to whatever whenever you choose. On the driving, I would say the car needs to be taken away and sold for another sensible car for a teen like a big old car or a used Volvo because a jeep make little sense for a new driver. Both of you seem like the typical upper crust family who once a teen is sixteen and driving - just make the comfortable assumption that they are now an adult and no need to be parented - just at the point when it is yes most difficult at times, but most needed to help them transition to responsible adult. Sad for three kids you two can't be the parents.

[Anonymous]

He'd lose the car and the phone for a month, minimum. He can walk, get a ride, or ride the bus. Or pay my gas to drive him. I wouldn't tolerate that kind of irresponsibility for a second. I want my kid alive, not to mention everyone else on the road with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend almost died with her husband and kids this weekend because a teenager blew through a stop sign while out riding with friends and t-boned them at 50mph. She can't sleep because of the nightmares of reliving the other car barreling towards them. TAKE AWAY THE DAMN CAR. Teens who do not show themselves to be responsible and mature drivers should not have their own cars.

+10000. My first thought when reading this thread was that family on River Road last (school yr) -- going to a school play or something and only 1 kid out of a family of 4 survived.

OP I don't care about your kid -- or you or your DH -- I really don't; do whatever crazy things you want to at home. But you are endangering everyone else on the road -- I'm sure you won't do anything about that bc likely you could care less about anyone else, just your precious baby boy having to ride a school bus and/or you having to drive him and his swim bros to practice.

[Anonymous]

The texting bothers me more than the speed even. Take phone and car away for texting while driving. It is as dangerous as drinking and driving.

[Anonymous]

When was the last time OP even posted on this thread? Think her DH took away HER phone instead?

[Anonymous]

I'd be more embarrassed he felt the need to brag about it. What else is he doing to feel "cool"?