Appropriate punishment if you catch teen texting & driving & speeding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a similar situation and I took the keys away for a month. Now he's allowed to drive to and from school only. It's been several months and I'm not inclined to lighten up any time soon.

Similar how?

Similar in that someone very trustworthy overheard my kid bragging about driving an a very excessive speed and told me about it. I didn't tell him the source but he didn't deny it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to be absolutely sure that this is real and that your child was the one operating the vehicle and telephone and that he was doing so at the same time. If your child is responsible and you accuse him of something like this, you will lose his respect for life.

That said, if this is as it sounds, I agree with the others: the behavior is completely irresponsible and is dangerous to both your child and others on the road. Who owns the car and telephone? You or your son? If either is yours, then, yes, take it (or both) away. If not, then you cannot really take away something that is his (though this is a good argument for not allowing a child to buy his own car), but you need to provide some other comparable and severe punishment. (This is a good argument for not allowing adolescent children to buy their own cars.)

Ugh, are you this much of a drama queen IRL?! Grudges FOR LIFE over this shit?

[Anonymous]

Take away the phone and restrict where and when can drive.

[Anonymous]

maybe he meant he was on I-95?!

[Anonymous]

OP -- How you and DH stand up and parent DS is going to have a major impact on not one, but three kids who will all be teens!! You sound like you have the money, so teach the kid to use uber if needed, but he needs to be brought up short and right now because such careless and callous actions now in high school do not bode well for a liefstyle in college. Remember, your son is not your friend, he is your child!!

[Anonymous]

He is texting and speeding at 95mph? I hope he is the only one who will be maimed or killed in the car accident that he creates.

[Anonymous]

1) No car
2) Flip phone only
3) Not allowed in a fellow teen's car--this is the #1 predictor of a fatal crash, driving with a friend

FFS, be a parent. Your life may be "miserable," but burying your kid and/or another parent's child(ren) is far, far worse. You have been warned. Don't be a lazy shit parent.

Also, where is your spouse on this?!?

[Anonymous]

Goodbye, keys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what parenting is about. No phone, no car.

Agreed. I get that it's a huge PITA (oh, believe me, I get it!), but this is non-negotiable in my house.

[Anonymous]

You take the car away for 1 or 2 weeks then you install the thing that allows you to know how fast its been going, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other issue is I'm blowing my cover that I can see his messages on this particular app. So, I'll certainly lose that access moving forward -- as he'll change his password. But perhaps worth it?

Holy shit, OP. Be a parent!!

You provide the iPhone, correct? Either you maintain your access or he does. not. have. a. phone.

Blow your cover wide open. Tell him what you know, take the keys, take the phone.

No excuses. For him... or for you.

This is exactly why I'll never sneak and read my kids text messages. Ever. If I'm paying for the phone I have access, point blank. I'm not going to sneak or go behind your back, it's going to be known that I have full access whenever I want it.

[Anonymous]

I'd put something like this on the car to monitor him - and let him know he's being monitored.

http://www.motosafety.com/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) No car
2) Flip phone only
3) Not allowed in a fellow teen's car--this is the #1 predictor of a fatal crash, driving with a friend

FFS, be a parent. Your life may be "miserable," but burying your kid and/or another parent's child(ren) is far, far worse. You have been warned. Don't be a lazy shit parent.

Also, where is your spouse on this?!?

My husband WANTED him to drive -- when I didn't think he was mature enough. He bought the Jeep for him.
My husband will say I shouldn't be stalking his conversations. And maybe have a talk with him. If left up to my husband there's no way the car will be taken away.

[Anonymous]

Don't make it up to your husband. Take the kid's keys and phone, and then tell DH. DH doesn't get a vote if he's going to use it stupidly.

[Anonymous]

I'd take his keys for a month and let him keep his phone (he can't exactly text and drive without a car and if you expect him to take Uber, he'll need the app). Not sure what you can do about him being spoiled.

There is certainly a chance that he did not send that text while driving 95 mph, and a chance that he embellished the speed a bit when he messaged his friend, but you'll never know for sure, so some punishment is warranted.