Appropriate punishment if you catch teen texting & driving & speeding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) No car
2) Flip phone only
3) Not allowed in a fellow teen's car--this is the #1 predictor of a fatal crash, driving with a friend

FFS, be a parent. Your life may be "miserable," but burying your kid and/or another parent's child(ren) is far, far worse. You have been warned. Don't be a lazy shit parent.

Also, where is your spouse on this?!?

My husband WANTED him to drive -- when I didn't think he was mature enough. He bought the Jeep for him.
My husband will say I shouldn't be stalking his conversations. And maybe have a talk with him. If left up to my husband there's no way the car will be taken away.

So, you haven't talked to you husband about this yet?

[Anonymous]

Sell the jeep and use the proceeds for public transportation and uber.

[Anonymous]

Take car and phone away

[Anonymous]

You have a husband and a teen problem. At least you can lessen the teen problem from becoming a dead teen and/or dead bystanders by taking away the jeep and the phone. I don't know what you do about the husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Came across some group messages of my son's. One of them: "i just passed [friend] going 95 [mph]"

Take the Jeep away? Issue is taking the car away makes my life miserable.

No, take the phone/social media away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you effing kidding me? How is this even a question? Are you just trying to find a reason NOT to take the car away? I don't particularly care about your kid. I do care that he is going 95 while texting and thus is a danger to everyone else on the road.

Take the car away. If that means you have to drive him to sports practices all over town - well weren't you doing that last yr or 2 yrs ago? And if you're over it and don't want to do it -- refuse to drive him. He can pay the price of having to drop out of activities or having to ride a bus. I would also make a rule that he CAN'T ride in his friends' cars to such activities. If he is group texting with a bunch of friends about this -- you don't know if they are crazy drivers and I wouldn't want him in their cars either.

He's oldest of 3 children, diff. schools, diff. activities, etc. It won't be easy.

What if he says it was just a joke?

That the joke wasn't funny. At the very least, it normalizes that sort of behavior, which is also a violation of the contract (explicit or otherwise) you have with him over responsible use of car/phone.

[Anonymous]

No car and phone for a month. Pay me the equivalent of what the speeding ticket would have been if caught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) No car
2) Flip phone only
3) Not allowed in a fellow teen's car--this is the #1 predictor of a fatal crash, driving with a friend

FFS, be a parent. Your life may be "miserable," but burying your kid and/or another parent's child(ren) is far, far worse. You have been warned. Don't be a lazy shit parent.

Also, where is your spouse on this?!?

My husband WANTED him to drive -- when I didn't think he was mature enough. He bought the Jeep for him.
My husband will say I shouldn't be stalking his conversations. And maybe have a talk with him. If left up to my husband there's no way the car will be taken away.

You know what? You need to tell your husband to kiss your ass. Take those keys and that cell phone and keep your child alive. Sell that damn Jeep and use the money for a fare card and if your husband opens his mouth one time, just one time, tell him that he can raise that child and bury him by himself. He is either going to stand up with you as a united front or you need to be a single parent. This is ridiculous that your husband was even allowed to purchase this car without your input. If you didn't agree to the purchase then it shouldn't have been brought. Who is running your house hold? Obviously not you!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The other issue is I'm blowing my cover that I can see his messages on this particular app. So, I'll certainly lose that access moving forward -- as he'll change his password. But perhaps worth it?

Committing espionage against your kid? He should take your phone away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other issue is I'm blowing my cover that I can see his messages on this particular app. So, I'll certainly lose that access moving forward -- as he'll change his password. But perhaps worth it?

Committing espionage against your kid? He should take your phone away.

who the hell is paying for the phone? Who ever writes the check for that bill every month has the right to see the content of it. This isn't espionage on a child this is keeping a child safe. Can't wait till your daughter is chatting up some pedophile down the road and you have no clue what it going on cause you don't want to commit "espionage" against your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) No car
2) Flip phone only
3) Not allowed in a fellow teen's car--this is the #1 predictor of a fatal crash, driving with a friend

FFS, be a parent. Your life may be "miserable," but burying your kid and/or another parent's child(ren) is far, far worse. You have been warned. Don't be a lazy shit parent.

Also, where is your spouse on this?!?

My husband WANTED him to drive -- when I didn't think he was mature enough. He bought the Jeep for him.
My husband will say I shouldn't be stalking his conversations. And maybe have a talk with him. If left up to my husband there's no way the car will be taken away.

So, short answer, your kid can get away with whatever he wants b/c you're a good little wife. Gotcha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other issue is I'm blowing my cover that I can see his messages on this particular app. So, I'll certainly lose that access moving forward -- as he'll change his password. But perhaps worth it?

Committing espionage against your kid? He should take your phone away.

who the hell is paying for the phone? Who ever writes the check for that bill every month has the right to see the content of it. This isn't espionage on a child this is keeping a child safe. Can't wait till your daughter is chatting up some pedophile down the road and you have no clue what it going on cause you don't want to commit "espionage" against your kid.

I don't even care who pays for the phone. I will look at any phone belonging to a minor child of mine if I choose. It won't be espionage, because they'll know this is a possibility prior to getting the phone. They don't have to get one if they feel the rules are too tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) No car
2) Flip phone only
3) Not allowed in a fellow teen's car--this is the #1 predictor of a fatal crash, driving with a friend

FFS, be a parent. Your life may be "miserable," but burying your kid and/or another parent's child(ren) is far, far worse. You have been warned. Don't be a lazy shit parent.

Also, where is your spouse on this?!?

My husband WANTED him to drive -- when I didn't think he was mature enough. He bought the Jeep for him.
My husband will say I shouldn't be stalking his conversations. And maybe have a talk with him. If left up to my husband there's no way the car will be taken away.

You know what? You need to tell your husband to kiss your ass. Take those keys and that cell phone and keep your child alive. Sell that damn Jeep and use the money for a fare card and if your husband opens his mouth one time, just one time, tell him that he can raise that child and bury him by himself. He is either going to stand up with you as a united front or you need to be a single parent. This is ridiculous that your husband was even allowed to purchase this car without your input. If you didn't agree to the purchase then it shouldn't have been brought. Who is running your house hold? Obviously not you!!

Oh puh-lease. OP would never do that. DH earns all the money and makes all the rules, I guarantee it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a husband and a teen problem. At least you can lessen the teen problem from becoming a dead teen and/or dead bystanders by taking away the jeep and the phone. I don't know what you do about the husband.

Yeah. A jeep is one of the worst vehicles for teens. Your husband wants your kid to be popular, doesn't he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) No car
2) Flip phone only
3) Not allowed in a fellow teen's car--this is the #1 predictor of a fatal crash, driving with a friend

FFS, be a parent. Your life may be "miserable," but burying your kid and/or another parent's child(ren) is far, far worse. You have been warned. Don't be a lazy shit parent.

Also, where is your spouse on this?!?

My husband WANTED him to drive -- when I didn't think he was mature enough. He bought the Jeep for him.
My husband will say I shouldn't be stalking his conversations. And maybe have a talk with him. If left up to my husband there's no way the car will be taken away.

WTF, do you and DH have entirely separate finances? How is it that just one parent makes a huge purchase like a car--and for their kid, no less? Why do you feel so powerless against your husband?

I wonder what all the "put your marriage (i.e., husband) before the kids" folks have to say here? I think in this case, you clearly have to veto DH. This is about your kids' life, not about who holds more power in marriage.