Why do so many men feel entitled to sex within a marriage?

[Anonymous]

I don't always want to come in for work but I still come (no pun intended) just about everyday with a smile on my face

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't always want to come in for work but I still come (no pun intended) just about everyday with a smile on my face

If sex with you is work, that might be your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If marriage doesn't entitle a man to sex, remind me why any man would agree to it?

If I gotta work for it anyway, might as well sleep around and avoid any chance of getting screwed in a divorce.

YES!! OP here- please- DO THAT!! So much better and healthier for you to be having one night stands involving mutual consent than pressuring some poor woman into laying back and taking it because YOU want to get laid and feel entitled to her body cause of a wedding certificate. The one stand plan is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If marriage doesn't entitle a man to sex, remind me why any man would agree to it?

If I gotta work for it anyway, might as well sleep around and avoid any chance of getting screwed in a divorce.

YES!! OP here- please- DO THAT!! So much better and healthier for you to be having one night stands involving mutual consent than pressuring some poor woman into laying back and taking it because YOU want to get laid and feel entitled to her body cause of a wedding certificate. The one stand plan is perfect.

A far better strategy than ONS is to have a series of 9 month relationships. It is during this early period that women are the most "generous" sexually speaking. Maybe this is when women's sexual attraction is greatest? Or is it a nefarious ploy to secure a more committed relationship? Clearly the first 9 months is the optimal period of "enthusiastic consent" after which you just leave and start a new relationship. This completely avoids the wedding-certificate-induced sexual dysfunction that so many women encounter.

[Anonymous]

When my wife deemed it time to have kids, I felt pressured and used. All three times.

[Anonymous]

Look all you frigid crazy sexually repressed people, sex is healthy, should be enjoyable, there is a bioogical imoerative for it (hello procreation!) and it IS part of the marriage contratc IMO, otherwise why marry at all? You can have kids without that contract. If there are health issues that is a dofferent calculation, but I am not laying next to my husband every night for years on end and not habing sex with him. Maybe my man is better at it than yours but I love being intimate with him and there would be a problem of he just unilaterally decided that part of our life had ended. Marriage is not a prison sentence! It shouldnt be something you iust get through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

How many relationships have you been in? How long have those relationships lasted?

What I can tell you in my experience of being married for 15 years is that my husband and I both have an expectation that the other will want to have sex. There have been times when the frequency has lessened, and during those times, we do what adults do and COMMUNICATE ABOUT IT.

I agree that there is an issue with husbands who expect sex and do not respect wives' reasons for not wanting to have sex. However, I personally believe that people who are married have an obligation to each other to maintain the romantic relationship. My impression is that many of the men who are "villainizing" their wives for not having sex feel rejected and hurt. The counter-argument to your argument is that when your actions cause your partner to feel hurt and rejected, that is a problem that should be addressed. Some women (AND MEN FOR THAT MATTER) do not address the issue.

What you describe is a very co-dependent way of viewing relationships; you are making the woman responsible for the man's feelings. We are all responsible for our own feelings and dealing with them. When a woman says she doesn't want to have sex, the man doesn't have to take it personally or feel bad about it. If he does, that's HIS problem to deal with. He can consider re-framing his beliefs about the sexual rejection (maybe she does really have a headache... or well, I'm really horny, but I won't actually die if I don't get sex tonight. or maybe I can just take care of myself tonight....) Or he can try talking to his wife about his needs. (Honey, I really love having sex with you, but you seem to say no a lot, is there something going on or something different I can be doing so we can enjoy more sex together?)

It is not the responsibility of the wife to be sexually available at all times just so the husband's feelings aren't hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered talking to you gyno about why sex repulses you so much?

You might have a hormonal issue. Or maybe you married the wrong guy.

Oh sex doesn't repulse me, and I'm not married (way too young for that). I have a fairly high libido, actually- but if I dont want to have sex, we dont. And my boyfriend respects that, simple as.

I would never try to force him into having sex if he didnt feel like it either.

It seems pretty simple.

Someone doesnt want to have sex with you- DONT HAVE SEX WITH THEM! Why would you even want to?

ITA. I think this is the main reason spouses go outside of their marriage. Who wants to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you? But people are going to have sex, whether or not one partner in a LTR decides to unilaterally shut things down. If you're not sexually compatible, you have no business getting married...at all. But people make mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op,

You are correct, but people who are entitled are not going to admit the are entitled.

There was a whole thread on men claiming they can't function at work (aka, the fog) if they go 5 day, 7 days, 10 days without sex.

It is pathetic.

Many say they will chest if they don't "get it enough" or if they are getting it "the sex lacks passion".

Pain and simple it is emotional anise to tell a spouse put out or I will cheat and the cheating will be your fault because you suck in bed or don't give it up enough... Or my favorite, you put the kids first and I feel devalued.

Cheaters/entitled to sex posters are going to roast you, call you cold, dumb, too young to understand. But you are correct.

It is so much easier to lower a libido than to increase one, but men would never agree, they just blame their wives as if they purposely are denying sex"

So many people go without sex for various reasons... Deployed, illness, etc... It's not a basic need.

I can never understand why, if sex is so unimportant, the spouse with a low sex drive finds it so *incredibly* important that their spouse not have sex with anyone else. It's either important or it's not. If not, then let your spouse go out and get a bit on the side on the weekend. Like golf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my wife deemed it time to have kids, I felt pressured and used. All three times.

Now imagine feeling that way for most of the marriage.

[Anonymous]

This whole discussion seems unnecessary for reasonable people who have a basic sense of intuition and empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op,

You are correct, but people who are entitled are not going to admit the are entitled.

There was a whole thread on men claiming they can't function at work (aka, the fog) if they go 5 day, 7 days, 10 days without sex.

It is pathetic.

Many say they will chest if they don't "get it enough" or if they are getting it "the sex lacks passion".

Pain and simple it is emotional anise to tell a spouse put out or I will cheat and the cheating will be your fault because you suck in bed or don't give it up enough... Or my favorite, you put the kids first and I feel devalued.

Cheaters/entitled to sex posters are going to roast you, call you cold, dumb, too young to understand. But you are correct.

It is so much easier to lower a libido than to increase one, but men would never agree, they just blame their wives as if they purposely are denying sex"

So many people go without sex for various reasons... Deployed, illness, etc... It's not a basic need.

I can never understand why, if sex is so unimportant, the spouse with a low sex drive finds it so *incredibly* important that their spouse not have sex with anyone else. It's either important or it's not. If not, then let your spouse go out and get a bit on the side on the weekend. Like golf.

I gave my spouse permission to get as much sex as he wanted, wherever he wanted to get it. He still whined and bitched at me about not having sex with him. He didn't want to put in the effort to go out and date when I was at home and "should be available and willing." Sex at my house is just an unpleasant chore that I do to keep the peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How many relationships have you been in? How long have those relationships lasted?

What I can tell you in my experience of being married for 15 years is that my husband and I both have an expectation that the other will want to have sex. There have been times when the frequency has lessened, and during those times, we do what adults do and COMMUNICATE ABOUT IT.

I agree that there is an issue with husbands who expect sex and do not respect wives' reasons for not wanting to have sex. However, I personally believe that people who are married have an obligation to each other to maintain the romantic relationship. My impression is that many of the men who are "villainizing" their wives for not having sex feel rejected and hurt. The counter-argument to your argument is that when your actions cause your partner to feel hurt and rejected, that is a problem that should be addressed. Some women (AND MEN FOR THAT MATTER) do not address the issue.

What you describe is a very co-dependent way of viewing relationships; you are making the woman responsible for the man's feelings. We are all responsible for our own feelings and dealing with them. When a woman says she doesn't want to have sex, the man doesn't have to take it personally or feel bad about it. If he does, that's HIS problem to deal with. He can consider re-framing his beliefs about the sexual rejection (maybe she does really have a headache... or well, I'm really horny, but I won't actually die if I don't get sex tonight. or maybe I can just take care of myself tonight....) Or he can try talking to his wife about his needs. (Honey, I really love having sex with you, but you seem to say no a lot, is there something going on or something different I can be doing so we can enjoy more sex together?)

It is not the responsibility of the wife to be sexually available at all times just so the husband's feelings aren't hurt.

+1000% This. It is how a healthy, modern feminist marriage should work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If marriage doesn't entitle a man to sex, remind me why any man would agree to it?

If I gotta work for it anyway, might as well sleep around and avoid any chance of getting screwed in a divorce.

Enjoy dying alone.

As opposed to dying after 40 years of being chained to an emotionally and physically distant spouse? I'll take alone, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op,

You are correct, but people who are entitled are not going to admit the are entitled.

There was a whole thread on men claiming they can't function at work (aka, the fog) if they go 5 day, 7 days, 10 days without sex.

It is pathetic.

Many say they will chest if they don't "get it enough" or if they are getting it "the sex lacks passion".

Pain and simple it is emotional anise to tell a spouse put out or I will cheat and the cheating will be your fault because you suck in bed or don't give it up enough... Or my favorite, you put the kids first and I feel devalued.

Cheaters/entitled to sex posters are going to roast you, call you cold, dumb, too young to understand. But you are correct.

It is so much easier to lower a libido than to increase one, but men would never agree, they just blame their wives as if they purposely are denying sex"

So many people go without sex for various reasons... Deployed, illness, etc... It's not a basic need.

I can never understand why, if sex is so unimportant, the spouse with a low sex drive finds it so *incredibly* important that their spouse not have sex with anyone else. It's either important or it's not. If not, then let your spouse go out and get a bit on the side on the weekend. Like golf.

+1 I was thinking this reading this thread, and actually posted a thread about that about a year ago (if I recall, the point got lost in the usual blah blah blah instead of useful dialogue).
I think the reason is this: as usual, and often happens with sexual things, it has nothing to with sex itself but with control. If the spouse who is controlling the sex allows the other spouse to outsource, they lose their control in the relationship, and most aren't willing to let that happen.