Reply to Why do so many men feel entitled to sex within a marriage?

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Reply to "Why do so many men feel entitled to sex within a marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

How many relationships have you been in? How long have those relationships lasted?

What I can tell you in my experience of being married for 15 years is that my husband and I both have an expectation that the other will want to have sex. There have been times when the frequency has lessened, and during those times, we do what adults do and COMMUNICATE ABOUT IT.

I agree that there is an issue with husbands who expect sex and do not respect wives' reasons for not wanting to have sex. However, I personally believe that people who are married have an obligation to each other to maintain the romantic relationship. My impression is that many of the men who are "villainizing" their wives for not having sex feel rejected and hurt. The counter-argument to your argument is that [b]when your actions cause your partner to feel hurt and rejected, that is a problem that should be addressed[/b]. Some women (AND MEN FOR THAT MATTER) do not address the issue.[/quote]

What you describe is a very co-dependent way of viewing relationships; you are making the woman responsible for the man's feelings.  We are all responsible for our own feelings and dealing with them.  When a woman says she doesn't want to have sex, the man doesn't have to take it personally or feel bad about it.  If he does, that's HIS problem to deal with.  He can consider re-framing his beliefs about the sexual rejection (maybe she does really have a headache... or well, I'm really horny, but I won't actually die if I don't get sex tonight.  or maybe I can just take care of myself tonight....) Or he can try talking to his wife about his needs.  (Honey, I really love having sex with you, but you seem to say no a lot, is there something going on or something different I can be doing so we can enjoy more sex together?)

It is not the responsibility of the wife to be sexually available at all times just so the husband's feelings aren't hurt.  [/quote]

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