Why do so many men feel entitled to sex within a marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op,

You are correct, but people who are entitled are not going to admit the are entitled.

There was a whole thread on men claiming they can't function at work (aka, the fog) if they go 5 day, 7 days, 10 days without sex.

It is pathetic.

Many say they will chest if they don't "get it enough" or if they are getting it "the sex lacks passion".

Pain and simple it is emotional anise to tell a spouse put out or I will cheat and the cheating will be your fault because you suck in bed or don't give it up enough... Or my favorite, you put the kids first and I feel devalued.

Cheaters/entitled to sex posters are going to roast you, call you cold, dumb, too young to understand. But you are correct.

It is so much easier to lower a libido than to increase one, but men would never agree, they just blame their wives as if they purposely are denying sex"

So many people go without sex for various reasons... Deployed, illness, etc... It's not a basic need.

I can never understand why, if sex is so unimportant, the spouse with a low sex drive finds it so *incredibly* important that their spouse not have sex with anyone else. It's either important or it's not. If not, then let your spouse go out and get a bit on the side on the weekend. Like golf.

I gave my spouse permission to get as much sex as he wanted, wherever he wanted to get it. He still whined and bitched at me about not having sex with him. He didn't want to put in the effort to go out and date when I was at home and "should be available and willing." Sex at my house is just an unpleasant chore that I do to keep the peace.

Ugh. I feel sorry for both of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op,

You are correct, but people who are entitled are not going to admit the are entitled.

There was a whole thread on men claiming they can't function at work (aka, the fog) if they go 5 day, 7 days, 10 days without sex.

It is pathetic.

Many say they will chest if they don't "get it enough" or if they are getting it "the sex lacks passion".

Pain and simple it is emotional anise to tell a spouse put out or I will cheat and the cheating will be your fault because you suck in bed or don't give it up enough... Or my favorite, you put the kids first and I feel devalued.

Cheaters/entitled to sex posters are going to roast you, call you cold, dumb, too young to understand. But you are correct.

It is so much easier to lower a libido than to increase one, but men would never agree, they just blame their wives as if they purposely are denying sex"

So many people go without sex for various reasons... Deployed, illness, etc... It's not a basic need.

I can never understand why, if sex is so unimportant, the spouse with a low sex drive finds it so *incredibly* important that their spouse not have sex with anyone else. It's either important or it's not. If not, then let your spouse go out and get a bit on the side on the weekend. Like golf.

+1 I was thinking this reading this thread, and actually posted a thread about that about a year ago (if I recall, the point got lost in the usual blah blah blah instead of useful dialogue).
I think the reason is this: as usual, and often happens with sexual things, it has nothing to with sex itself but with control. If the spouse who is controlling the sex allows the other spouse to outsource, they lose their control in the relationship, and most aren't willing to let that happen.

Right, the important thing is not that *I* get something, it's that *you* don't get that thing.

[Anonymous]

Well, I'm a woman and I feel entitled to a certain level of sex and physical affection within my marriage. On demand, whether he is in the mood or not? No, but I would be pretty hurt if he withheld sexual and other physical affection.

I guess that makes me a monster, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op,

You are correct, but people who are entitled are not going to admit the are entitled.

There was a whole thread on men claiming they can't function at work (aka, the fog) if they go 5 day, 7 days, 10 days without sex.

It is pathetic.

Many say they will chest if they don't "get it enough" or if they are getting it "the sex lacks passion".

Pain and simple it is emotional anise to tell a spouse put out or I will cheat and the cheating will be your fault because you suck in bed or don't give it up enough... Or my favorite, you put the kids first and I feel devalued.

Cheaters/entitled to sex posters are going to roast you, call you cold, dumb, too young to understand. But you are correct.

It is so much easier to lower a libido than to increase one, but men would never agree, they just blame their wives as if they purposely are denying sex"

So many people go without sex for various reasons... Deployed, illness, etc... It's not a basic need.

I can never understand why, if sex is so unimportant, the spouse with a low sex drive finds it so *incredibly* important that their spouse not have sex with anyone else. It's either important or it's not. If not, then let your spouse go out and get a bit on the side on the weekend. Like golf.

Because the only women having sex with married men will boil your rabbit, and nobody wants crazy to be brought into their lives.

Men in open relationships find out they get less sex because the wife stops giving it up so much since "he can get it anytime" but he finds out "he can't get it any time", women get attached and it creates a cycle of courting/breakup that has to happen every 9-18 months and that is too much work.

Women on the other hand, find light and breezy sex and the husbands get jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm a woman and I feel entitled to a certain level of sex and physical affection within my marriage. On demand, whether he is in the mood or not? No, but I would be pretty hurt if he withheld sexual and other physical affection.

I guess that makes me a monster, too.

No, that makes you a somewhat functional human being in a healthy relationship. From DCUM you'd get the impression that's a rare thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How many relationships have you been in? How long have those relationships lasted?

What I can tell you in my experience of being married for 15 years is that my husband and I both have an expectation that the other will want to have sex. There have been times when the frequency has lessened, and during those times, we do what adults do and COMMUNICATE ABOUT IT.

I agree that there is an issue with husbands who expect sex and do not respect wives' reasons for not wanting to have sex. However, I personally believe that people who are married have an obligation to each other to maintain the romantic relationship. My impression is that many of the men who are "villainizing" their wives for not having sex feel rejected and hurt. The counter-argument to your argument is that when your actions cause your partner to feel hurt and rejected, that is a problem that should be addressed. Some women (AND MEN FOR THAT MATTER) do not address the issue.

What you describe is a very co-dependent way of viewing relationships; you are making the woman responsible for the man's feelings. We are all responsible for our own feelings and dealing with them. When a woman says she doesn't want to have sex, the man doesn't have to take it personally or feel bad about it. If he does, that's HIS problem to deal with. He can consider re-framing his beliefs about the sexual rejection (maybe she does really have a headache... or well, I'm really horny, but I won't actually die if I don't get sex tonight. or maybe I can just take care of myself tonight....) Or he can try talking to his wife about his needs. (Honey, I really love having sex with you, but you seem to say no a lot, is there something going on or something different I can be doing so we can enjoy more sex together?)

It is not the responsibility of the wife to be sexually available at all times just so the husband's feelings aren't hurt.

+1000% This. It is how a healthy, modern feminist marriage should work.

This is a really weird criticism of marriages that they are co-dependent relationships. That's the fucking point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm a woman and I feel entitled to a certain level of sex and physical affection within my marriage. On demand, whether he is in the mood or not? No, but I would be pretty hurt if he withheld sexual and other physical affection.

I guess that makes me a monster, too.

If your H has cancer and is fighting for his life and puking in a bucket and can't get enough energy to care for his children and all you want is for him to put out a couple times a week... I guess you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because the only women having sex with married men will boil your rabbit, and nobody wants crazy to be brought into their lives.

I saw that movie too, but in my experience that's just not the case. Plenty of folks in the same situation, regardless of gender.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Men in open relationships find out they get less sex because the wife stops giving it up so much since "he can get it anytime" but he finds out "he can't get it any time", women get attached and it creates a cycle of courting/breakup that has to happen every 9-18 months and that is too much work.

Women on the other hand, find light and breezy sex and the husbands get jealous.

Um, so I guess those women who go out and find "light and breezy sex" are not the women who "get attached"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm a woman and I feel entitled to a certain level of sex and physical affection within my marriage. On demand, whether he is in the mood or not? No, but I would be pretty hurt if he withheld sexual and other physical affection.

I guess that makes me a monster, too.

If your H has cancer and is fighting for his life and puking in a bucket and can't get enough energy to care for his children and all you want is for him to put out a couple times a week... I guess you are.

God, this is really a pathetic line of argument. We're talking about spouses who have decided to stop having sex, long-term, because they're either asexual or have a vastly diminished sex drive.

"What about if your spouse has been kidnapped by terrorists, and they're being held hostage at gun point on national TV by Islamo-Fascists? And they're calling you on your phone, but you won't even answer. Because you're horny! Oh, sure! Go boff your brains out, you cruel, cruel person!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm a woman and I feel entitled to a certain level of sex and physical affection within my marriage. On demand, whether he is in the mood or not? No, but I would be pretty hurt if he withheld sexual and other physical affection.

I guess that makes me a monster, too.

If your H has cancer and is fighting for his life and puking in a bucket and can't get enough energy to care for his children and all you want is for him to put out a couple times a week... I guess you are.

Perhaps you can point out for me where in my post I said that I expect sex a couple of times per week under all circumstances, even when he is going through a possibly terminal health issue.

Projecting much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Men in open relationships find out they get less sex because the wife stops giving it up so much since "he can get it anytime" but he finds out "he can't get it any time", women get attached and it creates a cycle of courting/breakup that has to happen every 9-18 months and that is too much work.

Women on the other hand, find light and breezy sex and the husbands get jealous.

Um, so I guess those women who go out and find "light and breezy sex" are not the women who "get attached"?

Oh, it's all light and breezy until the rabbit gets boiled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm a woman and I feel entitled to a certain level of sex and physical affection within my marriage. On demand, whether he is in the mood or not? No, but I would be pretty hurt if he withheld sexual and other physical affection.

I guess that makes me a monster, too.

If your H has cancer and is fighting for his life and puking in a bucket and can't get enough energy to care for his children and all you want is for him to put out a couple times a week... I guess you are.

God, this is really a pathetic line of argument. We're talking about spouses who have decided to stop having sex, long-term, because they're either asexual or have a vastly diminished sex drive.

"What about if your spouse has been kidnapped by terrorists, and they're being held hostage at gun point on national TV by Islamo-Fascists? And they're calling you on your phone, but you won't even answer. Because you're horny! Oh, sure! Go boff your brains out, you cruel, cruel person!"

Sure... tons of people stop having sex just to be mean, there is no underlying issues.

There is a woman on her who constantly explains how painful it is... and everybody just gives her advice on how to make it less painful, like she hasn't tried everything.

Men complain about once a week, when a woman is still breastfeeding in the middle of the night.
Men complain about the 6 weeks they need to wait postpartum.
Men complain about going 2 weeks... but fail to mention that they were traveling during the week and their wife was basically a single mom S-Th and the family had the stomach flu. They want sex immediately upon return.

Men want sex on demand, like the OP said. They feel entitled to a certain amount of sex, with only a certain window of a break and then they feel entitled to emotionally abuse their wife and say, well "they are in a fog" and "can't think straight"....

Lots of things happen, anxiety, depression, cancer, ..... 25% of people will be disabled before retirement.... that is 1 in 4... disabled but they better have sex.

Life happens baby, and sex is not always the most important thing to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Men in open relationships find out they get less sex because the wife stops giving it up so much since "he can get it anytime" but he finds out "he can't get it any time", women get attached and it creates a cycle of courting/breakup that has to happen every 9-18 months and that is too much work.

Women on the other hand, find light and breezy sex and the husbands get jealous.

Um, so I guess those women who go out and find "light and breezy sex" are not the women who "get attached"?

Oh, it's all light and breezy until the rabbit gets boiled.

They find single men. Imagine that. A single guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm a woman and I feel entitled to a certain level of sex and physical affection within my marriage. On demand, whether he is in the mood or not? No, but I would be pretty hurt if he withheld sexual and other physical affection.

I guess that makes me a monster, too.

If your H has cancer and is fighting for his life and puking in a bucket and can't get enough energy to care for his children and all you want is for him to put out a couple times a week... I guess you are.

Perhaps you can point out for me where in my post I said that I expect sex a couple of times per week under all circumstances, even when he is going through a possibly terminal health issue.

Projecting much?

Bolded it for you.