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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]SIL sounds self centered. I would be hurt by her making the day your child was born all about HER. [b]She sounds immature.[/b] [/quote]

Wow.
Some of you really are heartless.  [/quote] And they lack empathy, compassion--after all the world revolves them and their spawn.[/quote]

Oh bullshit!  The person who says she sounds immature is spot on.

Do women (and men) struggling with infertility deserve empathy and compassion?  Absolutely, without a doubt, unequivocally, yes.  But there are still *limits* to behavior that can be justified by suffering.  If you read the thread more carefully you will note that the SIL has also ignored another older child over a period of years.  This is not just about one time that she ran out the room crying when faced with a newborn (which none of us would find surprising under the circumstances).  I doubt OP would have posted if it were only that.  It's that she continued to behave coldly toward the baby for months after and has been cold to another child for years!  Infertility and the very real grief that comes with it does not give someone the excuse to behave the way SIL has toward the children.  And it doesn't matter if the baby and the 4 year old don't notice, all the other siblings and in-laws do.  This woman is so selfish and immature, she thinks her suffering trumps all else and everything is all about her.   [/quote]

Since when is SIL obligated to dote on relatives' children?  SIL wasn't mean.  She just kept her distance.  Who cares?  Men do that all of the time.  ALL OF THE TIME.  No one every chides an uncle for not being enthusiastic enough about the birth of his nephew or niece.  Heck, no one even really expects the uncle to hold the baby or show any interest beyond "congratulations!"

But yet we put all of this expectation and pressure on women to have to be nurturing and enthusiastic about OTHER WOMEN'S KIDS!!!  She wasn't mean to any kids.  She just didn't get overly involved.  Who cares?  Even if she didn't struggle with infertility, I'd be like, who cares?  But it makes it worse that OP expected someone who was told they likely wouldn't have kid to hold her newborn???

This is BS women deal with from other women.  And this is part and parcel why it's so hard for women who are told they won't have children.  They can't win.  I guarantee you if OP's SIL were OVERLY involved in OP's baby and was too clingy and too interest, OP would post about "psycho infertile SIL" being too needy.

People don't put this kind of expectation and pressure on men in their families when they have kids.  They just don't.  [/quote]

You see it your way, I'll see it mine.  This isn't about expectations for women.  This is about one, sad, self-centered woman (SIL) who needs to find help to deal with her feelings of loss.  She has no right to treat her family like shit.  She doesn't.   I'm sorry, infertility is not a get-out-of-jail free card.   Horrible, yes, but you still have to act like a decent human being.

On  your larger point, I don't think women need to have children to be real women.  That is bullshit.  But  you are right, it is a real perception out there.  It needs to stop.  It affects not only those who cannot have children, but those who choose actively not to have children, and it's wrong.[/quote]

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