The Stigma around AA parents adopting a white baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are white and have an adopted black daughter. When we were in our parenting class with our adoption agency there were 2 other black couples that were adopting.
We are in touch with 1 of them and they have a blk/hisp daughter.
I think black people probably adopt more than we think, but because they adopt black kids its less obvious.

This is true. We adopted a similar race child - initially we were questioned as I obviously didn't look like I gave birth and while he acts like mine and we have similar characters looks wise we are very different but very few people notice now or just make a comment - oh, he must look like his father. We are open about our adoption but would't run around telling everyone hey, we adopted so in many situation you may not know.

[Anonymous]

OP here again.


And this is exactly the snit my friend is getting. Exactly.

Why make it harder on the family? Live and let live, allow them to be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine adopted a white infant. She and her husband are both black, and they have two biological children. She hadn't planned on adopting but she ended up in a situation where the baby practically fell into her lap and she obviously got attached. Parental ties were cut, and she legally adopted the child right before her first birthday.

I knew it wasn't common, but was surprised at the shitstorm it caused from the white and black community. She's some some nastiness in a "progressive" area. She said she hasn't found a single other black family who has adopted, let alone a child not within their own rase.

Why is this so unheard of? I know some people have issues with anyone adopting outside their race, or adoption in general but this is an entirely different level of ridiculousness she's faced.

My cousin in Queens, NY adopted a little white girl from the Foster Care System. He was the foster parent when the parental ties were severed.

I also know a Black woman and her white husband who adopted a baby from China. Just because you have not personally aware of things does not mean it does not happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Due to racism, AAs feels inferior and protect themselves with bigotry. It's a cheap way towards affirmation. "I'm yucky and worthless, so I'll just say white babies are..." The real question is what's wrong with supposed white DH. I doubt there is one.

You can believe whatever comforts you at night. There are people out here who don't find your yellow haired pink kids attractive. We don't want them or your affirmation. My white husband doesn't care because he just wants me however he can get me, lol. To hell with the white race as long as he can have his wife.

LOL I think I know you. You are the chick whose DH gets hit on by white ladies, because you seem so... insignificant next to him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I am black and I would never adopt a white baby. With all the unearned benefits that whites enjoy just for being white, they don't need my resources too. I would much rather take care of a black child because black children are less likely to be adopted and much more in need of stability in this racist, unfriendly society. I also don't think I could relate to a white child. I have a white husband, but taking care of a white child reminds me too much of playing nanny to a lazy white woman's spoiled child.

Please be a troll.

Nope, I am not a troll and I speak for most black people on this one. White people have always wanted black babies whether through adoption or outright theft. We don't want your kids though. I don't think white babies are cute and I would rather have no children than raise a white child. My husband (white) knows how I feel because I really do want to adopt after we are done having biological children. We have discussed the fact that our adopted children can be any race except white and he is not at all offended by how I feel. Think about it: Black people spend a lot of our lives subservient to white people when we leave our homes. Why would we want to continue this dynamic in our homes by adopting white babies? The photo posted by PP disgusts me. No way I will ever breastfeed and cater to a white child. Those days are behind black women.

Are you bio children at least half-cute?

Seriously, you are either a troll, or a deranged person. I'm reporting your filth to the admin. You don't deserve to open your mouth here.

You're reporting the legacy of slavery to the admin?

Yes, I don't get why people are so upset about this pp's point of view. It makes a lot of sense to me and I'm white. Some of her critics seem to think she should be colorblind but it hasn't been a colorblind world while that pp was growing up and it's still not a colorblind world. Plus when she is ready to adopt, there's going to be lots of white families competing for those white babies. Why should she get involved in that? When there are so many black kids that are waiting for forever homes?

Oh, I don't think anyone's condemning her for simply not wanting to adopt a white child. It's the need to slam the attractiveness of white children and express her disgust towards them. Similarly, I can't imagine anyone saying "I don't feel like I'm in a good position personally or culturally to adopt a black child " being condemned for that. But if they feel the need to go into gleeful detail about how unappealing they find black children… yeah, I'd judge that.

Okay, so that's not particularly attractive, I see your point. But given what it's like to grow up AA in this country, I totally understand why she would feel that way. Plus she's talking in the abstract. It doesn't seem to be a factor in her relationship with her family members.

For example, I was born in the 50s and when I was pregnant I wasn't sure if I wanted a boy. Even though my kid was born in the 90s, I didn't know if I could be fair to a boy who would come into the world with a lot more advantages just due to his gender and because when I was young, being a girl was like a punishment. (Didn't watch Madmen for years because I didn't want to be reminded of that.) I had a girl so the point is moot but I'm sure that if I'd had a boy I'd get over my concern and love that kid with all my heart. But I could see saying something negative about baby boys in the abstract, given my history. That's how I view the pp's assertion about white children.

I don't think some people realize the damage that was done to a lot of people over the years having to grow up in a world that systematically provides advantages to people of a certain racial/ethnic background (and class as well but we'll stick with race/ethnicity here). Just because we have a black president doesn't mean that all that is in the past now. I can understand why she would still be angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.


And this is exactly the snit my friend is getting. Exactly.

Why make it harder on the family? Live and let live, allow them to be happy.

\

Oh no, that simply cannot be allowed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Due to racism, AAs feels inferior and protect themselves with bigotry. It's a cheap way towards affirmation. "I'm yucky and worthless, so I'll just say white babies are..." The real question is what's wrong with supposed white DH. I doubt there is one.

You can believe whatever comforts you at night. There are people out here who don't find your yellow haired pink kids attractive. We don't want them or your affirmation. My white husband doesn't care because he just wants me however he can get me, lol. To hell with the white race as long as he can have his wife.

LOL I think I know you. You are the chick whose DH gets hit on by white ladies, because you seem so... insignificant next to him

Oh, okay. Suuuure, that's me. Nailed it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I am black and I would never adopt a white baby. With all the unearned benefits that whites enjoy just for being white, they don't need my resources too. I would much rather take care of a black child because black children are less likely to be adopted and much more in need of stability in this racist, unfriendly society. I also don't think I could relate to a white child. I have a white husband, but taking care of a white child reminds me too much of playing nanny to a lazy white woman's spoiled child.

Please be a troll.

Nope, I am not a troll and I speak for most black people on this one. White people have always wanted black babies whether through adoption or outright theft. We don't want your kids though. I don't think white babies are cute and I would rather have no children than raise a white child. My husband (white) knows how I feel because I really do want to adopt after we are done having biological children. We have discussed the fact that our adopted children can be any race except white and he is not at all offended by how I feel. Think about it: Black people spend a lot of our lives subservient to white people when we leave our homes. Why would we want to continue this dynamic in our homes by adopting white babies? The photo posted by PP disgusts me. No way I will ever breastfeed and cater to a white child. Those days are behind black women.

Are you bio children at least half-cute?

Seriously, you are either a troll, or a deranged person. I'm reporting your filth to the admin. You don't deserve to open your mouth here.

You're reporting the legacy of slavery to the admin?

Yes, I don't get why people are so upset about this pp's point of view. It makes a lot of sense to me and I'm white. Some of her critics seem to think she should be colorblind but it hasn't been a colorblind world while that pp was growing up and it's still not a colorblind world. Plus when she is ready to adopt, there's going to be lots of white families competing for those white babies. Why should she get involved in that? When there are so many black kids that are waiting for forever homes?

Oh, I don't think anyone's condemning her for simply not wanting to adopt a white child. It's the need to slam the attractiveness of white children and express her disgust towards them. Similarly, I can't imagine anyone saying "I don't feel like I'm in a good position personally or culturally to adopt a black child " being condemned for that. But if they feel the need to go into gleeful detail about how unappealing they find black children… yeah, I'd judge that.

Okay, so that's not particularly attractive, I see your point. But given what it's like to grow up AA in this country, I totally understand why she would feel that way. Plus she's talking in the abstract. It doesn't seem to be a factor in her relationship with her family members.

For example, I was born in the 50s and when I was pregnant I wasn't sure if I wanted a boy. Even though my kid was born in the 90s, I didn't know if I could be fair to a boy who would come into the world with a lot more advantages just due to his gender and because when I was young, being a girl was like a punishment. (Didn't watch Madmen for years because I didn't want to be reminded of that.) I had a girl so the point is moot but I'm sure that if I'd had a boy I'd get over my concern and love that kid with all my heart. But I could see saying something negative about baby boys in the abstract, given my history. That's how I view the pp's assertion about white children.

I don't think some people realize the damage that was done to a lot of people over the years having to grow up in a world that systematically provides advantages to people of a certain racial/ethnic background (and class as well but we'll stick with race/ethnicity here). Just because we have a black president doesn't mean that all that is in the past now. I can understand why she would still be angry.

Thank you for your compassion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've often wondered why there are plenty of white parents adopting black children, but never vice-versa. Why is that?

supply and demand. It's actually quite sad when you think about it.

Essentially healthy white babies are like diamonds.

And adoption is not prevalent in the black culture.

Therefore there are way more black babies available and lots of white fams that just want a healthy baby and not enough white healthy babies to satiate the market demand.

My Black family is in its third generation of adopting children. My niece, fourth generation, has indicated that she would like to birth one child and adopt her second child. I know of many families like this. Many are intra-family adoptions, foster care, and a few international adoptions from Haiti and Africa. You may say anecdotal, I say, you don't know what you are talking about. And really, you cannot possibly be Black to be commenting so loud and wrong about what Black culture do and don't do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am black and I would never adopt a white baby. With all the unearned benefits that whites enjoy just for being white, they don't need my resources too. I would much rather take care of a black child because black children are less likely to be adopted and much more in need of stability in this racist, unfriendly society. I also don't think I could relate to a white child. I have a white husband, but taking care of a white child reminds me too much of playing nanny to a lazy white woman's spoiled child.

Just Curious, what if your biracial baby takes on more white physical characteristics. When you look at your child, would you see yourself playing nanny to a white child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am black and I would never adopt a white baby. With all the unearned benefits that whites enjoy just for being white, they don't need my resources too. I would much rather take care of a black child because black children are less likely to be adopted and much more in need of stability in this racist, unfriendly society. I also don't think I could relate to a white child. I have a white husband, but taking care of a white child reminds me too much of playing nanny to a lazy white woman's spoiled child.

Please be a troll.

Nope, I am not a troll and I speak for most black people on this one. White people have always wanted black babies whether through adoption or outright theft. We don't want your kids though. I don't think white babies are cute and I would rather have no children than raise a white child. My husband (white) knows how I feel because I really do want to adopt after we are done having biological children. We have discussed the fact that our adopted children can be any race except white and he is not at all offended by how I feel. Think about it: Black people spend a lot of our lives subservient to white people when we leave our homes. Why would we want to continue this dynamic in our homes by adopting white babies? The photo posted by PP disgusts me. No way I will ever breastfeed and cater to a white child. Those days are behind black women.

You don't think white babies are cute but you think white men are cute, considering you married one of them? When you look at your husband's childhood photos, are you thinking "boy, what an ugly baby!"?!?!

It's actually funny you ask this because DH's mother is always carrying on about what a cute kid DH was. I feel nothing when I look at the baby photos she is always thrusting at me though. Neither DH nor his siblings are even one third as cute as the kids in my family. White adults are better than white kids IMO, although I don't particularly like white adults either. I love DH and the white men I dated before him were great, but my feeling is not extended to the rest of the race.

Damn, Gina. I actually was seeing your point til this comment.

Holy shit. I know who posted the white hate.

Which one? I count at least three white hating posters. I am keeping track of them according to their kids ha ha. One has tan kids, one has a white-looking kid, there is one who hasn't said anything about his/her kids yet.

She has one child and is a fairly new mother..she has many deep insecurities about her own race and upbringing as a biracial child. This exchange is just the tip of the iceburg. She is a bright and intelligent young woman, but is terribly bitter about life in general. This issues don't stop at race.

Oddly, she predominantly hangs out with white people and spends an absolute fortune trying to keep her hair as straight as a white womans.

Regardless, I think she is a lovely person, just terribly broken.

[Anonymous]

If the black posters (whatever 3 ignorant ones are posting)children end up marrying white god help her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Due to racism, AAs feels inferior and protect themselves with bigotry. It's a cheap way towards affirmation. "I'm yucky and worthless, so I'll just say white babies are..." The real question is what's wrong with supposed white DH. I doubt there is one.

You can believe whatever comforts you at night. There are people out here who don't find your yellow haired pink kids attractive. We don't want them or your affirmation. My white husband doesn't care because he just wants me however he can get me, lol. To hell with the white race as long as he can have his wife.

And the ignorance continues... For one, I'm not Caucasian. But, that's beside the point. You want affirmation from the parents who abandoned you and the white man who has exploited you. You could care a less about yellow-haired pink kids, except you desperately want to look like them. You can't and so you attack. That is how you've learned to cope. But, that sort of "coping" never produces longterm results. You remain empty inside and you seek whatever venue you can to feel a sense of worthiness. Today it's DCUM, tomorrow it'll be something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am black and I would never adopt a white baby. With all the unearned benefits that whites enjoy just for being white, they don't need my resources too. I would much rather take care of a black child because black children are less likely to be adopted and much more in need of stability in this racist, unfriendly society. I also don't think I could relate to a white child. I have a white husband, but taking care of a white child reminds me too much of playing nanny to a lazy white woman's spoiled child.

Please be a troll.

Nope, I am not a troll and I speak for most black people on this one. White people have always wanted black babies whether through adoption or outright theft. We don't want your kids though. I don't think white babies are cute and I would rather have no children than raise a white child. My husband (white) knows how I feel because I really do want to adopt after we are done having biological children. We have discussed the fact that our adopted children can be any race except white and he is not at all offended by how I feel. Think about it: Black people spend a lot of our lives subservient to white people when we leave our homes. Why would we want to continue this dynamic in our homes by adopting white babies? The photo posted by PP disgusts me. No way I will ever breastfeed and cater to a white child. Those days are behind black women.

Are you bio children at least half-cute?

Seriously, you are either a troll, or a deranged person. I'm reporting your filth to the admin. You don't deserve to open your mouth here.

You're reporting the legacy of slavery to the admin?

Yes, I don't get why people are so upset about this pp's point of view. It makes a lot of sense to me and I'm white. Some of her critics seem to think she should be colorblind but it hasn't been a colorblind world while that pp was growing up and it's still not a colorblind world. Plus when she is ready to adopt, there's going to be lots of white families competing for those white babies. Why should she get involved in that? When there are so many black kids that are waiting for forever homes?

Oh, I don't think anyone's condemning her for simply not wanting to adopt a white child. It's the need to slam the attractiveness of white children and express her disgust towards them. Similarly, I can't imagine anyone saying "I don't feel like I'm in a good position personally or culturally to adopt a black child " being condemned for that. But if they feel the need to go into gleeful detail about how unappealing they find black children… yeah, I'd judge that.

Okay, so that's not particularly attractive, I see your point. But given what it's like to grow up AA in this country, I totally understand why she would feel that way. Plus she's talking in the abstract. It doesn't seem to be a factor in her relationship with her family members.

For example, I was born in the 50s and when I was pregnant I wasn't sure if I wanted a boy. Even though my kid was born in the 90s, I didn't know if I could be fair to a boy who would come into the world with a lot more advantages just due to his gender and because when I was young, being a girl was like a punishment. (Didn't watch Madmen for years because I didn't want to be reminded of that.) I had a girl so the point is moot but I'm sure that if I'd had a boy I'd get over my concern and love that kid with all my heart. But I could see saying something negative about baby boys in the abstract, given my history. That's how I view the pp's assertion about white children.

I don't think some people realize the damage that was done to a lot of people over the years having to grow up in a world that systematically provides advantages to people of a certain racial/ethnic background (and class as well but we'll stick with race/ethnicity here). Just because we have a black president doesn't mean that all that is in the past now. I can understand why she would still be angry.

I'm the PP who reported the bitch. AA in this country need to remember that not everybody's ancestors here had something to do with the legacy of slavery. Yes, surprise-surprise, diversity goes both ways. Many ways, actually. I'm a first generation immigrant, and I--don't--want--to--hear--about--any--slavery--shit--EVER. Keep it for old money folks in Virginia.

[Anonymous]

Looks like this thing was derailed by a crazy poster. I didn't get through all the posts, but want to add that I am an AA adoptive mom who would not adopt a white baby. The reason is that there are too many AA babies who need families, far more than white babies. There are lots of reasons for this, but it is NOT because AA's don't adopt. It's a little ridiculous to think your friend lives in a diverse progressive place but doesn't know any adoptive AA families. We are all over DC area, though perhaps you've never noticed. So many people say my kids look like us (they don't, but we are all black, so....). I'm sure that they were adopted is not common knowledge. So I wouldn't do it, and I would look askance at any AA couple who adopted a white baby because they wanted a white baby (as opposed to knew the child, were asked, etc. which is a different situation).