10yo embarrased by hairy legs and wants to shave. i am at a loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Waxing kids? Only the vain moms in DC do this. Maybe NY or LA too. 10 people!

LOL. Definitely not vain. Just too lazy for shaving.

[Anonymous]

The problem with waxing is that you then have to wait for it all to grow back (and be visible) before you can wax again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with waxing is that you then have to wait for it all to grow back (and be visible) before you can wax again.

It doesn't have to grow out much h, and it's not that visible whole it does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Waxing kids? Only the vain moms in DC do this. Maybe NY or LA too. 10 people!

+1

I was playing barbies at 10. Now we have 4th graders waxing, concealer, lip gloss, worried about what other people think of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Waxing kids? Only the vain moms in DC do this. Maybe NY or LA too. 10 people!

+1

I was playing barbies at 10. Now we have 4th graders waxing, concealer, lip gloss, worried about what other people think of them.

This all goes back to the parents and wanting their kids to be perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my house the decision would be her body, her choice. But I would recommend Nair or waxing.

In mine too, but only after I was sure she understood the societal dynamics that makes shaving a desirable behavior for women, and after I was sure she didn't prefer me to deal with the people who should put a stop to the teasing and the persona comments from her peers.

Also, the shaving would happen in a way that's consistent with our family values - frugally, cruelty-free products only, at home, not at a salon.

Ok, eyeroller, since I'm the poster you're snarking at, honest questions for you:

do decisions happen in a vacuum in your family?

Do house rules go out of the window when a child of yours wants to do something s/he hadn't been doing before?

The eye rolls were directed toward your oh-so-earnest need to turn a very simple issue into something involving "societal dynamics, desirable behavior for women, shaving as related to family values - frugally, cruelty-free products only, at home, blah blah blah". Does every decision you make entail the same laborious thought process? When you eat out, do you insist on knowing the background of the chicken you're about to eat - did she have a good life, etc. a la Portlandia caricature? Actually, I'm sure chicken wouldn't ever cross your plate, cruelty-free and all that.

Anyhow, you're just too precious for words. As for "house rules going out the window" when my child wants to do something new? If we feel it makes sense to adjust our rules accordingly, then we do. We don't hold fast to unbendable, inflexible rules just because. If a situation calls for a new approach, we're able to adjust - and the sky doesn't fall.

It's not a very simple issue. It would be my daughter choosing to adopt the patriarchal paradigm and patriarchy-dictated norms. It would still be her choice to do so, but it wouldn't be happening in a vacuum.

As for the chicken question, we're a Vegan household and eat out accordingly. But I'm sure that was a provocation... here, I bit, aren't you proud of yourself?

Re. the adjusting of house rules, our daughter being allowed to shave would be the adjustment. Our family's key values (the ones you seem to enjoy snarking at) would remain the same. She would shave according to them or she wouldn't be shaving at all. Her choice.

I bet you homeschool your kids and don't own a TV. Where can I sign petition to free your kids from your non-patriarchal, vegan, cruelty-free household?

Right on the former, wrong on the latter. I know, it's doing your mind in, right?

As for the petition part, I suggest you quit sarcasm and worry about truly abused children. There's plenty of them, you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not a very simple issue. It would be my daughter choosing to adopt the patriarchal paradigm and patriarchy-dictated norms. It would still be her choice to do so, but it wouldn't be happening in a vacuum.

Don't make your daughter fight the patriarchy on your behalf. Help her navigate the elementary and middle school norms emotionally intact, so she can fight the battles she wants to fight once she's old enough to do so.

It's a more extreme case, but it reminds me of the contingent of naked people I saw in a parade in a very lefty, liberal, non-patriarchal place. What troubled me was the fact that some of their elementary-aged kids were marching with them, also naked. Now maybe they really did want to fight norms by parading naked down the street, but maybe they were also feeling coerced by parents who said, "if you choose to wear clothes, you are choosing to adopt the anti-nudist paradigm and anti-nudism-dictated norms."

Did you read my post, or are you trying to stir s***? It would ultimately be her choice to shave or not. The decision just wouldn't happen in a vacuum. She'd be taught where the idea of shaving one's legs (etc.) = good comes from, who profits from people who buy into that idea, what she is actually choosing to do (i.e. bend to patriarchy norms). She would be armed with knowledge, and there's nothing wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my house the decision would be her body, her choice. But I would recommend Nair or waxing.

In mine too, but only after I was sure she understood the societal dynamics that makes shaving a desirable behavior for women, and after I was sure she didn't prefer me to deal with the people who should put a stop to the teasing and the persona comments from her peers.

Also, the shaving would happen in a way that's consistent with our family values - frugally, cruelty-free products only, at home, not at a salon.

Ok, eyeroller, since I'm the poster you're snarking at, honest questions for you:

do decisions happen in a vacuum in your family?

Do house rules go out of the window when a child of yours wants to do something s/he hadn't been doing before?

The eye rolls were directed toward your oh-so-earnest need to turn a very simple issue into something involving "societal dynamics, desirable behavior for women, shaving as related to family values - frugally, cruelty-free products only, at home, blah blah blah". Does every decision you make entail the same laborious thought process? When you eat out, do you insist on knowing the background of the chicken you're about to eat - did she have a good life, etc. a la Portlandia caricature? Actually, I'm sure chicken wouldn't ever cross your plate, cruelty-free and all that.

Anyhow, you're just too precious for words. As for "house rules going out the window" when my child wants to do something new? If we feel it makes sense to adjust our rules accordingly, then we do. We don't hold fast to unbendable, inflexible rules just because. If a situation calls for a new approach, we're able to adjust - and the sky doesn't fall.

It's not a very simple issue. It would be my daughter choosing to adopt the patriarchal paradigm and patriarchy-dictated norms. It would still be her choice to do so, but it wouldn't be happening in a vacuum.

As for the chicken question, we're a Vegan household and eat out accordingly. But I'm sure that was a provocation... here, I bit, aren't you proud of yourself?

Re. the adjusting of house rules, our daughter being allowed to shave would be the adjustment. Our family's key values (the ones you seem to enjoy snarking at) would remain the same. She would shave according to them or she wouldn't be shaving at all. Her choice.

Middle aged guy here. I love that you are fighting the patriarchy (really, no snark). But I think it's important to remember that your daughter is growing up inside the patriarchy. It's her native country, unfortunately. Sometimes you have to make compromises.

Thanks.

As for the bolded, no, it's not. We'll be leaving in a matter of months and going back (probably permanently) to my husband's native country, where patriarchy-related issues are much less of a problem.

While living a few years abroad is always an enriching experience, and I'm glad my children had that, I'm glad we're getting out of here before shaving at ten is even a bleep on our household radar.

In any case, thanks for your support. It's nice to have it, especially coming from a man.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why some parents want to make a social justice stand at the expense of their childs self esteem. Makes me sad.

Teach her to shave, get laser for her 16th/18th birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my house the decision would be her body, her choice. But I would recommend Nair or waxing.

In mine too, but only after I was sure she understood the societal dynamics that makes shaving a desirable behavior for women, and after I was sure she didn't prefer me to deal with the people who should put a stop to the teasing and the persona comments from her peers.

Also, the shaving would happen in a way that's consistent with our family values - frugally, cruelty-free products only, at home, not at a salon.

Waxing kind of sucks because you actually have to let the hair grow before you wax. So you have to be hairy for a bit before you can wax. And the hair grows back in stages, so she'll have random hairs popping everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why some parents want to make a social justice stand at the expense of their childs self esteem. Makes me sad.

Teach her to shave, get laser for her 16th/18th birthday.

It's not a social justice stand. It's instilling values in one's child. Part of a parent's job.

[Anonymous]

is there such a thing as painless waxing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Waxing kids? Only the vain moms in DC do this. Maybe NY or LA too. 10 people!

+1

I was playing barbies at 10. Now we have 4th graders waxing, concealer, lip gloss, worried about what other people think of them.

+2

First world DC metro problems

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with waxing is that you then have to wait for it all to grow back (and be visible) before you can wax again.

It doesn't have to grow out much h, and it's not that visible whole it does.

It's finer than post-shaving stubble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Waxing kids? Only the vain moms in DC do this. Maybe NY or LA too. 10 people!

+1

I was playing barbies at 10. Now we have 4th graders waxing, concealer, lip gloss, worried about what other people think of them.

+2

First world DC metro problems

Not really. There are plenty of emerging market countries where there would be no question that if the child had too much hair it should be removed. This is considered a basic grooming issue, like brushing one's hair. There would be genuine confusion at the suggestion that this is somehow an issue of either vanity or morality.