Complicated Issue: Best Way to Blend this Unique Family????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - Are you divorced from your son's father?

Yes...divorced 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Assuming it is not a troll, I actually get OP's question. How many times do you hear about someone with substantial wealth passing away and legal battles between the children and the step mom? Legally speaking, spouse inherits unless you have clearly spelled out otherwise. I see OP as trying to be fair to his children, fair to her son, and fair to herself. I think there are three things to consider. The day to day budget and how you split expenses, how things for the kids will be handled like if either of you want to help pay for weddings or downpayments for a home or to bail kids out of financial trouble and the will/estate planning. As other people have mentioned, you can get something legally that his daughters inherit the house but you get to live there until your death.

The more challenging will be that you guys agree on how big financial decisions are made including those that involve the soon to be blended family. My only advice is if you want to have money that you combine from the point that you are married on, make sure you agree up front on big gifts/supports for adult children and any of their children (future grandchildren) up front. I personally think what you do for one child, you do for all the children.

OP here--

Thanks! Rational, well-adjusted people who understand the intricacies of real life understand where I'm coming from. Unfortunately, a lot of the people on this site are hurt individuals Who can't help but interject their insecurities and life disappointments on others.

I am well-aware that as the WIFE, absent a will every single thing goes to me. Thanks for understanding that I'm considering his daughters.

SO and I discussed this today. The short of it is that his intention is to provide for me as his wife. His daughters will/should one day marry the men who will provide for them. As far as he's concerned, it's just US; the kids are transitioning adults who will have to make their own ways in the world as we did.

That is the short, bare bones of what he said.

We discussed a few other scenarios I proposed that I'll type when I'm not on my phone.

[Anonymous]

OP here--

Scenario 1: Provide life insurance policy of near or equal to price of home for me; house goes to his kids (thanks to the poster who recommended this!)
Scenario 2: Create a will giving me 50% ownership/his girls 50% but I remain in the home...We may decide to buy each other out at some point but if I sell, they get 1/2 the proceeds
Scenario 3: I inherit house; it's passed on and split between the 3 kids after my demise

Of course, I really like SO's idea: I'm his wife. I get everything and he trusts me to treat all 3 fairly, knowing my character as he does. After all I'm step-mom for better or worse, that's the reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Assuming it is not a troll, I actually get OP's question. How many times do you hear about someone with substantial wealth passing away and legal battles between the children and the step mom? Legally speaking, spouse inherits unless you have clearly spelled out otherwise. I see OP as trying to be fair to his children, fair to her son, and fair to herself. I think there are three things to consider. The day to day budget and how you split expenses, how things for the kids will be handled like if either of you want to help pay for weddings or downpayments for a home or to bail kids out of financial trouble and the will/estate planning. As other people have mentioned, you can get something legally that his daughters inherit the house but you get to live there until your death.

The more challenging will be that you guys agree on how big financial decisions are made including those that involve the soon to be blended family. My only advice is if you want to have money that you combine from the point that you are married on, make sure you agree up front on big gifts/supports for adult children and any of their children (future grandchildren) up front. I personally think what you do for one child, you do for all the children.

OP here--

Thanks! Rational, well-adjusted people who understand the intricacies of real life understand where I'm coming from. Unfortunately, a lot of the people on this site are hurt individuals Who can't help but interject their insecurities and life disappointments on others.

I am well-aware that as the WIFE, absent a will every single thing goes to me. Thanks for understanding that I'm considering his daughters.

SO and I discussed this today. The short of it is that his intention is to provide for me as his wife. His daughters will/should one day marry the men who will provide for them. As far as he's concerned, it's just US; the kids are transitioning adults who will have to make their own ways in the world as we did.

That is the short, bare bones of what he said.

We discussed a few other scenarios I proposed that I'll type when I'm not on my phone.

What a winner you have on your hands.

[Anonymous]

"SO and I discussed this today. The short of it is that his intention is to provide for me as his wife. His daughters will/should one day marry the men who will provide for them."

The MAN is the PLAN!

[Anonymous]

Gold digger, no question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here--

Scenario 1: Provide life insurance policy of near or equal to price of home for me; house goes to his kids (thanks to the poster who recommended this!)
Scenario 2: Create a will giving me 50% ownership/his girls 50% but I remain in the home...We may decide to buy each other out at some point but if I sell, they get 1/2 the proceeds
Scenario 3: I inherit house; it's passed on and split between the 3 kids after my demise

Of course, I really like SO's idea: I'm his wife. I get everything and he trusts me to treat all 3 fairly, knowing my character as he does. After all I'm step-mom for better or worse, that's the reality.

OP, I keep trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, but every time you post it just gets grosser and grosser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here--

Scenario 1: Provide life insurance policy of near or equal to price of home for me; house goes to his kids (thanks to the poster who recommended this!)
Scenario 2: Create a will giving me 50% ownership/his girls 50% but I remain in the home...We may decide to buy each other out at some point but if I sell, they get 1/2 the proceeds
Scenario 3: I inherit house; it's passed on and split between the 3 kids after my demise

Of course, I really like SO's idea: I'm his wife. I get everything and he trusts me to treat all 3 fairly, knowing my character as he does. After all I'm step-mom for better or worse, that's the reality.

You own a house, so I'm not getting it. That was the children's parents house. They should inherit it. Keep our house, rent it out and get it paid off. Your child should not inherit that house equally. Your new husband is not raising him. He's almost grown and has two parents to inherit. I think your comments are crummy about marrying off the girls so they get their husband's money. Life doesn't always work out well and dad should be leaving them something, if not all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"SO and I discussed this today. The short of it is that his intention is to provide for me as his wife. His daughters will/should one day marry the men who will provide for them."

The MAN is the PLAN!

The man is the plan for a lot of young ladies.

But most parents expect their children to create their own lives. I believe in providing some help (paying for college, a small financial wedding gift that may be used as a down payment on a home). Others believe in just kicking their kids out the nests with their degrees and help on an as needed basis along the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here--

Scenario 1: Provide life insurance policy of near or equal to price of home for me; house goes to his kids (thanks to the poster who recommended this!)
Scenario 2: Create a will giving me 50% ownership/his girls 50% but I remain in the home...We may decide to buy each other out at some point but if I sell, they get 1/2 the proceeds
Scenario 3: I inherit house; it's passed on and split between the 3 kids after my demise

Of course, I really like SO's idea: I'm his wife. I get everything and he trusts me to treat all 3 fairly, knowing my character as he does. After all I'm step-mom for better or worse, that's the reality.

OP, I keep trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, but every time you post it just gets grosser and grosser.

Cool story bro. I'll understand if you exit and never return.

[Anonymous]

"Of course, I really like SO's idea: I'm his wife. I get everything and he trusts me to treat all 3 fairly, knowing my character as he does. After all I'm step-mom for better or worse, that's the reality. "

Step-mom from hell is more accurate.

OP - Knowing your "character", I wouldn't trust you to share a bag of cookies fairly. Hope your SO comes to his senses before this ends very, very badly.

[Anonymous]

Truly awful. His home should absolutely go to His girls.
Why doesn't the Daughter staying at home for college live there alone while going to school?
He moves in with you in the home you already have,
Your son gets that home when you pass and if husband is still living then he moves Back to his original home.
Or would you prefer he gets that home and your son gets nothing ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Of course, I really like SO's idea: I'm his wife. I get everything and he trusts me to treat all 3 fairly, knowing my character as he does. After all I'm step-mom for better or worse, that's the reality. "

Step-mom from hell is more accurate.

OP - Knowing your "character", I wouldn't trust you to share a bag of cookies fairly. Hope your SO comes to his senses before this ends very, very badly.

OK, I thought this post was real but the latest post clarifies that this must be a TROLL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here--

Scenario 1: Provide life insurance policy of near or equal to price of home for me; house goes to his kids (thanks to the poster who recommended this!)
Scenario 2: Create a will giving me 50% ownership/his girls 50% but I remain in the home...We may decide to buy each other out at some point but if I sell, they get 1/2 the proceeds
Scenario 3: I inherit house; it's passed on and split between the 3 kids after my demise

Of course, I really like SO's idea: I'm his wife. I get everything and he trusts me to treat all 3 fairly, knowing my character as he does. After all I'm step-mom for better or worse, that's the reality.

You own a house, so I'm not getting it. That was the children's parents house. They should inherit it. Keep our house, rent it out and get it paid off. Your child should not inherit that house equally. Your new husband is not raising him. He's almost grown and has two parents to inherit. I think your comments are crummy about marrying off the girls so they get their husband's money. Life doesn't always work out well and dad should be leaving them something, if not all.

I agree Dad should leave his girls something. But you can't leave your spouse out in the cold. If you want to leave all to your kids, don't remarry.

The issue is that my home will never be lived in by my SO or either of his children. His will become OUR family home--the place The grandkids come to visit. You're all envisioning Him choking on a piece of meat at our wedding reception. Both of our grandmothers are alive and kicking in their late 80s/early 90s. His grandfather too! What if we become that couple? 50 years of living together in that home=get out now, go back to your old home????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Of course, I really like SO's idea: I'm his wife. I get everything and he trusts me to treat all 3 fairly, knowing my character as he does. After all I'm step-mom for better or worse, that's the reality. "

Step-mom from hell is more accurate.

OP - Knowing your "character", I wouldn't trust you to share a bag of cookies fairly. Hope your SO comes to his senses before this ends very, very badly.

I'm sorry, do we know each other? Like, you really know me (and my character) in real life?