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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]An np also trying to understand.
In your experience, most of the time, is it the man or the woman who "close the deal"/ made the actual final suggestion to "hey let's do the affair"? [/quote]

Man. Mine built over time, and then one day at work, we looked at each other and she just said "are we going to do this?"

To address 7:25- in my opinion, a lot of affairs have a component of some kind of inner pain in the cheating person. I think the spouse ends up triggering that pain, and so becomes the scapegoat for the affair.  I'm certainly not saying this is universal, but I do think most affairs don't just happen because someone was super horny. It's for this reason that I don't accept the attitude that affairs are by immoral, bad people. I see it instead as being done by[b] flawed people[/b] who, whether they realize it or not, are in pain. [/quote]

Easy out.

I'm flawed! Look at how flawed I am! So flawed I can't be responsible for my actions! Sorry, spouse, but I'm flawed, and if it hurts you, well, too bad!
[/quote]

I was really expressing the idea the affairs might have an origin more complex than simply being a bad person. No where in what I wrote did I insinuate that a cheating spouse isn't responsible.  I understand that it's much easier to paint the world in stark black and white, but that's not realistic. By understanding yourself, your baggage, and your scars, you can avoid things like affairs. And if you have an  empathetic partner, they just might be available to help. [/quote]

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