Would you date someone in his/her late 30s who is still a virgin?

[Anonymous]

Male here. I was a virgin until 32 due to religious reasons. No real relationship either until then. I didnt hide it. Im not exactly ugly so i was hit on a lot. Some women were completely turned off by me, some tried really hard to be the first. A lot of the alpha males thought I must be a closet homosexual. Met the girl of my dreams at 31, waited till 32 bf sex, and married her. She was a bit more experienced than I was, yet understanding. Today, with my age being 40, we have a pretty sexually fulfilling relationship in terms of frequency and fun, and three kids. In hindsight, I'm happy I waited. It was tough, very tough holding up the morality card but it worked. With that said, to each his own----some people are incapable, or just don't want to maintain their virginity. Others do. We are more than just sex toys----we are the sum of our experiences, and sexual history is just one component of our personality---so I'd say look at the whole person and not just their sexual history, but then again, I'm biased.

[Anonymous]

M here, and married. I do not expect to date again, so the answer would be no. But, when I was about thirty, I kept running into the same woman at events -- concerts, etc. The concerts were part of a summer music festival on campus (I was in grad school), and day of the performance tickets could be had for next to nothing with a student ID.

So, I kept being seated next to her...over and over. We would chat...After about 5 or six events, we took a walk and decided to go to the next one together. Things started progressing...but she would always stop. She admitted she was a virgin....I did not care. But, she was also terrified of sex. Not for religious reasons or anything, but terrified. I suspected sexual abuse, but she would not say (I did not push the matter). I never got beyond second base. And I was tagged out at second...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't recommend this; I'm a guy who lost his v-card at 14. At 40, divorced, I tried to date a 36 year old who I believe was a virgin. Yes, very religious, and pretty picky. Totally did not work.

I'm not a virgin, but I wouldn't date a guy who was having sex at age 14. Or referring to virginity as the "v-card" above the age of 14.

Really, how would you know this? Are you asking people when they started having sex when dating? Seems like you're taking shots at PP for silly reasons.

I'm in a relationship now, but when I was on the market, I actually did bother to get to know people's values before going out with them. I suppose that a guy could have lied and said that he lost his virginity later, but how would he know what age I saw as a cutoff? Most guys would actually lie on the side of a younger age than an older one.

I'm the guy who started having sex at 14 that everyone is responding to...and yes, our "values" would probably be in conflict then. My values are that sex is a fun and very natural - fundamental - part of life. If you are offended by 'v-card' or teen sex, your values sound kind of fearful and sex-negative to me, and we most certainly wouldn't match up. Fortunately, it's a complete non-issue, because I'm very happily married, so your theoretical rejection doesn't bother me in the least.

You do realize that humans are physically sexually mature by 14? That whatever the relative and debatable merits of delaying sexual intercourse, that masturbation and sexual arousal are completely and entirely normal by that age? I certainly don't advocate teen pregnancy, but I hardly think sexual activity among teenagers is abnormal or unacceptable. Refraining from sexual activity until your 30s is far more abnormal and to me indicative of someone with serious psychological issues - fear of intimacy at the very least, but probably serious body and self-image issues coupled with self-loathing - a kind of self-hate for allowing themselves to feel pleasure. In fairness, in a lot of cases, I think it's just a case of super-low libido.

That you have the need to wrap yourself up in the mantle of 'values' in order to look down on me suggests to me you are the fearful and self-loathing (insecure and threatened) variety of sex-negative late bloomer. I'm glad you wouldn't date me, I wouldn't want to waste my time on someone so hung-up - having sex - plentiful and kinky - is very important to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:M here, and married. I do not expect to date again, so the answer would be no. But, when I was about thirty, I kept running into the same woman at events -- concerts, etc. The concerts were part of a summer music festival on campus (I was in grad school), and day of the performance tickets could be had for next to nothing with a student ID.

So, I kept being seated next to her...over and over. We would chat...After about 5 or six events, we took a walk and decided to go to the next one together. Things started progressing...but she would always stop. She admitted she was a virgin....I did not care. But, she was also terrified of sex. Not for religious reasons or anything, but terrified. I suspected sexual abuse, but she would not say (I did not push the matter). I never got beyond second base. And I was tagged out at second...

Ok, but that's clearly an extreme case. Not everyone who is a virgin at that age is a survivor of sexual abuse. And there are many suriviors (including myself) who enjoy fulfilling sex lives because we are with the right partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't recommend this; I'm a guy who lost his v-card at 14. At 40, divorced, I tried to date a 36 year old who I believe was a virgin. Yes, very religious, and pretty picky. Totally did not work.

I'm not a virgin, but I wouldn't date a guy who was having sex at age 14. Or referring to virginity as the "v-card" above the age of 14.

Really, how would you know this? Are you asking people when they started having sex when dating? Seems like you're taking shots at PP for silly reasons.

I'm in a relationship now, but when I was on the market, I actually did bother to get to know people's values before going out with them. I suppose that a guy could have lied and said that he lost his virginity later, but how would he know what age I saw as a cutoff? Most guys would actually lie on the side of a younger age than an older one.

I'm the guy who started having sex at 14 that everyone is responding to...and yes, our "values" would probably be in conflict then. My values are that sex is a fun and very natural - fundamental - part of life. If you are offended by 'v-card' or teen sex, your values sound kind of fearful and sex-negative to me, and we most certainly wouldn't match up. Fortunately, it's a complete non-issue, because I'm very happily married, so your theoretical rejection doesn't bother me in the least.

You do realize that humans are physically sexually mature by 14? That whatever the relative and debatable merits of delaying sexual intercourse, that masturbation and sexual arousal are completely and entirely normal by that age? I certainly don't advocate teen pregnancy, but I hardly think sexual activity among teenagers is abnormal or unacceptable. Refraining from sexual activity until your 30s is far more abnormal and to me indicative of someone with serious psychological issues - fear of intimacy at the very least, but probably serious body and self-image issues coupled with self-loathing - a kind of self-hate for allowing themselves to feel pleasure. In fairness, in a lot of cases, I think it's just a case of super-low libido.

That you have the need to wrap yourself up in the mantle of 'values' in order to look down on me suggests to me you are the fearful and self-loathing (insecure and threatened) variety of sex-negative late bloomer. I'm glad you wouldn't date me, I wouldn't want to waste my time on someone so hung-up - having sex - plentiful and kinky - is very important to me.

You need to practice your psychic skills more before you hang out a shingle. I enjoy sex and don't have any body issues. Maybe you confuse casual sex with confidence?
I lost my virginity in college to my college sweetheart which is exactly what I planned to do and what most of my friends at the time did. In my social circle, sex before college was uncommon, and at 14 would have been seen as rash. Wanting to have sex at 14 might be physiological normal, but emotionally and socially, the late teens are a better time. Most of my friends --male or female-- lost their virginity to people they had been dating for an extended period of time and were in love with. No one I knew then did it at age 14 as a hookup to shed their "v card". Even now, now of my friends have ever said they were having sex in their early teens.
I have a college age daughter and she knows people who were having sex at 14 or younger. But in her social circle, it was more of a late teens thing (junior or senior year of HS) and again with a long-term dating partner. She knows many people who were virgins in college, even a few beyond freshman year. Some of these virgins were/are male. None were/are dying the social death that Eliot Rodgers imagined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to practice your psychic skills

Um, yeah, and you need to practice your vocabulary - that would be psychiatric not psychic - and...

Maybe you confuse casual sex with confidence?

...what the heck has 'confidence' got to do with it?

I lost my virginity in college to my college sweetheart which is exactly what I planned to do and what most of my friends at the time did. In my social circle, sex before college was uncommon, and at 14 would have been seen as rash. Wanting to have sex at 14 might be physiological normal, but emotionally and socially, the late teens are a better time. Most of my friends --male or female-- lost their virginity to people they had been dating for an extended period of time and were in love with. No one I knew then did it at age 14 as a hookup to shed their "v card". Even now, now of my friends have ever said they were having sex in their early teens.

I have a college age daughter and she knows people who were having sex at 14 or younger. But in her social circle, it was more of a late teens thing (junior or senior year of HS) and again with a long-term dating partner. She knows many people who were virgins in college, even a few beyond freshman year. Some of these virgins were/are male. None were/are dying the social death that Eliot Rodgers imagined.

All of which are examples of people having sexual intercourse LONG BEFORE their late 30s...as an earlier poster said, almost two decades earlier.

14 is certainly at the younger end of the bell curve, and I actually agree that mid-late teenage years (end of HS, early college) are at the middle of the curve, but 14 is a hell of a lot closer to it than late 30s. I also agree that most people are better emotionally prepared by their late teens to engage in sex than they are in their early teens.

But, before you start tossing bricks and insulting people over their 'values' and 'morals' - there is nothing particularly morally wrong about liking sex - you might at least consider making your own arguments logically consistent. You yourself admit to having pre-marital sex in your teens. This is a thread about people who maintain their virginity into their late thirties. To each their own, but statistically (you know, objective reality) they are the "freaks" if one defines that by 'normative' behavior.

NB - the people who claim virginity because they only do everything except PIV are only deluding themselves. The Saddle-backers are the most hilariously self-deluded hypocrites. Google it if you don't know the phrase.

[Anonymous]

While I think 9:38 is being slightly rude, I totally agree. I had sex at 15 (female) and can't even imagine having a relationship with a virgin. I would think it weird that someone would wait that long unless there was abuse or something to go along with it.

[Anonymous]

I'm @9:38 and my "slightly rude" is in direct response to some un-called for "slut shaming" that followed my much earlier, and briefer, post saying that I basically wouldn't because we'd be incompatible.

The last time I had sex with a virgin was when I was 18 and I just don't want the responsibility, TYVM. I do not get a kick out of "deflowering" a woman or any of those other vaguely patriarchal and misogynistic kinks. My wife was a very late bloomer (late 20s) and we have vastly different levels of experience; it is apparent from time to time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to practice your psychic skills

Um, yeah, and you need to practice your vocabulary - that would be psychiatric not psychic - and...

Maybe you confuse casual sex with confidence?

...what the heck has 'confidence' got to do with it?

I lost my virginity in college to my college sweetheart which is exactly what I planned to do and what most of my friends at the time did. In my social circle, sex before college was uncommon, and at 14 would have been seen as rash. Wanting to have sex at 14 might be physiological normal, but emotionally and socially, the late teens are a better time. Most of my friends --male or female-- lost their virginity to people they had been dating for an extended period of time and were in love with. No one I knew then did it at age 14 as a hookup to shed their "v card". Even now, now of my friends have ever said they were having sex in their early teens.

I have a college age daughter and she knows people who were having sex at 14 or younger. But in her social circle, it was more of a late teens thing (junior or senior year of HS) and again with a long-term dating partner. She knows many people who were virgins in college, even a few beyond freshman year. Some of these virgins were/are male. None were/are dying the social death that Eliot Rodgers imagined.

All of which are examples of people having sexual intercourse LONG BEFORE their late 30s...as an earlier poster said, almost two decades earlier.

14 is certainly at the younger end of the bell curve, and I actually agree that mid-late teenage years (end of HS, early college) are at the middle of the curve, but 14 is a hell of a lot closer to it than late 30s. I also agree that most people are better emotionally prepared by their late teens to engage in sex than they are in their early teens.

But, before you start tossing bricks and insulting people over their 'values' and 'morals' - there is nothing particularly morally wrong about liking sex - you might at least consider making your own arguments logically consistent. You yourself admit to having pre-marital sex in your teens. This is a thread about people who maintain their virginity into their late thirties. To each their own, but statistically (you know, objective reality) they are the "freaks" if one defines that by 'normative' behavior.

NB - the people who claim virginity because they only do everything except PIV are only deluding themselves. The Saddle-backers are the most hilariously self-deluded hypocrites. Google it if you don't know the phrase.

I really did mean psychic as in you are trying to guess what I am like without knowing anything else about me. I'm actually not worried about anyone's religious values but I do think that there is something special about sharing one's body with others. I guess I am the sexual equivalent if a gourmet rather than a gourmand.

I think that you are taking this very personally and I'm not sure why.