Would you date someone in his/her late 30s who is still a virgin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not convinced that having had previous relationships will necessarily mean that the person is capable of having a sound relationship.

This is the flawed logic I see in American society that leads to divorces, adultery and dishonesty.

The fact that sex is so devalued and seen so much as a bodily function that it is neither a promise of fidelity nor an expression of love and commitment.

You didn't answer the question.

If I am attracted to them? Sure.

[Anonymous]

Just before we met in our mid-30s DH dated a woman for two months who'd only ever had two, two-month relationships before him. Only two sexual partners as well. She broke up with him at the two-month mark saying perhaps she needed to try dating women...

Someone who has never had sex would make me move slowly and cautiously with the relationship, but someone who'd never had a serious partner before would very much alarm me. At a certain age that's a sign of either serious issues (commitment phobia, lack of empathy, childhood abuse or other trauma) or someone who has not finished forming their adult identity - I wouldn't be prepared to join them on either of those journeys. By 30 I was pretty much finished with men who hadn't sorted their sh*t out yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just before we met in our mid-30s DH dated a woman for two months who'd only ever had two, two-month relationships before him. Only two sexual partners as well. She broke up with him at the two-month mark saying perhaps she needed to try dating women...

Someone who has never had sex would make me move slowly and cautiously with the relationship, but someone who'd never had a serious partner before would very much alarm me. At a certain age that's a sign of either serious issues (commitment phobia, lack of empathy, childhood abuse or other trauma) or someone who has not finished forming their adult identity - I wouldn't be prepared to join them on either of those journeys. By 30 I was pretty much finished with men who hadn't sorted their sh*t out yet.

But, as we witness on this and other forums - we can never truly sort our shit out.

[Anonymous]

Woman here and no. Honestly I'd think they were either socially awkward or fucked in the head or if it was for religious reasons they wouldn't be a great match for me anyways (and I'd still wonder why they hadn't found someone to marry if they're so conservative and lost it that way). Plus at this point in my life I'm not interested in teaching a potential partner how to have good sex. Run like the wind.

[Anonymous]

It all depends.

I think the biggest issue would be if the virginity was a result of religious/ideological beliefs.

Why? Because the people I have met who remain virgins well into adulthood for religious reasons tend to think they are more virtuous than people who do not.

It seems to me that it would be difficult to have a good relationship if one person thought the other person was less virtuous because they had previous sexual partners.

I have also noticed (in two cases) that part of the reason why they are still a virgin in their 30s is not because they haven't met people but because they concluded every potential BF or GF wasn't morally virtuous enough.

Again, this only applies to cases of people who are still virgins b/c of religious reasons.

I actually would be less concerned about people who are socially awkward or shy. I actually tend to like people who are introverts.

[Anonymous]

When I met my DW almost two decades ago, she hadn't had a serious SO or sex. We are happily married, although it took some work in both dimensions. But she was 24 back then, not in her late 30s.

[Anonymous]

No. I married a man who at 37, when I met him, had never had a relationship longer than 6 months. He was not a virgin, but was never very inspiring sexually. He also didn't know how to behave in a relationship, be emotionally intimate, prioritize his family over work or friends, etc. I was willing to work with it, teach him, etc, but things never improved and when other life stresses occurred we didn't have a solid enough marriage to support each other through hard times. Now I am in a sexless, distant marriage and am contemplating divorce. Maybe if we had gone to counseling right away and really worked on things? I don't know...

[Anonymous]

i didn't get into a serious relationship until my mid 30s and was a virgin until my early 30s. there were some family issues and a rape that i see as contributing factors. i have now been in several good relationships (where someone took the lead initially for the first one or two) and i think most people would call me very well adjusted and very capable of intimacy. so it is a red flag but i wouldn't be too quick to judge or write people off.

[Anonymous]

If past relationships were a sign of marriage success, we would have a pretty low divorce rate.

Marriages depend highly on the dynamic and relationship between the two individual people so past relationships are not really generalizable to the current one.

Instead I would rather someone who has great interpersonal skills - be a great communicator, be able to negotiate and compromise, be independent and responsible, good emotional regulation and can handle conflict and those skills can be learned and evident outside of a relationship.

[Anonymous]

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/25/fashion/sometimes-its-not-you-or-the-math-modern-love.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who's in her late 30s, a virgin and never had a boyfriend.. she's very good-looking (when we were younger she could have been rightfully called a knockout), comes from a good family, is well-educated, and has so many 'issues' that her virginity/boyfriend-ness do not surprise me anymore.

So, OP, my answer is no.

+1. I have a friend like this too except she is in her late 40ties. She's a virgin and single for very good reasons.

[Anonymous]

Probably not. It would indicate to me that they were either (1) not interested in or curious about sex, (2) feared and avoided sex and/or intimacy, or (3) were extremely religious. None of these things make someone a bad person, but they do indicate that they are likely not compatible with me.

[Anonymous]

My ex is many years older than me and in his late 30s has never been married, convicted of assaulting (me), and no chance in heck of changing. Just a beware to the ladies. Don't trust a single man in late 30s.

[Anonymous]

I was until my mid thirties. I was nervous in my college years, and then went down an employment path with very odd hours and always moving around. It became a situation where opportunity and inclination weren't in the same place at the same time. When they finally were, I didn't tell him. I didn't have some bizarre notion that my virginity was a "gift" to be bestowed. I felt that he was the right person because I wasnt freaked out about my virginity with him.

[Anonymous]

No way.