SIL jealous of pregnancy

[Anonymous]

A little late to the party, but I'm siding with OP on this one. SIL sounds like a selfish bitch who needs to get over herself.

[Anonymous]

I hate that every infertile woman I kmow go so easy on themselves for being consumed with jealosy and hatred. Jealousy is a sin and pregnant women did nothing to deserve. it. when infertile women act so horribly that no one can be around them (in most cases this includes their husband) they are only making a bad situation worse. know that infertility is hard, we tried for 4 years for our #3 - but I did not act like a rude person. And while I know that having 2 healthy children already is easier than having no children, it still was not fun. The reason I didn't turn jealous and bitter is because parenting (if done right) teaches people to be selfless - even if you are parenting an adopted child when there is a baby to take care of you have to learn to put another person before yourself. People who have primary infertility have never experienced this so they are still very childlike. My sister hasnt been able to have any children and she is down right awful. Actually, I don't know a single nice infertile woman, and I know several infertile women closely- until they get pregnant for the first time they are completely awful women. and what makes it worse is that they excuse their selfish behavior. An infertile woman's struggles DOES NOT give you a pass to hate everyone around you. If you are jealous and depressed do something about it, dont expect the world to change for YOU - and don't say "go easy on yourself" CHANGE stop being hateful and a jealous monster. It is not the worlds fault that you are infertile. No other group of people with struggles gives themselves as many "passes" to act horribly as infertile women do. Cancer patients or people with extreme money problems or a disabled child do not allow themselves to be jealous of every other person not in their situation. They do not allow themselves to refuse to be friends with people not in their situation - why do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate that every infertile woman I kmow go so easy on themselves for being consumed with jealosy and hatred. Jealousy is a sin and pregnant women did nothing to deserve. it. when infertile women act so horribly that no one can be around them (in most cases this includes their husband) they are only making a bad situation worse. know that infertility is hard, we tried for 4 years for our #3 - but I did not act like a rude person. And while I know that having 2 healthy children already is easier than having no children, it still was not fun. The reason I didn't turn jealous and bitter is because parenting (if done right) teaches people to be selfless - even if you are parenting an adopted child when there is a baby to take care of you have to learn to put another person before yourself. People who have primary infertility have never experienced this so they are still very childlike. My sister hasnt been able to have any children and she is down right awful. Actually, I don't know a single nice infertile woman, and I know several infertile women closely- until they get pregnant for the first time they are completely awful women. and what makes it worse is that they excuse their selfish behavior. An infertile woman's struggles DOES NOT give you a pass to hate everyone around you. If you are jealous and depressed do something about it, dont expect the world to change for YOU - and don't say "go easy on yourself" CHANGE stop being hateful and a jealous monster. It is not the worlds fault that you are infertile. No other group of people with struggles gives themselves as many "passes" to act horribly as infertile women do. Cancer patients or people with extreme money problems or a disabled child do not allow themselves to be jealous of every other person not in their situation. They do not allow themselves to refuse to be friends with people not in their situation - why do you?

I hope you don't think of yourself as a nice person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate that every infertile woman I kmow go so easy on themselves for being consumed with jealosy and hatred. Jealousy is a sin and pregnant women did nothing to deserve. it. when infertile women act so horribly that no one can be around them (in most cases this includes their husband) they are only making a bad situation worse. know that infertility is hard, we tried for 4 years for our #3 - but I did not act like a rude person. And while I know that having 2 healthy children already is easier than having no children, it still was not fun. The reason I didn't turn jealous and bitter is because parenting (if done right) teaches people to be selfless - even if you are parenting an adopted child when there is a baby to take care of you have to learn to put another person before yourself. People who have primary infertility have never experienced this so they are still very childlike. My sister hasnt been able to have any children and she is down right awful. Actually, I don't know a single nice infertile woman, and I know several infertile women closely- until they get pregnant for the first time they are completely awful women. and what makes it worse is that they excuse their selfish behavior. An infertile woman's struggles DOES NOT give you a pass to hate everyone around you. If you are jealous and depressed do something about it, dont expect the world to change for YOU - and don't say "go easy on yourself" CHANGE stop being hateful and a jealous monster. It is not the worlds fault that you are infertile. No other group of people with struggles gives themselves as many "passes" to act horribly as infertile women do. Cancer patients or people with extreme money problems or a disabled child do not allow themselves to be jealous of every other person not in their situation. They do not allow themselves to refuse to be friends with people not in their situation - why do you?

Talk about a post full of hatred. Wow. Even for DCUM, wow.

Sounds like parenthood has only made you more hateful. Good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

It took 4 years to have #3... Wow, so the 2 healthy ones you had weren't good enough? Jealously is a sin?

This may be the most hateful post I have ever read on these boards.

[Anonymous]

My sister and her SIL went through the exact same situation as OP is describing, my sister playing the role of OP. They didn't have a good relationship to begin with and when my sister got pregnant and SIL didn't acknowledge it (they were struggling two years and in the process of IVF) my sister threw a fit - the only purpose of the fit was to continue her pre-existing determination to make SIL look like the worst human on the planet. When SIL finally had a baby through IVF they now don't get along about how their kids interact or exchange Christmas gifts, etc. I am ashamed my sister acted like that. She had plenty of people to listen to how she got pregnant nk the 1st try, by just her husband looking at her, blah blah blah. OP just admit this has nothing to do with your SIL not congratulating you but your quest to continue smearing her. This is just another means.

[Anonymous]

I'm tired of this notion that pregnant women are supposed to be worshiped and everyone has to fuss over them.

I'm all for offering a seat to a pregnant woman.

But I think pregnancy has become the new Bridezilla.

I was pregnant and had a miscarriage. I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant, and I have a sister who is infertile (three agonizing rounds of IVF). My plan was to be very low key about the pregnancy, because I love my sister. I understand her pain, and I didn't feel like she needed to do anything with regard to my pregnancy. I lost the baby, and I still didn't tell her about it, because I didn't want her to relive all of her pain from the years of trying.

People have to remember that aside from the grandparents-to-be, no one is going to care as much about your pregnancy and baby as you and your husband. Don't be entitled. Don't expect the world to stop and gush over the fact that you got pregnant. No one should wish you ill, but you also shouldn't expect to be the center of attention.

Enjoy your own pregnancy, enjoy your baby when it comes. And thank your lucky stars that you were able to get pregnant and that you carried a healthy baby to term. Because let me tell you something, you didn't do anything special to deserve it beyond any other woman on the planet. So much of it is luck and circumstance. Can't you just enjoy and appreciate that you have a healthy pregnancy?

It's all part of the narcissism of our culture. Getting married, getting pregnant, these aren't "accomplishments." They are stages of life that either happen or don't. No one "earns" them. A huge part of it is circumstance -- you were lucky to meet someone and fall in love. You were lucky to get pregnant and have no complications. You didn't earn these things. Appreciate them. But don't expect the world to stop, and more than anything, don't expect other people who, by circumstance, have not been given what you have to suddenly worship you.

As I wrote, I know the horrible heartbreak my sister has endured. I knew before I was pregnant. And then when I miscarried, I knew firsthand.

Now I have a relative who is pregnant and has made it a point to constantly update me on every aspect of her pregnancy and how wonderful it is to experience the baby moving, on and on. She knows I lost my pregnancy. But she seems to feel like I "owe" her this.

I have congratulated her. And I don't tell her how much of a jerk she is being. But her attitude and her actions have definitely made me less interested in being a part of her life.

Being pregnant isn't an excuse to be selfish, narcissistic and unkind. In fact, I firmly believe that being pregnant is a call to invoke your deepest capacity for compassion and empathy for others because you will soon be a mother. Having a baby and being a mother isn't about you getting something you want or you being the center of attention. It is a call to be a better person because you will now be responsible for another person and for teaching them compassion and empathy.

Maybe if all people regarded pregnancy in this way, we wouldn't have so many spoiled and entitled children who grow up to be spoiled and entitled and self-centered adults.

Flame away, people!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop judging her, OP. You know what she's going through. Show some compassion.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate that every infertile woman I kmow go so easy on themselves for being consumed with jealosy and hatred. Jealousy is a sin and pregnant women did nothing to deserve. it. when infertile women act so horribly that no one can be around them (in most cases this includes their husband) they are only making a bad situation worse. know that infertility is hard, we tried for 4 years for our #3 - but I did not act like a rude person. And while I know that having 2 healthy children already is easier than having no children, it still was not fun. The reason I didn't turn jealous and bitter is because parenting (if done right) teaches people to be selfless - even if you are parenting an adopted child when there is a baby to take care of you have to learn to put another person before yourself. People who have primary infertility have never experienced this so they are still very childlike. My sister hasnt been able to have any children and she is down right awful. Actually, I don't know a single nice infertile woman, and I know several infertile women closely- until they get pregnant for the first time they are completely awful women. and what makes it worse is that they excuse their selfish behavior. An infertile woman's struggles DOES NOT give you a pass to hate everyone around you. If you are jealous and depressed do something about it, dont expect the world to change for YOU - and don't say "go easy on yourself" CHANGE stop being hateful and a jealous monster. It is not the worlds fault that you are infertile. No other group of people with struggles gives themselves as many "passes" to act horribly as infertile women do. Cancer patients or people with extreme money problems or a disabled child do not allow themselves to be jealous of every other person not in their situation. They do not allow themselves to refuse to be friends with people not in their situation - why do you?

You're disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

No, it's not pain, it's jelaousy, plain and simple. Yet everybody is supposed to play along. Next thing you know, pregnant women will have to apologize to everyone unhappy with their own number od children.

Sure, it's jealousy. Human beings experience jealousy. We try to tell ourselves to get over it. When you are dealing with infertility, it is not that simple. Watching everyone else get pregnant, constantly seeing pregnancies in the news, knowing that the grandchild you've been trying for for years will not be the first grandchild, may not ever exist.... No, none of these thoughts or feelings are admirable. People who feel them don't WANT to feel them. That just adds guilt on top of all the other negative emotions you are feeling.

It's a very tough situation for everyone. I would just let the SIL go her own way. Enjoy your baby and pregnancy, remember to think about compassion for others, including SIL, even if she's not capable of extending the same compassion to you right now.

I agree with OP that it seems extreme to ignore the pregnancy of your kin. But you have to understand OP that SIL and your brother are in a terrible dark place right now. Not everyone is capable of being gracious in these circumstances. Just accept that and go about your baby business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate that every infertile woman I kmow go so easy on themselves for being consumed with jealosy and hatred. Jealousy is a sin and pregnant women did nothing to deserve. it. when infertile women act so horribly that no one can be around them (in most cases this includes their husband) they are only making a bad situation worse. know that infertility is hard, we tried for 4 years for our #3 - but I did not act like a rude person. And while I know that having 2 healthy children already is easier than having no children, it still was not fun. The reason I didn't turn jealous and bitter is because parenting (if done right) teaches people to be selfless - even if you are parenting an adopted child when there is a baby to take care of you have to learn to put another person before yourself. People who have primary infertility have never experienced this so they are still very childlike. My sister hasnt been able to have any children and she is down right awful. Actually, I don't know a single nice infertile woman, and I know several infertile women closely- until they get pregnant for the first time they are completely awful women. and what makes it worse is that they excuse their selfish behavior. An infertile woman's struggles DOES NOT give you a pass to hate everyone around you. If you are jealous and depressed do something about it, dont expect the world to change for YOU - and don't say "go easy on yourself" CHANGE stop being hateful and a jealous monster. It is not the worlds fault that you are infertile. No other group of people with struggles gives themselves as many "passes" to act horribly as infertile women do. Cancer patients or people with extreme money problems or a disabled child do not allow themselves to be jealous of every other person not in their situation. They do not allow themselves to refuse to be friends with people not in their situation - why do you?

You're disgusting.

I think she is spot-on. Infertility does not give you a pass to be a jealous, hateful monster. Someone who can't put her own ego out of the way to congratulate a family member has no business being a parent anyway.

[Anonymous]

Has your baby arrived yet Op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate that every infertile woman I kmow go so easy on themselves for being consumed with jealosy and hatred. Jealousy is a sin and pregnant women did nothing to deserve. it. when infertile women act so horribly that no one can be around them (in most cases this includes their husband) they are only making a bad situation worse. know that infertility is hard, we tried for 4 years for our #3 - but I did not act like a rude person. And while I know that having 2 healthy children already is easier than having no children, it still was not fun. The reason I didn't turn jealous and bitter is because parenting (if done right) teaches people to be selfless - even if you are parenting an adopted child when there is a baby to take care of you have to learn to put another person before yourself. People who have primary infertility have never experienced this so they are still very childlike. My sister hasnt been able to have any children and she is down right awful. Actually, I don't know a single nice infertile woman, and I know several infertile women closely- until they get pregnant for the first time they are completely awful women. and what makes it worse is that they excuse their selfish behavior. An infertile woman's struggles DOES NOT give you a pass to hate everyone around you. If you are jealous and depressed do something about it, dont expect the world to change for YOU - and don't say "go easy on yourself" CHANGE stop being hateful and a jealous monster. It is not the worlds fault that you are infertile. No other group of people with struggles gives themselves as many "passes" to act horribly as infertile women do. Cancer patients or people with extreme money problems or a disabled child do not allow themselves to be jealous of every other person not in their situation. They do not allow themselves to refuse to be friends with people not in their situation - why do you?

You were not infertile. You had 2 kids. You don't get to tell actual infertile women how to feel. I know many women without children who are lovely. Does that just blow yor mind?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate that every infertile woman I kmow go so easy on themselves for being consumed with jealosy and hatred. Jealousy is a sin and pregnant women did nothing to deserve. it. when infertile women act so horribly that no one can be around them (in most cases this includes their husband) they are only making a bad situation worse. know that infertility is hard, we tried for 4 years for our #3 - but I did not act like a rude person. And while I know that having 2 healthy children already is easier than having no children, it still was not fun. The reason I didn't turn jealous and bitter is because parenting (if done right) teaches people to be selfless - even if you are parenting an adopted child when there is a baby to take care of you have to learn to put another person before yourself. People who have primary infertility have never experienced this so they are still very childlike. My sister hasnt been able to have any children and she is down right awful. Actually, I don't know a single nice infertile woman, and I know several infertile women closely- until they get pregnant for the first time they are completely awful women. and what makes it worse is that they excuse their selfish behavior. An infertile woman's struggles DOES NOT give you a pass to hate everyone around you. If you are jealous and depressed do something about it, dont expect the world to change for YOU - and don't say "go easy on yourself" CHANGE stop being hateful and a jealous monster. It is not the worlds fault that you are infertile. No other group of people with struggles gives themselves as many "passes" to act horribly as infertile women do. Cancer patients or people with extreme money problems or a disabled child do not allow themselves to be jealous of every other person not in their situation. They do not allow themselves to refuse to be friends with people not in their situation - why do you?

You don't know a single nice infertile woman? How do you know the fertility status of everybody you know? Maybe some of the people you do like are infertile but you just don't know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate that every infertile woman I kmow go so easy on themselves for being consumed with jealosy and hatred. Jealousy is a sin and pregnant women did nothing to deserve. it. when infertile women act so horribly that no one can be around them (in most cases this includes their husband) they are only making a bad situation worse. know that infertility is hard, we tried for 4 years for our #3 - but I did not act like a rude person. And while I know that having 2 healthy children already is easier than having no children, it still was not fun. The reason I didn't turn jealous and bitter is because parenting (if done right) teaches people to be selfless - even if you are parenting an adopted child when there is a baby to take care of you have to learn to put another person before yourself. People who have primary infertility have never experienced this so they are still very childlike. My sister hasnt been able to have any children and she is down right awful. Actually, I don't know a single nice infertile woman, and I know several infertile women closely- until they get pregnant for the first time they are completely awful women. and what makes it worse is that they excuse their selfish behavior. An infertile woman's struggles DOES NOT give you a pass to hate everyone around you. If you are jealous and depressed do something about it, dont expect the world to change for YOU - and don't say "go easy on yourself" CHANGE stop being hateful and a jealous monster. It is not the worlds fault that you are infertile. No other group of people with struggles gives themselves as many "passes" to act horribly as infertile women do. Cancer patients or people with extreme money problems or a disabled child do not allow themselves to be jealous of every other person not in their situation. They do not allow themselves to refuse to be friends with people not in their situation - why do you?

You don't know a single nice infertile woman? How do you know the fertility status of everybody you know? Maybe some of the people you do like are infertile but you just don't know it.

+1000
People don't exactly around announcing it to everyone thy meet.