I’m a black man married to a white woman: Ask me anything.

[takoma]

I don't recall any IR marriages before moving to DC, but there were quite a few when I moved here (LOOOONG ago), and it's still no big thing inn my neighborhood. Some BW/WH, but more BH/WW. I don't recall it being a problem for any of the kids, but I didn't hang out with them, so I may have just been unaware.

One funny memory -- I was with a white friend in a jazz group at one of his gigs. I recall him getting into an argument with another white musician about which of them understood blacks better. My friend tries to trump the argument with his BW, and the other guy matches him. Funny thing is that they played dixieland -- that's almost as white as country!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Country or Hip-hop?

NP--black husband/white wife, and we listen to punk and drum n bass!!!

Been rocking this one on soundcloud , waiting for it to come out 7/7

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think it is so much more common for a black man to marry a white woman than for a black woman to marry a white man?

Not the OP, but my understanding has been that there is greater stigma for black women to date/marry white men because in the history of slavery, rape of black enslaved women by their white owners was so common.

Abigail part of it is that the beauty ideal in this country is the white woman. So black men are conditioned to be attracted to white women, but white men are not conditioned to find most black women attractive.


Lol not true.

You don't think it is true that the American beauty ideal is the white woman? Really?

[Anonymous]

Has anyone asked if your wife has been threatened by black women while out in public with you?

[Anonymous]

My daughter (white) was best friends with and wanted to marry a boy in her class (black). They were obsessed with each other most of the year but the black, non yuppie, girls in her class did NOT appear to approve. ( High Ses black girls did not appear to care). One came up to me on the playground to tell me about their relationship and it was clear she expected me to be horrified. Sadly this pressure seems to have led to the demise of their relationship. I am sad my daughter got to live in a color blind world so briefly. My daughter is 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a question for OP: Are you and/or your white wife friendly to black women? I ask because there are quite a few interracial couples at DD's elementary school. A couple are BW/WH, but the majority, as with the population as a whole are BH/WW. I am a black female, and in my experience, in the couples where the wife is black, both spouses are relatively friendly and engaging. But the couples where the wife is white, both parties are very standoffish. I have tried for years to make friends with some of these people, and they are very distant. I barely get a smile or a hello. And the black husbands are even less friendly than their white wives. What is up with that?

I can relate to this. From DCUM, I can only guess that the WW are so prepared for "the angry black woman" that they don't take the time to realize that the grimace they are expecting is really a smile.

Is this response from OP? If not, I guess I am getting the cold shoulder again from the black guy with the white wife, lol.

[Anonymous]

Fine. I'll just come out with it.

HOW BIG IS YOUR SCHLONG?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do u have $$$$? DO u feel superior? Are u educated? Are u from the same SES? Does your family like her?

We are doing relatively well together - but not rich. No one is superior to anyone else. I am educated. We are from very different SES - I grew up very poor, she was upper-middle class. My family LOVES her!

There's an obvious follow up question to that. How does her family feel about you and your family?

OP here. Yep, that was the catch - her mom was cool, dad not so much. He tried tried to mask his prejudice by voicing concerns about how mixed families face huge difficulties, but his family saw through that. It took him a couple years before he was at ease. I think he got to know me as a person and realized his ignorance. Today, we both get along very well. We have fun laughing together. I do admire that about him considering where I know he came from. People can change.

Wow, he must really be working hard to become less "ignorant" and I bet he loves how you "admire him" What choice does he have? You sound insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do u have $$$$? DO u feel superior? Are u educated? Are u from the same SES? Does your family like her?

We are doing relatively well together - but not rich. No one is superior to anyone else. I am educated. We are from very different SES - I grew up very poor, she was upper-middle class. My family LOVES her!

There's an obvious follow up question to that. How does her family feel about you and your family?

OP here. Yep, that was the catch - her mom was cool, dad not so much. He tried tried to mask his prejudice by voicing concerns about how mixed families face huge difficulties, but his family saw through that. It took him a couple years before he was at ease. I think he got to know me as a person and realized his ignorance. Today, we both get along very well. We have fun laughing together. I do admire that about him considering where I know he came from. People can change.

Wow, he must really be working hard to become less "ignorant" and I bet he loves how you "admire him" What choice does he have? You sound insufferable.

OP here. I suppose that could sound arrogant of me to say, but his views were just that, ignorant. His choice was to check his prejudices or live his life loathing the fact his daughter is married to a black man. He made the right decision and I do have a lot of respect for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your a disgrace to the AA community...Watch you cheat with a black woman. White wimen look horrible when they age...YUCK...COWARD

I still enjoy a very strong, loving relationship with the AA community. It will always be a part of who I am and my DW is very much a part of that bond.

I dont get this. How is your wife part of the bond you feel towards the AA community?

Had your wife dated black men, or men of other races before you?

OP here. I just mean that she has bonded well with my family and friends and she understands a lot about the culture, especially since we've had kids.
I was her first IR relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do your mutual friends skew racially?

I.e., are you one of few black people in your broader mix, are you pretty well diverse, or is your wife the only white person in your crew?

We enjoy a very diverse group of friends. We are comfortable in most settings.

[Anonymous]

What would you think about a black man who said, "I could have married a white woman"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your wife remind you of your mother?

And, when you look at her do you see white or woman, first?

By the why, what inspired you to put up this post, you said earlier that it took you a while to respond to our replies because you were between meetings. It just seems like an odd thing to do given your time crunch.

OP here. Interesting question. No my DW does not remind me of my mother, except for the fact that they are both incredibly strong women who can cook like there's no tommorow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your wife remind you of your mother?

And, when you look at her do you see white or woman, first?

By the why, what inspired you to put up this post, you said earlier that it took you a while to respond to our replies because you were between meetings. It just seems like an odd thing to do given your time crunch.

OP here. Interesting question. No my DW does not remind me of my mother, except for the fact that they are both incredibly strong women who can cook like there's no tommorow!

When I look at her I see the woman I love and the mother of my DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if you guys were a tv couple who would you be? Anything like the interracial couple of ABC's Happy Endings. Love them.

Do you have a female blk best friend, friends or work wife?

Neither one of are very big on TV so it's hard to give a comparable. I do not have a black best female friend or work wife. I do have female friends of many races.