How much money would your spouse/significant other have to make in order for you to stay home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, are you independent because you grow your own food and rely on a barter economy instead of a job?

I am not independent. Few people are. But there is nothing wrong with relying on others. Things work better that way to some degree. If everyone has a role and works together you get better results than if everyone is on a high horse of delusions.

Ok she depends on her husband to do his part. He depends on her to do hers. You depend on your company to stay in business. You depend on your boss not to fire you. Everyone depends on someone. However as for financial independence...a job is the worst way to try and achieve that so there is no reason to use a job to look down on other mothers and its very laughable.

Except you AND your husband are now relying on your husband having a job, rather than spreading out the risk. So your notion of what constitutes financial independence seems a little whacked. I'm not judging your choice to SAH at all. I think if two parents can work together as partners to make it work and are happy with the ways they each contribute to the family, that's wonderful. But your premise that all WOH parents aren't truly financially independent because they're relying on a job rather than a spouse is ludicrous.

I want my children to be able to think outside the box by default. I want them to know that there is not just one way to go about life and make a living. I have never stated how my husband and I make a living and that's quite intentional. There is nothing secret or unusual about it, I just know the audience on here isn't really interested in discussions. They are interested in finding something to get upset about.

There are lots of ways that children can have a parent at home while not relying on one source of income. My hope is that more people, women in particular, seek out these options from the beginning. If women know they want kids then I wish they had the resources to plan their source of income around their kids and not the other way around. And by resources I mean finding out about these options at 18 and not 38. It makes things so much easier and less stressful. But this is not what is taught in society and I think that is a shame.

And yet you continue to be secretive about how you financially support yourselves. It's pretty obnoxious to start with a post on this thread that you had to know was going to come off as judgmental to others and then follow up with you dangling your supposed perfect family life in front of everyone and then say, "well, I would tell you the secret to my perfect happiness, but you wouldn't want to hear about that, because you'd all just judge me." Then you say it's shameful that women aren't taught about these wonderful secret resources earlier in life. WHAT RESOURCES? Trust fund? Pyramid schemes? Betting it all on black? Printing your own money? Starting your own society in the woods?

[Anonymous]

Maybe they knock over liquor stores to support their lifestyle? Who knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Im the PP. I don't think we're talking about whether or not our kids would DIE. Who said anything about our kids dying if we werent home? funny how you slid that one in. This is about whether or not you could make it work on one paycheck. My story was simply to show that it can be done. I can assure you that you're just trying to ease your own sense of guilt for putting yourself in a situation where you're forced to work. I have been on both sides of the argument - working full time with kids and being a SAHM. When I was working FT, I used to think that all the SAHMs sat around with their girlfriends lunching, getting their manis/pedis and going to the gym. When I became a SAHM I understood just how wrong I was.
Now I am going to say that IF you decide to become a SAHM, best to do it as your kids start school because that's when I found my kids really started needing me. Not just for homework but for the less obvious stuff - like conversations regarding their day. What they experienced. Who their friends are or arent. Nearly impossible to do that if you've been working all day, then drag yourself through the door to put some kind of decent meal on the table, all the while pretending to listen to your kids and DH about their days.

As for the person that commented on living in Richmond. Sorry to say that you live where the jobs are. Can't just pick up and move to Richmond because it's easier to live on $60K a year.

Well, no. My husband and I, through luck, hard work and opportunity, each make enough to support our family. I am not guilty for putting myself in a situation where I have to work, because I am not in that situation. In fact, working my tail off has paid off well - when my daughter is school aged, I will easily be able to leave work at 3:30 each day and be with her in the afternoons and evenings. Not everyone who made a choice different than yours is living a sad, miserable life filled with regrets - on the contrary, I'm really happy with my life.

Also, as a FT working mom, I have never thought that SAHMs just sit around all day - my mom was a SAHM, and a lot of my cousins and friends SAH. I know that every mom and every family is different. I just think it's silly to elevate what you do and criticize others to justify your decisions. I can comfortably manage my 40 hour work week with my short commute. I am organized enough that I don't cook much during the week (I cook and prep over the weekend while my daughter naps.) I ride the metro home with DD, and after she goes to bed (3 hours after I pick her up) I have a few hours to hang out with DH.

[Anonymous]

want my children to be able to think outside the box by default. I want them to know that there is not just one way to go about life and make a living. I have never stated how my husband and I make a living and that's quite intentional. There is nothing secret or unusual about it, I just know the audience on here isn't really interested in discussions. They are interested in finding something to get upset about.

There are lots of ways that children can have a parent at home while not relying on one source of income. My hope is that more people, women in particular, seek out these options from the beginning. If women know they want kids then I wish they had the resources to plan their source of income around their kids and not the other way around. And by resources I mean finding out about these options at 18 and not 38. It makes things so much easier and less stressful. But this is not what is taught in society and I think that is a shame.

I'm all for SAHMs, WOHMs, whatever, but you personally are incredibly annoying, sanctimonious, and condescending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And yet you continue to be secretive about how you financially support yourselves. It's pretty obnoxious to start with a post on this thread that you had to know was going to come off as judgmental to others and then follow up with you dangling your supposed perfect family life in front of everyone and then say, "well, I would tell you the secret to my perfect happiness, but you wouldn't want to hear about that, because you'd all just judge me." Then you say it's shameful that women aren't taught about these wonderful secret resources earlier in life. WHAT RESOURCES? Trust fund? Pyramid schemes? Betting it all on black? Printing your own money? Starting your own society in the woods

My life isn't perfect and neither am I. In fact one of my biggest flaws is a lack of patience for repeating myself or stating what I feel is obvious. It infuriates me, and I have a hard time with this part of my life. However I am working on it...slowly. Kids I can deal with because they are kids but adults...I feel should listen and think before asking people to repeat.

So if you have a question that you can ask in a dignified manner then perhaps we can talk. However your question about the resources was answered when I said 'and by resources I mean information' or something to that effect. As for secrets, there are no secrets. Find something based around you eventually wanting kids. Don't start a career that's not kid friendly and then end up having to make tough choices. Plan when you are 18 instead of when you are 28 and you will be happier. I believe I said that in a less verbose manner.

I suppose the next question could be-plan what? And to that I say "oh boy..."

[Anonymous]

"Maybe they knock over liquor stores to support their lifestyle? Who knows."

I'm getting a religious whacko vibe from our Mystery Poster.

[Anonymous]

I would never 100% SAH, but I would drop down to PT if my husband made 300K (where we are right now combined) however since he makes 175K, I think that is a loooog way off and by that time my kids will be just about grown.

We had kids young so I'll save putting work on the back burner for when we are 50 and the kids have graduated college and we can do things again together as a couple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, are you independent because you grow your own food and rely on a barter economy instead of a job?

I am not independent. Few people are. But there is nothing wrong with relying on others. Things work better that way to some degree. If everyone has a role and works together you get better results than if everyone is on a high horse of delusions.

Ok she depends on her husband to do his part. He depends on her to do hers. You depend on your company to stay in business. You depend on your boss not to fire you. Everyone depends on someone. However as for financial independence...a job is the worst way to try and achieve that so there is no reason to use a job to look down on other mothers and its very laughable.

Except you AND your husband are now relying on your husband having a job, rather than spreading out the risk. So your notion of what constitutes financial independence seems a little whacked. I'm not judging your choice to SAH at all. I think if two parents can work together as partners to make it work and are happy with the ways they each contribute to the family, that's wonderful. But your premise that all WOH parents aren't truly financially independent because they're relying on a job rather than a spouse is ludicrous.

I want my children to be able to think outside the box by default. I want them to know that there is not just one way to go about life and make a living. I have never stated how my husband and I make a living and that's quite intentional. There is nothing secret or unusual about it, I just know the audience on here isn't really interested in discussions. They are interested in finding something to get upset about.

There are lots of ways that children can have a parent at home while not relying on one source of income. My hope is that more people, women in particular, seek out these options from the beginning. If women know they want kids then I wish they had the resources to plan their source of income around their kids and not the other way around. And by resources I mean finding out about these options at 18 and not 38. It makes things so much easier and less stressful. But this is not what is taught in society and I think that is a shame.

And yet you continue to be secretive about how you financially support yourselves. It's pretty obnoxious to start with a post on this thread that you had to know was going to come off as judgmental to others and then follow up with you dangling your supposed perfect family life in front of everyone and then say, "well, I would tell you the secret to my perfect happiness, but you wouldn't want to hear about that, because you'd all just judge me." Then you say it's shameful that women aren't taught about these wonderful secret resources earlier in life. WHAT RESOURCES? Trust fund? Pyramid schemes? Betting it all on black? Printing your own money? Starting your own society in the woods?

I'm putting my money on one or more of these:

MaryKay
Pampered Chef
Avon
Candle Sales
or
Southern Living

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never have kids and then give them to someone else to raise when they are 3 months old unless I HAD to. And if I valued independence then a job is the last thing I would have. You know I might actually try to be independent as opposed to dependent on a job and someone else to raise my kids.

sheweeeee! glad you got to blow off that steam!!! happy for you that you feel much better now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


I'm putting my money on one or more of these:

MaryKay
Pampered Chef
Avon
Candle Sales
or
Southern Living

No disrespect to anyone who does this, but direct sales is for high school girls. Really I did this in 9th grade. My mother let me get an account in her name. I rocked it until I realized that it was too limiting. Too many rules on how I could promote and the margins were not high enough. Things might have changed since then, I wouldn't know. Good for you if you can make it work but as an adult it wouldn't be worth my time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


I'm putting my money on one or more of these:

MaryKay
Pampered Chef
Avon
Candle Sales
or
Southern Living

No disrespect to anyone who does this, but direct sales is for high school girls. Really I did this in 9th grade. My mother let me get an account in her name. I rocked it until I realized that it was too limiting. Too many rules on how I could promote and the margins were not high enough. Things might have changed since then, I wouldn't know. Good for you if you can make it work but as an adult it wouldn't be worth my time.

That poster was joking. Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And yet you continue to be secretive about how you financially support yourselves. It's pretty obnoxious to start with a post on this thread that you had to know was going to come off as judgmental to others and then follow up with you dangling your supposed perfect family life in front of everyone and then say, "well, I would tell you the secret to my perfect happiness, but you wouldn't want to hear about that, because you'd all just judge me." Then you say it's shameful that women aren't taught about these wonderful secret resources earlier in life. WHAT RESOURCES? Trust fund? Pyramid schemes? Betting it all on black? Printing your own money? Starting your own society in the woods

My life isn't perfect and neither am I. In fact one of my biggest flaws is a lack of patience for repeating myself or stating what I feel is obvious. It infuriates me, and I have a hard time with this part of my life. However I am working on it...slowly. Kids I can deal with because they are kids but adults...I feel should listen and think before asking people to repeat.

So if you have a question that you can ask in a dignified manner then perhaps we can talk. However your question about the resources was answered when I said 'and by resources I mean information' or something to that effect. As for secrets, there are no secrets. Find something based around you eventually wanting kids. Don't start a career that's not kid friendly and then end up having to make tough choices. Plan when you are 18 instead of when you are 28 and you will be happier. I believe I said that in a less verbose manner.

I suppose the next question could be-plan what? And to that I say "oh boy..."

Clearly there are secrets, like how you make your money. Plan when you're 18, folks! Wow, are you obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


I'm putting my money on one or more of these:

MaryKay
Pampered Chef
Avon
Candle Sales
or
Southern Living

No disrespect to anyone who does this, but direct sales is for high school girls. Really I did this in 9th grade. My mother let me get an account in her name. I rocked it until I realized that it was too limiting. Too many rules on how I could promote and the margins were not high enough. Things might have changed since then, I wouldn't know. Good for you if you can make it work but as an adult it wouldn't be worth my time.

That poster was joking. Wow.

No, she wasn't. She was actually spot on. The PP above was talking about all women starting at age 18 should be prepping themselves to start pumping out those babies. If they want to make $$$ they need to plan on having a job that allows them to do it on the side. Hence the list of these awesome options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And yet you continue to be secretive about how you financially support yourselves. It's pretty obnoxious to start with a post on this thread that you had to know was going to come off as judgmental to others and then follow up with you dangling your supposed perfect family life in front of everyone and then say, "well, I would tell you the secret to my perfect happiness, but you wouldn't want to hear about that, because you'd all just judge me." Then you say it's shameful that women aren't taught about these wonderful secret resources earlier in life. WHAT RESOURCES? Trust fund? Pyramid schemes? Betting it all on black? Printing your own money? Starting your own society in the woods

My life isn't perfect and neither am I. In fact one of my biggest flaws is a lack of patience for repeating myself or stating what I feel is obvious. It infuriates me, and I have a hard time with this part of my life. However I am working on it...slowly. Kids I can deal with because they are kids but adults...I feel should listen and think before asking people to repeat.

So if you have a question that you can ask in a dignified manner then perhaps we can talk. However your question about the resources was answered when I said 'and by resources I mean information' or something to that effect. As for secrets, there are no secrets. Find something based around you eventually wanting kids. Don't start a career that's not kid friendly and then end up having to make tough choices. Plan when you are 18 instead of when you are 28 and you will be happier. I believe I said that in a less verbose manner.

I suppose the next question could be-plan what? And to that I say "oh boy..."

Clearly my many many years of schooling (JD/MD) was for naught because I simply can't understand what you are trying to say. So for us simpletons, why don't you just spell out what your source of income is. Dividends, trust fund, mary kay... Because I would like to teach my daughter this secret!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And yet you continue to be secretive about how you financially support yourselves. It's pretty obnoxious to start with a post on this thread that you had to know was going to come off as judgmental to others and then follow up with you dangling your supposed perfect family life in front of everyone and then say, "well, I would tell you the secret to my perfect happiness, but you wouldn't want to hear about that, because you'd all just judge me." Then you say it's shameful that women aren't taught about these wonderful secret resources earlier in life. WHAT RESOURCES? Trust fund? Pyramid schemes? Betting it all on black? Printing your own money? Starting your own society in the woods

My life isn't perfect and neither am I. In fact one of my biggest flaws is a lack of patience for repeating myself or stating what I feel is obvious. It infuriates me, and I have a hard time with this part of my life. However I am working on it...slowly. Kids I can deal with because they are kids but adults...I feel should listen and think before asking people to repeat.

So if you have a question that you can ask in a dignified manner then perhaps we can talk. However your question about the resources was answered when I said 'and by resources I mean information' or something to that effect. As for secrets, there are no secrets. Find something based around you eventually wanting kids. Don't start a career that's not kid friendly and then end up having to make tough choices. Plan when you are 18 instead of when you are 28 and you will be happier. I believe I said that in a less verbose manner.

I suppose the next question could be-plan what? And to that I say "oh boy..."

Clearly my many many years of schooling (JD/MD) was for naught because I simply can't understand what you are trying to say. So for us simpletons, why don't you just spell out what your source of income is. Dividends, trust fund, mary kay... Because I would like to teach my daughter this secret!

I wonder if this is the same poster that knew she wanted to SAH when she started college and started building up her business then? I am so glad that 18 I felt the world was mine and could do anything, and didn't limit myself to things that could be done only in my den!