How much money would your spouse/significant other have to make in order for you to stay home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM (now) but went back to work last year as DH lost his job - was unemployed for ONE YEAR. Ladies, we went from $280K to $60K and guess what, WE MADE IT WORK. Don't get me wrong, it was tough as shit, but it was amazing how much money we "saved" by just staying the hell home and not buying stuff we just didnt really and truly need. Now, $60K is impossible for a family of 4 to live on anywhere in the country for an extended period of time -and we did wrack up $30K in credit card debt (never, ever, ever, ever carried debt in our 15 yrs of marriage. hate it, makes me uncomfortable) but my point is that many of you could live on one paycheck if you really needed to. it's all a matter of priorities. DH is now employed again and making the same money. we are working like hell to get rid of all of our debt.

And I am a SAHM again. We have young children that need me to be home. That's more important than a big, fancy house, private school (both of which we've had/done in the past), new clothes every week/month.

Do your kids have special needs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM (now) but went back to work last year as DH lost his job - was unemployed for ONE YEAR. Ladies, we went from $280K to $60K and guess what, WE MADE IT WORK. Don't get me wrong, it was tough as shit, but it was amazing how much money we "saved" by just staying the hell home and not buying stuff we just didnt really and truly need. Now, $60K is impossible for a family of 4 to live on anywhere in the country for an extended period of time -and we did wrack up $30K in credit card debt (never, ever, ever, ever carried debt in our 15 yrs of marriage. hate it, makes me uncomfortable) but my point is that many of you could live on one paycheck if you really needed to. it's all a matter of priorities. DH is now employed again and making the same money. we are working like hell to get rid of all of our debt.

And I am a SAHM again. We have young children that need me to be home. That's more important than a big, fancy house, private school (both of which we've had/done in the past), new clothes every week/month.

Really?

My family of 4 is living quite comfortably on 60k in Richmond, VA (nice neighborhood, too). Get out of the DC bubble and get some perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM (now) but went back to work last year as DH lost his job - was unemployed for ONE YEAR. Ladies, we went from $280K to $60K and guess what, WE MADE IT WORK. Don't get me wrong, it was tough as shit, but it was amazing how much money we "saved" by just staying the hell home and not buying stuff we just didnt really and truly need. Now, $60K is impossible for a family of 4 to live on anywhere in the country for an extended period of time -and we did wrack up $30K in credit card debt (never, ever, ever, ever carried debt in our 15 yrs of marriage. hate it, makes me uncomfortable) but my point is that many of you could live on one paycheck if you really needed to. it's all a matter of priorities. DH is now employed again and making the same money. we are working like hell to get rid of all of our debt.

And I am a SAHM again. We have young children that need me to be home. That's more important than a big, fancy house, private school (both of which we've had/done in the past), new clothes every week/month.

Do your kids have special needs?

Not the poster but why would that matter? She feels her young kids benefit from having her home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM (now) but went back to work last year as DH lost his job - was unemployed for ONE YEAR. Ladies, we went from $280K to $60K and guess what, WE MADE IT WORK. Don't get me wrong, it was tough as shit, but it was amazing how much money we "saved" by just staying the hell home and not buying stuff we just didnt really and truly need. Now, $60K is impossible for a family of 4 to live on anywhere in the country for an extended period of time -and we did wrack up $30K in credit card debt (never, ever, ever, ever carried debt in our 15 yrs of marriage. hate it, makes me uncomfortable) but my point is that many of you could live on one paycheck if you really needed to. it's all a matter of priorities. DH is now employed again and making the same money. we are working like hell to get rid of all of our debt.

And I am a SAHM again. We have young children that need me to be home. That's more important than a big, fancy house, private school (both of which we've had/done in the past), new clothes every week/month.

Do your kids have special needs?

Not the poster but why would that matter? She feels her young kids benefit from having her home.

It's just a funny way to put it. Her kids don't "need" her to be home. If her husband's job evaporated, or she and her DH both had to work, her kids would not die. They would be fine. My daughter thrives at day care, that doesn't mean she "needs" to be at daycare. If our circumstances chaned, she'd be fine at home with me, or with her grandparents or whatever. The vast majority of children in the world thrive without having their moms staying at home with them.

[Anonymous]

"And I am a SAHM again. We have young children that need me to be home. That's more important than a big, fancy house, private school (both of which we've had/done in the past), new clothes every week/month."

Did these kids need you at home when you were working because your DH lost his job?

[Anonymous]

I would not stay home unless my husband made 150K, because I want to be able to afford private or parochial school for DS. We purchased our home before we had DS, and our school district is awful, but we can't get out of this home easily for several reasons. I would not feel like I was doing right by sending DS to our local public. I was awarded a scholarship to a private school in 5th grade, and it totally changed the outcome of my life, not because it was "fancy," but because it provided me with an education, connections, and opportunities that I never would have had otherwise. I wish I could not work and have more time with DS, but I don't think he "needs" me to be home. He's 3 and a half, in daycare, and seems really happy, smart, and well-adjusted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM (now) but went back to work last year as DH lost his job - was unemployed for ONE YEAR. Ladies, we went from $280K to $60K and guess what, WE MADE IT WORK. Don't get me wrong, it was tough as shit, but it was amazing how much money we "saved" by just staying the hell home and not buying stuff we just didnt really and truly need. Now, $60K is impossible for a family of 4 to live on anywhere in the country for an extended period of time -and we did wrack up $30K in credit card debt (never, ever, ever, ever carried debt in our 15 yrs of marriage. hate it, makes me uncomfortable) but my point is that many of you could live on one paycheck if you really needed to. it's all a matter of priorities. DH is now employed again and making the same money. we are working like hell to get rid of all of our debt.

And I am a SAHM again. We have young children that need me to be home. That's more important than a big, fancy house, private school (both of which we've had/done in the past), new clothes every week/month.

Do your kids have special needs?

Not the poster but why would that matter? She feels her young kids benefit from having her home.

It's just a funny way to put it. Her kids don't "need" her to be home. If her husband's job evaporated, or she and her DH both had to work, her kids would not die. They would be fine. My daughter thrives at day care, that doesn't mean she "needs" to be at daycare. If our circumstances chaned, she'd be fine at home with me, or with her grandparents or whatever. The vast majority of children in the world thrive without having their moms staying at home with them.

Im the PP. I don't think we're talking about whether or not our kids would DIE. Who said anything about our kids dying if we werent home? funny how you slid that one in. This is about whether or not you could make it work on one paycheck. My story was simply to show that it can be done. I can assure you that you're just trying to ease your own sense of guilt for putting yourself in a situation where you're forced to work. I have been on both sides of the argument - working full time with kids and being a SAHM. When I was working FT, I used to think that all the SAHMs sat around with their girlfriends lunching, getting their manis/pedis and going to the gym. When I became a SAHM I understood just how wrong I was.
Now I am going to say that IF you decide to become a SAHM, best to do it as your kids start school because that's when I found my kids really started needing me. Not just for homework but for the less obvious stuff - like conversations regarding their day. What they experienced. Who their friends are or arent. Nearly impossible to do that if you've been working all day, then drag yourself through the door to put some kind of decent meal on the table, all the while pretending to listen to your kids and DH about their days.

As for the person that commented on living in Richmond. Sorry to say that you live where the jobs are. Can't just pick up and move to Richmond because it's easier to live on $60K a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, are you independent because you grow your own food and rely on a barter economy instead of a job?

I am not independent. Few people are. But there is nothing wrong with relying on others. Things work better that way to some degree. If everyone has a role and works together you get better results than if everyone is on a high horse of delusions.

Ok she depends on her husband to do his part. He depends on her to do hers. You depend on your company to stay in business. You depend on your boss not to fire you. Everyone depends on someone. However as for financial independence...a job is the worst way to try and achieve that so there is no reason to use a job to look down on other mothers and its very laughable.

Except you AND your husband are now relying on your husband having a job, rather than spreading out the risk. So your notion of what constitutes financial independence seems a little whacked. I'm not judging your choice to SAH at all. I think if two parents can work together as partners to make it work and are happy with the ways they each contribute to the family, that's wonderful. But your premise that all WOH parents aren't truly financially independent because they're relying on a job rather than a spouse is ludicrous.

[Anonymous]

60k is doable in this area... if you have no mortgage...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM (now) but went back to work last year as DH lost his job - was unemployed for ONE YEAR. Ladies, we went from $280K to $60K and guess what, WE MADE IT WORK. Don't get me wrong, it was tough as shit, but it was amazing how much money we "saved" by just staying the hell home and not buying stuff we just didnt really and truly need. Now, $60K is impossible for a family of 4 to live on anywhere in the country for an extended period of time -and we did wrack up $30K in credit card debt (never, ever, ever, ever carried debt in our 15 yrs of marriage. hate it, makes me uncomfortable) but my point is that many of you could live on one paycheck if you really needed to. it's all a matter of priorities. DH is now employed again and making the same money. we are working like hell to get rid of all of our debt.

And I am a SAHM again. We have young children that need me to be home. That's more important than a big, fancy house, private school (both of which we've had/done in the past), new clothes every week/month.

Do your kids have special needs?

Not the poster but why would that matter? She feels her young kids benefit from having her home.

You are the only one talking aout jobs. I was merely refuting what PP said, that NO family of four can live on 60k. Most places in the US. 60k is a comfortable salary. If you think it's not, you need a reality check.

It's just a funny way to put it. Her kids don't "need" her to be home. If her husband's job evaporated, or she and her DH both had to work, her kids would not die. They would be fine. My daughter thrives at day care, that doesn't mean she "needs" to be at daycare. If our circumstances chaned, she'd be fine at home with me, or with her grandparents or whatever. The vast majority of children in the world thrive without having their moms staying at home with them.

Im the PP. I don't think we're talking about whether or not our kids would DIE. Who said anything about our kids dying if we werent home? funny how you slid that one in. This is about whether or not you could make it work on one paycheck. My story was simply to show that it can be done. I can assure you that you're just trying to ease your own sense of guilt for putting yourself in a situation where you're forced to work. I have been on both sides of the argument - working full time with kids and being a SAHM. When I was working FT, I used to think that all the SAHMs sat around with their girlfriends lunching, getting their manis/pedis and going to the gym. When I became a SAHM I understood just how wrong I was.
Now I am going to say that IF you decide to become a SAHM, best to do it as your kids start school because that's when I found my kids really started needing me. Not just for homework but for the less obvious stuff - like conversations regarding their day. What they experienced. Who their friends are or arent. Nearly impossible to do that if you've been working all day, then drag yourself through the door to put some kind of decent meal on the table, all the while pretending to listen to your kids and DH about their days.

As for the person that commented on living in Richmond. Sorry to say that you live where the jobs are. Can't just pick up and move to Richmond because it's easier to live on $60K a year.

[Anonymous]

I don't think we're talking about whether or not our kids would DIE. Who said anything about our kids dying if we werent home?

It's not an issue of whether they would "DIE." All I can say is that I don't stay home, and my son is smart, sociable, friendly, and well adjusted. Honestly, I look at him sometimes and can't believe that he came from two people as neurotic and difficult as DH and I. Maybe he would be even better if I stayed home with him - some sort of superkid or something. But he's doing more than just barely hanging on without me home. I just think many kids would turn out great either way.

[Anonymous]

I was a SAHM for 10 years, until our youngest child started elementary school. To be honest I stayed home because I wanted to breastfeed on demand and I wanted to have more babies. I worked very PT (1-2 evenings per week) during those 10 years because I enjoyed it. Now that chapter of my life is finished. I work a FT M-F 9-5 job. I have no regrets about staying home with my kids. Those were good years. My DH's income was about 100K/yr during those years. I don't have expensive tastes and we don't have debt besides the mortgage so I didn't feel poor.

[Anonymous]

$150k

That's what we currently make combined (with both of us working ft), so if he made that on his own then I could stay home. It will never happen. He has a state govt job with a great pension and Cadillac healthcare insurance and benefits (like years of vacation days stored up), so he will never willingly leave his job. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, are you independent because you grow your own food and rely on a barter economy instead of a job?

I am not independent. Few people are. But there is nothing wrong with relying on others. Things work better that way to some degree. If everyone has a role and works together you get better results than if everyone is on a high horse of delusions.

Ok she depends on her husband to do his part. He depends on her to do hers. You depend on your company to stay in business. You depend on your boss not to fire you. Everyone depends on someone. However as for financial independence...a job is the worst way to try and achieve that so there is no reason to use a job to look down on other mothers and its very laughable.

Except you AND your husband are now relying on your husband having a job, rather than spreading out the risk. So your notion of what constitutes financial independence seems a little whacked. I'm not judging your choice to SAH at all. I think if two parents can work together as partners to make it work and are happy with the ways they each contribute to the family, that's wonderful. But your premise that all WOH parents aren't truly financially independent because they're relying on a job rather than a spouse is ludicrous.

I want my children to be able to think outside the box by default. I want them to know that there is not just one way to go about life and make a living. I have never stated how my husband and I make a living and that's quite intentional. There is nothing secret or unusual about it, I just know the audience on here isn't really interested in discussions. They are interested in finding something to get upset about.

There are lots of ways that children can have a parent at home while not relying on one source of income. My hope is that more people, women in particular, seek out these options from the beginning. If women know they want kids then I wish they had the resources to plan their source of income around their kids and not the other way around. And by resources I mean finding out about these options at 18 and not 38. It makes things so much easier and less stressful. But this is not what is taught in society and I think that is a shame.

[Anonymous]

And a job is the worst way to obtain financial independence. That doesn't mean its impossible. It means there are more efficient ways. But really there is more to life than money.