I filed for divorce today and feel awful

[Anonymous]

Hey op. there's a chic on another thread with a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old. Her husband has just left. Introduce yourself please.

[Anonymous]

OP-you sound like a world class jerk. I feel sorry for your kids and for your "boring, abusive, twice divorced, demanding" wife. I for one will not read this thread anymore and hope that others will follow. It is clear you want attention and want someone to understand what a great guy you are. I hope I don't know you in real life-you just sound like such a schmuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP-you sound like a world class jerk. I feel sorry for your kids and for your "boring, abusive, twice divorced, demanding" wife. I for one will not read this thread anymore and hope that others will follow. It is clear you want attention and want someone to understand what a great guy you are. I hope I don't know you in real life-you just sound like such a schmuck.

OP. Hang in there. This is mostly a forum for the Ya-Ya sisterhood to dump on their men in great detail and expect validation. Men don't like getting into the same level of detail about how their wives disappoint them because they think it reflects poorly on them. Women don't think that way. They just think the guy is a screw-up and they could have done better. So of course the sisters are going to think you haven't provided enough of an explanation for why you've made your decision, and call you a schmuck, a loser and a jerk. You wandered into the wrong place for support. Put the car in reverse and get out of here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - it sounds like you're doing the right thing. Maybe it will be a wake-up call to your wife that her man doesn't work for her and that we're not in the 1950s any more. She sounds like she wasn't quite on your level, either. You can overlook that in the early years of a relationship, but over time it's hard to ignore when you're married to someone with little intellectual depth or curiosity. Far better that you divorce her now and regain your sanity than continue to live in a box.

Sounds like my marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-you sound like a world class jerk. I feel sorry for your kids and for your "boring, abusive, twice divorced, demanding" wife. I for one will not read this thread anymore and hope that others will follow. It is clear you want attention and want someone to understand what a great guy you are. I hope I don't know you in real life-you just sound like such a schmuck.

OP. Hang in there. This is mostly a forum for the Ya-Ya sisterhood to dump on their men in great detail and expect validation. Men don't like getting into the same level of detail about how their wives disappoint them because they think it reflects poorly on them. Women don't think that way. They just think the guy is a screw-up and they could have done better. So of course the sisters are going to think you haven't provided enough of an explanation for why you've made your decision, and call you a schmuck, a loser and a jerk. You wandered into the wrong place for support. Put the car in reverse and get out of here.

Overall I agree with you, but in this case, OP only posted negative things about his wife and positive things about him. Very few divorces shake out like this. He would have gotten more support if he'd just taken some responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-you sound like a world class jerk. I feel sorry for your kids and for your "boring, abusive, twice divorced, demanding" wife. I for one will not read this thread anymore and hope that others will follow. It is clear you want attention and want someone to understand what a great guy you are. I hope I don't know you in real life-you just sound like such a schmuck.

OP. Hang in there. This is mostly a forum for the Ya-Ya sisterhood to dump on their men in great detail and expect validation. Men don't like getting into the same level of detail about how their wives disappoint them because they think it reflects poorly on them. Women don't think that way. They just think the guy is a screw-up and they could have done better. So of course the sisters are going to think you haven't provided enough of an explanation for why you've made your decision, and call you a schmuck, a loser and a jerk. You wandered into the wrong place for support. Put the car in reverse and get out of here.

Overall I agree with you, but in this case, OP only posted negative things about his wife and positive things about him. Very few divorces shake out like this. He would have gotten more support if he'd just taken some responsibility.

Agree with this, and add that the custody arrangements exposing his children to physical abuse bothers me even more.

[Anonymous]

Good lord, what is the matter with you all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-you sound like a world class jerk. I feel sorry for your kids and for your "boring, abusive, twice divorced, demanding" wife. I for one will not read this thread anymore and hope that others will follow. It is clear you want attention and want someone to understand what a great guy you are. I hope I don't know you in real life-you just sound like such a schmuck.

OP. Hang in there. This is mostly a forum for the Ya-Ya sisterhood to dump on their men in great detail and expect validation. Men don't like getting into the same level of detail about how their wives disappoint them because they think it reflects poorly on them. Women don't think that way. They just think the guy is a screw-up and they could have done better. So of course the sisters are going to think you haven't provided enough of an explanation for why you've made your decision, and call you a schmuck, a loser and a jerk. You wandered into the wrong place for support. Put the car in reverse and get out of here.

Overall I agree with you, but in this case, OP only posted negative things about his wife and positive things about him. Very few divorces shake out like this. He would have gotten more support if he'd just taken some responsibility.

I agree but come on, women post all the time about divorcing a good-for-nothing yet they were honest, mature, and giving during the entire marriage, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-you sound like a world class jerk. I feel sorry for your kids and for your "boring, abusive, twice divorced, demanding" wife. I for one will not read this thread anymore and hope that others will follow. It is clear you want attention and want someone to understand what a great guy you are. I hope I don't know you in real life-you just sound like such a schmuck.

OP. Hang in there. This is mostly a forum for the Ya-Ya sisterhood to dump on their men in great detail and expect validation. Men don't like getting into the same level of detail about how their wives disappoint them because they think it reflects poorly on them. Women don't think that way. They just think the guy is a screw-up and they could have done better. So of course the sisters are going to think you haven't provided enough of an explanation for why you've made your decision, and call you a schmuck, a loser and a jerk. You wandered into the wrong place for support. Put the car in reverse and get out of here.

Overall I agree with you, but in this case, OP only posted negative things about his wife and positive things about him. Very few divorces shake out like this. He would have gotten more support if he'd just taken some responsibility.

I agree but come on, women post all the time about divorcing a good-for-nothing yet they were honest, mature, and giving during the entire marriage, right?

Well for me, no. I think both people are responsible and that includes women. I'm not divorced but going through a tough time and finally after a year of working I can take full responsibility for my 50%. I see that now, but it takes a while to get there. I can see why people give up before they get there, it is the most painful experience in the world.

I was neither honest (to him or myself), mature, or giving! That usually means the other person isn't either because we tend to go to the lowest common denominator, and that's when the fun begins, and the real work of marriage IMO.

[Anonymous]

hahaha I love all you know it all armchair psychoanalysts. THe OP has posted a whopping 4 paragraphs in total and now you all are experts!

[Anonymous]

So,e posters have been way to harsh. I don't believe that OP left his wife so he can do things he enjoys or that he left his wife because the relationship is not like it was in the first days. I do think he meant that the marriage did not work out for reasons not fully described and it makes him sad when he remembers the good days and, now that the marriage is over, instead of wallowing in self-pity or jumping into dating, he will spend time with his kids and in his free time he will do things he enjoys.

OP, obviously we don't know both sides of the story as to why the marriage failed but it still must be hard to go through a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So,e posters have been way to harsh. I don't believe that OP left his wife so he can do things he enjoys or that he left his wife because the relationship is not like it was in the first days. I do think he meant that the marriage did not work out for reasons not fully described and it makes him sad when he remembers the good days and, now that the marriage is over, instead of wallowing in self-pity or jumping into dating, he will spend time with his kids and in his free time he will do things he enjoys.

OP, obviously we don't know both sides of the story as to why the marriage failed but it still must be hard to go through a divorce.

I almost forgot about this thread but divorce never has a winner and no doubt he feels like crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-you sound like a world class jerk. I feel sorry for your kids and for your "boring, abusive, twice divorced, demanding" wife. I for one will not read this thread anymore and hope that others will follow. It is clear you want attention and want someone to understand what a great guy you are. I hope I don't know you in real life-you just sound like such a schmuck.

OP. Hang in there. This is mostly a forum for the Ya-Ya sisterhood to dump on their men in great detail and expect validation. Men don't like getting into the same level of detail about how their wives disappoint them because they think it reflects poorly on them. Women don't think that way. They just think the guy is a screw-up and they could have done better. So of course the sisters are going to think you haven't provided enough of an explanation for why you've made your decision, and call you a schmuck, a loser and a jerk. You wandered into the wrong place for support. Put the car in reverse and get out of here.

Overall I agree with you, but in this case, OP only posted negative things about his wife and positive things about him. Very few divorces shake out like this. He would have gotten more support if he'd just taken some responsibility.

I agree but come on, women post all the time about divorcing a good-for-nothing yet they were honest, mature, and giving during the entire marriage, right?

I'm new to this thread. I was honest and giving. Mature? I don't know; I married young, but I am certainly mature now. I'm not sure if maturity, anyhow, has much to do with the demise of most marriages. I was honest, loving, and gave everything I had to my marriage.

My formerly successful husband developed an addiction. He comes from a highly functioning family of addicts. His mother was diagnosed s bi-polar about ten years into our marriage. And then my husband developed full-blown symptoms of a personality disorder.

So, you CAN be a very decent, conscientious person who is honest, mature and giving AND still end up with a horrific divorce. It happened to me. I don't talk about it because I don't want anyone to know about my husband's problems. But you can't make generalizations about a divorce like you're doing. It's very unfair and painful to others. I guess I'm only bothering to post here because I hate to think that people really believe that everyone who is divorced did something wrong. Life just doesn't work like that - it's a gross oversimplification.

[Anonymous]

Op stay married. You are looking for something that is not there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op stay married. You are looking for something that is not there.

I wonder if after all the feedback he had second thoughts or at least considered a reconciliation. He sounded more frustrated than someone who should throw in the towel.