Don’t know how Thanksgiving isn’t happening

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want to host, you get to control that. You don't get to control deciding someone else will host.

If you want to get together, then suggest that everyone meet up a week after their Thanksgiving plans to catch up at a restaurant.

+1 if my mom or MIL don’t host the holidays (esp Thanksgiving because it involves a lot of cooking), then we won’t be spending it with them! No way I’m hosting it at my home. I am busy enough already.

So OP is right it is pay to play?

In many cases yes. Most young working parents who get maybe 2-3 weeks leave/year (half of which is eaten up by kids being sick, school closures etc) don’t want to use up their precious remaining leave cleaning and cooking to host grandparents for a holiday meal and can’t afford to cater or take everyone out to a restaurant.

Some people just can't be pleased. They don't want to host or be hosted.

No, some people just don’t want to be obligated to spend a holiday with particular family members and yet will (quietly grudgingly) agree to be hosted, rather than do what they would prefer, to avoid hurting their feelings.

Ah, this describes my family's holidays perfectly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, now you blew it. New Thanksgiving tradition of everyone doing what they want. Enjoy your no work but lonely Thanksgiving.

NP. Why are you being such a nasty B?

Are you new here, NP? This is classic DCUM nastiness.

This is hardly the worst post in here. It is 100% accurate. OP should have anticipated the fall out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry OP. I can completely see how this must hurt.

When you brought up not hosting Thanksgiving did you follow immediately with other options ("perhaps one of you will host all of us this year?" or "shall we go to a restaurant instead?") or did you just discuss your decision to not host? Unless you followed with other possible options for your sons and their families this Thanksgiving you inadvertently "broke the pattern" and allowed all other options to now be on the table.

This. I think your sons and their families took what you said and came up with alternate plans so you wouldn’t have to host. My in laws always hosted Thanksgiving. If MIL said she didn’t want to host anymore, I would take that as an opportunity to do something different with just my immediate family, especially when my kids were young! It’s a lot of work (as you know) and if your grandkids are very young, and your sons and DILS work full time, it might be too much for them to take on.

I feel like travelling is more of a PITA than hosting Thanksgiving for 6-10 people. We have now hosted 2 very low-key Thanksgivings. We don’t make as many dishes as my grandmother and her sisters made for our 40 person extended family Thanksgiving of years gone by, but it’s plenty for 8-10 people. My DH is an extremely good project manager and turns those skills onto getting the timing right for the various dishes. When we travel for the big Thanksgiving reunion I tend to find it more exhausting. But that one is now fully catered.

Oh, so how many of your guests are overnight guests, and how long do they stay in your home?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like the younger generation was immensely relieved not to spend Thanksgiving with you and jumped at the opportunity to do their own thing.
Otherwise they would have made plans so quickly!

Consider that you've been hogging all their free time, OP. It really sounds like you're not allowing for your children and their spouses to have any other recreational time apart from coming to see you. That's not fair on them.

[Anonymous]

You're children are absolutely nasty people for not inviting you to the in-laws Thanksgiving, and the in-laws are nasty people for not inviting you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like the younger generation was immensely relieved not to spend Thanksgiving with you and jumped at the opportunity to do their own thing.
Otherwise they would have made plans so quickly!

Consider that you've been hogging all their free time, OP. It really sounds like you're not allowing for your children and their spouses to have any other recreational time apart from coming to see you. That's not fair on them.

+10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're children are absolutely nasty people for not inviting you to the in-laws Thanksgiving, and the in-laws are nasty people for not inviting you.

Well, I wouldn’t go so far as to call anyone “nasty,” but how hard would it be for the in laws to invite them? We have Thanksgiving at our place every other year and we invite our SIL’s and DIL’s parents. It is a lot of fun and we enjoy their company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're children are absolutely nasty people for not inviting you to the in-laws Thanksgiving, and the in-laws are nasty people for not inviting you.

What?!
I have never heard anything so ridiculous. You don't mix families just because two of the children got married. This isn't medieval times.
My parents and DH parents don't socialize. It's lovely if families do and have things in common or live in the same area but not an obligation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're children are absolutely nasty people for not inviting you to the in-laws Thanksgiving, and the in-laws are nasty people for not inviting you.

Well, I wouldn’t go so far as to call anyone “nasty,” but how hard would it be for the in laws to invite them? We have Thanksgiving at our place every other year and we invite our SIL’s and DIL’s parents. It is a lot of fun and we enjoy their company.

It doesn’t sound like OP has been inviting her DILS parents all these years. Why should she now expect an invitation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you weren't clear what you wanted. You want a big family Thanksgiving hosted by someone else. Same people different location. Did you actually say that? Or did you just say you don't want to host and hoped someone would take the hint?

This is it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, did you ever actually teach your sons how to host? Most men are clueless on how to host a holiday unless they've specifically been taught.

And your DILs should not have to host their husband's family.

Wow... what a decline in civilization.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're children are absolutely nasty people for not inviting you to the in-laws Thanksgiving, and the in-laws are nasty people for not inviting you.

Well, I wouldn’t go so far as to call anyone “nasty,” but how hard would it be for the in laws to invite them? We have Thanksgiving at our place every other year and we invite our SIL’s and DIL’s parents. It is a lot of fun and we enjoy their company.

It doesn’t sound like OP has been inviting her DILS parents all these years. Why should she now expect an invitation?

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're children are absolutely nasty people for not inviting you to the in-laws Thanksgiving, and the in-laws are nasty people for not inviting you.

What?!
I have never heard anything so ridiculous. You don't mix families just because two of the children got married. This isn't medieval times.
My parents and DH parents don't socialize. It's lovely if families do and have things in common or live in the same area but not an obligation.

Youre crazy PP. it's funny because you don't know it. In laws socialize all the time.amingst normal people. Like, constantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're children are absolutely nasty people for not inviting you to the in-laws Thanksgiving, and the in-laws are nasty people for not inviting you.

What?!
I have never heard anything so ridiculous. You don't mix families just because two of the children got married. This isn't medieval times.
My parents and DH parents don't socialize. It's lovely if families do and have things in common or live in the same area but not an obligation.

Youre crazy PP. it's funny because you don't know it. In laws socialize all the time.amingst normal people. Like, constantly.

Yep. My partner and I socialize with our adult children’s in laws regularly. We all like and enjoy each other’s company when we are in each other’s towns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're children are absolutely nasty people for not inviting you to the in-laws Thanksgiving, and the in-laws are nasty people for not inviting you.

What?!
I have never heard anything so ridiculous. You don't mix families just because two of the children got married. This isn't medieval times.
My parents and DH parents don't socialize. It's lovely if families do and have things in common or live in the same area but not an obligation.

Youre crazy PP. it's funny because you don't know it. In laws socialize all the time.amingst normal people. Like, constantly.

Some families socialize and others do not. Neither is wrong. Sounds like OPs inlaws aren't the kind to socialize with OP and that is totally fine.

I have a hard time imagining OP as the victim here. She literally got what she wanted.