Don’t know how Thanksgiving isn’t happening

[Anonymous]

OP here, thank you, I’m taking in your great points. I think a year off might be a good thing, then I can hopefully regroup with them another holiday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take this as a lesson in being more direct.

If you wanted one of them to host, ask "does someone else want to host?"

How old are the grandkids? If they are in school or day care, so much of vacationing and travel revolves around that calendar. It's hard and expensive. Maybe they're seizing an opportunity to take a trip for less money or stress. As for the other family spending it with your DIL's family, you can't fault them for that really.

Or she can offer to babysit while parents take a short trip right before or after TG.

So I realize OP will hate this but grandparents that babysit get more access to everything. My dh will do anything for my parents because they babysit one week a year. When they ask for his help patching drywall or cutting down trees, he always says it’s worth it and brings up the babysitting. He’s a kind son in law and would do it regardless but he loves that babysitting. It’s also great for our marriage.

Grandparents should realize they need to be useful in order to be appreciated! This is relationships 101! They are not friends who are appreciated just so; not kids who are loved just so. Get busy or miss that play time with grandkids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want to host, you get to control that. You don't get to control deciding someone else will host.

If you want to get together, then suggest that everyone meet up a week after their Thanksgiving plans to catch up at a restaurant.

+1 if my mom or MIL don’t host the holidays (esp Thanksgiving because it involves a lot of cooking), then we won’t be spending it with them! No way I’m hosting it at my home. I am busy enough already.

So OP is right it is pay to play?

Dp. I think it’s even more than that. Many adult children don’t want their parents around for the holidays, but feel obligated to come if invited.

This. Yes it's an effort to host, but it's also an effort to travel with kids. It's pay to play on both sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't people share the cooking? Pot luck? Its one meal.

Lots of people do not allow other dishes. I’m not a fan of potlucks but this is one meal I think should be a potluck. Lots of people grow up with an absolute favorite dish that makes the meal and thanksgiving isn’t the same at others homes.

I have brought dishes and they weren’t served on Thanksgiving. We only ever can go to my in-laws though because the day after is a can’t miss event for everyone in their town. Dh hasn’t ever missed it and it means so much to them I have never gone to my family’s.

[Anonymous]

You said you didn’t want to host. Of course they made other plans. I would think that if they often spend with you, they would go with the in laws.

You could have catered from Whole Foods.

I plan to host Thanksgiving every year. My kids will always be welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you, I’m taking in your great points. I think a year off might be a good thing, then I can hopefully regroup with them another holiday.

I think you blew it. They are going to love that vacation.

[Anonymous]

You literally just spent a week with them at a beach house! While this may have been fantastic for you, it may have been the 7 th circle of hell for your adult kids.

We refuse to do a beach week or any vacation anymore where MIL has any control over our accommodations. She’ll be in a big comfy room with an en suite, sitting room and king sized bed. Her adult children and their children will be in tiny rooms with futons, air mattresses, bunk beds and expect the young children to sleep in sleeping bags on the floor. She will squeal piggishly about how fun it is for kids to camp inside on vacation. She pats herself on the back for hosting such a fantastic and delightful vacation. The only draw to this nightmare was time with siblings and cousins getting to play together.

OP you need to learn to read the room! You let them off the hook for your obligatory Thanksgiving and they ran with relief in multiple directions. Perhaps you should be more aware that you are creating visits which are obli-cations not vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You literally just spent a week with them at a beach house! While this may have been fantastic for you, it may have been the 7 th circle of hell for your adult kids.

We refuse to do a beach week or any vacation anymore where MIL has any control over our accommodations. She’ll be in a big comfy room with an en suite, sitting room and king sized bed. Her adult children and their children will be in tiny rooms with futons, air mattresses, bunk beds and expect the young children to sleep in sleeping bags on the floor. She will squeal piggishly about how fun it is for kids to camp inside on vacation. She pats herself on the back for hosting such a fantastic and delightful vacation. The only draw to this nightmare was time with siblings and cousins getting to play together.

OP you need to learn to read the room! You let them off the hook for your obligatory Thanksgiving and they ran with relief in multiple directions. Perhaps you should be more aware that you are creating visits which are obli-cations not vacations.

While this PP has made some valid points, their post comes across that is not favorable to them. I read it and thought what an ugly person this PP is inside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You literally just spent a week with them at a beach house! While this may have been fantastic for you, it may have been the 7 th circle of hell for your adult kids.

We refuse to do a beach week or any vacation anymore where MIL has any control over our accommodations. She’ll be in a big comfy room with an en suite, sitting room and king sized bed. Her adult children and their children will be in tiny rooms with futons, air mattresses, bunk beds and expect the young children to sleep in sleeping bags on the floor. She will squeal piggishly about how fun it is for kids to camp inside on vacation. She pats herself on the back for hosting such a fantastic and delightful vacation. The only draw to this nightmare was time with siblings and cousins getting to play together.

OP you need to learn to read the room! You let them off the hook for your obligatory Thanksgiving and they ran with relief in multiple directions. Perhaps you should be more aware that you are creating visits which are obli-cations not vacations.

While this PP has made some valid points, their post comes across that is not favorable to them. I read it and thought what an ugly person this PP is inside.

I’d say the MIL is the ugly one in that situation. BTDT with a MIL who makes trips wonderful for herself and horrible for everyone else. It’s a weird because I’m old I’m entitled to be comfortable but it doesn’t matter if others are not attitude or lack of interest.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws are wonderful and generous people, but being on vacation with them and my SIL isn't really a vacation. My SIL treats it like a vacation for her, sleeps in, goes to the beach, her kids absolutely trash the house to the point of not being able to sit anywhere, wake up at 5:00 am in the room right next to us (SIL is a floor above). MIL spends all of her time feeding the three little kids breakfast, lunch and dinner. It's a dysfunction on both sides. It took a lot of gentle reminders for SIL to understand that our late teens aren't free babysitting for the week and that they ALSO deserve a vacation. We make it work, but I most certainly don't consider it super relaxing. If you talked to my MIL she'd probably tell you that everyone has the best time of their lives. We get the importance of being with family and we love them, don't get me wrong. But we usually need a vacation after our vacation to recover.

[Anonymous]

OP you need to stop being selfish! One of your sons told you that he had finally booked a vacation as his family never gets to do this! I would feel awful if I hadn’t realized my demands for beach week and Thanksgiving week meant my adult kids never got to vacation on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You literally just spent a week with them at a beach house! While this may have been fantastic for you, it may have been the 7 th circle of hell for your adult kids.

We refuse to do a beach week or any vacation anymore where MIL has any control over our accommodations. She’ll be in a big comfy room with an en suite, sitting room and king sized bed. Her adult children and their children will be in tiny rooms with futons, air mattresses, bunk beds and expect the young children to sleep in sleeping bags on the floor. She will squeal piggishly about how fun it is for kids to camp inside on vacation. She pats herself on the back for hosting such a fantastic and delightful vacation. The only draw to this nightmare was time with siblings and cousins getting to play together.

OP you need to learn to read the room! You let them off the hook for your obligatory Thanksgiving and they ran with relief in multiple directions. Perhaps you should be more aware that you are creating visits which are obli-cations not vacations.

While this PP has made some valid points, their post comes across that is not favorable to them. I read it and thought what an ugly person this PP is inside.

Come on, I laughed!
My mom loves to sweeten the deal by offering to babysit the kids for one night (my two and my sisters two) so we can “go enjoy ourselves and go out to dinner”. My husband gets all excited thinking maybe we’ll somehow manage to have sex and I just laugh because I know it won’t happen. Sure enough every time the fateful evening out arrives, my mom is too exhausted to babysit.

[Anonymous]

I feel like a lot of these conflicts come from the fact that way more moms were SAHMs when were growing up and now there are a lot more two working parent families. No idea if that is the case with OP and her sons and DILs, but most of my friends are working moms who had SAHMs growing up. Everything surrounding the holidays is more difficult with two working parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my children are adults and partnered, I'll feel happy if we get to spend every other Thanksgiving with them, since presumably their partners' families might also want their chance. Heck, every third year would be great, so everyone doesn't have to travel every year.

You have no idea how you will feel. Stupid statement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You literally just spent a week with them at a beach house! While this may have been fantastic for you, it may have been the 7 th circle of hell for your adult kids.

We refuse to do a beach week or any vacation anymore where MIL has any control over our accommodations. She’ll be in a big comfy room with an en suite, sitting room and king sized bed. Her adult children and their children will be in tiny rooms with futons, air mattresses, bunk beds and expect the young children to sleep in sleeping bags on the floor. She will squeal piggishly about how fun it is for kids to camp inside on vacation. She pats herself on the back for hosting such a fantastic and delightful vacation. The only draw to this nightmare was time with siblings and cousins getting to play together.

OP you need to learn to read the room! You let them off the hook for your obligatory Thanksgiving and they ran with relief in multiple directions. Perhaps you should be more aware that you are creating visits which are obli-cations not vacations.

Nice job projecting your own issues, especially this part. You sound vile.