What would be the minimum frequency of sex to stay in your relationship / marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many lady posts on here about how the relationship is about SO much more than just sex.

So here's a post from a middle-aged man: a few times a week or it's over. I don't go around saying that, and don't need to. We've talked about it. She knows where I stand. She has her own list of things that's important. I have my list and it's very short, but nonnegotiable.

It would be her decision at this point. I'm not talking about health problems. If she was in radiation therapy or chemo and couldn't, I would be a perfect gentleman about that, be by her side till the end.

I'm talking willingness, not necessarily ability.

Willing to throw away a lifetime relationship for sex?

Is she willing to throw away a lifetime relationship to maintain no sex?

Cuts both ways.

Having sex with a woman who doesn’t want to is disgusting. It doesn’t cut both ways. You’re sticking your body part into somebody who doesn’t want it there.

But that's the job! So all these people are "quiet quitting" their marriages...

Unless your marriage vows included regular sex in perpetuity, it's not the job.

In fact it's not a job at all, it's a commitment. If the circumstances change enough that one or both people are miserable, maybe get divorced. But lots of marriages get to the point where sex is rare or even non-existent and they choose to stay married. Also surveys indicate that money issues and communication problems are the leading causes of divorce, not lack of sex. If you have great communication and no money issues, you probably won't throw out the marriage just because you don't get as much sex as you want. You might try to negotiate an open marriage but tbh most people are too lazy for that.

Sex is part of the marriage vows. If sex is not important to the marriage, then why can’t the partner who wants more sex just sleep around at will? Why do they need permission or an “open marriage?” You can’t say sex is not important but infidelity is.

what marriage vows did you take?

[Anonymous]

Sex was NOT part of marriage vows for us.
Sex is something we try to prioritize, but I could take or leave it.
If i am feeling connected and close to him, then it is easier to get into it. If he is a lazy dick. Not so much.

[Anonymous]

For those of you who say that no sex is a deal breaker, what do you do if your spouse can no longer have sex? My DH had his prostate removed last year and is on Androgen Deprivation Therapy. Should I divorce him because he can no longer do the deed?

[Anonymous]

Men WANT women to WANT to have sex with them multiple times a week, but at a certain age it is as much mental as physical.
Peri Menopause and Menopause decrease drive enough, but add into that a man who is like a child. what woman in her right mind would WANT to sleep with that and be attracted to it. Men take no responsiblity for sex drive in their wives. Ooooh, you rubbed my shoulder for 30 seconds, yes i want you so bad. Never mind you blew up at me over something stupid, haven't cooked or driven car pool all week and the lawn still isn't mowed. You didn't do the 1 task you told me you would a week ago, but yes. Let me rip your clothes off you big hunk. GTFO of here.

[Anonymous]

I am lucky that we are both in agreement on frequency. We don’t have a specific number but it is often enough that neither of us has ever complained. We have been empty nesters, during the school year, for two years and that has upped our frequency plus weekend getaways are very physically intense.

[Anonymous]

We have kids, so I'd accept zero until the youngest graduates with a plan to leave after that. After over a year of zero progress despite honest attempts to fix the problem, I'd consider both of us free to discreetly see others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men WANT women to WANT to have sex with them multiple times a week, but at a certain age it is as much mental as physical.
Peri Menopause and Menopause decrease drive enough, but add into that a man who is like a child. what woman in her right mind would WANT to sleep with that and be attracted to it. Men take no responsiblity for sex drive in their wives. Ooooh, you rubbed my shoulder for 30 seconds, yes i want you so bad. Never mind you blew up at me over something stupid, haven't cooked or driven car pool all week and the lawn still isn't mowed. You didn't do the 1 task you told me you would a week ago, but yes. Let me rip your clothes off you big hunk. GTFO of here.

😂😂😂 Thank God my husband isn’t like this. He knows what it takes to get me in the mood. He’s very good about doing chores etc and he’s smart enough to get my head thinking about sex early in the day so by nightfall I’m in the right mood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sex was NOT part of marriage vows for us.
Sex is something we try to prioritize, but I could take or leave it.
If i am feeling connected and close to him, then it is easier to get into it. If he is a lazy dick. Not so much.

So transactional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We currently do 1x per week. WE both matsterbate outside of sex as sometimes i just want something quick and honestly it is more efficient for me to do it when i want. I am typically more horney int eh afternoon, he in the morning but our schedules really only allow for night sex so here we are.
i would be fine with less sex and more masterbating honestly.

Don’t you feel guilty after masterbation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We currently do 1x per week. WE both matsterbate outside of sex as sometimes i just want something quick and honestly it is more efficient for me to do it when i want. I am typically more horney int eh afternoon, he in the morning but our schedules really only allow for night sex so here we are.
i would be fine with less sex and more masterbating honestly.

Don’t you feel guilty after masterbation?

WHAT

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many lady posts on here about how the relationship is about SO much more than just sex.

So here's a post from a middle-aged man: a few times a week or it's over. I don't go around saying that, and don't need to. We've talked about it. She knows where I stand. She has her own list of things that's important. I have my list and it's very short, but nonnegotiable.

It would be her decision at this point. I'm not talking about health problems. If she was in radiation therapy or chemo and couldn't, I would be a perfect gentleman about that, be by her side till the end.

I'm talking willingness, not necessarily ability.

Willing to throw away a lifetime relationship for sex?

Is she willing to throw away a lifetime relationship to maintain no sex?

Cuts both ways.

Having sex with a woman who doesn’t want to is disgusting. It doesn’t cut both ways. You’re sticking your body part into somebody who doesn’t want it there.

Who said anything about her not wanting it there? If she can’t find a mental path to wanting to have sex regularly because she knows the relationship will die if she doesn’t, then, like you said, she should abstain and accept that the relationship ending is the consequence.

No you should accept that not wanting it with you was a consequence of something else. You missed the whole beginning of the book and jumped to the last chapter.

Take responsibility for the whole book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many lady posts on here about how the relationship is about SO much more than just sex.

So here's a post from a middle-aged man: a few times a week or it's over. I don't go around saying that, and don't need to. We've talked about it. She knows where I stand. She has her own list of things that's important. I have my list and it's very short, but nonnegotiable.

It would be her decision at this point. I'm not talking about health problems. If she was in radiation therapy or chemo and couldn't, I would be a perfect gentleman about that, be by her side till the end.

I'm talking willingness, not necessarily ability.

Willing to throw away a lifetime relationship for sex?

Is she willing to throw away a lifetime relationship to maintain no sex?

Cuts both ways.

Having sex with a woman who doesn’t want to is disgusting. It doesn’t cut both ways. You’re sticking your body part into somebody who doesn’t want it there.

But that's the job! So all these people are "quiet quitting" their marriages...

Unless your marriage vows included regular sex in perpetuity, it's not the job.

In fact it's not a job at all, it's a commitment. If the circumstances change enough that one or both people are miserable, maybe get divorced. But lots of marriages get to the point where sex is rare or even non-existent and they choose to stay married. Also surveys indicate that money issues and communication problems are the leading causes of divorce, not lack of sex. If you have great communication and no money issues, you probably won't throw out the marriage just because you don't get as much sex as you want. You might try to negotiate an open marriage but tbh most people are too lazy for that.

Sex is part of the marriage vows. If sex is not important to the marriage, then why can’t the partner who wants more sex just sleep around at will? Why do they need permission or an “open marriage?” You can’t say sex is not important but infidelity is.

what marriage vows did you take?

Most marriages vows talk about fidelity, loyalty, faithfulness- what did you think they are talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who say that no sex is a deal breaker, what do you do if your spouse can no longer have sex? My DH had his prostate removed last year and is on Androgen Deprivation Therapy. Should I divorce him because he can no longer do the deed?

A health issue is very different from the women here who don’t want to have sex with their husbands because they have grievances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many lady posts on here about how the relationship is about SO much more than just sex.

So here's a post from a middle-aged man: a few times a week or it's over. I don't go around saying that, and don't need to. We've talked about it. She knows where I stand. She has her own list of things that's important. I have my list and it's very short, but nonnegotiable.

It would be her decision at this point. I'm not talking about health problems. If she was in radiation therapy or chemo and couldn't, I would be a perfect gentleman about that, be by her side till the end.

I'm talking willingness, not necessarily ability.

I could see if you had a relationship like James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal in ‘Secretary’ that this could be kind of hot.

Great movie!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many lady posts on here about how the relationship is about SO much more than just sex.

So here's a post from a middle-aged man: a few times a week or it's over. I don't go around saying that, and don't need to. We've talked about it. She knows where I stand. She has her own list of things that's important. I have my list and it's very short, but nonnegotiable.

It would be her decision at this point. I'm not talking about health problems. If she was in radiation therapy or chemo and couldn't, I would be a perfect gentleman about that, be by her side till the end.

I'm talking willingness, not necessarily ability.

What are you doing consistently to be someone she wants to have sex with multiple times a week?