Can’t get husband to help with Easter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate the patriarchy and it drives me crazy that all things holiday related are on me.

But I also wouldn’t want to F my husband if he was out there buying IG worthy baskets and filling them with special candy.

And therein is the real issue. Many women on here don’t really want their husbands to joyfully participate in their male work.

[Anonymous]

About to start a S/O titled “Make-Work Women Who Want to Make Life Miserable”

Should be a good one

[Anonymous]

May you find joy in planning Easter for your children. Sometimes, we have to do what needs to be done for the sake of our children, which is easier in the long run than forcing someone to do what they show they are unwilling to do. He "ought" to help, of course. But I would choose to focus on making the magic, and creating happiness. These precious years pass quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:May you find joy in planning Easter for your children. Sometimes, we have to do what needs to be done for the sake of our children, which is easier in the long run than forcing someone to do what they show they are unwilling to do. He "ought" to help, of course. But I would choose to focus on making the magic, and creating happiness. These precious years pass quickly.

No, he “ought” not, if he doesn’t celebrate the religious holiday and has no interest in celebrating the secular one. He “ought” to do his fair share of child care, household chores, and any celebrations that he believes are worthwhile.

He “ought” not participate in Easter any more than my Presbyterian husband “ought” to celebrate Hanukkah or Eid. I have chosen in the past to make latkes because I enjoy eating them and I think it is beneficial for our kids to try food from different cultures and traditions. But that was my choice and I had no expectation that DH would help.

Some of you really, really need to let go of the notion that men “ought” to participate in any make-work just because their wife wants them to.

Again, some more: if a man were on here yapping that his wife showed no interest in celebrating the Super Bowl and helping him clean, cook, throw a party, and watch the whole game, you would be singing a different tune.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh. Some people don't care about holidays.

You say you have been asking him to get candy for two weeks. Sounds like you need to be more specific. "See these plastic eggs? I need you to get Easter-themed candy that will fit in them. They have little chocolate eggs, etc. Get several types. Today after work. Thank you."

But for what? He would probably just buy the cheapest one. I like this stuff and half the fun is going to the store and finding cute little candies and choosing them. If this is her thing then she really should have bought the candy along with the basket stuff.

The DH buying the "cheapest one" should be fine if OP is going to outsource this to him, even though she's the one bent on doing this activity even though they aren't practicing Christians (who often don't care much about bunnies and candy, but that's another thing). Wanting to celebrate in a secular way is fine, especially if you grew up doing it, which many of us did, so I get why she'd want to do baskets and whatnot. But clearly OP did not want to buy this candy herself, otherwise she would have.

Was she trying to “outsource” to him? My understanding was that she wanted to go pick out the candy and fill the eggs together. Maybe she thought it would be sweet or fun or romantic. And then he basically treats it like an errand that he does as quickly as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:May you find joy in planning Easter for your children. Sometimes, we have to do what needs to be done for the sake of our children, which is easier in the long run than forcing someone to do what they show they are unwilling to do. He "ought" to help, of course. But I would choose to focus on making the magic, and creating happiness. These precious years pass quickly.

No, he “ought” not, if he doesn’t celebrate the religious holiday and has no interest in celebrating the secular one. He “ought” to do his fair share of child care, household chores, and any celebrations that he believes are worthwhile.

He “ought” not participate in Easter any more than my Presbyterian husband “ought” to celebrate Hanukkah or Eid. I have chosen in the past to make latkes because I enjoy eating them and I think it is beneficial for our kids to try food from different cultures and traditions. But that was my choice and I had no expectation that DH would help.

Some of you really, really need to let go of the notion that men “ought” to participate in any make-work just because their wife wants them to.

Again, some more: if a man were on here yapping that his wife showed no interest in celebrating the Super Bowl and helping him clean, cook, throw a party, and watch the whole game, you would be singing a different tune.

There are a million threads here of men who think their wives “ought” to enthusiastically participate in activities that their wives aren’t interested in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:May you find joy in planning Easter for your children. Sometimes, we have to do what needs to be done for the sake of our children, which is easier in the long run than forcing someone to do what they show they are unwilling to do. He "ought" to help, of course. But I would choose to focus on making the magic, and creating happiness. These precious years pass quickly.

No, he “ought” not, if he doesn’t celebrate the religious holiday and has no interest in celebrating the secular one. He “ought” to do his fair share of child care, household chores, and any celebrations that he believes are worthwhile.

He “ought” not participate in Easter any more than my Presbyterian husband “ought” to celebrate Hanukkah or Eid. I have chosen in the past to make latkes because I enjoy eating them and I think it is beneficial for our kids to try food from different cultures and traditions. But that was my choice and I had no expectation that DH would help.

Some of you really, really need to let go of the notion that men “ought” to participate in any make-work just because their wife wants them to.

Again, some more: if a man were on here yapping that his wife showed no interest in celebrating the Super Bowl and helping him clean, cook, throw a party, and watch the whole game, you would be singing a different tune.

There are a million threads here of men who think their wives “ought” to enthusiastically participate in activities that their wives aren’t interested in.

OK? And when there are such threads, we rightfully circle the wagons and tell the dude that if he wants something done, he needs to do it himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh. Some people don't care about holidays.

You say you have been asking him to get candy for two weeks. Sounds like you need to be more specific. "See these plastic eggs? I need you to get Easter-themed candy that will fit in them. They have little chocolate eggs, etc. Get several types. Today after work. Thank you."

But for what? He would probably just buy the cheapest one. I like this stuff and half the fun is going to the store and finding cute little candies and choosing them. If this is her thing then she really should have bought the candy along with the basket stuff.

The DH buying the "cheapest one" should be fine if OP is going to outsource this to him, even though she's the one bent on doing this activity even though they aren't practicing Christians (who often don't care much about bunnies and candy, but that's another thing). Wanting to celebrate in a secular way is fine, especially if you grew up doing it, which many of us did, so I get why she'd want to do baskets and whatnot. But clearly OP did not want to buy this candy herself, otherwise she would have.

Was she trying to “outsource” to him? My understanding was that she wanted to go pick out the candy and fill the eggs together. Maybe she thought it would be sweet or fun or romantic. And then he basically treats it like an errand that he does as quickly as possible.

No, she wanted him to run the errand for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. YOU want to do a totally optional egg hunt. Why does he have to do the shopping for it? This is your project, right?

Maybe OP wants to do it for her kids. Maybe her kids really want to do it. I don't think it's fair for OP to expect her husband to care about this, but I do think it's fair to expect him to participate.

However, I did the entirety of our kids' Easter baskets this year from start to finish. I like doing, my husband doesn't care, and we have all girls, so I'm better able to come up with ideas. I could, of course, have said to him that I want him to participate, in which case he would have, but I didn't mind doing it alone. I can't tell if OP is asking for participation because she's busy and truly can't do it all (which I get, I work full-time and have time-consuming hobbies), or if she's just made on principle that he wouldn't do it. Those are two different problems.

I don’t think it’s either. I think that this something she wanted to do with her husband and the father of her children and not something she wanted to do alone. Like if you ask someone to go to dinner with you, it isn’t because you are too busy to figure out how to eat.
If OP had been asking her husband to have dinner with her for the last two weeks, this is the equivalent of coming home and throwing down a Hungry Man frozen meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. YOU want to do a totally optional egg hunt. Why does he have to do the shopping for it? This is your project, right?

Maybe OP wants to do it for her kids. Maybe her kids really want to do it. I don't think it's fair for OP to expect her husband to care about this, but I do think it's fair to expect him to participate.

However, I did the entirety of our kids' Easter baskets this year from start to finish. I like doing, my husband doesn't care, and we have all girls, so I'm better able to come up with ideas. I could, of course, have said to him that I want him to participate, in which case he would have, but I didn't mind doing it alone. I can't tell if OP is asking for participation because she's busy and truly can't do it all (which I get, I work full-time and have time-consuming hobbies), or if she's just made on principle that he wouldn't do it. Those are two different problems.

I don’t think it’s either. I think that this something she wanted to do with her husband and the father of her children and not something she wanted to do alone. Like if you ask someone to go to dinner with you, it isn’t because you are too busy to figure out how to eat.
If OP had been asking her husband to have dinner with her for the last two weeks, this is the equivalent of coming home and throwing down a Hungry Man frozen meal.

There’s nothing in OP’s post that remotely suggests she wanted to make buying holiday wrapped candy an activity that she wanted to do with the father of her children. You are making stuff up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. YOU want to do a totally optional egg hunt. Why does he have to do the shopping for it? This is your project, right?

Maybe OP wants to do it for her kids. Maybe her kids really want to do it. I don't think it's fair for OP to expect her husband to care about this, but I do think it's fair to expect him to participate.

However, I did the entirety of our kids' Easter baskets this year from start to finish. I like doing, my husband doesn't care, and we have all girls, so I'm better able to come up with ideas. I could, of course, have said to him that I want him to participate, in which case he would have, but I didn't mind doing it alone. I can't tell if OP is asking for participation because she's busy and truly can't do it all (which I get, I work full-time and have time-consuming hobbies), or if she's just made on principle that he wouldn't do it. Those are two different problems.

I don’t think it’s either. I think that this something she wanted to do with her husband and the father of her children and not something she wanted to do alone. Like if you ask someone to go to dinner with you, it isn’t because you are too busy to figure out how to eat.
If OP had been asking her husband to have dinner with her for the last two weeks, this is the equivalent of coming home and throwing down a Hungry Man frozen meal.

There’s nothing in OP’s post that remotely suggests she wanted to make buying holiday wrapped candy an activity that she wanted to do with the father of her children. You are making stuff up.

That’s literally what the post is about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh. Some people don't care about holidays.

You say you have been asking him to get candy for two weeks. Sounds like you need to be more specific. "See these plastic eggs? I need you to get Easter-themed candy that will fit in them. They have little chocolate eggs, etc. Get several types. Today after work. Thank you."

You could do it yourself in less time, no angst, and fewer words. You can’t make him care or put your ideas in motion.

And feed weaponized incompetence? Ok.

The incompetence is not knowing how to get a simple job done. OP is a shitty delegator and leader.

OP and her DH are both shitty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:About to start a S/O titled “Make-Work Women Who Want to Make Life Miserable”

Should be a good one

We have several of those going at any given time. Feels like it, anyway...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. YOU want to do a totally optional egg hunt. Why does he have to do the shopping for it? This is your project, right?

Maybe OP wants to do it for her kids. Maybe her kids really want to do it. I don't think it's fair for OP to expect her husband to care about this, but I do think it's fair to expect him to participate.

However, I did the entirety of our kids' Easter baskets this year from start to finish. I like doing, my husband doesn't care, and we have all girls, so I'm better able to come up with ideas. I could, of course, have said to him that I want him to participate, in which case he would have, but I didn't mind doing it alone. I can't tell if OP is asking for participation because she's busy and truly can't do it all (which I get, I work full-time and have time-consuming hobbies), or if she's just made on principle that he wouldn't do it. Those are two different problems.

I don’t think it’s either. I think that this something she wanted to do with her husband and the father of her children and not something she wanted to do alone. Like if you ask someone to go to dinner with you, it isn’t because you are too busy to figure out how to eat.
If OP had been asking her husband to have dinner with her for the last two weeks, this is the equivalent of coming home and throwing down a Hungry Man frozen meal.

There’s nothing in OP’s post that remotely suggests she wanted to make buying holiday wrapped candy an activity that she wanted to do with the father of her children. You are making stuff up.

That’s literally what the post is about.

No she wanted her DH to execute her will in the exact way she wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh. Some people don't care about holidays.

You say you have been asking him to get candy for two weeks. Sounds like you need to be more specific. "See these plastic eggs? I need you to get Easter-themed candy that will fit in them. They have little chocolate eggs, etc. Get several types. Today after work. Thank you."

But for what? He would probably just buy the cheapest one. I like this stuff and half the fun is going to the store and finding cute little candies and choosing them. If this is her thing then she really should have bought the candy along with the basket stuff.

The DH buying the "cheapest one" should be fine if OP is going to outsource this to him, even though she's the one bent on doing this activity even though they aren't practicing Christians (who often don't care much about bunnies and candy, but that's another thing). Wanting to celebrate in a secular way is fine, especially if you grew up doing it, which many of us did, so I get why she'd want to do baskets and whatnot. But clearly OP did not want to buy this candy herself, otherwise she would have.

Was she trying to “outsource” to him? My understanding was that she wanted to go pick out the candy and fill the eggs together. Maybe she thought it would be sweet or fun or romantic. And then he basically treats it like an errand that he does as quickly as possible.

I thought she wanted him to pick the stuff up. On his own. So it would get done and she could worry about other things.