Differences in gender roles

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot be a good mother and have a career. Sounds like you both have different priorities and it will never work.

YOU can't but I can.

I'm a lawyer and a mom, my coworkers are mostly lawyers and parents. My kid's doing great at school, I manage my schedule so we spend lots of time together. You can manage to do these things and anyone who claims it's impossible has an agenda.

I don’t know, pp.
I’m a doctor and a mom, but I have a job, not the big career I thought I would. I couldn’t have a career and be a good primary caretaker to my kids.

My dentist only works from 9-2 Monday through Thursday so she can be there for her school aged kids. I always thought that was a pretty good schedule!

Yeah. This is kind of what I do. I wouldn’t say that I’m making big advances in my field or climbing the ladder. It’s just a job.

Seems pretty ideal to me. She can always ramp back up in a few years too without missing a beat. Even my hairstylist has a similar schedule. I wish I picked a different career than finance/banking. That was a mistake. It's not flexible at all. At least it wasn't pre-2020.

[Anonymous]

Unless you were very rich, traditional gender roles did not exist in the way everyone on this thread is imaging for most of history. I’m 60, and grew up on a farm. My grandmother worked her ass off from sunup to sundown, and childcare fell mostly on her elderly in-laws and the oldest daughter. She didn’t have time for doting on her kids or providing them with constant attention or enrichment opportunities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you marry someone who doesn’t want you to succeed to your fullest?
For you to be your best self?
He’s a non confident shit move on.

That is the issue. Some people don't see climbing the corporate ladder as a measure of success. No one's tombstone reads "Larlo was the best CFO" and the odds of any one of your coworkers showing up at your funeral 25 years later is slim to none. Work is a mean's to an end not a measurement of importance or self worth.

I just recently went to the funeral of a well-known trauma surgeon in my area, and I can assure you that many of his colleagues and patients were there, and his success as a surgeon was a huge part of his life.

I went to another funeral last year of a man who started a charity providing food, laundry, hairdressing, toys, etc. to people in the community who couldn’t afford it. He had a history of addiction and employed only recovering addicts. MANY of his co-workers and people he employed came to the funeral, and there was a huge emphasis on his work.

Of course your work matters!

[Anonymous]

Omg OP if he is asking you to do this run

You are an intelligent human he has not right to ask this question

This is his lack confidence not your best interest

You will divorce if you marry this controlling pos

[Anonymous]

Is he a person who would hold your hand during cancer treatment? Is he a person who would love you when you look like an aging prune or go on to marry a younger woman? There are so many things in a marriage, only you can decide what matters more to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you marry someone who doesn’t want you to succeed to your fullest?
For you to be your best self?
He’s a non confident shit move on.

That is the issue. Some people don't see climbing the corporate ladder as a measure of success. No one's tombstone reads "Larlo was the best CFO" and the odds of any one of your coworkers showing up at your funeral 25 years later is slim to none. Work is a mean's to an end not a measurement of importance or self worth.

I just recently went to the funeral of a well-known trauma surgeon in my area, and I can assure you that many of his colleagues and patients were there, and his success as a surgeon was a huge part of his life.

I went to another funeral last year of a man who started a charity providing food, laundry, hairdressing, toys, etc. to people in the community who couldn’t afford it. He had a history of addiction and employed only recovering addicts. MANY of his co-workers and people he employed came to the funeral, and there was a huge emphasis on his work.

Of course your work matters!

“well known surgeon” and corporate Mary are two completely different things. And I said “odds are….” not zero coworkers will ever show up. There is also a lot of generational behavioral changes associated with someone passing now am vs someone passing away in 50 or 60 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot be a good mother and have a career. Sounds like you both have different priorities and it will never work.

Oh, please! My mother had a very successful career and was a great mother. What really helped is that my father was very supportive of her doing what she wanted to do. He knew what her priorities were and trusted her. She made some mid career pivots that slowed her career but were best for the family.

Exactly. You are lying to yourself if you think there are no consequences to prioritizing your career. A lot of these women chasing these jobs are unattractive to men because it usually boils down to ego and proving that you're "somebody." Hard pass for must guys.

Except that women with college degrees and more are more likely to married and less likely to be divorced. So ambitious women are more likely to be married and stay married.

College degree does not equate to ambition.

[Anonymous]

If he's traditional he probably wants to provide and may be very good at it if you keep your expectations at appropriate levels.

We bought my daughter a car last year since she needed it for family reasons and then we bought a car for my wife, even though she can't drive. But a BMW convertible is a cool mom car and I made sure it had a back seat so we could take our other kids. I drive it and my daughter won't touch it my wife is the thrill seeker of the family.

[Anonymous]

You are fundamentally not compatible. Stop trying to fit your foot into his glass slipper

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you were very rich, traditional gender roles did not exist in the way everyone on this thread is imaging for most of history. I’m 60, and grew up on a farm. My grandmother worked her ass off from sunup to sundown, and childcare fell mostly on her elderly in-laws and the oldest daughter. She didn’t have time for doting on her kids or providing them with constant attention or enrichment opportunities

Agree. My mom did a variety of side jobs and PT jobs (we had a large family). My spouse grew up on a farm and his mom was super busy. She milked cows and worked in town. I worked for about 18 years, then was a SAHM for about 12, then went back to work.

My husband has had ebbs and flows in his career too. He had a steady job for about 16 years, then the bottom fell out and he had to start over. He didn't make anything for a few years, until his new career was up and running.

Life isn't black and white. I never thought I'd be a SAHM until I was. DH didn't know he'd be on the path he is now until he was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he's traditional he probably wants to provide and may be very good at it if you keep your expectations at appropriate levels.

We bought my daughter a car last year since she needed it for family reasons and then we bought a car for my wife, even though she can't drive. But a BMW convertible is a cool mom car and I made sure it had a back seat so we could take our other kids. I drive it and my daughter won't touch it my wife is the thrill seeker of the family.

“Be a good little girl and take whatever scraps he chooses to give you! How dare you consider earning your own money and being difficult to control!!”
Gfy.

[Anonymous]

Traditional family with one ambitious and one laid back spouse with flexible job is the easiest way to raise kids and manage life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which one of you planning on getting pregnant? If no agreement then just hire a surrogate and a live in nanny to outsource whole thing. Parenting isn't what its cracked up to be, your corporation needs you more and compensates you well.

The corporation needs you
Haha I don't think any normal guy wants to impregnate someone like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you marry someone who doesn’t want you to succeed to your fullest?
For you to be your best self?
He’s a non confident shit move on.

That is the issue. Some people don't see climbing the corporate ladder as a measure of success. No one's tombstone reads "Larlo was the best CFO" and the odds of any one of your coworkers showing up at your funeral 25 years later is slim to none. Work is a mean's to an end not a measurement of importance or self worth.

I just recently went to the funeral of a well-known trauma surgeon in my area, and I can assure you that many of his colleagues and patients were there, and his success as a surgeon was a huge part of his life.

I went to another funeral last year of a man who started a charity providing food, laundry, hairdressing, toys, etc. to people in the community who couldn’t afford it. He had a history of addiction and employed only recovering addicts. MANY of his co-workers and people he employed came to the funeral, and there was a huge emphasis on his work.

Of course your work matters!

“well known surgeon” and corporate Mary are two completely different things. And I said “odds are….” not zero coworkers will ever show up. There is also a lot of generational behavioral changes associated with someone passing now am vs someone passing away in 50 or 60 years.

Isn’t this a reason to be more ambitious? For OP to be more like a “well-known surgeon” instead of the “corporate Mary” that’s more compatible with maintaining traditional gender roles?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you marry someone who doesn’t want you to succeed to your fullest?
For you to be your best self?
He’s a non confident shit move on.

That is the issue. Some people don't see climbing the corporate ladder as a measure of success. No one's tombstone reads "Larlo was the best CFO" and the odds of any one of your coworkers showing up at your funeral 25 years later is slim to none. Work is a mean's to an end not a measurement of importance or self worth.

I just recently went to the funeral of a well-known trauma surgeon in my area, and I can assure you that many of his colleagues and patients were there, and his success as a surgeon was a huge part of his life.

I went to another funeral last year of a man who started a charity providing food, laundry, hairdressing, toys, etc. to people in the community who couldn’t afford it. He had a history of addiction and employed only recovering addicts. MANY of his co-workers and people he employed came to the funeral, and there was a huge emphasis on his work.

Of course your work matters!

Both of those people sound amazing and have nothing to do with your average person climbing the corporate ladder. You are not making any contribution to society, even if you make it to C suite or even CEO. You could be fired or quit tomorrow and can be replaced with someone just as good or better than you.