Differences in gender roles

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have a beautiful connection. both of us are marriage minded. There is one issue that’s giving me pause and I’d like to know what others think.

I am ambitious and probably make a little more than him. He is somewhat traditional on gender roles. he doesn’t want me to work long hours, and I get the feeling he does not want me to climb the corporate ladder.

I’ve told him in marriage I’d compromise on long hours. But I have this feeling he may generally speaking resent me for being ambitious down the road. I have no plans of stopping being career driven though I can dial back hours.

Everything else is golden between us. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend/fiance/husband is weak. Oh no. How many of these are there going to be in one week?

[Anonymous]

My wife is a career person who has out performed me w2 to w2 almost every uear we’ve been together - and I do pretty well. Honestly, its been great not being the only bread winner and its provided a lot of opportunity for us and our kid that other people just don’t have. I’d say more power to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I have a beautiful connection. both of us are marriage minded. There is one issue that’s giving me pause and I’d like to know what others think.

I am ambitious and probably make a little more than him. He is somewhat traditional on gender roles. he doesn’t want me to work long hours, and I get the feeling he does not want me to climb the corporate ladder.

I’ve told him in marriage I’d compromise on long hours. But I have this feeling he may generally speaking resent me for being ambitious down the road. I have no plans of stopping being career driven though I can dial back hours.

Everything else is golden between us. Thoughts?

I think this depends on where you both are on the scale between extremes of him being a couch potato bum and you an obsessive workaholic. If you are both more sane that that then I'd think you will be able to find a middle ground. Every relationship has some kind of disagreement and yours sounds normal and workable unless you're leaving a lot out.

[Anonymous]

OP you seem to be saying that your BF wouldn’t be supportive of your career plans and it’s not because he doesn’t want you to have a stressful job with long hours or because he wants the two of you to enjoy life and not be focused on work. It sounds like like your BF doesn’t want you to be ambitious bc he may want a SAHW or his insecurities are triggered by having an ambitious wife who may be more successful than him or he has expectations for his partner that are focused on his needs instead of your wants and dreams. The issue here is what is driving his preferences. It sounds like you may have a fundamental difference in how you approach this and it will become a huge issue later on in your marriage. I would try to get to the bottom of what is driving this for him but it doesn’t sound good.

[Anonymous]

You cannot be a good mother and have a career. Sounds like you both have different priorities and it will never work.

[Anonymous]

You know now before you marry him that he has traditional gender role views. This is who he is. You are making a choice to be with someone with those views. If you don't share them, that is a very big difference in how you view the world and in what marriage and parenting would be like. If you decide you ant to be with soneone who doesn't share your views, you can't then be irritated or upset at them for continuing to have those views.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You cannot be a good mother and have a career. Sounds like you both have different priorities and it will never work.

Oh look the trolls.

My mom was a fantastic mom who had a career. And one of the things she was fantastic about was teaching her daughters to value themselves.

[Anonymous]

He's actually not traditional at all. A traditional man who wants his wife to work less would level up his career and MAKE MORE MONEY so his wife doesn't need to. But he's not doing that, is he? Instead he's content with wanting you to hold back on what you're truly capable of to assuage his ego. He's a traditional HATER. I have seen this play out so many times before. His jealousy will slowly grind you into dust.

[Anonymous]

Why would you marry someone who doesn’t want you to succeed to your fullest?
For you to be your best self?
He’s a non confident shit move on.

[Anonymous]

You two see things differently. More than likely will not work.

I'd move on.

[Anonymous]

The SAHM thing only works well if the mom wants to stay home and feels comfortable with whatever the dad makes for the entire family. Don't do it unless you are OK being financially unstable or are marrying someone with high monetary ambitions and skills. Also have a post nup in case of divorce so you feel financially safe if anything were to happen.

[Anonymous]

How old are you both? The answer is different if you are 25 vs 45.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend/fiance/husband is weak. Oh no. How many of these are there going to be in one week?

How does this make him weak?
Maybe he also prioritizes family over work and in turn he also doesn’t plan on working long hours.

[Anonymous]

Why are so set on climbing the corp ladder?