Differences in gender roles

[Anonymous]

You might not be so ambitious down the road. You need to be prepared for both of you to evolve (possibly) as you mature and as your life circumstances change. That’s the most important thing—not so much how you feel about your career at this moment in time.

[Anonymous]

Never give up a career because of what a guy thinks about it. I’ve seen too many women give it up, and 15 years/3 kids down the road, the H bails for someone younger and more exciting. Or in my case, my H wanted a wife who did all the cooking and cleaning yet refused to advance his career to make that a reality and basically wanted us to live in poverty.

Talk to more women 40-50+ so you can see what really happens in marriages. They all recommend putting yourself and your money first.

[Anonymous]

Never marry someone who expects you to diminish yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You two see things differently. More than likely will not work.

I'd move on.

+1 It's golden now because you are not married and don't have kids.

I had a male friend a long time ago who seemed to not believe in gender roles; he had a sister, and lots of female friends whom he respected.

I lost touch with him, but reconnected after several years. He had gotten married. He told me that he never thought he'd be this way but he said after he got married he did expect gender roles, like he expected his wife to have dinner ready when he got home. I don't know what happened in that marriage, whether he relented or she did, or a combination.

But, I do think some men do have certain expectations. I dated this guy a long time ago in college who seemed like he would support my career. I did better than him in college and had career goals. We broke up, and years later reconnected as friends. He was engaged but it was a long distance relationship. He told me that they were having issues because he wanted her to move up to where he was, but she thought he should moved to where she was which made sense because where she lived is where he's also from. They both have friends/family there, but his career was up north, and he expected her to give up her career for his. They eventually broke up (they had other issues).

This will be a huge contentious issue in your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You might not be so ambitious down the road. You need to be prepared for both of you to evolve (possibly) as you mature and as your life circumstances change. That’s the most important thing—not so much how you feel about your career at this moment in time.

*Might* is a loaded word. What if she still wants her career, but her BF doesn't want her to be so engaged in it, but they are married? Then what?

Sure, people can and do change in a marriage. But, if you know that the person is a certain way going into the marriage, I would not risk thinking they *might* change.

[Anonymous]

I was a very ambitious young lawyer in my early 30s. But then I had to leave my job because of my military spouse, then I had children and my ambitions changed. My priorities changed, not because my spouse told me, but rather I saw there was an alternative. I am still working but no longer those long tiring hours. I work from home and am fulfilled but I have the flexibility to be there for my family. You need to find your own balance but keep in mind that your attitude could shift in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You might not be so ambitious down the road. You need to be prepared for both of you to evolve (possibly) as you mature and as your life circumstances change. That’s the most important thing—not so much how you feel about your career at this moment in time.

+1 Things change a lot over the years/decades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You might not be so ambitious down the road. You need to be prepared for both of you to evolve (possibly) as you mature and as your life circumstances change. That’s the most important thing—not so much how you feel about your career at this moment in time.

+1 Things change a lot over the years/decades.

+2. There is a lot reported about men working more right after kids after born. But over the long, there are way more twists and turns. I think it’s most realistic and safest to assume both partners will stop hard charging long before official retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you seem to be saying that your BF wouldn’t be supportive of your career plans and it’s not because he doesn’t want you to have a stressful job with long hours or because he wants the two of you to enjoy life and not be focused on work. It sounds like like your BF doesn’t want you to be ambitious bc he may want a SAHW or his insecurities are triggered by having an ambitious wife who may be more successful than him or he has expectations for his partner that are focused on his needs instead of your wants and dreams. The issue here is what is driving his preferences. It sounds like you may have a fundamental difference in how you approach this and it will become a huge issue later on in your marriage. I would try to get to the bottom of what is driving this for him but it doesn’t sound good.

If this were me, and this PP is right, I would run. But that is beacuse **I** don't believe in traditional gender roles and I sure as hell wouldn't want my future partner to.

[Anonymous]

& for those saying ambition may change - true. But the question is that this may be a guy who believes she should do all the work related to kids, the home, etc. -- which seems a bit 1950s. Ifthe OP wants to enter a 1950s marriage, that's fine. But in my obersations, it will only get MUCH worse once kids are in the picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:& for those saying ambition may change - true. But the question is that this may be a guy who believes she should do all the work related to kids, the home, etc. -- which seems a bit 1950s. Ifthe OP wants to enter a 1950s marriage, that's fine. But in my obersations, it will only get MUCH worse once kids are in the picture.

Or what he wants now is bad enough. Make the decision on what you know now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's actually not traditional at all. A traditional man who wants his wife to work less would level up his career and MAKE MORE MONEY so his wife doesn't need to. But he's not doing that, is he? Instead he's content with wanting you to hold back on what you're truly capable of to assuage his ego. He's a traditional HATER. I have seen this play out so many times before. His jealousy will slowly grind you into dust.

+1

He's a controlling beta male. Insecure. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I have a beautiful connection. both of us are marriage minded. There is one issue that’s giving me pause and I’d like to know what others think.

I am ambitious and probably make a little more than him. He is somewhat traditional on gender roles. he doesn’t want me to work long hours, and I get the feeling he does not want me to climb the corporate ladder.

I’ve told him in marriage I’d compromise on long hours. But I have this feeling he may generally speaking resent me for being ambitious down the road. I have no plans of stopping being career driven though I can dial back hours.

Everything else is golden between us. Thoughts?

You aren't right for each other, better to realize it now than in 10 years.

[Anonymous]

You can marry someone who doesn't care about family life and both of you can fully focus on your ambitions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You cannot be a good mother and have a career. Sounds like you both have different priorities and it will never work.

You are an ass hole.