Its selfish to have kids in your 40s and beyond

[Anonymous]

I lived having an older dad, who was 48 when I was born. He died at 83. He had totally different life experiences than other dads I knew. (There was no electricity, no cars, no phones growing up. He had so many amazing life experiences.)

Having a child at any age is selfish. And there is nothing wrong with raising children with the value of caring for elders. My mom died in my arms from dementia. I took a year off to take care of my dad. Some of the hardest and best experiences of my life. Cradling a loved one into death was even more meaningful than bringing my son into the world. Some of us consider caring for our loved ones to be one of the greatest gifts life can offer. Certainly more meaningful than soccer tournaments and baseball practices. Elder care is part of life, or should be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To answer the OP's question -
I've never heard anyone say "I'm glad I have older parents".
Of course older parents will defend their decision. But talk to those kids, their opinion matters too.

Older parents are often more financially stable and settled in their careers — and better able to focus on parenting than those same parents would have been able to do earlier in their lives. There are major disadvantages — such as elderly grandparents which impact family dynamics and resources, but also many advantages. I’m quite pleased that my parents decided to have me. And a special shout out to Mom for taking me sledding at an age when that probably wasn’t fun for her.

Having older parents made me very conscious of historical events as well as more personal ones. I’m glad that I have had opportunities open to me that wouldn’t have been available had I been born earlier in my parents’ lives.

Talk like this is what convinces people that young parenthood is immature and doomed to fail.
In my 6 decades here on earth what I've learned is that people are fairly consistent. Immature 20 year olds remain immature even in their dotage. Mature 20 year olds stay the course as well.
Oh, and I know a few 20 somethings who had 2 before 30. They were my colleagues at work - professional licensed women in the engineering field. And yes, they seem able to focus on parenting despite their youth.

“Doomed”? Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think my kids are pretty happy to exist. Could be wrong.

My mom would say the same and she most definitely is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents and in-laws are in their 80s are in great health. My dad goes to the gym for two hours every other day, my mom does yoga every day. Sounds like you're parents aren't taken good care of themselves.

There is a very large genetic component to health outcomes in your 80s and 90s. We don’t know this persons family history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents and in-laws are in their 80s are in great health. My dad goes to the gym for two hours every other day, my mom does yoga every day. Sounds like you're parents aren't taken good care of themselves.

Oh goody. Yoga keeps cancer at bay and prevents car accidents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in my early 50s and have a 26-year-old and a 23-year-old. I was considered a late mom when I had my kids, tbh. Times were different.
I wish I had my kids even earlier.
You should not judge and hate your ils, and be so self-unaware and righteous. Says more about you than about your FIL.
Without your FIL having his son late, you would not have the husband you have now. Your life might have been entirely different. How old is your youngest?
1 year old?

You were considered a late mom at age 24-ish? What rural area did you come from?

No, I had my first at 28 and my second at 30. I am 54. In CO, in Denver,, my sister and her sister, etc., and her DH's cousins all had kids earlier. My friends from the Balkans, where I am from, also generally had kids around 25, 26.

You'd almost be considered a teen mom in the DC area.