SAHP or Fully Funded College?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Regardless of if a woman or man works, if they are married its family/household money. Its sick that people say a woman is mooching off a man staying at home to care for their family, home, kids, etc. Its a decision between the two of them. Fully funded college fund to me means paying for a state college and grad school. Sometimes a woman working, depending on her income, is financially not worth it. It wasn't in our situation between day care, and later elderly care, and then teens who had after school activities that would conflict with working (and I'm not denying them, as I support them pursing their interests).

Anyone else notice that even if both spouses make the same, it’s magically “not worth it” for the wife to work? Also all those child care expenses should come out of a shared pot of family money, but suddenly it’s only “wife’s income wont pay for childcare.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

DP.

Why do you care? Why do think random women owe you an accounting of how they spend their time? Live your own life and worry about your own family.

+1.
I would sort of like an answer to this question. What’s up with obsession over what SAHPs do with their time? I don’t hear people obsessing over what people without children do with their free 128 hours a week.

But some mom has 30 free hours a week and only spends 15 of them doing stuff that directly benefits her family, and people need an accounting of her time.

What’s up with that?

Because people assume she’s freeloading off her husband. Never mind that SAHM need to be on call to deal with sick kids, summer, breaks, etc which directly benefits their husbands’ career.

From my experience, when moms try to go back to work once the kids are in school, everyone freaks out that dad is now going to be expected to handle at least 50% of pickups, dropoffs, sick days, and summer break.

Women can’t win either way. Either you stay home and you’re a freeloader, or you go back to work and you’re selfish for expecting H to handle kids.

I’m a single mother. I work full time. I ALSO have to be on call to deal with every illness and drop off etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

DP.

Why do you care? Why do think random women owe you an accounting of how they spend their time? Live your own life and worry about your own family.

+1.
I would sort of like an answer to this question. What’s up with obsession over what SAHPs do with their time? I don’t hear people obsessing over what people without children do with their free 128 hours a week.

But some mom has 30 free hours a week and only spends 15 of them doing stuff that directly benefits her family, and people need an accounting of her time.

What’s up with that?

Because people assume she’s freeloading off her husband. Never mind that SAHM need to be on call to deal with sick kids, summer, breaks, etc which directly benefits their husbands’ career.

From my experience, when moms try to go back to work once the kids are in school, everyone freaks out that dad is now going to be expected to handle at least 50% of pickups, dropoffs, sick days, and summer break.

Women can’t win either way. Either you stay home and you’re a freeloader, or you go back to work and you’re selfish for expecting H to handle kids.

I’m a single mother. I work full time. I ALSO have to be on call to deal with every illness and drop off etc.

And?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regardless of if a woman or man works, if they are married its family/household money. Its sick that people say a woman is mooching off a man staying at home to care for their family, home, kids, etc. Its a decision between the two of them. Fully funded college fund to me means paying for a state college and grad school. Sometimes a woman working, depending on her income, is financially not worth it. It wasn't in our situation between day care, and later elderly care, and then teens who had after school activities that would conflict with working (and I'm not denying them, as I support them pursing their interests).

Anyone else notice that even if both spouses make the same, it’s magically “not worth it” for the wife to work? Also all those child care expenses should come out of a shared pot of family money, but suddenly it’s only “wife’s income wont pay for childcare.”

Do you think this is some kind of conspiracy? Having a dual earning household generates its own set of costs. In such cases a couple might make choices about whether they want to remain a dual earning household, and presumably both finances and personal preferences play a role in determining who does and who does not remain in the workforce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

DP.

Why do you care? Why do think random women owe you an accounting of how they spend their time? Live your own life and worry about your own family.

+1.
I would sort of like an answer to this question. What’s up with obsession over what SAHPs do with their time? I don’t hear people obsessing over what people without children do with their free 128 hours a week.

But some mom has 30 free hours a week and only spends 15 of them doing stuff that directly benefits her family, and people need an accounting of her time.

What’s up with that?

Because people assume she’s freeloading off her husband. Never mind that SAHM need to be on call to deal with sick kids, summer, breaks, etc which directly benefits their husbands’ career.

From my experience, when moms try to go back to work once the kids are in school, everyone freaks out that dad is now going to be expected to handle at least 50% of pickups, dropoffs, sick days, and summer break.

Women can’t win either way. Either you stay home and you’re a freeloader, or you go back to work and you’re selfish for expecting H to handle kids.

I’m a single mother. I work full time. I ALSO have to be on call to deal with every illness and drop off etc.

And?

Is absurd to act like the only way kids can be taken care of is for mom to stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

DP.

Why do you care? Why do think random women owe you an accounting of how they spend their time? Live your own life and worry about your own family.

+1.
I would sort of like an answer to this question. What’s up with obsession over what SAHPs do with their time? I don’t hear people obsessing over what people without children do with their free 128 hours a week.

But some mom has 30 free hours a week and only spends 15 of them doing stuff that directly benefits her family, and people need an accounting of her time.

What’s up with that?

Because people assume she’s freeloading off her husband. Never mind that SAHM need to be on call to deal with sick kids, summer, breaks, etc which directly benefits their husbands’ career.

From my experience, when moms try to go back to work once the kids are in school, everyone freaks out that dad is now going to be expected to handle at least 50% of pickups, dropoffs, sick days, and summer break.

Women can’t win either way. Either you stay home and you’re a freeloader, or you go back to work and you’re selfish for expecting H to handle kids.

I’m a single mother. I work full time. I ALSO have to be on call to deal with every illness and drop off etc.

And you don’t think your life would, in any way, be easier or better if you had a partner?
If someone else were taking care of all of the childcare, dealing with illnesses, making social plans, taking your children to lessons, helping with homework, doing the household chores, etc.
You seriously don’t think that a SAH partner would add any value to your life or your children’s life?

I work and so does my spouse, but I fantasize about being in a throuple with someone who wants to be a SAHP all of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

DP.

Why do you care? Why do think random women owe you an accounting of how they spend their time? Live your own life and worry about your own family.

+1.
I would sort of like an answer to this question. What’s up with obsession over what SAHPs do with their time? I don’t hear people obsessing over what people without children do with their free 128 hours a week.

But some mom has 30 free hours a week and only spends 15 of them doing stuff that directly benefits her family, and people need an accounting of her time.

What’s up with that?

Because people assume she’s freeloading off her husband. Never mind that SAHM need to be on call to deal with sick kids, summer, breaks, etc which directly benefits their husbands’ career.

From my experience, when moms try to go back to work once the kids are in school, everyone freaks out that dad is now going to be expected to handle at least 50% of pickups, dropoffs, sick days, and summer break.

Women can’t win either way. Either you stay home and you’re a freeloader, or you go back to work and you’re selfish for expecting H to handle kids.

I’m a single mother. I work full time. I ALSO have to be on call to deal with every illness and drop off etc.

And?

Is absurd to act like the only way kids can be taken care of is for mom to stay home.

Nobody is acting like that. You’re being defensive over other people’s life choices because you’re insecure and unhappy. It’s absurd to pretend otherwise. Get a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

DP.

Why do you care? Why do think random women owe you an accounting of how they spend their time? Live your own life and worry about your own family.

+1.
I would sort of like an answer to this question. What’s up with obsession over what SAHPs do with their time? I don’t hear people obsessing over what people without children do with their free 128 hours a week.

But some mom has 30 free hours a week and only spends 15 of them doing stuff that directly benefits her family, and people need an accounting of her time.

What’s up with that?

Because people assume she’s freeloading off her husband. Never mind that SAHM need to be on call to deal with sick kids, summer, breaks, etc which directly benefits their husbands’ career.

From my experience, when moms try to go back to work once the kids are in school, everyone freaks out that dad is now going to be expected to handle at least 50% of pickups, dropoffs, sick days, and summer break.

Women can’t win either way. Either you stay home and you’re a freeloader, or you go back to work and you’re selfish for expecting H to handle kids.

I’m a single mother. I work full time. I ALSO have to be on call to deal with every illness and drop off etc.

And?

Is absurd to act like the only way kids can be taken care of is for mom to stay home.

Nobody is acting like that. You’re being defensive over other people’s life choices because you’re insecure and unhappy. It’s absurd to pretend otherwise. Get a life.

I am secure in knowing I make my own way in life and I’m not a whole entire adult out there in the world living off someone else’s paycheck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Where is that data? I’d love to see the link. Please and thanks.

Google doesn’t work at your house?

There is no google search that will reveal this data. That’s the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

Do you think the work of parenting and household mgmt disappears when kids are in school? Do you have kids?

Also, let’s just look at the actual time breakdown.
my elementary kids are at school for 6 hours a day. Each day doing school drop off/pick up takes about 40 minutes so now we’re down to 5 hrs 20 minutes a day that they’re in school and that’s my “free time” which is spent:
—Yes, doing chores and running errands about 50% of the time (this is just for basic daily or at least bi-weekly chores like laundry, dishes, meal prep/cooking, yard work, and basic errands like grocery shopping and doesn’t account for the chores and errands that come up less often like shopping for clothes or bday gifts or doing deep cleaning or home maintenance projects or car repairs)
—Volunteering at the kids’ school about 20% the time (I volunteer in each of their classrooms every week and in the lunchroom every week and sometimes also in the front office at their school)
—time for myself about 30% of the time. This is when I exercise, read, meet w friends, have a phone call w family, get a hair cut, etc. since I do those things when kids are at school, I don’t have to do them at other times and can fully focus on childcare/parenting

[Anonymous]

We figured we can do both on a single income but we can't do stable family on double income with my long hours and his frequent travels. We were able to cover expensive private colleges for undergrad and grad schools. If we didn't have that choice, SAH wouldn't be an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the kids, depends on the parents. Obviously.

I work a pretty low stress WFH job. That's been great for our family dynamic. I don't make a ton, but it's enough to put us into financial security. I am home when they get home from school, I can easily cover sick days or emergency pick ups. I can start dinner, get them to practice etc. We have always wanted to just live off my DH's salary and put mine away, but we've never quite made it. But we are investing more and more now that are child care costs have gone down as the kids get bigger. I think being financially secure ourselves is one of the biggest gifts we can give our children. I want to be able to help them get started, pay for college, offer some support, and still live our lives as we want as we look toward retirement.

Same. I chose to WFH for a smaller company (I work in tech) than I could have worked at and apart from a few trips a year, generally have a lot of predictability and availability for my kids. My kids never did aftercare once they were school age, for example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

DP.

Why do you care? Why do think random women owe you an accounting of how they spend their time? Live your own life and worry about your own family.

+1.
I would sort of like an answer to this question. What’s up with obsession over what SAHPs do with their time? I don’t hear people obsessing over what people without children do with their free 128 hours a week.

But some mom has 30 free hours a week and only spends 15 of them doing stuff that directly benefits her family, and people need an accounting of her time.

What’s up with that?

Because people assume she’s freeloading off her husband. Never mind that SAHM need to be on call to deal with sick kids, summer, breaks, etc which directly benefits their husbands’ career.

From my experience, when moms try to go back to work once the kids are in school, everyone freaks out that dad is now going to be expected to handle at least 50% of pickups, dropoffs, sick days, and summer break.

Women can’t win either way. Either you stay home and you’re a freeloader, or you go back to work and you’re selfish for expecting H to handle kids.

I’m a single mother. I work full time. I ALSO have to be on call to deal with every illness and drop off etc.

And you don’t think your life would, in any way, be easier or better if you had a partner?
If someone else were taking care of all of the childcare, dealing with illnesses, making social plans, taking your children to lessons, helping with homework, doing the household chores, etc.
You seriously don’t think that a SAH partner would add any value to your life or your children’s life?

I work and so does my spouse, but I fantasize about being in a throuple with someone who wants to be a SAHP all of the time.

It's called a nanny or housekeeper.

There is something to be said about being a sahp and lowering the stress on the family. However, most of us can't afford to have one parent sah, AND save for college and retirement. Something's gotta give.

You do not want to put your kids in a position where they are going to have to take care of you in retirement AND pay off student loans AND have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regardless of if a woman or man works, if they are married its family/household money. Its sick that people say a woman is mooching off a man staying at home to care for their family, home, kids, etc. Its a decision between the two of them. Fully funded college fund to me means paying for a state college and grad school. Sometimes a woman working, depending on her income, is financially not worth it. It wasn't in our situation between day care, and later elderly care, and then teens who had after school activities that would conflict with working (and I'm not denying them, as I support them pursing their interests).

Anyone else notice that even if both spouses make the same, it’s magically “not worth it” for the wife to work? Also all those child care expenses should come out of a shared pot of family money, but suddenly it’s only “wife’s income wont pay for childcare.”

Because its not what the pot looks like. After taxes, commute, a babysitter for after day care costs given my work hours, it would have cost us more to have me working than my income. If my husband had the lower income, we would have looked at it the same way. He had far more earning potential. I don't get why others care what others do. No one, including grandparents are helping us, so no one gets an opinion but us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

DP.

Why do you care? Why do think random women owe you an accounting of how they spend their time? Live your own life and worry about your own family.

+1.
I would sort of like an answer to this question. What’s up with obsession over what SAHPs do with their time? I don’t hear people obsessing over what people without children do with their free 128 hours a week.

But some mom has 30 free hours a week and only spends 15 of them doing stuff that directly benefits her family, and people need an accounting of her time.

What’s up with that?

Because people assume she’s freeloading off her husband. Never mind that SAHM need to be on call to deal with sick kids, summer, breaks, etc which directly benefits their husbands’ career.

From my experience, when moms try to go back to work once the kids are in school, everyone freaks out that dad is now going to be expected to handle at least 50% of pickups, dropoffs, sick days, and summer break.

Women can’t win either way. Either you stay home and you’re a freeloader, or you go back to work and you’re selfish for expecting H to handle kids.

I’m a single mother. I work full time. I ALSO have to be on call to deal with every illness and drop off etc.

And you don’t think your life would, in any way, be easier or better if you had a partner?
If someone else were taking care of all of the childcare, dealing with illnesses, making social plans, taking your children to lessons, helping with homework, doing the household chores, etc.
You seriously don’t think that a SAH partner would add any value to your life or your children’s life?

I work and so does my spouse, but I fantasize about being in a throuple with someone who wants to be a SAHP all of the time.

It's called a nanny or housekeeper.

There is something to be said about being a sahp and lowering the stress on the family. However, most of us can't afford to have one parent sah, AND save for college and retirement. Something's gotta give.

You do not want to put your kids in a position where they are going to have to take care of you in retirement AND pay off student loans AND have kids.

A nanny or housekeeper can be more than what the SAHP would make. If you are high income, great. Often those saying they cannot afford it, is about lifestyle choices vs. being low income. You can, its how you choose to live. What is your income that you can afford help but not able to sah? That is a very high income. We managed to buy/pay off a small lower cost house, save for college and retirement on probably far less than what you earn as we choose a differnet lifestyle than you.