SAHP or Fully Funded College?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and DHs parents both worked and didn’t pay for college. I had an athletic scholarship and DH did ROTC.
But, speaking from experience, being a SAHM of elementary school aged kids and older is kind of awful. Your job is basically to do chores and run errands. It’s more or less Anne Hathaway’s job in “The Devil Wears Prada.”

My mother must have gotten confused about her job criteria - she thought she was supposed to nap, watch tv, and leave notes for her elementary school-aged kids with lists of chores for them to do.

Hahaha!
I hope this is because your mom was an awesome lady who then spent her evenings smoking and making witty comments like David Sedaris’s mom, and not because she was dealing with some kind of chronic illness.

She was just lazy AF and wanted to be waited on hand and foot, and treated like a queen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The flip side of this is I am so grateful my parents have the financial means for a comfortable retirement and to pay for care if they eventually need it. That's a bigger deal than having college paid for. Though both are nice.

Either way, college and retirement are both more attainable with two incomes.

Not always. My income was on the lower end in a helping profession so by the time we paid for child care, we'd owe money. And with older child, the driving is daily after school so paying someone would be a wash.

Right, the standard “I can’t get a job because we’ll be poor-er!” Lie. Whatever helps you sit on the sofa all afternoon!

LOL whatever you have to say to feel ok, paper-pushing desk donkey

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay home for 3 yrs, back to work for the other 15.

+1 best of both. Your kid will be thankful that they have a fully funded college account when they start picking which colleges to apply to. They won't remember (or care) that you were not home with them all day when they were 4 or 5.

Yes they do. A memory is a physical brain structure, right? Just because your child can’t verbally recount a memory doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

(I see the triple negative there, and I’m leaving it!)

and yet, the one who went to daycare is in college with merit and doing great -- straight As, with a college fund that is fully funded, so they will have $$ leftover.

What will you tell your kids when it's time for them to apply to college?

My sister was a sahm. They did not save for college. My niece got into a great slac that she wanted to go to, but they could not afford it even after merit aid - niece is very smart. So, she had to go to the state school that gave her merit. Luckily, they had enough to float the difference but that is also because there were no other kids that my sister had to pay for. If you have multiple kids, and you are a donut family, you will be sol for college expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The flip side of this is I am so grateful my parents have the financial means for a comfortable retirement and to pay for care if they eventually need it. That's a bigger deal than having college paid for. Though both are nice.

Either way, college and retirement are both more attainable with two incomes.

Not always. My income was on the lower end in a helping profession so by the time we paid for child care, we'd owe money. And with older child, the driving is daily after school so paying someone would be a wash.

Right, the standard “I can’t get a job because we’ll be poor-er!” Lie. Whatever helps you sit on the sofa all afternoon!

LOL whatever you have to say to feel ok, paper-pushing desk donkey

dp.. at least they can afford to pay for college and save for retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is better for kids - having four years of college fully paid for by parents or having 16-18 years of an involved stay at home parent?

I think having a SAHP is priceless if that parent is doing it because they want to and enjoy it and other parent can afford to support them and be a happy sidekick otherwise material goods and free college are good to have.

As far as college cost go, most kids get good enough aid or merit to make it affordable unless falling for very expensive ones or not being eligible for aid. If they don't want loans, two year community college and two year nearest state university while living at home can be very affordable with part time jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The flip side of this is I am so grateful my parents have the financial means for a comfortable retirement and to pay for care if they eventually need it. That's a bigger deal than having college paid for. Though both are nice.

Either way, college and retirement are both more attainable with two incomes.

Not always. My income was on the lower end in a helping profession so by the time we paid for child care, we'd owe money. And with older child, the driving is daily after school so paying someone would be a wash.

Right, the standard “I can’t get a job because we’ll be poor-er!” Lie. Whatever helps you sit on the sofa all afternoon!

Exactly, much better to dress up and socialize while doing some menial job away from home and family and spend all you earn on designer duds, make up and pricy coffee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The flip side of this is I am so grateful my parents have the financial means for a comfortable retirement and to pay for care if they eventually need it. That's a bigger deal than having college paid for. Though both are nice.

Either way, college and retirement are both more attainable with two incomes.

Not always. My income was on the lower end in a helping profession so by the time we paid for child care, we'd owe money. And with older child, the driving is daily after school so paying someone would be a wash.

Right, the standard “I can’t get a job because we’ll be poor-er!” Lie. Whatever helps you sit on the sofa all afternoon!

LOL lady why are you so personally offended by a complete stranger possibly sitting on her sofa in the afternoon? Get a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay home for 3 yrs, back to work for the other 15.

+1 best of both. Your kid will be thankful that they have a fully funded college account when they start picking which colleges to apply to. They won't remember (or care) that you were not home with them all day when they were 4 or 5.

Each family is different. Each kid is different.

I have a friend who is very successful and has 3 kids (two upper elementary and one middle). Her kids are all struggling and could really use my friend. One child is struggling both academically and socially. It stresses my friend out, but she says she has so much going on at work that she can’t deal with the kids. I’m not sure her kids will turn out well and in her situation, a mom home would be better IMO than a fully funded college.

I don’t think it is all or nothing. What if mom was around and college is mostly funded.

I’m a SAHM and if that was the choice, I would work for college fund. DH earns enough so I can stay home and also pay for college, grad school, etc.

This is a great example of why we need women working. So POS stop perpetuating this nasty stereotype. “I’m not sure her kids will turn out well because she is working! She needs to be at home, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen otherwise NO CHILD WILL THRIVE!” Gmafb. Studies show men with working moms are smarter, treat their partners better, are more likely to contribute to household chores and child raising. Instead of whatever bulls*** you are teaching, completely letting fathers and men off the hook. Maybe you should go sit in a corner and stop bringing us back to the ‘50s.

Too bad your mom (or dad) wasn’t around more to help you with your English homework. They could have explained what hyperbole means.

Also, please cite the studies that show men’s *intelligence* is directly impacted by the working status of their mothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no reason a SAHP shouldn't get a job while the kids are in school.

At thar point I think it depends on finances. My DH’s salary tripled from the time I started SAH until my youngest started MS and would have been able to come home alone. We didn’t need my salary at that point or the headaches it would have brought the family. If we needed the money I certainly would have returned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay home for 3 yrs, back to work for the other 15.

+1 best of both. Your kid will be thankful that they have a fully funded college account when they start picking which colleges to apply to. They won't remember (or care) that you were not home with them all day when they were 4 or 5.

Yes they do. A memory is a physical brain structure, right? Just because your child can’t verbally recount a memory doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

(I see the triple negative there, and I’m leaving it!)

and yet, the one who went to daycare is in college with merit and doing great -- straight As, with a college fund that is fully funded, so they will have $$ leftover.

What will you tell your kids when it's time for them to apply to college?

My sister was a sahm. They did not save for college. My niece got into a great slac that she wanted to go to, but they could not afford it even after merit aid - niece is very smart. So, she had to go to the state school that gave her merit. Luckily, they had enough to float the difference but that is also because there were no other kids that my sister had to pay for. If you have multiple kids, and you are a donut family, you will be sol for college expenses.

My parents both worked and they still couldn’t afford college. My siblings and I went to *gasp* state schools and *horror* took out student loans!!! They didn’t even pay for our weddings or our down payments! We even had to buy our own cars!!!

We’re all fine. I honestly don’t get why so many DCUM folk look down on parents essentially coddling their young children while simultaneously looking down on parents who DON’T coddle their adult children. It’s non-sensical.

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM and there’s no way I could justify being one if college was not fully funded

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did both, and I think working full time is best for all of us. And my kid gets college paid for. It's not the best for everyone though. Family dependent.

+1

[Anonymous]

I did both. If I were forced to choose... it would be really hard, because I stayed home to look after my kid with special needs. It would have been really hard to get him to where he is now had I not done that! Maybe I could have found some sort of part-time job? But those don't really exist in my field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay home for 3 yrs, back to work for the other 15.

+1 best of both. Your kid will be thankful that they have a fully funded college account when they start picking which colleges to apply to. They won't remember (or care) that you were not home with them all day when they were 4 or 5.

Yes they do. A memory is a physical brain structure, right? Just because your child can’t verbally recount a memory doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

(I see the triple negative there, and I’m leaving it!)

and yet, the one who went to daycare is in college with merit and doing great -- straight As, with a college fund that is fully funded, so they will have $$ leftover.

What will you tell your kids when it's time for them to apply to college?

My sister was a sahm. They did not save for college. My niece got into a great slac that she wanted to go to, but they could not afford it even after merit aid - niece is very smart. So, she had to go to the state school that gave her merit. Luckily, they had enough to float the difference but that is also because there were no other kids that my sister had to pay for. If you have multiple kids, and you are a donut family, you will be sol for college expenses.

I’m not sure what any of this has to do with how pre-verbal memories are formed. But then again, I did go to a state college. Go Bucks!

[Anonymous]

Would always work in some capacity. What’s the point of paying for a college degree and then not using my own?

(Yes I know, college has intrinsic value outside of working. But the long-term SAHMs in my wealthy town and my wealthy private school are kinda losers* so I am biased in that respect).

* excepting those who sacrificed their careers to support family health or SN issues