SAHP or Fully Funded College?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

DP.

Why do you care? Why do think random women owe you an accounting of how they spend their time? Live your own life and worry about your own family.

Why so testy? Hit a nerve or smth?

Yes, actually. I think the mommy wars hits a nerve with most functioning adult women.

Now answer the questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

DP.

Why do you care? Why do think random women owe you an accounting of how they spend their time? Live your own life and worry about your own family.

+1.
I would sort of like an answer to this question. What’s up with obsession over what SAHPs do with their time? I don’t hear people obsessing over what people without children do with their free 128 hours a week.

But some mom has 30 free hours a week and only spends 15 of them doing stuff that directly benefits her family, and people need an accounting of her time.

What’s up with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

DP.

Why do you care? Why do think random women owe you an accounting of how they spend their time? Live your own life and worry about your own family.

+1.
I would sort of like an answer to this question. What’s up with obsession over what SAHPs do with their time? I don’t hear people obsessing over what people without children do with their free 128 hours a week.

But some mom has 30 free hours a week and only spends 15 of them doing stuff that directly benefits her family, and people need an accounting of her time.

What’s up with that?

Because people assume she’s freeloading off her husband. Never mind that SAHM need to be on call to deal with sick kids, summer, breaks, etc which directly benefits their husbands’ career.

From my experience, when moms try to go back to work once the kids are in school, everyone freaks out that dad is now going to be expected to handle at least 50% of pickups, dropoffs, sick days, and summer break.

Women can’t win either way. Either you stay home and you’re a freeloader, or you go back to work and you’re selfish for expecting H to handle kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

DP.

Why do you care? Why do think random women owe you an accounting of how they spend their time? Live your own life and worry about your own family.

+1.
I would sort of like an answer to this question. What’s up with obsession over what SAHPs do with their time? I don’t hear people obsessing over what people without children do with their free 128 hours a week.

But some mom has 30 free hours a week and only spends 15 of them doing stuff that directly benefits her family, and people need an accounting of her time.

What’s up with that?

We are all so brainwashed by capitalism and the overworked, hyperfocused on productivity American lifestyle that we resent people who are not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

DP.

Why do you care? Why do think random women owe you an accounting of how they spend their time? Live your own life and worry about your own family.

+1.
I would sort of like an answer to this question. What’s up with obsession over what SAHPs do with their time? I don’t hear people obsessing over what people without children do with their free 128 hours a week.

But some mom has 30 free hours a week and only spends 15 of them doing stuff that directly benefits her family, and people need an accounting of her time.

What’s up with that?

Because people assume she’s freeloading off her husband. Never mind that SAHM need to be on call to deal with sick kids, summer, breaks, etc which directly benefits their husbands’ career.

From my experience, when moms try to go back to work once the kids are in school, everyone freaks out that dad is now going to be expected to handle at least 50% of pickups, dropoffs, sick days, and summer break.

Women can’t win either way. Either you stay home and you’re a freeloader, or you go back to work and you’re selfish for expecting H to handle kids.

Then the better way is to establish 50/50 from the start. Doesn’t mean splitting everything in half. But it means both parents doing their share because they feel responsible for their kids, know how to handle them, and actually want to spend time with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

DP.

Why do you care? Why do think random women owe you an accounting of how they spend their time? Live your own life and worry about your own family.

+1.
I would sort of like an answer to this question. What’s up with obsession over what SAHPs do with their time? I don’t hear people obsessing over what people without children do with their free 128 hours a week.

But some mom has 30 free hours a week and only spends 15 of them doing stuff that directly benefits her family, and people need an accounting of her time.

What’s up with that?

Because people assume she’s freeloading off her husband. Never mind that SAHM need to be on call to deal with sick kids, summer, breaks, etc which directly benefits their husbands’ career.

From my experience, when moms try to go back to work once the kids are in school, everyone freaks out that dad is now going to be expected to handle at least 50% of pickups, dropoffs, sick days, and summer break.

Women can’t win either way. Either you stay home and you’re a freeloader, or you go back to work and you’re selfish for expecting H to handle kids.

Then the better way is to establish 50/50 from the start. Doesn’t mean splitting everything in half. But it means both parents doing their share because they feel responsible for their kids, know how to handle them, and actually want to spend time with them.

So you do it the way you think is better for your family and other families will do it the way they think is better for their families. Why do you care if complete strangers don’t live their lives the exact same way you live yours? What’s it to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

DP.

Why do you care? Why do think random women owe you an accounting of how they spend their time? Live your own life and worry about your own family.

+1.
I would sort of like an answer to this question. What’s up with obsession over what SAHPs do with their time? I don’t hear people obsessing over what people without children do with their free 128 hours a week.

But some mom has 30 free hours a week and only spends 15 of them doing stuff that directly benefits her family, and people need an accounting of her time.

What’s up with that?

Because people assume she’s freeloading off her husband. Never mind that SAHM need to be on call to deal with sick kids, summer, breaks, etc which directly benefits their husbands’ career.

From my experience, when moms try to go back to work once the kids are in school, everyone freaks out that dad is now going to be expected to handle at least 50% of pickups, dropoffs, sick days, and summer break.

Women can’t win either way. Either you stay home and you’re a freeloader, or you go back to work and you’re selfish for expecting H to handle kids.

Then the better way is to establish 50/50 from the start. Doesn’t mean splitting everything in half. But it means both parents doing their share because they feel responsible for their kids, know how to handle them, and actually want to spend time with them.

So you do it the way you think is better for your family and other families will do it the way they think is better for their families. Why do you care if complete strangers don’t live their lives the exact same way you live yours? What’s it to you?

I actually don’t care. I am an NP. If you want to live your SAHM/workaholic dad lifestyle then go ahead. But FYI, when you tell people you can’t go back to work because your DH can’t handle any sort of childcare, people will be thinking internally that your DH is a loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

DP.

Why do you care? Why do think random women owe you an accounting of how they spend their time? Live your own life and worry about your own family.

+1.
I would sort of like an answer to this question. What’s up with obsession over what SAHPs do with their time? I don’t hear people obsessing over what people without children do with their free 128 hours a week.

But some mom has 30 free hours a week and only spends 15 of them doing stuff that directly benefits her family, and people need an accounting of her time.

What’s up with that?

Because people assume she’s freeloading off her husband. Never mind that SAHM need to be on call to deal with sick kids, summer, breaks, etc which directly benefits their husbands’ career.

From my experience, when moms try to go back to work once the kids are in school, everyone freaks out that dad is now going to be expected to handle at least 50% of pickups, dropoffs, sick days, and summer break.

Women can’t win either way. Either you stay home and you’re a freeloader, or you go back to work and you’re selfish for expecting H to handle kids.

Then the better way is to establish 50/50 from the start. Doesn’t mean splitting everything in half. But it means both parents doing their share because they feel responsible for their kids, know how to handle them, and actually want to spend time with them.

So you do it the way you think is better for your family and other families will do it the way they think is better for their families. Why do you care if complete strangers don’t live their lives the exact same way you live yours? What’s it to you?

I actually don’t care. I am an NP. If you want to live your SAHM/workaholic dad lifestyle then go ahead. But FYI, when you tell people you can’t go back to work because your DH can’t handle any sort of childcare, people will be thinking internally that your DH is a loser.

When you focus on judging other moms and dads as losers because you don’t want to arrange your working and parenting lives the same way they do, people will think you’re insecure.

[Anonymous]

I would opt for having a SAHP in the short term and see where you are in a few years. It may be possible to have both, but you can assess as you go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

That’s when we live our best lives. Only Puritains think life should have no pleasure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay home for 3 yrs, back to work for the other 15.

+1 best of both. Your kid will be thankful that they have a fully funded college account when they start picking which colleges to apply to. They won't remember (or care) that you were not home with them all day when they were 4 or 5.

This is what I did but stayed home a little longer - 6 years. No regrets whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

DP.

Why do you care? Why do think random women owe you an accounting of how they spend their time? Live your own life and worry about your own family.

+1.
I would sort of like an answer to this question. What’s up with obsession over what SAHPs do with their time? I don’t hear people obsessing over what people without children do with their free 128 hours a week.

But some mom has 30 free hours a week and only spends 15 of them doing stuff that directly benefits her family, and people need an accounting of her time.

What’s up with that?

Because people assume she’s freeloading off her husband. Never mind that SAHM need to be on call to deal with sick kids, summer, breaks, etc which directly benefits their husbands’ career.

From my experience, when moms try to go back to work once the kids are in school, everyone freaks out that dad is now going to be expected to handle at least 50% of pickups, dropoffs, sick days, and summer break.

Women can’t win either way. Either you stay home and you’re a freeloader, or you go back to work and you’re selfish for expecting H to handle kids.

Then the better way is to establish 50/50 from the start. Doesn’t mean splitting everything in half. But it means both parents doing their share because they feel responsible for their kids, know how to handle them, and actually want to spend time with them.

So you do it the way you think is better for your family and other families will do it the way they think is better for their families. Why do you care if complete strangers don’t live their lives the exact same way you live yours? What’s it to you?

I actually don’t care. I am an NP. If you want to live your SAHM/workaholic dad lifestyle then go ahead. But FYI, when you tell people you can’t go back to work because your DH can’t handle any sort of childcare, people will be thinking internally that your DH is a loser.

Oh, 100%, no one is jealous of being married to these “men” who don’t know how to pack a kids lunch or take them to the dentist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

DP.

Why do you care? Why do think random women owe you an accounting of how they spend their time? Live your own life and worry about your own family.

+1.
I would sort of like an answer to this question. What’s up with obsession over what SAHPs do with their time? I don’t hear people obsessing over what people without children do with their free 128 hours a week.

But some mom has 30 free hours a week and only spends 15 of them doing stuff that directly benefits her family, and people need an accounting of her time.

What’s up with that?

Because people assume she’s freeloading off her husband. Never mind that SAHM need to be on call to deal with sick kids, summer, breaks, etc which directly benefits their husbands’ career.

From my experience, when moms try to go back to work once the kids are in school, everyone freaks out that dad is now going to be expected to handle at least 50% of pickups, dropoffs, sick days, and summer break.

Women can’t win either way. Either you stay home and you’re a freeloader, or you go back to work and you’re selfish for expecting H to handle kids.

Then the better way is to establish 50/50 from the start. Doesn’t mean splitting everything in half. But it means both parents doing their share because they feel responsible for their kids, know how to handle them, and actually want to spend time with them.

So you do it the way you think is better for your family and other families will do it the way they think is better for their families. Why do you care if complete strangers don’t live their lives the exact same way you live yours? What’s it to you?

I actually don’t care. I am an NP. If you want to live your SAHM/workaholic dad lifestyle then go ahead. But FYI, when you tell people you can’t go back to work because your DH can’t handle any sort of childcare, people will be thinking internally that your DH is a loser.

Oh, 100%, no one is jealous of being married to these “men” who don’t know how to pack a kids lunch or take them to the dentist.

Most men can do these things.

[Anonymous]

Regardless of if a woman or man works, if they are married its family/household money. Its sick that people say a woman is mooching off a man staying at home to care for their family, home, kids, etc. Its a decision between the two of them. Fully funded college fund to me means paying for a state college and grad school. Sometimes a woman working, depending on her income, is financially not worth it. It wasn't in our situation between day care, and later elderly care, and then teens who had after school activities that would conflict with working (and I'm not denying them, as I support them pursing their interests).