SAHP or Fully Funded College?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom stayed at home I preferred she'd work and help towards our college savings and her own retirement.. My college loan debt was crippling and delayed a lot of things in my adult life.

On the other side of the coin, my mom worked and I feel like she missed out on my childhood. My college was funded and Im very appreciative of that and it’s a huge benefit to me BUT I really missed having my parents more present in my life when I was growing up. I was always at after school care or w nannies/babysitters. My parents were both Drs though so they worked a lot more than most parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Where is that data? I’d love to see the link. Please and thanks.

Google doesn’t work at your house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom stayed at home I preferred she'd work and help towards our college savings and her own retirement.. My college loan debt was crippling and delayed a lot of things in my adult life.

Really? Where did you go to school and how much debt did you have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

It does say that. It also says that if the kids have enough money to meet their basic needs, then the kids are happier and do better in school with a SAHP.
Basically, kids are happier and do better in school if they have enough money to not worry about food insecurity and to keep the lights on. Once those things are met, they do better with more parental attention.

Of course this isn’t true in every situation, but what common sense says is true is, in fact, actually true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no reason a SAHP shouldn't get a job while the kids are in school.

Clueless people say this. School is not even 8 hours long. Its six. Aftercare is hard to get into, expensive, and low quality, as are summer camps.. Also, sick days and holidays exceed pto. So show me these miracle jobs that magically align with school schedules? Also every weekend will be spent as a family cleaning and grocery shopping while eating takeout most nights.

FWIW I do work, because I actually do have one of these unicorn jobs where I wfh part time for very good pay in a technical/specialized field. Took me 10 years and an Ivy masters to get it. I have no illusions about how easy they are to find. And because of that I have to outsource some cleaning and childcare. There’s no shortcuts for the work to get done in a home if you have kids.

Huh? I'm a partner at a Big 4 and my husband also works full-time. We don't do cleaning or grocery shopping on the weekends and we only do take out one night a week after a specific activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom stayed at home I preferred she'd work and help towards our college savings and her own retirement.. My college loan debt was crippling and delayed a lot of things in my adult life.

Yes, I stated up thread that I did not want my kids to have loans or have to take care of me financially in my retirement.

I think it's important to be present in your kid's life, absolutely. When I woh, I came home by 5:30; DH came home at 4:30. He left at 7am; I left at 8am. My job was flexible (my manager trusted me 100%, and I was a star performer in my team).

If I worked at home, I did it after the kids went to bed. I almost never worked weekends. Same for DH. We took the kids to the park most weekends, and activities. We took time off to go to their school functions, volunteer for field trips. We read to them every night.

I am not cut out to be a sahm. It did not make me that happy. But, I did take time out when the kids were younger to lower the stress level, and that was the right choice at the time. I went back after 2 years. I realize that not everyone can have this flexibility, but to me, that was ideal.

I am going to retire early. My kids have a fully funded college fund, and we have a decent amount in our retirement savings. We don't have to stress that much about finances. This would not have been possible if I had not gone back to work.

My kids are grateful that they have a college fund. And I'm grateful we have decent retirement savings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

I posted before that being a SAHM to school aged kids is like being Anne Hathaway in “The Devil Wears Prada.” You spend your days doing chores, making schedules, fetching things, hosting things, planning things, and basically doing mundane tasks that feel beneath you, but that somehow you still kind of suck at.
It’s a pretty raw deal for most people.

I get not wanting to do it. I did it for two years (not consecutively), and I never want to do it again. I don’t get acting like it’s easy or for lazy people.

[Anonymous]

I think funded college is important. Starting life with debt is crippling. But I think ideally one parent should be flexible and around for kids, assuming the parent is happy to be there.

My mom stayed at home until I (youngest) was 5 and then went back to work in a career where she had some flexibility. My dad worked a lot. But because of my mom, I almost never came home to an empty house. And my dad was very present with us when he was home.

I’m not sure how much it matters though- my sister and her husband both have intense careers and their three kids are great kids, now teens and twenties. My sister is a very involved parent and my parents are always willing to help. So maybe it’s about quality of time over quantity. And also about luck of the draw - some kids are just harder to parent than others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no reason a SAHP shouldn't get a job while the kids are in school.

Clueless people say this. School is not even 8 hours long. Its six. Aftercare is hard to get into, expensive, and low quality, as are summer camps.. Also, sick days and holidays exceed pto. So show me these miracle jobs that magically align with school schedules? Also every weekend will be spent as a family cleaning and grocery shopping while eating takeout most nights.

FWIW I do work, because I actually do have one of these unicorn jobs where I wfh part time for very good pay in a technical/specialized field. Took me 10 years and an Ivy masters to get it. I have no illusions about how easy they are to find. And because of that I have to outsource some cleaning and childcare. There’s no shortcuts for the work to get done in a home if you have kids.

Huh? I'm a partner at a Big 4 and my husband also works full-time. We don't do cleaning or grocery shopping on the weekends and we only do take out one night a week after a specific activity.

Most working families aren’t wealthy and can’t afford hired help you doofus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

DP.

Why do you care? Why do think random women owe you an accounting of how they spend their time? Live your own life and worry about your own family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

DP.

Why do you care? Why do think random women owe you an accounting of how they spend their time? Live your own life and worry about your own family.

Why so testy? Hit a nerve or smth?