SAHP or Fully Funded College?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If the parent wants to SAH, then that is definitely more valuable. But not every parent is happy in this role, and that matters.

This isn’t borne out by data. The crippling effect of college debt is.

It’s a bit complicated. Yes there’s data that women with working moms end up earning more than women with SAH moms, but there’s also data on the negative effects of early daycare (especially in the first year and/or long hours) on a significant number of kids.

So not exactly clear cut.

How could you have data to show you whether kids raised by SAHP are happier in life? There is no concrete evidence but that doesn’t mean it isn’t likely true.

There is data saying the opposite actually. “Adult children of working mothers are said to be higher achievers at work and are happier”.

Therefore what? No children of highly educated SAHPs who left their careers to putt their all into the home front temporarily can succeed? We know that's not true. Not all working parent and not all at home parents are cut from the same mold.

Data is data, extrapolate how you want. But don’t say you’re staying home because data says your kids will be happier; no need to lie about why you’d rather not work.

DP here. Some of us stay home because we want to care for our children ourselves. The end. That's the whole reason.

And that’s a wonderful reason. What children are you caring for the very very many hours your children are in school for?

DP.

Why do you care? Why do think random women owe you an accounting of how they spend their time? Live your own life and worry about your own family.

+1.
I would sort of like an answer to this question. What’s up with obsession over what SAHPs do with their time? I don’t hear people obsessing over what people without children do with their free 128 hours a week.

But some mom has 30 free hours a week and only spends 15 of them doing stuff that directly benefits her family, and people need an accounting of her time.

What’s up with that?

Because people assume she’s freeloading off her husband. Never mind that SAHM need to be on call to deal with sick kids, summer, breaks, etc which directly benefits their husbands’ career.

From my experience, when moms try to go back to work once the kids are in school, everyone freaks out that dad is now going to be expected to handle at least 50% of pickups, dropoffs, sick days, and summer break.

Women can’t win either way. Either you stay home and you’re a freeloader, or you go back to work and you’re selfish for expecting H to handle kids.

I’m a single mother. I work full time. I ALSO have to be on call to deal with every illness and drop off etc.

And you don’t think your life would, in any way, be easier or better if you had a partner?
If someone else were taking care of all of the childcare, dealing with illnesses, making social plans, taking your children to lessons, helping with homework, doing the household chores, etc.
You seriously don’t think that a SAH partner would add any value to your life or your children’s life?

I work and so does my spouse, but I fantasize about being in a throuple with someone who wants to be a SAHP all of the time.

It's called a nanny or housekeeper.

There is something to be said about being a sahp and lowering the stress on the family. However, most of us can't afford to have one parent sah, AND save for college and retirement. Something's gotta give.

You do not want to put your kids in a position where they are going to have to take care of you in retirement AND pay off student loans AND have kids.

You live in a city where people routinely pay up to $10k to have someone help them find a nanny or housekeeper, and even then it doesn’t always work out or work out long term anyway.
How can you just say, “hire an amazing nanny/housekeeper who will do everything a good SAHM will do!” You act like there are a bunch of bright men and women out there clamoring for a job that pays $60k/yr with long unpredictable hours, no flexibility, and no benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Regardless of if a woman or man works, if they are married its family/household money. Its sick that people say a woman is mooching off a man staying at home to care for their family, home, kids, etc. Its a decision between the two of them. Fully funded college fund to me means paying for a state college and grad school. Sometimes a woman working, depending on her income, is financially not worth it. It wasn't in our situation between day care, and later elderly care, and then teens who had after school activities that would conflict with working (and I'm not denying them, as I support them pursing their interests).

I am and will always be a working mom by choice, but I 100% agree with this. I find it disgusting when people call SAHMs mooches. In the vast majority of cases they are doing the best they can. It’s just that health/SN issues in the family, or their husband’s lack of participation in the household or with childcare, or their own low energy and lack of organization make it impractical to work while taking good care of the family. Better to have a chill SAHM and fewer expenses than a harried WOHM.