What percentage of married couples do you think are unfaithful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve understood about the mundanity and frequency of infidelity since I was a preteen - that’s when I became my mother’s confidant and got to hear in detail about all the infidelities in marriages on both sides of my family, as well as in the marriages of neighbors and friends - my mother was the kind of woman people opened up to and I guess she wanted me to know from the start that the idea of fidelity was nice but all too rare in practice.

From the time I was a teenaged waitress and through my university and law school years and in my career which included regular travel for professional conferences and trainings, I have been approached dozens of times by married men or men otherwise in committed relationships looking to get some strange on the side. Ironically despite my mother’s efforts to educate me on the commonality of extramarital affairs, I found the whole idea répugnant and would never engage with anyone I suspected of being married - although I’m sure in my years of sexual exploration I probably had at least one affair with someone I didn’t realize was married or committed.

In my life as an attorney in family and criminal law I’ve seen tons of evidence of marital betrayals that endure for years before the secret gets out to the one being betrayed. Most interesting is that in some cases it’s an open secret in a small community and might even involve out of wedlock children and everyone kind of knows except the spouse whose head is buried deeply in denial.

I’m not arguing that I’m a wholly healthy person, but I do think my choice to stay single for the vast majority of my life based on my understanding of the fickleness of love combined with all the sacrifices marriage requires especially of women is not at all an unhealthy one. I’ve seen others devastated by infidelity and it is something I would never want to endure myself so I simply avoid the possibility.

This was an interesting post. Do you ever fall in love?

[Anonymous]

I must live a Pollyanna life as I'm not aware of any of our friends being unfaithful given that none of them have been divorced. Yes, I know plenty of people who have been divorced so I assume that being unfaithful was part of the problem. We've been married a long time and I've never been unfaithful and I'm confident that my husband would say the same thing....but there are no guarantees! We've been married 34 years and we still have a very active sex life helped by a willingness to keep it fresh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I must live a Pollyanna life as I'm not aware of any of our friends being unfaithful given that none of them have been divorced. Yes, I know plenty of people who have been divorced so I assume that being unfaithful was part of the problem. We've been married a long time and I've never been unfaithful and I'm confident that my husband would say the same thing....but there are no guarantees! We've been married 34 years and we still have a very active sex life helped by a willingness to keep it fresh.

I was you. Our sex life has always been very fresh and active. Blindsided.

I read a great quote about men that cheat on good, attractive wives: her only sin was being familiar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I must live a Pollyanna life as I'm not aware of any of our friends being unfaithful given that none of them have been divorced. Yes, I know plenty of people who have been divorced so I assume that being unfaithful was part of the problem. We've been married a long time and I've never been unfaithful and I'm confident that my husband would say the same thing....but there are no guarantees! We've been married 34 years and we still have a very active sex life helped by a willingness to keep it fresh.

65% of marriages with infidelity do not divorce. You have no idea.

[Anonymous]

80%. The other 20% want to be unfaithful.

[Anonymous]

Married women always looking for extra curriculars...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I must live a Pollyanna life as I'm not aware of any of our friends being unfaithful given that none of them have been divorced. Yes, I know plenty of people who have been divorced so I assume that being unfaithful was part of the problem. We've been married a long time and I've never been unfaithful and I'm confident that my husband would say the same thing....but there are no guarantees! We've been married 34 years and we still have a very active sex life helped by a willingness to keep it fresh.

I was you. Our sex life has always been very fresh and active. Blindsided.

I read a great quote about men that cheat on good, attractive wives: her only sin was being familiar.

That's a good point and I'm sorry you got blindsided. One reason I love my husband is that he has a very strong moral code inherited from his parents. He's instilled it in our adult children and being unfaithful would bring the world down on his head. But, you never know.

[Anonymous]

I don't know anyone that has cheated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know anyone that has cheated.

Oh, honey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you believe dcum, 70 percent.

Probably more like 20 percent.

I also bet it skews more or less depending on the circles you run in. Most couples we are friends with got married late 20s to mid 30s. They are educated with good careers. Kids were planned.

Not saying UMC couples don’t cheat, but I think marrying late 20s onward and having enough money to make life easier (cleaners, babysitters, vacations, etc.) adds a protective factor. Of the couples I know who divorced b/c cheating, they had all been together since HS or college, most got married/had kids young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you believe dcum, 70 percent.

Probably more like 20 percent.

I also bet it skews more or less depending on the circles you run in. Most couples we are friends with got married late 20s to mid 30s. They are educated with good careers. Kids were planned.

Not saying UMC couples don’t cheat, but I think marrying late 20s onward and having enough money to make life easier (cleaners, babysitters, vacations, etc.) adds a protective factor. Of the couples I know who divorced b/c cheating, they had all been together since HS or college, most got married/had kids young.

Yes, had kids late, have a “big” job, and am f exhausted. Who has time for a whole other person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With online apps it’s now much higher.

I say in 20 year marriages - 50%

But with ease of tracking your every move online and in person? Nah. Not that easy.

I'd say 30% so just above the reported percentage to account for people not reporting it.

With so many people living alternative lifestyles a good percentage seem to be cool woth swinging, etc.