Being a working parent sucks

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who is really looking forward to taking care of grandkids? I wasn't able to be a SAHM, but I really want to help my own kids. I love babies and toddlers. I'm not sure why more grandparents aren't interested in their grandkids.

My parents live on the same street as me and want to be helpful, but they're unreliable. "Oh we're going to visit your brother for a month, surely you can take care of the kids then?" Umm no. I can't stop and start aftercare/daycare at a whim. Then my parents are upset that their grandkids are having all this fun with the nanny instead of them. I can't win.


Ask your parents to pay for the nanny. Then it won't matter if they take the kids when they want or leave when the want, because they are always making sure care is available.


The level of entitlement that Millennial parents have is truly mind boggling!

Signed, 40-something Gen-Xer
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I worked and sent my kids to FT daycare, after school care and summer camps. Guess what, they are fully functioning adults with degrees, job, fully self supporting and for all intents and purposes thriving. Get over yourselves and do what works for your family.


Fantastic. No one is saying that the village can’t do a great job raising kids.
Anonymous
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Anonymous wrote:I don’t know that kids are better off or happier not having to go to aftercare or staying until closing. Avoiding that never entered my decision making, which,’along with sharing the drop off and pick up load, led to both of us being able to have the careers we wanted.


???

Shouldn’t you know if your OWN kids are better off or happier avoiding aftercare? I won’t speak for everyone’s children, but mine absolutely HATED aftercare and it stressed them out horribly.


PP to whom You are responding. My kids loved aftercare and camp. Their aftercare took care of all homework so when they got home our evenings weren’t filled with a to do list. They taught my kids to sew and all kinds of other things. Plus my kids got to play with their friends. They had plenty of time to play with each other outside of those hours. They fed my kids a ln early dinner though they’d eat again at home. They also did camp on school days off so I never scrambled for care on teacher work days. And they did a summer camp so when they were little and didn’t like a lot of change, they could just stay in their regular childcare. It was a good gig. Went from age 3 to 13.


Taught to sew and fed dinner? Where is this mythical place?


+1 where was this??


Silver Spring.


So a private company?


Isn't most aftercare private?


NP no. Most aftercare is ran through the county out of the public schools. It's very similar to lord of the flies. About 100 K-5 mixed together with only 2 teachers. Kids running everywhere, bullying, the 5th graders were teaching the K about sexual things. It was awful and I got my kids out as soon as I realized. Ours is free for low income kids, so it's heavily used, overcrowded and the county doesn't fund it enough. My kids went to daycare and it was nothing like this at all. Complete chaos.


It is RUN through the county.
You can’t expect everyone to run their lives based on your poor daycare experience. Most people can have the expectation that they will have access through searching to some good options
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who is really looking forward to taking care of grandkids? I wasn't able to be a SAHM, but I really want to help my own kids. I love babies and toddlers. I'm not sure why more grandparents aren't interested in their grandkids.


I'm not going to take care of my grandkids full-time. I see the same with my parents, and I don't resent them for it - in their 60s and 70s, they see their window to enjoy traveling and hobbies they love, like skiing and biking, shrinking. I don't expect them to give up the autumn of their lives to provide childcare. Likewise, if/when I have grandchildren, I hope to spoil them and would be happy to stay with them for a week here and there to allow their parents/my kids to travel, but I will not plan my life around providing full-time childcare.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who is really looking forward to taking care of grandkids? I wasn't able to be a SAHM, but I really want to help my own kids. I love babies and toddlers. I'm not sure why more grandparents aren't interested in their grandkids.


I'm not going to take care of my grandkids full-time. I see the same with my parents, and I don't resent them for it - in their 60s and 70s, they see their window to enjoy traveling and hobbies they love, like skiing and biking, shrinking. I don't expect them to give up the autumn of their lives to provide childcare. Likewise, if/when I have grandchildren, I hope to spoil them and would be happy to stay with them for a week here and there to allow their parents/my kids to travel, but I will not plan my life around providing full-time childcare.


Shrinking? Does this refer to how older people get smaller as they age? Or could it be they'll have more time for therapy? Or is it a typo and did you mean drinking? Or does shrinking have a new meaning that I don't know about because I'm behind the times?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
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Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t know that kids are better off or happier not having to go to aftercare or staying until closing. Avoiding that never entered my decision making, which,’along with sharing the drop off and pick up load, led to both of us being able to have the careers we wanted.


???

Shouldn’t you know if your OWN kids are better off or happier avoiding aftercare? I won’t speak for everyone’s children, but mine absolutely HATED aftercare and it stressed them out horribly.


PP to whom You are responding. My kids loved aftercare and camp. Their aftercare took care of all homework so when they got home our evenings weren’t filled with a to do list. They taught my kids to sew and all kinds of other things. Plus my kids got to play with their friends. They had plenty of time to play with each other outside of those hours. They fed my kids a ln early dinner though they’d eat again at home. They also did camp on school days off so I never scrambled for care on teacher work days. And they did a summer camp so when they were little and didn’t like a lot of change, they could just stay in their regular childcare. It was a good gig. Went from age 3 to 13.


Taught to sew and fed dinner? Where is this mythical place?


+1 where was this??


Silver Spring.


So a private company?


Isn't most aftercare private?


NP no. Most aftercare is ran through the county out of the public schools. It's very similar to lord of the flies. About 100 K-5 mixed together with only 2 teachers. Kids running everywhere, bullying, the 5th graders were teaching the K about sexual things. It was awful and I got my kids out as soon as I realized. Ours is free for low income kids, so it's heavily used, overcrowded and the county doesn't fund it enough. My kids went to daycare and it was nothing like this at all. Complete chaos.


You are wrong. Most aftercare is run by private companies even if it's at the public school. This way public schools shield themselves from liability. And keep up the front that school is for learning not child care. The Private company might use school facilities but they either pay rent or or its part off their contract with the school.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who is really looking forward to taking care of grandkids? I wasn't able to be a SAHM, but I really want to help my own kids. I love babies and toddlers. I'm not sure why more grandparents aren't interested in their grandkids.


I'm not going to take care of my grandkids full-time. I see the same with my parents, and I don't resent them for it - in their 60s and 70s, they see their window to enjoy traveling and hobbies they love, like skiing and biking, shrinking. I don't expect them to give up the autumn of their lives to provide childcare. Likewise, if/when I have grandchildren, I hope to spoil them and would be happy to stay with them for a week here and there to allow their parents/my kids to travel, but I will not plan my life around providing full-time childcare.


Shrinking? Does this refer to how older people get smaller as they age? Or could it be they'll have more time for therapy? Or is it a typo and did you mean drinking? Or does shrinking have a new meaning that I don't know about because I'm behind the times?


Shrinking refers to the window of opportunity to enjoy activities requiring good health.
Anonymous
We have a 4.5 year-old and a baby just over 1. Baby in full day daycare and the older one has done DCPS PreK + aftercare for the past two years which he loved. Now in summer camp + aftercare, though he deeply misses all his school friends (who scatter to the wind during the summer).

Two kids is wild. One of us is home by 545 with the kids, dinner, play, bath time, etc. Our oldest kid won't go to bed at 715pm anymore and is stretching out bed time + longer daylight hours. We don't get a free moment until 9pm; it's killing us. Have a long list of babysitters and we rotate through them, it's been nice to get out of the house in the evening once the baby is down for the night.

Strongly considering an au pair. We can afford it ($250K x 2 jobs). Would be super helpful for getting kids ready in the AM, picking up our oldest kid from school/camp, packing the lunch box, etc.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:We have a 4.5 year-old and a baby just over 1. Baby in full day daycare and the older one has done DCPS PreK + aftercare for the past two years which he loved. Now in summer camp + aftercare, though he deeply misses all his school friends (who scatter to the wind during the summer).

Two kids is wild. One of us is home by 545 with the kids, dinner, play, bath time, etc. Our oldest kid won't go to bed at 715pm anymore and is stretching out bed time + longer daylight hours. We don't get a free moment until 9pm; it's killing us. Have a long list of babysitters and we rotate through them, it's been nice to get out of the house in the evening once the baby is down for the night.

Strongly considering an au pair. We can afford it ($250K x 2 jobs). Would be super helpful for getting kids ready in the AM, picking up our oldest kid from school/camp, packing the lunch box, etc.


Get a real nanny. At your income you can afford it and sounds like you really need the help
Anonymous
Our income is 225/150 from DH/DW respectively. We don't have any outside help because DW owns her own company and works 20hrs a week. All during school hours or if she has to run errands in the daytime she works after the kids is asleep. We have a 6 yo, she does pick up and drop off and driving to sports.

Hats off to you parents who juggle so much. Our delicate balance would be thrown off track if we had more than one or if DW had a "real job" ‐‐ not to minimize her education or professional sucess, you know what i mean
Anonymous
It breaks my heart to see all of the need people are expressing in work/life balance turn to squabbling about who does it best. Honestly, folks, neither is ideal. The Italian women in the 60s who protested with “Wages for housework!” were right. We need to band together to ask for what we need to do our jobs well. We need to demand this *from our employers*. The 40 hour work week didn’t just happen magically. People literally died for it.

In solidarity with you all,

A ft working mother of 2
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have a 4.5 year-old and a baby just over 1. Baby in full day daycare and the older one has done DCPS PreK + aftercare for the past two years which he loved. Now in summer camp + aftercare, though he deeply misses all his school friends (who scatter to the wind during the summer).

Two kids is wild. One of us is home by 545 with the kids, dinner, play, bath time, etc. Our oldest kid won't go to bed at 715pm anymore and is stretching out bed time + longer daylight hours. We don't get a free moment until 9pm; it's killing us. Have a long list of babysitters and we rotate through them, it's been nice to get out of the house in the evening once the baby is down for the night.

Strongly considering an au pair. We can afford it ($250K x 2 jobs). Would be super helpful for getting kids ready in the AM, picking up our oldest kid from school/camp, packing the lunch box, etc.


Get a real nanny. At your income you can afford it and sounds like you really need the help


Why get a "real nanny"? I'd need to hire a top-notch nanny for her to cover everything my baby does in his Montessori daycare (with instructors who have college degrees). So probably at least $70K after-tax to get a high quality nanny. Doesn't seem worth it.

Literally only need an extra set of hands for 1 hour in the morning and 3 hours in the evening. Plus have an au pair do sporadic kid stuff - laundry, lunch boxes, straightening up their rooms - throughout the week. I don't think an au pair would even hit 40 hours with us in a week.
Anonymous
I agree it sucks. This is why I did not want kids OR I wanted to work. I did not want to work full time and raise kids.

My exH agreed no kids before marriage. I said I was not doing this. He was not willing to have a SAHM even for a year.

He forced a pregnancy on me.

I knew 20 years ago that being a working mom absolutely sucks. I think people are only really talking about it now.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:It breaks my heart to see all of the need people are expressing in work/life balance turn to squabbling about who does it best. Honestly, folks, neither is ideal. The Italian women in the 60s who protested with “Wages for housework!” were right. We need to band together to ask for what we need to do our jobs well. We need to demand this *from our employers*. The 40 hour work week didn’t just happen magically. People literally died for it.

In solidarity with you all,

A ft working mother of 2


Did they get what they asked for?

NOPE.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wages_for_housework

Back here in the real world, we need to come to terms with the trade-offs. The Dutch and some of the Scandinavian countries have seemed to find a good balance. Part-time professional work is much more culturally accepted there. Companies are required to hire temporary replacements and hold jobs for returning mothers, instead of dumping more work on less bodies. Employment laws need to move in that direction.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I agree it sucks. This is why I did not want kids OR I wanted to work. I did not want to work full time and raise kids.

My exH agreed no kids before marriage. I said I was not doing this. He was not willing to have a SAHM even for a year.

He forced a pregnancy on me.

I knew 20 years ago that being a working mom absolutely sucks. I think people are only really talking about it now.


Forced a pregnancy on you? Was this pre 1960 ?
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