Being a working parent sucks

[Anonymous]

It’s hard either way OP. SAHM is so much harder than my job because DH does not make enough to hire regular help so some days I’m drowning in two kids and basic household upkeep. It has gotten easier since both kids are in elementary, now I can actually stay on top of household stuff, get some down time, and always be the one to deal with picks up and aftercare.

It comes at a sacrifice to my own mental health sometimes as I do miss the adult engagement. But I grew up with dual working parents and I know my parents tried their best , but they were always late to picking me up and always so stressed. Sometimes they took out their work related stresses on us and the house was always so tense. I vowed to not do that to my kids and get consolation when I am able to always be on time for their pickups and see their big smiles.

OP if you can’t be a SAHM take consolation in the fact that you still have a little world of your own to escape to when you are at work, and remember often SAHMs are jealous of working moms!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t know that kids are better off or happier not having to go to aftercare or staying until closing. Avoiding that never entered my decision making, which,’along with sharing the drop off and pick up load, led to both of us being able to have the careers we wanted.

???

Shouldn’t you know if your OWN kids are better off or happier avoiding aftercare? I won’t speak for everyone’s children, but mine absolutely HATED aftercare and it stressed them out horribly.

PP to whom You are responding. My kids loved aftercare and camp. Their aftercare took care of all homework so when they got home our evenings weren’t filled with a to do list. They taught my kids to sew and all kinds of other things. Plus my kids got to play with their friends. They had plenty of time to play with each other outside of those hours. They fed my kids a ln early dinner though they’d eat again at home. They also did camp on school days off so I never scrambled for care on teacher work days. And they did a summer camp so when they were little and didn’t like a lot of change, they could just stay in their regular childcare. It was a good gig. Went from age 3 to 13.

Taught to sew and fed dinner? Where is this mythical place?

+1 where was this??

Silver Spring.

So a private company?

Isn't most aftercare private?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’m an “anti-aftercare” poster. And a feminist. One has nothing to do with the other. Women should of course be able to work and have full lives. But infants and toddlers should also not be looked after in chaotic institutional settings by minimum-wage employees for 10 hours per day. It’s just wrong in a civilized, wealthy society. And the more anxious society gets, the more vulnerable our kids are. It’s a vicious cycle. And it all coincides with reduced standards in schools, nutrition, environment, security, etc.

I don’t know the solution but the first step in giving children a better start is for the professional classes to recognize the reality most of humankind knows. Flex hours, a few years of paid leave for both sexes, higher pay for daycare workers…all of this would be a start. But all the feminists who deny basic child development make me so upset. In my circle, most of the biggest aftercare and daycare users actually had sahms or nannies themselves.

They think because I didn’t change my name, vote for dems, married late, am an atheist etc that I agree with them. I don’t want anyone to feel judged because it’s not about them—it’s about what’s right for children.

How are you so supposedly educated and not know about Montessori education? They have awesome afrercare too. My kids get mad if I pick them up early and they miss cooking, chess, or any of the other activities.

Also what are you rambling about with child development? Do you run a cooking class from you house after school? And is your chess game good enough to teach chess? And do you also personally teach your kids violin? Flute? What about a second language? You aren't the end all and be all for your child. To believe that is unhealthy!

Kids don’t need chess and cooking classes in elementary school. They need a family member and a peaceful home.

Honestly, the PP you’re responding to (and I believe she has posted a few other times) sounds like the type of person who hires the very best Master Gardener and grounds keeping crew to cultivate her fabulous garden which she can then show off to all of her friends and colleagues. And the garden is indeed beautiful and healthy and thriving. And she truly loves her garden. But she is not interested in the day to day labor of love, getting her hands in the dirt aspect of gardening - she just wants the results.

And that’s of course one way to do it. I’m not even criticizing that way, but this is just a person I could never see eye to eye with when discussing caring for a garden (or, ahem, children).

Pp who wrote about Montessori here. I have a PhD in education. Yep, don't tend my children at all. Cause I know nothing about their development and needs.

And yes, I probably judge you for your parenting.

There we go, that explains the combination of unearned confidence and lack of familiarity with any actual empirical literature in this area!

You are all insufferable.

[Anonymous]

I worked and sent my kids to FT daycare, after school care and summer camps. Guess what, they are fully functioning adults with degrees, job, fully self supporting and for all intents and purposes thriving. Get over yourselves and do what works for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know that kids are better off or happier not having to go to aftercare or staying until closing. Avoiding that never entered my decision making, which,’along with sharing the drop off and pick up load, led to both of us being able to have the careers we wanted.

???

Shouldn’t you know if your OWN kids are better off or happier avoiding aftercare? I won’t speak for everyone’s children, but mine absolutely HATED aftercare and it stressed them out horribly.

PP to whom You are responding. My kids loved aftercare and camp. Their aftercare took care of all homework so when they got home our evenings weren’t filled with a to do list. They taught my kids to sew and all kinds of other things. Plus my kids got to play with their friends. They had plenty of time to play with each other outside of those hours. They fed my kids a ln early dinner though they’d eat again at home. They also did camp on school days off so I never scrambled for care on teacher work days. And they did a summer camp so when they were little and didn’t like a lot of change, they could just stay in their regular childcare. It was a good gig. Went from age 3 to 13.

Taught to sew and fed dinner? Where is this mythical place?

+1 where was this??

Silver Spring.

So a private company?

Isn't most aftercare private?

NP no. Most aftercare is ran through the county out of the public schools. It's very similar to lord of the flies. About 100 K-5 mixed together with only 2 teachers. Kids running everywhere, bullying, the 5th graders were teaching the K about sexual things. It was awful and I got my kids out as soon as I realized. Ours is free for low income kids, so it's heavily used, overcrowded and the county doesn't fund it enough. My kids went to daycare and it was nothing like this at all. Complete chaos.

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who is really looking forward to taking care of grandkids? I wasn't able to be a SAHM, but I really want to help my own kids. I love babies and toddlers. I'm not sure why more grandparents aren't interested in their grandkids.

My parents live on the same street as me and want to be helpful, but they're unreliable. "Oh we're going to visit your brother for a month, surely you can take care of the kids then?" Umm no. I can't stop and start aftercare/daycare at a whim. Then my parents are upset that their grandkids are having all this fun with the nanny instead of them. I can't win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know that kids are better off or happier not having to go to aftercare or staying until closing. Avoiding that never entered my decision making, which,’along with sharing the drop off and pick up load, led to both of us being able to have the careers we wanted.

???

Shouldn’t you know if your OWN kids are better off or happier avoiding aftercare? I won’t speak for everyone’s children, but mine absolutely HATED aftercare and it stressed them out horribly.

PP to whom You are responding. My kids loved aftercare and camp. Their aftercare took care of all homework so when they got home our evenings weren’t filled with a to do list. They taught my kids to sew and all kinds of other things. Plus my kids got to play with their friends. They had plenty of time to play with each other outside of those hours. They fed my kids a ln early dinner though they’d eat again at home. They also did camp on school days off so I never scrambled for care on teacher work days. And they did a summer camp so when they were little and didn’t like a lot of change, they could just stay in their regular childcare. It was a good gig. Went from age 3 to 13.

Taught to sew and fed dinner? Where is this mythical place?

+1 where was this??

Silver Spring.

So a private company?

Isn't most aftercare private?

NP no. Most aftercare is ran through the county out of the public schools. It's very similar to lord of the flies. About 100 K-5 mixed together with only 2 teachers. Kids running everywhere, bullying, the 5th graders were teaching the K about sexual things. It was awful and I got my kids out as soon as I realized. Ours is free for low income kids, so it's heavily used, overcrowded and the county doesn't fund it enough. My kids went to daycare and it was nothing like this at all. Complete chaos.

Wow. Maybe the aftercare at your school is like this, but mine is not. Very organized, well run and fully staffed. Kids get a lot of time outdoors and can also take classes such as art, stem club, chess, sports, while in aftercare at our school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know that kids are better off or happier not having to go to aftercare or staying until closing. Avoiding that never entered my decision making, which,’along with sharing the drop off and pick up load, led to both of us being able to have the careers we wanted.

???

Shouldn’t you know if your OWN kids are better off or happier avoiding aftercare? I won’t speak for everyone’s children, but mine absolutely HATED aftercare and it stressed them out horribly.

PP to whom You are responding. My kids loved aftercare and camp. Their aftercare took care of all homework so when they got home our evenings weren’t filled with a to do list. They taught my kids to sew and all kinds of other things. Plus my kids got to play with their friends. They had plenty of time to play with each other outside of those hours. They fed my kids a ln early dinner though they’d eat again at home. They also did camp on school days off so I never scrambled for care on teacher work days. And they did a summer camp so when they were little and didn’t like a lot of change, they could just stay in their regular childcare. It was a good gig. Went from age 3 to 13.

Taught to sew and fed dinner? Where is this mythical place?

+1 where was this??

Silver Spring.

So a private company?

Isn't most aftercare private?

NP no. Most aftercare is ran through the county out of the public schools. It's very similar to lord of the flies. About 100 K-5 mixed together with only 2 teachers. Kids running everywhere, bullying, the 5th graders were teaching the K about sexual things. It was awful and I got my kids out as soon as I realized. Ours is free for low income kids, so it's heavily used, overcrowded and the county doesn't fund it enough. My kids went to daycare and it was nothing like this at all. Complete chaos.

Do you live in an alternate universe? In Montgomery County, the county does not run most aftercare. They have a small program in some recreation centers and run afterschool programs in low income schools. In most schools, private providers such as Kidsco, Kids After Hours and Bar-T run after care programs. We've only heard good things about our school's aftercare program from neighbors, including kids that ask to stay there instead of going home (spare me your diatribe about how they must have terrible parents - they don't).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me too! Women’s suffrage was a mistake. The vacuum cleaner did more to liberate women than anything. I wish I could stay home and not be allowed to open my own bank account like the old days.

Whatever. No one is advocating for that. What a lot of women are realizing is that we were sold an equally unpleasant bill of goods in that we often still do the majority of household stuff, food prep, child care, social plans, etc AND have to work. It's often not what it's cracked up to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who is really looking forward to taking care of grandkids? I wasn't able to be a SAHM, but I really want to help my own kids. I love babies and toddlers. I'm not sure why more grandparents aren't interested in their grandkids.

My parents live on the same street as me and want to be helpful, but they're unreliable. "Oh we're going to visit your brother for a month, surely you can take care of the kids then?" Umm no. I can't stop and start aftercare/daycare at a whim. Then my parents are upset that their grandkids are having all this fun with the nanny instead of them. I can't win.

Ask your parents to pay for the nanny. Then it won't matter if they take the kids when they want or leave when the want, because they are always making sure care is available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know that kids are better off or happier not having to go to aftercare or staying until closing. Avoiding that never entered my decision making, which,’along with sharing the drop off and pick up load, led to both of us being able to have the careers we wanted.

???

Shouldn’t you know if your OWN kids are better off or happier avoiding aftercare? I won’t speak for everyone’s children, but mine absolutely HATED aftercare and it stressed them out horribly.

PP to whom You are responding. My kids loved aftercare and camp. Their aftercare took care of all homework so when they got home our evenings weren’t filled with a to do list. They taught my kids to sew and all kinds of other things. Plus my kids got to play with their friends. They had plenty of time to play with each other outside of those hours. They fed my kids a ln early dinner though they’d eat again at home. They also did camp on school days off so I never scrambled for care on teacher work days. And they did a summer camp so when they were little and didn’t like a lot of change, they could just stay in their regular childcare. It was a good gig. Went from age 3 to 13.

Taught to sew and fed dinner? Where is this mythical place?

+1 where was this??

Silver Spring.

So a private company?

Isn't most aftercare private?

NP no. Most aftercare is ran through the county out of the public schools. It's very similar to lord of the flies. About 100 K-5 mixed together with only 2 teachers. Kids running everywhere, bullying, the 5th graders were teaching the K about sexual things. It was awful and I got my kids out as soon as I realized. Ours is free for low income kids, so it's heavily used, overcrowded and the county doesn't fund it enough. My kids went to daycare and it was nothing like this at all. Complete chaos.

Do you live in an alternate universe? In Montgomery County, the county does not run most aftercare. They have a small program in some recreation centers and run afterschool programs in low income schools. In most schools, private providers such as Kidsco, Kids After Hours and Bar-T run after care programs. We've only heard good things about our school's aftercare program from neighbors, including kids that ask to stay there instead of going home (spare me your diatribe about how they must have terrible parents - they don't).

No alternate universe, just alternate county. In FCPS, most schools have a classroom, near the front with a separate entrance, for the BC/AC. It is staffed and run by the county.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know that kids are better off or happier not having to go to aftercare or staying until closing. Avoiding that never entered my decision making, which,’along with sharing the drop off and pick up load, led to both of us being able to have the careers we wanted.

???

Shouldn’t you know if your OWN kids are better off or happier avoiding aftercare? I won’t speak for everyone’s children, but mine absolutely HATED aftercare and it stressed them out horribly.

PP to whom You are responding. My kids loved aftercare and camp. Their aftercare took care of all homework so when they got home our evenings weren’t filled with a to do list. They taught my kids to sew and all kinds of other things. Plus my kids got to play with their friends. They had plenty of time to play with each other outside of those hours. They fed my kids a ln early dinner though they’d eat again at home. They also did camp on school days off so I never scrambled for care on teacher work days. And they did a summer camp so when they were little and didn’t like a lot of change, they could just stay in their regular childcare. It was a good gig. Went from age 3 to 13.

Taught to sew and fed dinner? Where is this mythical place?

+1 where was this??

Silver Spring.

So a private company?

Isn't most aftercare private?

NP no. Most aftercare is ran through the county out of the public schools. It's very similar to lord of the flies. About 100 K-5 mixed together with only 2 teachers. Kids running everywhere, bullying, the 5th graders were teaching the K about sexual things. It was awful and I got my kids out as soon as I realized. Ours is free for low income kids, so it's heavily used, overcrowded and the county doesn't fund it enough. My kids went to daycare and it was nothing like this at all. Complete chaos.

Do you live in an alternate universe? In Montgomery County, the county does not run most aftercare. They have a small program in some recreation centers and run afterschool programs in low income schools. In most schools, private providers such as Kidsco, Kids After Hours and Bar-T run after care programs. We've only heard good things about our school's aftercare program from neighbors, including kids that ask to stay there instead of going home (spare me your diatribe about how they must have terrible parents - they don't).

I'm in a nearby VA county. And yes, it's a low income school. I think the older kids liked it a lot more, particularly the boys because they'd organize soccer and basketball games. But there weren't any planned activities. It was just like regular recess, but for 5 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have flexible and interesting jobs and one child. We don't worry about money and each have time to relax. Not surprised studies show women with one child are happier than women with no or multiple children.

+1 and I also have two sets of local grandparents who are lovely. And enough funds to outsource a lot of stuff. I'm pretty happy and would HATE being a sahm.

+2. It’s really the second child that makes life very complex. I have two, and were it not for some flexibility in my job and involved grandparents, I would quit. With just one, I wouldn’t need any of those things really.

Honestly, we need more PT options in this country, especially in competitive fields like law, finance, consulting. And I mean real PT options, not poorly paid ones or ones that are stealth FT jobs.

This right here. People are like "just go part time" and that doesn't really exist in my field. I would probably still work full time for less pay.

Yes true PT is a unicorn. If only what's now considered PT could be made the standard FT across the board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worked and sent my kids to FT daycare, after school care and summer camps. Guess what, they are fully functioning adults with degrees, job, fully self supporting and for all intents and purposes thriving. Get over yourselves and do what works for your family.

So to be clear your kids were elsewhere from 8am - 6pm everyday? You worked 9-5:30 every day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know that kids are better off or happier not having to go to aftercare or staying until closing. Avoiding that never entered my decision making, which,’along with sharing the drop off and pick up load, led to both of us being able to have the careers we wanted.

???

Shouldn’t you know if your OWN kids are better off or happier avoiding aftercare? I won’t speak for everyone’s children, but mine absolutely HATED aftercare and it stressed them out horribly.

PP to whom You are responding. My kids loved aftercare and camp. Their aftercare took care of all homework so when they got home our evenings weren’t filled with a to do list. They taught my kids to sew and all kinds of other things. Plus my kids got to play with their friends. They had plenty of time to play with each other outside of those hours. They fed my kids a ln early dinner though they’d eat again at home. They also did camp on school days off so I never scrambled for care on teacher work days. And they did a summer camp so when they were little and didn’t like a lot of change, they could just stay in their regular childcare. It was a good gig. Went from age 3 to 13.

Taught to sew and fed dinner? Where is this mythical place?

+1 where was this??

Silver Spring.

So a private company?

Isn't most aftercare private?

NP no. Most aftercare is ran through the county out of the public schools. It's very similar to lord of the flies. About 100 K-5 mixed together with only 2 teachers. Kids running everywhere, bullying, the 5th graders were teaching the K about sexual things. It was awful and I got my kids out as soon as I realized. Ours is free for low income kids, so it's heavily used, overcrowded and the county doesn't fund it enough. My kids went to daycare and it was nothing like this at all. Complete chaos.

Wow. Maybe the aftercare at your school is like this, but mine is not. Very organized, well run and fully staffed. Kids get a lot of time outdoors and can also take classes such as art, stem club, chess, sports, while in aftercare at our school.

What school? Pp was describing APS pretty accurately. Who is running stem club and sports programs — the people who our program hires are generally high school grads who basically break up fights and chill.