Being a working parent sucks

[Anonymous]

I'm the parent who keeps the flex schedule so kids aren't in SACC till 6 or stuck in camp aftercare which is ALWAYS terrible. But my career is so stymied by being parent friendly. Really wish we had focused on breadwinner SAHM model rather than equality and "do it all" fallacy.

That's all. Off to pick up my kids from camp.

[Anonymous]

+ 100

[Anonymous]

Feminist here who never considered being a SAHM because she wanted her independence. While I would not change my path, I have to lament. IT ABSOLUTELY SUCKS for parents that work. The world (at least in the US) is not built for us.

[I'm addressing women because I am one, but this would obviously apply to anyone else who is the Default Parent]

I think women who want to work should but we need an honest conversation about what you give up to work. And I'm not talking about what YOUR KIDS give up, I'm talking about what you as a HUMAN give up. Your time, your peace of mind, your ability to REST is all but eliminated for years. You work all day. You parent evenings and weekends. You don't get a break unless you leave the kids with someone and go somewhere. It takes a toll.

Your kids will be fine no matter what. My kids have amazing caregivers at daycare and great experiences. But I WISH I HAD A FRACTION of my old lifestyle. You can do that, but you have to pay for it with expensive childcare/nannies or live-in family members.

[Anonymous]

I actually really like the balance of being the primary parent but also working. I'm not totally out of the workforce, but I'm also not totally focus on working, plus I get more time with the kids. The role has kind of ended up organically happening for me, but I'm very happy with it.

[Anonymous]

I am fairly happy with my setup during the school year but summers are hard! Aftercare at camp is extra expensive and also basically warehousing kids with no supervision, so it isn’t an affordable or quality option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am fairly happy with my setup during the school year but summers are hard! Aftercare at camp is extra expensive and also basically warehousing kids with no supervision, so it isn’t an affordable or quality option.

What kind of career? Doe your spouse make big money?

[Anonymous]

Can you afford a nanny? It makes after-school and summers bearable. As our kids get older, she's become their Uber driver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the parent who keeps the flex schedule so kids aren't in SACC till 6 or stuck in camp aftercare which is ALWAYS terrible. But my career is so stymied by being parent friendly. Really wish we had focused on breadwinner SAHM model rather than equality and "do it all" fallacy.

That's all. Off to pick up my kids from camp.

+1 In your same boat OP. My husband was working in big law when I had my first and told me he'd happily be the breadwinner if I wanted to stay at home. I blame years of indoctrination from my education and even my own parents that WOMEN MUST HAVE A CAREER AND YES THEY CAN HAVE IT ALL, I chose to stay in my well paid but stressful consulting job. As much as it hurt to see my baby get whisked off by a nanny (yes, we had the privilege of affording a nanny but I still didn't love the arrangement), I just could not give up my career. I didn't even love my job, but I loved that I had a career and that's what my peers and society told me I had to have.

Fast forward 5 years, we've had a second kid and husband now works as a government lawyer. I essentially had to mommy track at some point and now I'm neither here nor there. No longer work for the prestigious big name company but still have to keep working so I'm constantly stretched thing as the primary back-up care person, especially in the summer.

Wish I had chosen to be a SAHM when the chance was there. Or not had kids. Or just had one.

[Anonymous]

Posted too early... to make myself feel better i read DCUM trashing SAHMs and how women must have economic independence and SAHMs will suffer when the husbands cheats. WHen in real life the women I know who are SAHMs are doing quite jolly and enjoy a wonderful relationship with their kids and have time for some self-care.

(Except for one, but she was the one who cheated and fully deserves the mess her life became).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you afford a nanny? It makes after-school and summers bearable. As our kids get older, she's become their Uber driver.

Around here a driving nanny requires a BIG JOB salary. How does two gov drones swing $50k after tax, and maybe an extra car?

[Anonymous]

I hated it. I felt like I never did anything well.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know that kids are better off or happier not having to go to aftercare or staying until closing. Avoiding that never entered my decision making, which,’along with sharing the drop off and pick up load, led to both of us being able to have the careers we wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the parent who keeps the flex schedule so kids aren't in SACC till 6 or stuck in camp aftercare which is ALWAYS terrible. But my career is so stymied by being parent friendly. Really wish we had focused on breadwinner SAHM model rather than equality and "do it all" fallacy.

That's all. Off to pick up my kids from camp.

+1 In your same boat OP. My husband was working in big law when I had my first and told me he'd happily be the breadwinner if I wanted to stay at home. I blame years of indoctrination from my education and even my own parents that WOMEN MUST HAVE A CAREER AND YES THEY CAN HAVE IT ALL, I chose to stay in my well paid but stressful consulting job. As much as it hurt to see my baby get whisked off by a nanny (yes, we had the privilege of affording a nanny but I still didn't love the arrangement), I just could not give up my career. I didn't even love my job, but I loved that I had a career and that's what my peers and society told me I had to have.

Fast forward 5 years, we've had a second kid and husband now works as a government lawyer. I essentially had to mommy track at some point and now I'm neither here nor there. No longer work for the prestigious big name company but still have to keep working so I'm constantly stretched thing as the primary back-up care person, especially in the summer.

Wish I had chosen to be a SAHM when the chance was there. Or not had kids. Or just had one.

Do you think your DH would have remained BigLaw if you had SAH? If not then living off a gov lawyer salary may have required sacrifice you may or may not have tolerated.

We would have to live off my spouse salary, which would have meant some exurb with a long commute for him, I doubt he would have stepped up to a Big Career. That said I’m a simple person so that is very attractive; all I would miss is the travel budget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know that kids are better off or happier not having to go to aftercare or staying until closing. Avoiding that never entered my decision making, which,’along with sharing the drop off and pick up load, led to both of us being able to have the careers we wanted.

Well my kids described late aftercare hours as a gulag, so you probably can afford better schools or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know that kids are better off or happier not having to go to aftercare or staying until closing. Avoiding that never entered my decision making, which,’along with sharing the drop off and pick up load, led to both of us being able to have the careers we wanted.

So your kids have been staying in school and camp from 9-6 through age 6-13?