Did anyone's kids NOT get into a frat or sorority - one

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Hasn't happened yet but worrying ahead of time because rush happens quickly and over summer. Seems a very stressful start to school. Didn't think it all through.

Each school is different. Some guarantee that you will get a bid, while others do not. What school is she going to?

I've never heard of a school guaranteeing a bid? Which ones?

Tufts used to guarantee bids, last I checked (2018-ish)

All NPC sororities have “guaranteed placement” but that doesn’t mean what you think it does.
It means that if à participant goes through the process and maximizes her options every day (e.g., ranks the houses according to her preference and then continues to go to the houses she is invited back to at every round), then on the LAST night, if she is invited to and attends preference parties at one or two houses, she is guaranteed to be placed in one of those two houses on bid day. In other words, if you go to pref—you are guaranteed to be placed in a house on bid day….thus “guaranteed placement” policy.

This does NOT mean that any house is forced to keep inviting you prior to preference. In fact, every single house can “cut”/drop someone from their invitation list at any time for any unspecified reason (though all NPC groups have non-discrimination clauses, so it won’t be for a protected class reason) during the week. So it’s not super common, but it does happen that girls won’t receive any invitations at all.

But if a house chooses to invite someone to the LAST night (preference night), they must agree to put you on their bid list. You might be dead last in the list, but if they invite you to pref, you are ON the list so they are inviting you knowing that you could show up as a new member the next day.

No. Tufts was different as of a few years ago - a PNM could not totally be dropped from recruitment. I used to advise for one of the chapters there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is all crazy. How do they get bids if so many kids rush?

The colleges bring new houses but it takes years for them to grow, especially if it’s one that’s not popular in that part of the country. That house becomes the “catch all” and a lot of girls drop out rather than join. Because it’s not that you were necessarily “wanted” by them but rather dropped by everyone else at some point during the week. They had a much bigger quota than the established houses because they needed members. And you must know active girls in the other houses or your odds are slim to none. A big SEC school did this several years ago and it messed up rush so much for several years, moms told their daughters to go to the other big in state U instead. Sorority membership matters a lot to them and they saw too many examples of undesired/unexpected outcomes.

I never rushed. I think the whole process is abusive and artificial. 20 minutes a day for three days is not “getting to know” you. Just do a lottery, same outcome with no emotional abuse and less drama.

[Anonymous]

Anyone know how UGA and UF is for frats or sororities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will never stop being amazed that there are girls and their parents out there who are so disappointed, hurt, shocked, etc., when they are “excluded” from an organization that is deliberately and literally exclusive.

Ohhhh nooo, you wanted to be part of the cool girls who gatekeep and don’t let everyone in? And they didn’t let you be a part of them? And now you don’t have the power to gatekeep and exclude, and being excluded makes you sad? Got it.

Well to be fair the majority are shocked and caught off guard bc growing up in school they were popular and didn’t have any issues getting on teams or elected to some club office, and are used to being the center of a group’s attention. They have no experience with rejection that is based on looks and personality.

I find it hard to believe that a girl who is "used to being the center of a group's attention" does NOT realize that sorority rush is based on looks and personality. The few girls who I know of that did not "get a bid", either had their heart set on the tippy-top houses or had low social IQ. These girls could have gotten bids if they were willing to accept "lower tier" houses.

I do an internal eye roll when moms tell me how "unfair" the sorority rush process is when their awkward daughters are cut from the "best house" and offered a bid at a house where it's "not their people". Actually, YES, these are "her" people - they picked your DD because they thought she would fit in. I say this as someone who was perfectly happy in a "lower tier" house.

Your one experience doesn’t make you a know it all about every schools’s rush or every girl’s experience. You sound insufferable.

The PP is 100% correct, and what she said applies to frats, too. My college had three top-tier fraternities. What they were looking for in a rushee was very specific in terms of money, style, upbringing, and so on, and I didn't have it. So I ended up pledging a middle-tier house. Those were my people. If we'd found each other organically, we would have made fast friends -- but that probably wouldn't have happened without the Greek system and the rushing/pledging process, a fact that the Greek-haters on this board often overlook. And yes, when it comes to the coeds, I still pulled my share. Frat is frat. I wouldn't change a thing.

Your experience is not everyone’s experience. You aren’t an expert for every school either. And frats rush in a COMPLETELY different way at most schools. And you are repulsive. “Pulled my share”? Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will never stop being amazed that there are girls and their parents out there who are so disappointed, hurt, shocked, etc., when they are “excluded” from an organization that is deliberately and literally exclusive.

Ohhhh nooo, you wanted to be part of the cool girls who gatekeep and don’t let everyone in? And they didn’t let you be a part of them? And now you don’t have the power to gatekeep and exclude, and being excluded makes you sad? Got it.

Well to be fair the majority are shocked and caught off guard bc growing up in school they were popular and didn’t have any issues getting on teams or elected to some club office, and are used to being the center of a group’s attention. They have no experience with rejection that is based on looks and personality.

I find it hard to believe that a girl who is "used to being the center of a group's attention" does NOT realize that sorority rush is based on looks and personality. The few girls who I know of that did not "get a bid", either had their heart set on the tippy-top houses or had low social IQ. These girls could have gotten bids if they were willing to accept "lower tier" houses.

I do an internal eye roll when moms tell me how "unfair" the sorority rush process is when their awkward daughters are cut from the "best house" and offered a bid at a house where it's "not their people". Actually, YES, these are "her" people - they picked your DD because they thought she would fit in. I say this as someone who was perfectly happy in a "lower tier" house.

Your one experience doesn’t make you a know it all about every schools’s rush or every girl’s experience. You sound insufferable.

The PP is 100% correct, and what she said applies to frats, too. My college had three top-tier fraternities. What they were looking for in a rushee was very specific in terms of money, style, upbringing, and so on, and I didn't have it. So I ended up pledging a middle-tier house. Those were my people. If we'd found each other organically, we would have made fast friends -- but that probably wouldn't have happened without the Greek system and the rushing/pledging process, a fact that the Greek-haters on this board often overlook. And yes, when it comes to the coeds, I still pulled my share. Frat is frat. I wouldn't change a thing.

Your experience is not everyone’s experience. You aren’t an expert for every school either. And frats rush in a COMPLETELY different way at most schools. And you are repulsive. “Pulled my share”? Gross.

I expect no less from a frat boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? Sororities and fraternities are not needed for a successful path through college and beyond.

Sorry you didn't get a bid, geed.

And there's OP's answer. Thread complete.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? Sororities and fraternities are not needed for a successful path through college and beyond.

Sorry you didn't get a bid, geed.

And there's OP's answer. Thread complete.

I'm OP and confused lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? Sororities and fraternities are not needed for a successful path through college and beyond.

Sorry you didn't get a bid, geed.

And there's OP's answer. Thread complete.

I'm OP and confused lol

The answer to your question is yes, that happens ALL the time. The members are selling themselves and their house. They flatter and praise because they want everyone to want them. A kid may feel like they clicked with several houses and get none of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? Sororities and fraternities are not needed for a successful path through college and beyond.

Sorry you didn't get a bid, geed.

And there's OP's answer. Thread complete.

I'm OP and confused lol

The answer to your question is yes, that happens ALL the time. The members are selling themselves and their house. They flatter and praise because they want everyone to want them. A kid may feel like they clicked with several houses and get none of them.

Awful for kids who are cut or not super outgoing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? Sororities and fraternities are not needed for a successful path through college and beyond.

Sorry you didn't get a bid, geed.

And there's OP's answer. Thread complete.

I'm OP and confused lol

The answer to your question is yes, that happens ALL the time. The members are selling themselves and their house. They flatter and praise because they want everyone to want them. A kid may feel like they clicked with several houses and get none of them.

Awful for kids who are cut or not super outgoing.

Yes. It’s a cruel process. In a society with epidemic levels of anxiety and depression in kids, subjecting 17-18 year olds who just left home and have eyes wide open for a fresh start to this kind of emotional roller coaster, reckless judgement, and rejection is dumb, risky, and uncivilized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I somehow got into one of the top tier sororities in the country at an SEC school even though I came from a blue collar family and was ok looking but definitely not thin or blonde.

But I was a good student, hard worker, friendly and connected with the group.

It was a great decision for me and I am still active as an alumni 40 years later.

I have lifelong friends from that group.

Be honest: did the girls in your top-tier sorority prefer to date the frat gods or the geeds?

Most of them did not date or marry the "frat gods."

Those guys had reputations even 40 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Northern kids in southern greek life is so cringe

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Northern kids in southern greek life is so cringe

What does this mean? Most southern schools have lots of frats for OOS kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Northern kids in southern greek life is so cringe

Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Hasn't happened yet but worrying ahead of time because rush happens quickly and over summer. Seems a very stressful start to school. Didn't think it all through.

It happened to my DD. At first, it was awful -- she was bawling her eyes out. Then she made some friends in her dorm and everything got better. Girls can still go to parties at frats even if they don't belong to a sorority, so that's what she did and she had a blast. That said, she still talks about trying to join again. TO me, it's just another opportunity to be rejected. ((Sigh))