Did anyone's kids NOT get into a frat or sorority - one

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Hasn't happened yet but worrying ahead of time because rush happens quickly and over summer. Seems a very stressful start to school. Didn't think it all through.

It happened to my DD. At first, it was awful -- she was bawling her eyes out. Then she made some friends in her dorm and everything got better. Girls can still go to parties at frats even if they don't belong to a sorority, so that's what she did and she had a blast. That said, she still talks about trying to join again. TO me, it's just another opportunity to be rejected. ((Sigh))

If she has friends who are in sororities now, she will have a good chance of getting in if she rushes again, unless she also has enemies.

No, they don’t take many sophomores. It’s all about making money and they want four full years of dues. By junior year most girls are starting to grow out of it and by senior year lots of girls get pretty inactive. They make their money by feeding on that hope of friendship and inclusion in the youngest girls who just left home.

Cynical, but true. I had a few friends de-activate as seniors.

[Anonymous]

I’m so glad that my kids rejected any school with an active Greek life. In 2024, frats and sororities just seem so passé. Paying to have friends, following silly rules in the hope of being “chosen”, surrounding yourself with people just like you? College is the time to expose yourself to new people and ideas, to challenge your beliefs, and grow - not merely reinforce archaic social structures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Hasn't happened yet but worrying ahead of time because rush happens quickly and over summer. Seems a very stressful start to school. Didn't think it all through.

Each school is different. Some guarantee that you will get a bid, while others do not. What school is she going to?

I've never heard of a school guaranteeing a bid? Which ones?

I remember way back when Berkeley guaranteed a bid . . . not sure exact details of guarantee. I do know that on the day of bid night I had two options (ie had been invited back by two houses for last day of parties - and then that night only received a bid from one of them (I was deciding between DG and Tri Delt - two of the "best" sororities on campus). Even thinking of it now, I remember the flush of shame at being dropped by one of the houses, and worrying that I only got a bid from the other because of the guarantee? . Sad how important these things can seem at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? Sororities and fraternities are not needed for a successful path through college and beyond.

Sorry you didn't get a bid, geed.

And there's OP's answer. Thread complete.

I'm OP and confused lol

LOL, pretty simple, you asked if it's possible to be shut out. The PP is insulting people for being shut out.

If everyone can get a bid, how is it an insult to say "sorry, you didn't get a bid"? Is the PP a grown-ass adult or a current student? Which would be worse? Did PP mean to say "sorry you didn't get the good bid?" Does that make things better, or doesn't it still imply pecking order is the be all end all.

“Geed” poster is a long time troll. He joins every one of these threads with the same weird insult. He has always sounds like a 15 year old with fantasties about what Greek life will be like for him.

I know I just thought it was funny that the troll answered OP's question, for better or worse. But OP can't keep up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so glad that my kids rejected any school with an active Greek life. In 2024, frats and sororities just seem so passé. Paying to have friends, following silly rules in the hope of being “chosen”, surrounding yourself with people just like you? College is the time to expose yourself to new people and ideas, to challenge your beliefs, and grow - not merely reinforce archaic social structures.

I am so glad that you're so glad. I am also glad that my kids DID go to a school with a healthy greek culture, and have joined Greek house and are very happy. My initially quiet and introverted DS found a fraternity of people who were similar to him and they have helped him come out of his shell quite a bit. He is very thankful he decided to rush at the very last minute and ha made lifelong friends. Never had any issues with pledging/hazing and no stress over whether he'd get in. Just a nice low key fraternity of 45 people.

My much more social and outgoing DD went through a somewhat stressful sorority rush but ended up at a great place for her, a sorority with 150 people. Guess what, they are not all clones of each other, imagine that, you will still meet a very diverse group of women, even many who you would probably have not met otherwise because everyone has such diverse interests. But they have fun together and she has a solid group of friends now as a senior that are almost all in her sorority with her. It just helps make a larger university smaller. She will be living in a house with 8 other of her sisters for her senior year. It's not "paying for friends" any more than paying club dues. You are paying for events, use of the house etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so glad that my kids rejected any school with an active Greek life. In 2024, frats and sororities just seem so passé. Paying to have friends, following silly rules in the hope of being “chosen”, surrounding yourself with people just like you? College is the time to expose yourself to new people and ideas, to challenge your beliefs, and grow - not merely reinforce archaic social structures.

I am so glad that you're so glad. I am also glad that my kids DID go to a school with a healthy greek culture, and have joined Greek house and are very happy. My initially quiet and introverted DS found a fraternity of people who were similar to him and they have helped him come out of his shell quite a bit. He is very thankful he decided to rush at the very last minute and ha made lifelong friends. Never had any issues with pledging/hazing and no stress over whether he'd get in. Just a nice low key fraternity of 45 people.

My much more social and outgoing DD went through a somewhat stressful sorority rush but ended up at a great place for her, a sorority with 150 people. Guess what, they are not all clones of each other, imagine that, you will still meet a very diverse group of women, even many who you would probably have not met otherwise because everyone has such diverse interests. But they have fun together and she has a solid group of friends now as a senior that are almost all in her sorority with her. It just helps make a larger university smaller. She will be living in a house with 8 other of her sisters for her senior year. It's not "paying for friends" any more than paying club dues. You are paying for events, use of the house etc.

The PP is not worth trying to convince. The people that use language like that are as close minded as what they were trying to describe in their last comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so glad that my kids rejected any school with an active Greek life. In 2024, frats and sororities just seem so passé. Paying to have friends, following silly rules in the hope of being “chosen”, surrounding yourself with people just like you? College is the time to expose yourself to new people and ideas, to challenge your beliefs, and grow - not merely reinforce archaic social structures.

I am so glad that you're so glad. I am also glad that my kids DID go to a school with a healthy greek culture, and have joined Greek house and are very happy. My initially quiet and introverted DS found a fraternity of people who were similar to him and they have helped him come out of his shell quite a bit. He is very thankful he decided to rush at the very last minute and ha made lifelong friends. Never had any issues with pledging/hazing and no stress over whether he'd get in. Just a nice low key fraternity of 45 people.

My much more social and outgoing DD went through a somewhat stressful sorority rush but ended up at a great place for her, a sorority with 150 people. Guess what, they are not all clones of each other, imagine that, you will still meet a very diverse group of women, even many who you would probably have not met otherwise because everyone has such diverse interests. But they have fun together and she has a solid group of friends now as a senior that are almost all in her sorority with her. It just helps make a larger university smaller. She will be living in a house with 8 other of her sisters for her senior year. It's not "paying for friends" any more than paying club dues. You are paying for events, use of the house etc.

The PP is not worth trying to convince. The people that use language like that are as close minded as what they were trying to describe in their last comment.

They're geeds who are still bitter about not getting a bid, as much as they try to convince others -- and themselves -- that the system is beneath them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so glad that my kids rejected any school with an active Greek life. In 2024, frats and sororities just seem so passé. Paying to have friends, following silly rules in the hope of being “chosen”, surrounding yourself with people just like you? College is the time to expose yourself to new people and ideas, to challenge your beliefs, and grow - not merely reinforce archaic social structures.

I am so glad that you're so glad. I am also glad that my kids DID go to a school with a healthy greek culture, and have joined Greek house and are very happy. My initially quiet and introverted DS found a fraternity of people who were similar to him and they have helped him come out of his shell quite a bit. He is very thankful he decided to rush at the very last minute and ha made lifelong friends. Never had any issues with pledging/hazing and no stress over whether he'd get in. Just a nice low key fraternity of 45 people.

My much more social and outgoing DD went through a somewhat stressful sorority rush but ended up at a great place for her, a sorority with 150 people. Guess what, they are not all clones of each other, imagine that, you will still meet a very diverse group of women, even many who you would probably have not met otherwise because everyone has such diverse interests. But they have fun together and she has a solid group of friends now as a senior that are almost all in her sorority with her. It just helps make a larger university smaller. She will be living in a house with 8 other of her sisters for her senior year. It's not "paying for friends" any more than paying club dues. You are paying for events, use of the house etc.

The PP is not worth trying to convince. The people that use language like that are as close minded as what they were trying to describe in their last comment.

They're geeds who are still bitter about not getting a bid, as much as they try to convince others -- and themselves -- that the system is beneath them.

I know you're just trying to stir the pot, but you really suck. Signed, Greek alumnus and parent of Greek kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so glad that my kids rejected any school with an active Greek life. In 2024, frats and sororities just seem so passé. Paying to have friends, following silly rules in the hope of being “chosen”, surrounding yourself with people just like you? College is the time to expose yourself to new people and ideas, to challenge your beliefs, and grow - not merely reinforce archaic social structures.

I am so glad that you're so glad. I am also glad that my kids DID go to a school with a healthy greek culture, and have joined Greek house and are very happy. My initially quiet and introverted DS found a fraternity of people who were similar to him and they have helped him come out of his shell quite a bit. He is very thankful he decided to rush at the very last minute and ha made lifelong friends. Never had any issues with pledging/hazing and no stress over whether he'd get in. Just a nice low key fraternity of 45 people.

My much more social and outgoing DD went through a somewhat stressful sorority rush but ended up at a great place for her, a sorority with 150 people. Guess what, they are not all clones of each other, imagine that, you will still meet a very diverse group of women, even many who you would probably have not met otherwise because everyone has such diverse interests. But they have fun together and she has a solid group of friends now as a senior that are almost all in her sorority with her. It just helps make a larger university smaller. She will be living in a house with 8 other of her sisters for her senior year. It's not "paying for friends" any more than paying club dues. You are paying for events, use of the house etc.

The PP is not worth trying to convince. The people that use language like that are as close minded as what they were trying to describe in their last comment.

They're geeds who are still bitter about not getting a bid, as much as they try to convince others -- and themselves -- that the system is beneath them.

I know you're just trying to stir the pot, but you really suck. Signed, Greek alumnus and parent of Greek kids.

Yeah, I’m not sure if he even understands that he makes frats look bad or if that is his goal. His trolling is obvious but his goal less so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Greek life sounds like a nightmare for 18 year olds. It's baffling that it still persists.

It’s like going back in time for some of these Southern sororities. Sexism like it’s 1950. Females cannot have men in their bedrooms but fraternities can. Females have to be dressed appropriately with hair and makeup and they are very picky about what makeup you can and can’t use. Pink nail polish . Sororities cannot have parties in their house with alcohol without joining up with a fraternity.

I can’t imagine following silly rules and regulations after finally getting some freedom. The fraternities and sororities segregate the school into mini campuses unrelated to each other.

My daughter told me that at her school the sorority girls clean the fraternity houses. Big nope for me! Why would we teach young men that women are their cooking and cleaning servants? We worked so hard to get away from that stereotype!

Time has stood still at some of these mostly big Southern Universities fraternities in places like Alabama, Mississippi, Florida.

This from the NIH. “A total of 29% of sorority women reported having been sexually assaulted while in college, four times the rate (7%) among nonsorority members.”

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19458092/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so glad that my kids rejected any school with an active Greek life. In 2024, frats and sororities just seem so passé. Paying to have friends, following silly rules in the hope of being “chosen”, surrounding yourself with people just like you? College is the time to expose yourself to new people and ideas, to challenge your beliefs, and grow - not merely reinforce archaic social structures.

I am so glad that you're so glad. I am also glad that my kids DID go to a school with a healthy greek culture, and have joined Greek house and are very happy. My initially quiet and introverted DS found a fraternity of people who were similar to him and they have helped him come out of his shell quite a bit. He is very thankful he decided to rush at the very last minute and ha made lifelong friends. Never had any issues with pledging/hazing and no stress over whether he'd get in. Just a nice low key fraternity of 45 people.

My much more social and outgoing DD went through a somewhat stressful sorority rush but ended up at a great place for her, a sorority with 150 people. Guess what, they are not all clones of each other, imagine that, you will still meet a very diverse group of women, even many who you would probably have not met otherwise because everyone has such diverse interests. But they have fun together and she has a solid group of friends now as a senior that are almost all in her sorority with her. It just helps make a larger university smaller. She will be living in a house with 8 other of her sisters for her senior year. It's not "paying for friends" any more than paying club dues. You are paying for events, use of the house etc.

The PP is not worth trying to convince. The people that use language like that are as close minded as what they were trying to describe in their last comment.

They're geeds who are still bitter about not getting a bid, as much as they try to convince others -- and themselves -- that the system is beneath them.

DP
I never rushed. Never ever wanted to. And I agree with the other PP. But just keep thinking it’s because I didn’t get in. Makes it easier for you I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Greek life sounds like a nightmare for 18 year olds. It's baffling that it still persists.

It’s like going back in time for some of these Southern sororities. Sexism like it’s 1950. Females cannot have men in their bedrooms but fraternities can. Females have to be dressed appropriately with hair and makeup and they are very picky about what makeup you can and can’t use. Pink nail polish . Sororities cannot have parties in their house with alcohol without joining up with a fraternity.

I can’t imagine following silly rules and regulations after finally getting some freedom. The fraternities and sororities segregate the school into mini campuses unrelated to each other.

My daughter told me that at her school the sorority girls clean the fraternity houses. Big nope for me! Why would we teach young men that women are their cooking and cleaning servants? We worked so hard to get away from that stereotype!

I don’t believe this! The girls don’t even clean their own houses- there is help for that. This sounds like a rumor started by a GDI to make Greeks look bad.

My kid is at Elon and that is what she was told by a girl she is casual friends with who is in one of the sororities. I found it shocking.

They also have some beach tradition where a guy invites a girl to a weekend and he pays for the hotel (the assumption is they will have sex) and she decorates a cooler for him (rotate to the beach, presumably). It seemed odd to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Greek life sounds like a nightmare for 18 year olds. It's baffling that it still persists.

It’s like going back in time for some of these Southern sororities. Sexism like it’s 1950. Females cannot have men in their bedrooms but fraternities can. Females have to be dressed appropriately with hair and makeup and they are very picky about what makeup you can and can’t use. Pink nail polish . Sororities cannot have parties in their house with alcohol without joining up with a fraternity.

I can’t imagine following silly rules and regulations after finally getting some freedom. The fraternities and sororities segregate the school into mini campuses unrelated to each other.

My daughter told me that at her school the sorority girls clean the fraternity houses. Big nope for me! Why would we teach young men that women are their cooking and cleaning servants? We worked so hard to get away from that stereotype!

I don’t believe this! The girls don’t even clean their own houses- there is help for that. This sounds like a rumor started by a GDI to make Greeks look bad.

My kid is at Elon and that is what she was told by a girl she is casual friends with who is in one of the sororities. I found it shocking.

They also have some beach tradition where a guy invites a girl to a weekend and he pays for the hotel (the assumption is they will have sex) and she decorates a cooler for him (rotate to the beach, presumably). It seemed odd to me.

I don’t know about Elon but that sounds like a typical “beach formal” which is where the fraternity has their formal party at the beach instead of in their college town. Very common, of course if a girl is invited, she is not expected to have sex with the guy unless they have that type of relationship. Plenty of guys ask friends to go because they may not have a girlfriend. I have heard of the cooler thing, again it’s just part of the tradition and again this is the whole fraternity, not just a random guy renting a hotel room on a random weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will never stop being amazed that there are girls and their parents out there who are so disappointed, hurt, shocked, etc., when they are “excluded” from an organization that is deliberately and literally exclusive.

Ohhhh nooo, you wanted to be part of the cool girls who gatekeep and don’t let everyone in? And they didn’t let you be a part of them? And now you don’t have the power to gatekeep and exclude, and being excluded makes you sad? Got it.

Well to be fair the majority are shocked and caught off guard bc growing up in school they were popular and didn’t have any issues getting on teams or elected to some club office, and are used to being the center of a group’s attention. They have no experience with rejection that is based on looks and personality.

I find it hard to believe that a girl who is "used to being the center of a group's attention" does NOT realize that sorority rush is based on looks and personality. The few girls who I know of that did not "get a bid", either had their heart set on the tippy-top houses or had low social IQ. These girls could have gotten bids if they were willing to accept "lower tier" houses.

I do an internal eye roll when moms tell me how "unfair" the sorority rush process is when their awkward daughters are cut from the "best house" and offered a bid at a house where it's "not their people". Actually, YES, these are "her" people - they picked your DD because they thought she would fit in. I say this as someone who was perfectly happy in a "lower tier" house.

Well I said that. They do know it’s based on looks and personality. So when they get rejected by what they view as the “popular” houses , it is hard to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL, I went to Syracuse in the bad old '80s, back in the day of circling fat and putting pledges in car trunks. I got cut from the "best" houses, and I wasn't completely comfortable with the process anyway, so I quit after a couple of rounds of rush.

Sorry Syracuse grad and this never happened. I was in a popular house in late 80s and no one circled fat or put on cars. You are relying on urban myth. FYI a lot of girls who dropped would speak this nonsense. Syracuse was a schools where everyone gets a bid unless they only choose one house. Very inclusive.