Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, it might be that you are working to create the family you always imaginesd, rather than accepting the family you have. Perhaps. You are trying for 2 ordinary children rather than accepting that your 2 current children will be ordinary-enough.
+1
Op has 2 kids but wishes they were 2 NT kids.
Also, who wishes any sort of difficulty on their children? Yah, if I could take away my child’s developmental disability and the struggles it causes them in life and their relationships, I would. Your shaming is ridiculous.
I'm not shaming you for having a SN child. I'm shaming for wanting an additional "normal" child, instead of caring for the SN ones you have. It doesnt sound like your DH was on the same page, or at least you conveniently failed to mention that until now. You want to replace your Sn child with another NT child to complete your family the way you pictured. Life doesnt always work out like that.
That’s not it at all. I always wanted three kids. My husband was open to it until we had two. He is still open to it but would prefer not to have another.
Unless you have a kid with special needs, I don’t think you can relate to the unique concerns that parents in my position unfortunately have to face. Fortunately my son’s special needs are fairly mild in that he “only” has (pretty severe) adhd, but overall kids with his profile are more prone to other mental health issues and things that I absolutely fear down the road. Yes, in general I think that for a NT child whose sibling has a disability, it is nice for them to also have a NT sibling because it can be a very isolating experience. obviously there is no guarantee of that. You have no idea what it’s like to be a child in a house with a sibling who has a disability or neurological disorder. You seemingly don’t know what it’s like to parent a child with a disability and to have to think about very frightening prospects. I wouldn’t wish this particular consideration on anyone. And to accuse me of wanting a NT child to replace my ND is just disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself and should refrain judgement until you’ve walked a mile in a special needs family’s shoes.
It concerns me that you don't seem to understand that you can't guarantee a third child will be NT. What if your third child has her own special needs, and now your NT kid has two siblings with special needs AND there are even mores stressors than your reluctant husband already anticipates? Will that be a net positive for your family, regardless of how much you love your third child?
You are assuming that having a third will go a very specific way. You are assuming the child will be NT and become a companion for your DD. I would not assume any of those things. If none of those things happen, is this still a good idea for your family?
I literally said in my previous post - and my earlier one- that of course there is no guarantee of a third child not having special needs. You seem to be projecting something here.
You are always taking a risk with having children. You seem to think I’m unaware of this and haven’t considered this (trust me, as a parent of a SN child, I think about it more times a day than you probably have in your entire life) and you also seem convinced that the risk of having another special needs needs child are close to 100%. I will stick to a genetic counselor and actual data for those concerns. You simply cannot relate to being in the shoes of a special needs parent, which is fine, but maybe hold your judgement, which seems difficult for you.
And yes, generally siblings are companions. There is no way to control that as well, but I think most people who have multiple children assume their children will be companions for life, with varying degrees of closeness. Obviously. That’s called family. You seem very focused on adverse outcomes.
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