Surrogacy help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Surrogacy is a reproductive brothel. It is illegal in Canada to be compensated to be a surrogate for good reason. Otherwise, it is using a woman’s body for a transaction and that becomes exploitation. Surrogacy is illegal in most parts of the world.
Anyone who denies this is selfish and has ethical chip missing.

Canadian surrogates get paid $10,000s. They call it "expenses". Don't fool yourself.

[Anonymous]

I think I understand what you're looking for. My sister did something similar. You're looking for someone who will accept a somewhat reduced fee given your circumstance (only wanting to do one transfer)?

[Anonymous]

I had a GC accept me with only one PGS normal embryo. I did mention that I might try for more but the one didn’t phase her. If you want to go without an agency - you need to get off this site and join the Facebook groups that are far more informative with people that have actually been through this. I did go with an agency because I was scared and knew nothing about the process but in hindsight the only service they provided me was finding the surrogate. Was that worth the 40k they got? I don’t know but I do have a baby so I don’t think about it. My GC was amazing. If I had to do it again or offer advice I would say go with a top notch attorney that lets you set up the escrow with them and helps you in providing options for the GC attorney. I would make sure that all medical/ psych screening is done before contracts are signed and I would check with your RE to see if they accept indie GCs. I don’t think shady grove does - at least that’s what they told me.

Good luck and ignore the idiots on here who have no clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a GC accept me with only one PGS normal embryo. I did mention that I might try for more but the one didn’t phase her. If you want to go without an agency - you need to get off this site and join the Facebook groups that are far more informative with people that have actually been through this. I did go with an agency because I was scared and knew nothing about the process but in hindsight the only service they provided me was finding the surrogate. Was that worth the 40k they got? I don’t know but I do have a baby so I don’t think about it. My GC was amazing. If I had to do it again or offer advice I would say go with a top notch attorney that lets you set up the escrow with them and helps you in providing options for the GC attorney. I would make sure that all medical/ psych screening is done before contracts are signed and I would check with your RE to see if they accept indie GCs. I don’t think shady grove does - at least that’s what they told me.

Good luck and ignore the idiots on here who have no clue.

Thanks for the advice, and congratulations. Glad it was a happy ending. How long ago did you have the surrogate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gosh, this post has really spiraled. OP, whomever is responding is a jerk. But, man, also stop baiting them! As to your initial question, I do not think your situation is unusual. Many, many people already have embryos frozen before they find their surrogate. This is common practice. You can use an agency if you'd like to go that route, or you can go independently, but then you'll have to find your surrogate. There are a lot of matching groups on Facebook. A lot of surrogates want to match with someone who has 2-3+ frozen embryos so that they are using their time towards a successful outcome, so that could be a limiter for your matching.

Thanks for an actual response. I think people misunderstood in this thread about me say our situation was "somewhat unique." I meant that we only have one embryo, and we never intended to use a surrogate. My wife's health problems have just progressed to where it is no longer possible for her to transfer/carry. So this is a one shot thing, where we aren't doing any more IVF, etc. regardless of the outcome, which I think has to be at least somewhat unique. In any event, agree that we can obviously go with an agency, but that is why I was asking for any other creative ideas given that we only have one embryo and won't be trying again.

As for the trolls, I enjoy feeding them, because eventually they get so frustrated that they start revealing their true selves, which is very ugly. I mean, you saw some of the posts -- just disgusting people, surrogacy views aside. I think it is productive because it can actually shift people away from their side of the aisle when they see how they act. It is one thing to troll -- it is another thing to say evil things in the process. Just sad people who are projecting their insecurity, failures, and regrets in life. Was fun at first, but then it just made me sad for them, so I stopped.

It is not trolling to point out that surrogacy is now widely banned globally because of issues with exploitation and harm to the resulting children. That is a fact. You want to ignore that fact, and you can, because surrogacy is still allowed in the US. However, the US has become a significant outlier in this regard. All of that is factual and not trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gosh, this post has really spiraled. OP, whomever is responding is a jerk. But, man, also stop baiting them! As to your initial question, I do not think your situation is unusual. Many, many people already have embryos frozen before they find their surrogate. This is common practice. You can use an agency if you'd like to go that route, or you can go independently, but then you'll have to find your surrogate. There are a lot of matching groups on Facebook. A lot of surrogates want to match with someone who has 2-3+ frozen embryos so that they are using their time towards a successful outcome, so that could be a limiter for your matching.

Thanks for an actual response. I think people misunderstood in this thread about me say our situation was "somewhat unique." I meant that we only have one embryo, and we never intended to use a surrogate. My wife's health problems have just progressed to where it is no longer possible for her to transfer/carry. So this is a one shot thing, where we aren't doing any more IVF, etc. regardless of the outcome, which I think has to be at least somewhat unique. In any event, agree that we can obviously go with an agency, but that is why I was asking for any other creative ideas given that we only have one embryo and won't be trying again.

As for the trolls, I enjoy feeding them, because eventually they get so frustrated that they start revealing their true selves, which is very ugly. I mean, you saw some of the posts -- just disgusting people, surrogacy views aside. I think it is productive because it can actually shift people away from their side of the aisle when they see how they act. It is one thing to troll -- it is another thing to say evil things in the process. Just sad people who are projecting their insecurity, failures, and regrets in life. Was fun at first, but then it just made me sad for them, so I stopped.

It is not trolling to point out that surrogacy is now widely banned globally because of issues with exploitation and harm to the resulting children. That is a fact. You want to ignore that fact, and you can, because surrogacy is still allowed in the US. However, the US has become a significant outlier in this regard. All of that is factual and not trolling.

That is indeed not trolling, though it is non-responsive. And many other posts were absolutely trolling and disgusting -- don't know if that was you or not. But to your point, OK, some surrogacy is undoubtedly exploitive. Some clearly is not. That is not exactly new information. We all have Google. So the information your are providing is both well-known and non-responsive.

[Anonymous]

This is standard surrogacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a GC accept me with only one PGS normal embryo. I did mention that I might try for more but the one didn’t phase her. If you want to go without an agency - you need to get off this site and join the Facebook groups that are far more informative with people that have actually been through this. I did go with an agency because I was scared and knew nothing about the process but in hindsight the only service they provided me was finding the surrogate. Was that worth the 40k they got? I don’t know but I do have a baby so I don’t think about it. My GC was amazing. If I had to do it again or offer advice I would say go with a top notch attorney that lets you set up the escrow with them and helps you in providing options for the GC attorney. I would make sure that all medical/ psych screening is done before contracts are signed and I would check with your RE to see if they accept indie GCs. I don’t think shady grove does - at least that’s what they told me.

Good luck and ignore the idiots on here who have no clue.

Thanks for the advice, and congratulations. Glad it was a happy ending. How long ago did you have the surrogate?

Baby was born October 2023, but we started the process of looking in 2021.

[Anonymous]

You can find a surrogate on your own. But you will still need a lawyer to draw up the contract. Our clinic also had both parties come in for a counseling session. And you will need to discuss issues like what happens in the event a pregnancy might not be perfect: if the fetus has issues where the intended parents would terminate what would the GC agree to do? She will also need to be compensated for health insurance and other expenses. Our agency was also adamant about only accepting surrogates who had had at least 1 child of their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gosh, this post has really spiraled. OP, whomever is responding is a jerk. But, man, also stop baiting them! As to your initial question, I do not think your situation is unusual. Many, many people already have embryos frozen before they find their surrogate. This is common practice. You can use an agency if you'd like to go that route, or you can go independently, but then you'll have to find your surrogate. There are a lot of matching groups on Facebook. A lot of surrogates want to match with someone who has 2-3+ frozen embryos so that they are using their time towards a successful outcome, so that could be a limiter for your matching.

Thanks for an actual response. I think people misunderstood in this thread about me say our situation was "somewhat unique." I meant that we only have one embryo, and we never intended to use a surrogate. My wife's health problems have just progressed to where it is no longer possible for her to transfer/carry. So this is a one shot thing, where we aren't doing any more IVF, etc. regardless of the outcome, which I think has to be at least somewhat unique. In any event, agree that we can obviously go with an agency, but that is why I was asking for any other creative ideas given that we only have one embryo and won't be trying again.

As for the trolls, I enjoy feeding them, because eventually they get so frustrated that they start revealing their true selves, which is very ugly. I mean, you saw some of the posts -- just disgusting people, surrogacy views aside. I think it is productive because it can actually shift people away from their side of the aisle when they see how they act. It is one thing to troll -- it is another thing to say evil things in the process. Just sad people who are projecting their insecurity, failures, and regrets in life. Was fun at first, but then it just made me sad for them, so I stopped.

It is not trolling to point out that surrogacy is now widely banned globally because of issues with exploitation and harm to the resulting children. That is a fact. You want to ignore that fact, and you can, because surrogacy is still allowed in the US. However, the US has become a significant outlier in this regard. All of that is factual and not trolling.

That is indeed not trolling, though it is non-responsive. And many other posts were absolutely trolling and disgusting -- don't know if that was you or not. But to your point, OK, some surrogacy is undoubtedly exploitive. Some clearly is not. That is not exactly new information. We all have Google. So the information your are providing is both well-known and non-responsive.

It is interesting that you consider this information well-known, yet are still going enthusiastically down the path of surrogacy.

The child that results may (likely will) think very differently about the circumstances of his or her birth, particularly if surrogacy is largely banned as a practice by the time that child is an adult. There is a lot out there about how the international adoptees who were stolen from their birth parents feel as adults. Exploitation in adoption used to be legal as well, but that didn’t make it okay, and didn’t lessen the trauma of the children when they learned about the truth of their births.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gosh, this post has really spiraled. OP, whomever is responding is a jerk. But, man, also stop baiting them! As to your initial question, I do not think your situation is unusual. Many, many people already have embryos frozen before they find their surrogate. This is common practice. You can use an agency if you'd like to go that route, or you can go independently, but then you'll have to find your surrogate. There are a lot of matching groups on Facebook. A lot of surrogates want to match with someone who has 2-3+ frozen embryos so that they are using their time towards a successful outcome, so that could be a limiter for your matching.

Thanks for an actual response. I think people misunderstood in this thread about me say our situation was "somewhat unique." I meant that we only have one embryo, and we never intended to use a surrogate. My wife's health problems have just progressed to where it is no longer possible for her to transfer/carry. So this is a one shot thing, where we aren't doing any more IVF, etc. regardless of the outcome, which I think has to be at least somewhat unique. In any event, agree that we can obviously go with an agency, but that is why I was asking for any other creative ideas given that we only have one embryo and won't be trying again.

As for the trolls, I enjoy feeding them, because eventually they get so frustrated that they start revealing their true selves, which is very ugly. I mean, you saw some of the posts -- just disgusting people, surrogacy views aside. I think it is productive because it can actually shift people away from their side of the aisle when they see how they act. It is one thing to troll -- it is another thing to say evil things in the process. Just sad people who are projecting their insecurity, failures, and regrets in life. Was fun at first, but then it just made me sad for them, so I stopped.

It is not trolling to point out that surrogacy is now widely banned globally because of issues with exploitation and harm to the resulting children. That is a fact. You want to ignore that fact, and you can, because surrogacy is still allowed in the US. However, the US has become a significant outlier in this regard. All of that is factual and not trolling.

That is indeed not trolling, though it is non-responsive. And many other posts were absolutely trolling and disgusting -- don't know if that was you or not. But to your point, OK, some surrogacy is undoubtedly exploitive. Some clearly is not. That is not exactly new information. We all have Google. So the information your are providing is both well-known and non-responsive.

It is interesting that you consider this information well-known, yet are still going enthusiastically down the path of surrogacy.

The child that results may (likely will) think very differently about the circumstances of his or her birth, particularly if surrogacy is largely banned as a practice by the time that child is an adult. There is a lot out there about how the international adoptees who were stolen from their birth parents feel as adults. Exploitation in adoption used to be legal as well, but that didn’t make it okay, and didn’t lessen the trauma of the children when they learned about the truth of their births.

You are being intentionally presumptive to fit your agenda, as evidenced by, among other things, your "may (likely will)" comment."

Regardless, you have made the same point over and over again. We get it. You don't agree with surrogacy. It is banned in a lot of places. You think a child born of surrogacy may have issues with that.

I and many others obviously disagree with you wholeheartedly. So move on. And FWIW, I couldn't care less if I found out my mother didn't carry me. Why would I care if she was unable and some other amazing woman gave her that gift? Quite the contrary, I would think it was amazing and would want to thank the gestational carrier from the bottom of my heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gosh, this post has really spiraled. OP, whomever is responding is a jerk. But, man, also stop baiting them! As to your initial question, I do not think your situation is unusual. Many, many people already have embryos frozen before they find their surrogate. This is common practice. You can use an agency if you'd like to go that route, or you can go independently, but then you'll have to find your surrogate. There are a lot of matching groups on Facebook. A lot of surrogates want to match with someone who has 2-3+ frozen embryos so that they are using their time towards a successful outcome, so that could be a limiter for your matching.

Thanks for an actual response. I think people misunderstood in this thread about me say our situation was "somewhat unique." I meant that we only have one embryo, and we never intended to use a surrogate. My wife's health problems have just progressed to where it is no longer possible for her to transfer/carry. So this is a one shot thing, where we aren't doing any more IVF, etc. regardless of the outcome, which I think has to be at least somewhat unique. In any event, agree that we can obviously go with an agency, but that is why I was asking for any other creative ideas given that we only have one embryo and won't be trying again.

As for the trolls, I enjoy feeding them, because eventually they get so frustrated that they start revealing their true selves, which is very ugly. I mean, you saw some of the posts -- just disgusting people, surrogacy views aside. I think it is productive because it can actually shift people away from their side of the aisle when they see how they act. It is one thing to troll -- it is another thing to say evil things in the process. Just sad people who are projecting their insecurity, failures, and regrets in life. Was fun at first, but then it just made me sad for them, so I stopped.

It is not trolling to point out that surrogacy is now widely banned globally because of issues with exploitation and harm to the resulting children. That is a fact. You want to ignore that fact, and you can, because surrogacy is still allowed in the US. However, the US has become a significant outlier in this regard. All of that is factual and not trolling.

That is indeed not trolling, though it is non-responsive. And many other posts were absolutely trolling and disgusting -- don't know if that was you or not. But to your point, OK, some surrogacy is undoubtedly exploitive. Some clearly is not. That is not exactly new information. We all have Google. So the information your are providing is both well-known and non-responsive.

It is interesting that you consider this information well-known, yet are still going enthusiastically down the path of surrogacy.

The child that results may (likely will) think very differently about the circumstances of his or her birth, particularly if surrogacy is largely banned as a practice by the time that child is an adult. There is a lot out there about how the international adoptees who were stolen from their birth parents feel as adults. Exploitation in adoption used to be legal as well, but that didn’t make it okay, and didn’t lessen the trauma of the children when they learned about the truth of their births.

You are being intentionally presumptive to fit your agenda, as evidenced by, among other things, your "may (likely will)" comment."

Regardless, you have made the same point over and over again. We get it. You don't agree with surrogacy. It is banned in a lot of places. You think a child born of surrogacy may have issues with that.

I and many others obviously disagree with you wholeheartedly. So move on. And FWIW, I couldn't care less if I found out my mother didn't carry me. Why would I care if she was unable and some other amazing woman gave her that gift? Quite the contrary, I would think it was amazing and would want to thank the gestational carrier from the bottom of my heart.

Right. Because you are a misogynist. That has been established. Anyhow, I’m out. You aren’t going to care about women no matter what anyone says.

Gift. 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gosh, this post has really spiraled. OP, whomever is responding is a jerk. But, man, also stop baiting them! As to your initial question, I do not think your situation is unusual. Many, many people already have embryos frozen before they find their surrogate. This is common practice. You can use an agency if you'd like to go that route, or you can go independently, but then you'll have to find your surrogate. There are a lot of matching groups on Facebook. A lot of surrogates want to match with someone who has 2-3+ frozen embryos so that they are using their time towards a successful outcome, so that could be a limiter for your matching.

Thanks for an actual response. I think people misunderstood in this thread about me say our situation was "somewhat unique." I meant that we only have one embryo, and we never intended to use a surrogate. My wife's health problems have just progressed to where it is no longer possible for her to transfer/carry. So this is a one shot thing, where we aren't doing any more IVF, etc. regardless of the outcome, which I think has to be at least somewhat unique. In any event, agree that we can obviously go with an agency, but that is why I was asking for any other creative ideas given that we only have one embryo and won't be trying again.

As for the trolls, I enjoy feeding them, because eventually they get so frustrated that they start revealing their true selves, which is very ugly. I mean, you saw some of the posts -- just disgusting people, surrogacy views aside. I think it is productive because it can actually shift people away from their side of the aisle when they see how they act. It is one thing to troll -- it is another thing to say evil things in the process. Just sad people who are projecting their insecurity, failures, and regrets in life. Was fun at first, but then it just made me sad for them, so I stopped.

It is not trolling to point out that surrogacy is now widely banned globally because of issues with exploitation and harm to the resulting children. That is a fact. You want to ignore that fact, and you can, because surrogacy is still allowed in the US. However, the US has become a significant outlier in this regard. All of that is factual and not trolling.

That is indeed not trolling, though it is non-responsive. And many other posts were absolutely trolling and disgusting -- don't know if that was you or not. But to your point, OK, some surrogacy is undoubtedly exploitive. Some clearly is not. That is not exactly new information. We all have Google. So the information your are providing is both well-known and non-responsive.

It is interesting that you consider this information well-known, yet are still going enthusiastically down the path of surrogacy.

The child that results may (likely will) think very differently about the circumstances of his or her birth, particularly if surrogacy is largely banned as a practice by the time that child is an adult. There is a lot out there about how the international adoptees who were stolen from their birth parents feel as adults. Exploitation in adoption used to be legal as well, but that didn’t make it okay, and didn’t lessen the trauma of the children when they learned about the truth of their births.

You are being intentionally presumptive to fit your agenda, as evidenced by, among other things, your "may (likely will)" comment."

Regardless, you have made the same point over and over again. We get it. You don't agree with surrogacy. It is banned in a lot of places. You think a child born of surrogacy may have issues with that.

I and many others obviously disagree with you wholeheartedly. So move on. And FWIW, I couldn't care less if I found out my mother didn't carry me. Why would I care if she was unable and some other amazing woman gave her that gift? Quite the contrary, I would think it was amazing and would want to thank the gestational carrier from the bottom of my heart.

Right. Because you are a misogynist. That has been established. Anyhow, I’m out. You aren’t going to care about women no matter what anyone says.

Gift. 🙄

Ad hominems. When that is all you have, you know you've lost. Take your hateful ways elsewhere, and stop telling women what they can do with their bodies, and that child birth is not a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your situation is a pretty standard surrogacy request: You’re looking for someone to carry the pregnancy.
It sounds like the only difference here is that you only want to try transfer once, yes?

They don’t want to pay.

Yep. OP doesn’t sound entitled, he just sounds cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your situation is a pretty standard surrogacy request: You’re looking for someone to carry the pregnancy.
It sounds like the only difference here is that you only want to try transfer once, yes?

They don’t want to pay.

Yep. OP doesn’t sound entitled, he just sounds cheap.

Ha, only on DCUM would paying 70k instead of 150k (with the difference going to an agency) be considered "cheap."