Intellectually Pretentious DD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes she is missing social skills and is self unaware.

+1 - my DD is bright but not precocious and so in advanced classes. She has classmates like this in middle school who haven’t outgrown this. Take it down now. Nothing wrong with being smart but like any other great quality, no need to talk about it all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for you to recognize this OP. I think you just need to (nicely) call her out and interject/correct her every.single.time you hear her being braggadocios, obnoxious, or putting others down/ correcting them. Every time.

Thanks. I really try to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a peculiar VBA

A VBA about a VBC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a peculiar VBA

A VBA about a VBC

Thanks, VBP

[Anonymous]

I knew someone like this, but his mother fed into it, and he is now waiting tables at a bar/restaurant.

He is a certified genius, but never mastered any social skills, any ability to work hard once he got older and the work got a little harder, etc.

He received a full scholarship for college, but lost the scholarship because he couldn't handle the work in a functional way..not because he wasn't smart enough. I feel really bad for him because I like him a lot, but his parents didn't help him deal with his genius.

I really enjoyed being around him, wished I could have intervened and helped him, and feel horrible that he isn't fulfilling what he would like to do with his life because the emotional aspect has prevented him using his amazing brain. He is a musical genius and I tried to get his mother to see this and steer him in this direction, but she insisted he was too smart for that and wanted him in a STEM career. We can see how that turned out. The musical world is where he would be happiest and most fulfilled, and he as admitted this to me.

Long story short-rein it in and make social/emotional skills the most important thing. Intelligence is secondary

[Anonymous]

She doesn’t have self confidence. She’s “fronting” and wants to seek validation from others.

[Anonymous]

You’re not giving her enough validation and security, so she’s looking for affirmation elsewhere. This whole post is so problematic. You need to start by looking in the mirror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew someone like this, but his mother fed into it, and he is now waiting tables at a bar/restaurant.

He is a certified genius, but never mastered any social skills, any ability to work hard once he got older and the work got a little harder, etc.

He received a full scholarship for college, but lost the scholarship because he couldn't handle the work in a functional way..not because he wasn't smart enough. I feel really bad for him because I like him a lot, but his parents didn't help him deal with his genius.

I really enjoyed being around him, wished I could have intervened and helped him, and feel horrible that he isn't fulfilling what he would like to do with his life because the emotional aspect has prevented him using his amazing brain. He is a musical genius and I tried to get his mother to see this and steer him in this direction, but she insisted he was too smart for that and wanted him in a STEM career. We can see how that turned out. The musical world is where he would be happiest and most fulfilled, and he as admitted this to me.

Long story short-rein it in and make social/emotional skills the most important thing. Intelligence is secondary

There are people with very high IQs and know everything but have actual learning disabilities so severe that they aren’t capable of putting any of their skills to good use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re not giving her enough validation and security, so she’s looking for affirmation elsewhere. This whole post is so problematic. You need to start by looking in the mirror.

How do you increase validation and security?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[quote=Anonymous"I always finish my work the first in the class. I don't know why it takes everyone else so long!"

Some things come faster to some people, while others come slower. Like you're still learning to be polite. Don't worry, you'll get there!

Love this!

Then be very direct and explain grabbing.
Do a lot of role playing. Watch movies and shows with the braggy kid, pause the video and ask her to explain what was annoying and how it should be done better, out which thoughts can be said aloud and which should stay in your head.

[Anonymous]

Ha, my son is like this. Honestly I would prefer it this way than for him to have low self-esteem like I had. Easier to dial back the bragging than to build up self worth (years of therapy is only just getting me there).

Bragging is so super normal, if annoying, and kids this age do it about everything. Their parents, their toys, their athletic ability, whatever. With our son we just remind him that bragging is obnoxious and can make friends feel bad, praise him for effort, and try to ignore or redirect to more interesting topics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but I missed where you said what you were doing about this?

DS was like this when he was younger (3-5). He was precocious as well and an only child at the time so he received constant praise from us and other adults.

It was cute, until he started school and was known to correct teachers and get frustrated when classmates “took too long” to respond. We had to have a talk (or many) discussing how it wasn’t his place to lead the classroom, how it wasn’t the “Larlo show”, and that other children, and people in general, process information in different ways and different rates and that doesn’t make anyone better than anyone else.

We also had to inform him that he wouldn’t always necessarily be the brightest kid in class and as with most things in life being ahead of the pack requires consistency and work. He’s chilled out considerably since then but those were some obnoxious years and yes, nobody likes a know-it-all.

Another one who most certainly wasn’t cute. What could he have possibly corrected the teacher about in preschool? Plus you have no idea who is the brightest in the class.

Another anonymous blowhard

? Seriously is there a notice somewhere in kindergarten stating who the brightest kid is in the class? Because a lot of parents seem to have this information. And I’m looking for an example of correcting a teacher. Is it when the teacher misspeaks the kid has to comment? I can’t figure that one out.

I know, right? Nobody answers the logical questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In second grade, my husband's teacher told my MIL that he was intellectually disabled because he was so slow. He actually had a learning disability. He made 600k last year working at a FAANG. I'm saying this just to brag a little, like OP. Also to point out that there are lots of ways to be smart, and sometimes they aren't that obvious in a second grade classroom.

Big deal

DP. It actually is a big deal. A lot of you parent to have bragging rights over the wholly insignificant “accomplishments” of a 10 year old, instead of having any perspective about what matters on a more permanent basis. Good on that woman’s DH and MIL. He probably learned resilience and perseverance more than any snotty, impossible to be around braggart and the parents who have tolerated it because it’s “cute.” IJS.

some people are VERY defensive here.

the fact is that intelligence is on a spectrum. one type of intelligence is fast processing speed and high working memory. kids who finish their school work first and are able to read complex texts are likely high in these aspects of IQ compared to their classmates. The girl is only 7 and she notices this. Just like we would not castigate a child who noticed they were slower, it’s nasty to castigate a 7 year old for noticing she is indeed faster.

in addition kids vary in motivation. some have high IQs but don’t care about doing what the teacher wants (my kid!). Others are perceptive about what the assignment is and want to do it correctly. again this is a relative strength that the girl is noticing.

there’s something odd about a parent seeing this as “intellectually pretentious” as opposed to a young child noticing their differences. Yes some of the statements come off as rude and should be corrected. but overall the child should be supported and encouraged through appropriate challenges.

It’s what she is thinking out loud that’s the problem and I think the mother is too. Finishing work first does not mean you’re the top of your class but she’s seven. Someone has to tell her that or before you know it she or kids like her will start to ridicule kids who are slower for whatever reason.

[Anonymous]

OP, well first of all make sure you don't step-in and come to her defense. If she going to be obnoxious, someone will call her out on it - other children will, another adult. She will suffer the ordinary consequences of her behavior. That, alone, eventually will modulate her behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else feel like when they watch Gilmore Girls… Paris won’t let up.

Someone needed to tell Paris to knock it off years before the show started. But her character must have had enabling / condoning / praising parents. And no one else could get through to her.

I think OP is doing fine just noticing and looking for a way to curb this. Kid will be fine! There’s a reason a character like Paris is extreme and fictional.

Most kids can be told that it will hurt them socially.

Not exactly the same, but see also the Netflix movie Leo (about the lizard. The little girl is a talkative know it all, not a brag. There’s another girl who does brag too).

And Hermione from HP books.

Paris was raised by the housekeeper/nanny. Her parents were MIA. The nanny and nanny’s kids attended Paris’s hs graduation while her parents were nowhere to be seen.