Birthday party invites - not inviting one girl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG do not do this!! You're seriously considering inviting 9/10 girls because one threw out an eraser?? What planet do you live on?

You have two choices:

1) Invite all the girls, this one included.

2) Invite 5 or fewer girls.

Less than half or all. Full stop. These are little kids, don't be cruel.

“Full Stop” 😂 that doesn’t validate your argument.

These are 11 year old fifth grade girls. At that age you how to behave and if you are being a bully, then you reap the consequences and in this case it’s not getting invited to a party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see a problem with inviting all the girls but the bully. Absolutely do not force your child to invite someone who is mean to them. That teaches the wrong lesson. This is your kid's party, and she decides, within reason. Her reasons for leaving one girl out are very good. I would prepare her to respond if the girl asks about it, though, in a kind and honest way.

Agreed. I think if usually you are excluding one or a small number of kids, you'd need to be able to explain it if called out. Unlike a shy/awkward kid, this is a situation where I think you can be frank.

We declined to invite the girl who had been bullying my daughter since the beginning of school this year to a party in December (school was still in session). I reached out to the parents and told them that I couldn't invite her into our house because my daughter didn't want her there. Doing it slyly seems a little crappy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her party so she gets to decide who to invite. How about next time you have you a party, you invite your husbands side piece to the party? Sound stupid, right? People are pushing being inclusive and I just don’t see that here. I would push my daughter to have a voice and stand up for herself, to not be a push over, to make decisions on her own.

It's possible to do both. I do. My daughter has a bully too, but because she voices her opinions and the girl doesn't come to our parties, even though we invite her

Huh? So your daughter invites this girl but then says that she's not actually invited because your daughter doesn't want her there? Or she's invited but she better not come? That's some passive-aggressive sh!t right there. And no, I don't think you have to invite a bully, but at least own your decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG do not do this!! You're seriously considering inviting 9/10 girls because one threw out an eraser?? What planet do you live on?

You have two choices:

1) Invite all the girls, this one included.

2) Invite 5 or fewer girls.

Less than half or all. Full stop. These are little kids, don't be cruel.

“Full Stop” 😂 that doesn’t validate your argument.

These are 11 year old fifth grade girls. At that age you how to behave and if you are being a bully, then you reap the consequences and in this case it’s not getting invited to a party.

Totally agree. If you can say to my daughter's face, after she suffered a facial injury at school (busted lip) that "it's amazing that she you can look even uglier than you used to" I don't give a rats ass if that girl feels bad she was left out. Let her feel all the feelings given how cruel she has been to my daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a bully at this age, and if my mother had forced me to invite her to my birthday, I would simply have declined having a party at all. Inviting this cruel child into my house would simply have given her more fodder to torment me with. People have gone nuts in the name of inclusion. This isn’t fair to your child, OP. Do not invite her.

+1

I think the people posting in the name of inclusion haven't had a kid come home from school in tears every day because of the words and actions of one kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a bully at this age, and if my mother had forced me to invite her to my birthday, I would simply have declined having a party at all. Inviting this cruel child into my house would simply have given her more fodder to torment me with. People have gone nuts in the name of inclusion. This isn’t fair to your child, OP. Do not invite her.

+1

I think the people posting in the name of inclusion haven't had a kid come home from school in tears every day because of the words and actions of one kid.

5th grade me would have hand written the invites and changed the address on the bully's to somewhere far away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a bully at this age, and if my mother had forced me to invite her to my birthday, I would simply have declined having a party at all. Inviting this cruel child into my house would simply have given her more fodder to torment me with. People have gone nuts in the name of inclusion. This isn’t fair to your child, OP. Do not invite her.

Your parents needed to teach YOU better techniques to deal with her and to not become a target. That is where they went wrong. I had some girls target my daughter because she is a year younger than the class and she is tiny. I told her not to play with them and to snap back. For example one girl would say “you can’t play with us because you’re a baby”, then she would snap back “yes, I’m younger, but I’m the smartest one here. You’re just HUGE!”. Luckily the girl wasn’t overweight, but she was very tall. Snapping back actually gets the girls to stop, or at least in my daughter’s class. She’s still not friends with them, but it doesn’t really matter. We still invite them to our parties, and they never show, hmm wonder why. . .

YIKES

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teach her to be kind

+1
Does being reciprocal mean align with your family's values?

I would invite her, because those are MY values, which are not dependent on others' behaviors. I would also not hesitate to correct her misbehavior if I see it.

My values are kindness, unless it means putting my child in danger or in a situation that will be hurtful to her. So, I don’t care if another kid feels bad for being left out after doing mean things. I wouldn’t make my daughter sacrifice her comfort and safety and happiness on her day for that. I would also explain To my daughter that if she may not be invited to that girls party which it sounds like she wouldn’t mind.

Actions have consequences. And that girl may need to learn the hard way

OMG! Your daughter feels unsafe by a child making snarky remarks and throwing her eraser away. You are totally raising a snowflake and I feel sorry for her. As for the “bully” she will learn in middle school either way when the groups get smaller and more intimate. Until then does she really need you, the adult, teaching her a lesson of exclusion?

This kind of purposeful exaggeration does not make your point at all. OMG.

My point is your responsibility is to teach your daughter lessons, not other children. If you value kindness, teach that. If you don’t want your daughter to be bullied, teach her how not to be bullied. Excluding other kids doesn’t teach the lesson you think it does. If you still do not understand this, I can explain it to you, but not understand it FOR you - it would be a lost cause.

Look the type of girl I will exclude is the one who threatened to hurt my daughter and told her she wished she was dead. So, no thank you, she is not welcome at my house.

OMG, I had to think hard about whether or not I had written this but I had not. The girl who bullies my daughter tells her the same thing - she wishes she were dead/wishes she would die. That girl isn't invited to our house, full stop. We do value kindness, but you DO NOT HAVE TO TOLERATE BEING TREATED POORLY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a bully at this age, and if my mother had forced me to invite her to my birthday, I would simply have declined having a party at all. Inviting this cruel child into my house would simply have given her more fodder to torment me with. People have gone nuts in the name of inclusion. This isn’t fair to your child, OP. Do not invite her.

+1

I think the people posting in the name of inclusion haven't had a kid come home from school in tears every day because of the words and actions of one kid.

They must be the parents of 4 year olds completely unaware of how vicious some kids can get a few years later. They know exactly what they are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG do not do this!! You're seriously considering inviting 9/10 girls because one threw out an eraser?? What planet do you live on?

You have two choices:

1) Invite all the girls, this one included.

2) Invite 5 or fewer girls.

Less than half or all. Full stop. These are little kids, don't be cruel.

11 is not a little kid. Half of them are probably menstruating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a bully at this age, and if my mother had forced me to invite her to my birthday, I would simply have declined having a party at all. Inviting this cruel child into my house would simply have given her more fodder to torment me with. People have gone nuts in the name of inclusion. This isn’t fair to your child, OP. Do not invite her.

Your parents needed to teach YOU better techniques to deal with her and to not become a target. That is where they went wrong. I had some girls target my daughter because she is a year younger than the class and she is tiny. I told her not to play with them and to snap back. For example one girl would say “you can’t play with us because you’re a baby”, then she would snap back “yes, I’m younger, but I’m the smartest one here. You’re just HUGE!”. Luckily the girl wasn’t overweight, but she was very tall. Snapping back actually gets the girls to stop, or at least in my daughter’s class. She’s still not friends with them, but it doesn’t really matter. We still invite them to our parties, and they never show, hmm wonder why. . .

Victim-blaming, how lovely. And you’re proud your daughter is insulting people based on their size. Found the bully right here.

Look it's the be the "bigger" person and just ignore the abuse like a female should mom. Neither of these ever help with or stop the bullying from happening.

Uh, no, did you read the entire exchange? This mom and her daughter are victim-blaming bullies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see a problem with inviting all the girls but the bully. Absolutely do not force your child to invite someone who is mean to them. That teaches the wrong lesson. This is your kid's party, and she decides, within reason. Her reasons for leaving one girl out are very good. I would prepare her to respond if the girl asks about it, though, in a kind and honest way.

Agreed. I think if usually you are excluding one or a small number of kids, you'd need to be able to explain it if called out. Unlike a shy/awkward kid, this is a situation where I think you can be frank.

We declined to invite the girl who had been bullying my daughter since the beginning of school this year to a party in December (school was still in session). I reached out to the parents and told them that I couldn't invite her into our house because my daughter didn't want her there. Doing it slyly seems a little crappy?

DP. How did you tell them this? You are bad-ass, almost no one in my community would tell the bully’s parents directly what was what!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG do not do this!! You're seriously considering inviting 9/10 girls because one threw out an eraser?? What planet do you live on?

You have two choices:

1) Invite all the girls, this one included.

2) Invite 5 or fewer girls.

Less than half or all. Full stop. These are little kids, don't be cruel.

“Full Stop” 😂 that doesn’t validate your argument.

These are 11 year old fifth grade girls. At that age you how to behave and if you are being a bully, then you reap the consequences and in this case it’s not getting invited to a party.

DP. I would say 7th grade, not 5th. In 5th if you do this, it's actually the parents being mean, not the girls. Do it if you want, but be aware of this perception. The girls may get over this and be friends in a couple years and the mom will remember what YOU did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG do not do this!! You're seriously considering inviting 9/10 girls because one threw out an eraser?? What planet do you live on?

You have two choices:

1) Invite all the girls, this one included.

2) Invite 5 or fewer girls.

Less than half or all. Full stop. These are little kids, don't be cruel.

“Full Stop” 😂 that doesn’t validate your argument.

These are 11 year old fifth grade girls. At that age you how to behave and if you are being a bully, then you reap the consequences and in this case it’s not getting invited to a party.

DP. I would say 7th grade, not 5th. In 5th if you do this, it's actually the parents being mean, not the girls. Do it if you want, but be aware of this perception. The girls may get over this and be friends in a couple years and the mom will remember what YOU did.

DP. SHE isn’t doing anything wrong and your ALL-CAPS scare technique is hilarious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG do not do this!! You're seriously considering inviting 9/10 girls because one threw out an eraser?? What planet do you live on?

You have two choices:

1) Invite all the girls, this one included.

2) Invite 5 or fewer girls.

Less than half or all. Full stop. These are little kids, don't be cruel.

11 is not a little kid. Half of them are probably menstruating.

No. Girls are menstruating later these days unless they're overweight. My 15 year old is not menstruating and I started on time at 13. This is a big difference to 11.